39: Life Coaching: the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

Coaching is an interesting field with many nuances, and we hear a LOT of buzz about coaching right now. There are coaches for literally EVERY aspect of life. While there are things to appreciate about the field of coaching, there are definitely things to look out for, as well. I’m joined by my good friend, Heidi Smith, who is a Licensed Professional Counselor.

In Part 2 of this conversation, I’m joined by Rachel Ambrose for a coach’s perspective. Rachel is a coach for neurodivergents who has been diagnosed with ADHD and autism. As someone who holds multiple coaching certifications, she is here to give us a better look at the coaching field. She talks about the bounds of coaching and her personal experience around green and red flags in the industry. Rachel shares tips to help people know how to find a helpful coach and be more knowledgeable about the coaching field.

Show Highlights:

  • How Heidi partners with clients and coaches in her counseling work

  • Why there are legitimate questions about the training and oversight in the coaching field

  • Why coaching is, by definition, a less intimidating relationship than with a therapist but is like “paying for a friend”

  • How coaching and therapy embody very different relationships, lanes, and ethics

  • What to consider in questions about licensure and certifications

  • The ethical rabbit hole around the client’s relationship with therapists and coaches

  • Why the coaching field is like the Wild West right now

  • Pitfalls in the coaching industry around sexual integrity, case management, interventions, and narcissism

  • KC’s experience in researching ADHD coaching

  • The vagueness around a “spirituality coach”

  • The bottom line about coaching: “Do your research and be aware of potential drawbacks.”

  • Part 2 from Rachel Amrose:

    • Green and red flags around coaching around the following:

      • Power dynamics in the relationship

      • “I have the cure/the magical answer for your problem!”

      • Concrete, actionable items

    • How to know if a coach’s training is worthwhile or not

    • How to gauge a coach’s willingness to refer out–and stay in their lane

Resources and Links:

Connect with Rachel Ambrose: Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. I'm KC Davis, your host. And this is the podcast where we talk about mental health, self care, all things that have to do with just kind of surviving in the world that we live in. And I have my good friend, Heidi Smith, who is a licensed professional counselor supervisor with me. How do you? What are the chances I'm going to get angry emails from the coaching industry about this podcast episode?

    Heidi Smith 0:30

    Oh, as long as it's just you getting them, I'll be happy.

    KC Davis 0:33

    So I wanted to talk about coaching. Because it's an interesting field. And I feel like it requires a little more nuance than like a 60 second. Tik Tok can provide me?

    Heidi Smith 0:46

    Yes, it's an interesting field. And I've used coaches, but and I also have thoughts on them. There's I think there's certain things that I really appreciate about them. But I think there's certain things to look out for as well. Yeah. And there's like lots of different there's like recovery coaches in the addiction field. And there's ADHD coaches, life coaches, spiritual coaches I've seen and I financial coaches, financial coaches.

    KC Davis 1:11

    Yeah. And I'm kind of like you, like I have worked with really great coaching, I have seen coaching be really, really helpful. And I think that I have too much of a like, behind the scenes, like look at coaching, right? So it makes me extremely cautious about the field in general.

    Heidi Smith 1:30

    Yeah, for sure. At the same time, like, just, for example, you know, when I see an adolescent for therapy, which I because I specialize in substance abuse, I get a lot of substance abuse cases. And so if you want me to see your 15 year old son, you know, for individual therapy, I'm almost going to require you to have a coach on board. So because there are so many moving parts with an adolescent, you know, with school, with discipline, with contracts at home, things like that, that just to be honest, I don't, that's not what I love to do. It's not what I really want to do. I'm a therapist, I want to sit in the office with you and do therapy. I don't want to have to do all that other stuff. And I'm not great at it. And so, so I definitely partner with coaches. But But like you said, you know, it's the regulations around it. And, you know, the personalities behind it. You know, there's a lot of wildcards.

    KC Davis 2:29

    Yeah, the places that I've seen coaching work really well is like, I know, there's a there's a company in Dallas, like prides themselves on providing like wraparound services, where you'll see a therapist once a week, but then they have these coaches, and depending on your level of like mental illness, they'll come spend hours a day with you.

    Heidi Smith 2:47

    Yeah, they call them life development coaches.

    KC Davis 2:50

    Yeah. And they'll take you to do your laundry, and they'll talk about doing dishes, and they might even go to a social event together and talk about social skills.

    Heidi Smith 2:58

    Yeah, and I mean depending on, you know, the individual's level of functioning, I mean, it may be as detailed as taking you out to eat and teaching you how to order off a menu and teaching you how to put gas in your car and, and things like that. It's basic self care items, you know, all the way up to Yeah, just taking you to an AA meeting, taking you to play basketball, spending time with you developing social skills, things like that. So, and that's something that I can't do as a therapist.

    KC Davis 3:25

    Hmm. You know, I mean, there are some therapists that I guess, do some kind of out of the box things, you know, but for the most part, most of us have an office and you come in and you meet with us for an hour, and you leave. And so there are definitely limitations to what we can do. And so there, you know, I think these coaches fill a gap that is really necessary. I think what you start getting into is what kind of training do you have? What kind of oversight Do you have, you know, and ultimately, kind of who's, where's the oversight of those individuals? And there's some I feel like there's some coaching, that's way more cut and dry. So like, when the like development coaches, like they're specifically doing like life skills, you know, like we mentioned, or in someone who is, I mean, in a lot of ways, like, if you get like a Personal Organizer like that is they actually are a coach.

    Heidi Smith 4:16

    Absolutely.

    KC Davis 4:17

    Especially a good one that's not only going to engage like, I guess there are some people that are just personal organizers, like they're going to tell you where to put things, but the ones that I know that are really good are more like coaches, because they're going to examine, like, how do you operate in your space? And is it working for you? And like, what's keeping you from the skill of finding what you need? And what if you did it this way, and I actually interviewed a coach recently that I liked and asked her like, what she thought was the difference between like coaching and when you start to like, get into therapy world because it's when you get to like life coaching, that I feel like or like relationship coaching like the dating coaches and stuff. All of a sudden there's this like huge gray area.where it's like, how much can you talk about someone's feelings? And someone's like Outlook and beliefs before you start to get into like therapy world?

    Heidi Smith 5:09

    Yeah, yeah.

    Speaker 1 5:11

    I like the way she put it, she's like, you know, I can be there to offer a different perspective. But I'm not there to like mine the depths of like how to change yours.

    Heidi Smith 5:20

    Yeah, and getting into real deep clinical work, you know, I mean, I and it is that such a fine line that it's almost, you know, impossible to know exactly when it's been crossed. And same with career coaching. So I worked for an organization that went through kind of, you know, your typical cliche, almost like office space, the movie, you know, where they brought in, like custom consultants and, and, you know, we're kind of reevaluating the whole way, they did everything. And as part of that they brought in a coach and required us to all me do like six sessions with the coach, which, again, that's kind of getting into a whole different topic of, it seemed like, a little bit of a boundary violation, just even require that, you know, because it is kind of this deep personal work, we didn't get to pick the coach, it was there, it was a coach that they brought in. Either way I did it, obviously, I played ball and did the coaching, it was very interesting, like it was I got to, you know, work on setting career goals, and working on using my voice in different ways. And making kind of these micro adjustments at work and how I interact with other people. And it wasn't therapy, it was something different. And this woman was a trained coach, you know, with all kinds of certifications, it was much more of kind of like a professional, almost chart that she took me through, you know, of questions and actions and behaviors that I could change to meet my goals was very goal oriented, and not clinical. And she was clearly very well trained. But it was interesting, because it definitely, I mean, there was lots of sessions where I cried, you know, we're like, because I was like, facing fears of maybe, you know, using my voice in a staff meeting in a different way. And, you know, maybe asking for a raise, yeah, things like, very out of the box for me, but it was it honed in in a specific area of my life that I probably would have never done with a therapist.

    KC Davis 7:19

    So when I ran the rehab back in the day, one of the things that that was actually really helpful about the coaches that we employed was that like, a client would have a session with a therapist. And, you know, in a perfect world, like you're being totally transparent with your therapist, even when you kind of you're like saying things like, oh, I don't think that's going to work or I don't like the way you just said that or I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable in our therapeutic relationship. And like not everybody's there. And it was it was interesting to see, you know, this person would go in, they'd sit with this therapist that they saw as like this expert, usually older, more credentialed more training, and they'd come out of it. And they'd kind of be like, I don't know, like, what I everything that I think about that, right. And they turn around and have a session with their recovery coach and kind of like, share those doubts and fears. And that recovery coach was truly like the backdoor, like the guard of the backdoor of like, keeping them enrolled in recovery of like, yeah, man, I get it like I've been there. One time I like they do a lot of more like self disclosure, like, let me share my experience with how like, I wasn't sure therapy was working. But here's how it was really helpful. And kind of answer any questions. And then like, Have you have you talked to your therapist about that kind of like what you were talking about with like adolescents and homework and stuff? Like, it's like somebody else out the door?

    Heidi Smith 8:40

    Yeah, absolutely. And it's, I think, by definition, it's supposed to be a less intimidating, professional relationship. And so it's an enemy. There's actually a whole industry of peer recovery coaching certifications, where it really is like peer to peer mentorship, as opposed to a professional hierarchy. And so I think that's 100% I mean, it's, you're gonna get a whole different person. You know, like you said, for half for at least 50% of the population goes into therapy, even I do after years of being a therapist, like the last time I did you kind of a ballot of therapy myself, I mean, like, I was kinda I wanted to impress her and I wanted to make her think I was Yeah, I don't know. It's like I had to confront even myself in that context of realizing that I don't always go in like 100% Raw, vulnerable, authentic into my therapists office.

    KC 9:35

    It is also like paying for a friend. And I don't mean that in a bad way, but it's like, you know, a friend when I go to a friend like when I call you for advice, like I I'm calling you for like your like, casual as a person friendship like advice on a situation like I'm not expecting you to be perfectly objective or to hold some like unconditional positive regard. Hard for me like, you're gonna tell me I'm being an asshole if you think I'm being an asshole. And like, there might be a day that I call you and you're short with me and but like, that's a friend that I'm expecting to hear from, but I also like, I also can hold space for recognizing, like, am I treating this as a reciprocal friendship? Like, do you call me with your problems? When I call you with my problems? Am I also interested in your life and I think coaching can be helpful for people that maybe find themselves in this place where it's like, okay, I need some help. Not necessarily like therapy, deeps emotional work, but like, I have the situation at work, where it's kind of toxic, and I need to learn how to be I'm struggling with my ADHD and I can't seem to get anything clean. I can't get anything organized. I'm missing appointments. And like, I honestly need someone who can kind of serve as that one way street. But yeah, but more of a peer not like, it's a sure.

    Heidi Smith 10:56

    And it's more, I think, also, it's more accessible. And real time in theory, you know, like, depending on Yeah, situation, it's like, and I'll see my therapist for two weeks, and I only have a 50 minute session with her, you know, and I'm unpacking all this other childhood stuff, you know, but my coach over here, like, I can call him because I just got written up at work. And you know, I'm in my car crying over at lunch, and I may not be able to get a hold of my therapist, but that may be something that my life coach can walk me through. And so I think it's more accessible. And like you said, casual in, like, all the right ways.

    KC Davis 11:33

    Yeah. And I think that, like, if I were to work with a person, one on one about their home, like, based on like, the book that I wrote, and the content like that truly would be coaching. And absolute, because I would be asking, like, What messages do you tell yourself about care tasks? Like, that's an appropriate question for a coach, and then they'd share. And if they shared like, well, you know, my mother used to beat me, when my room wasn't clean. Like, if I was in a therapy session, where we would go with that is like, let's talk about that. And let's talk about those feelings. And let's maybe think of some modalities or interventions to talk about that trauma. Whereas if I'm going to address them as a coach, I'm going to go Okay, so like, it seems like, that's probably affecting the way that you look at cleaning now. So, you know, maybe we can come up with a, like a mantra that you can use to remind yourself that, you know, you're in your home and your home is safe now.

    Heidi Smith 12:34

    And right, like, that's yes, like moving kind of see moving around that in a different way than necessarily trying to sit there and unpack it. And that's, and that's like, exactly, I mean, that's where you get in the danger zone, you know, is is like coaching is very dependent on the specific into Huami I guess this is true for everything, like therapists to your it's very dependent on that specific person's training, level of integrity, and like level of humility, and ego of like, what they're capable of, and staying in their lane. And so being able to, to know that person and know that, like they're not trying to play therapist, and that they understand what their lane is, and that they have a some kind of guiding ethics around, like, here's what I do. And here's my lane. And here's what I don't do. And I guess that's true in most industries.

    KC Davis 13:30

    Right. And so, you know, but finding though there's really lacking that that licensing process, though, yeah, like, because, yes, you can get a therapist, that's not good. But I think the danger zone is like, if you get a therapist that is downright unethical and dangerous, like there is recourse out for reporting that person, right. So and I think that's like the good and I, I couldn't help but notice that like, one of the green flags, I guess, for coaching is like the great coaches that I've known, has been on a team. And I'm not saying there aren't great coaches that just kind of run their own business. I'm sure that there are, but I think that it definitely is helpful when you know, okay, there's the company that I knew that they would give you a therapist and a coach, or, you know, if you were to encourage, you know, an adolescent to get a coach, like, ideally, you'd be able to communicate with that person. Well, yeah, and that parent was in charge of that,

    Heidi Smith 14:25

    What like the, you know, some of those organizations you're talking about, even the the plan, the coaching plan is developed by a team that includes therapists. And so, you know, there's oversight, there's planning, and there's guiding ethics, even just by nature of being an employee of this organization. You know, like, we have obvious ethics as therapists, you know, I mean, we can't have dual relationships, we can't cross boundaries in the area of, obviously romantic sexual contact I mean basics right? And So having guiding principles and ethics around that, you know, is of the utmost importance.

    KC Davis 15:06

    Yeah, for for that reason, I think that I, most of the time would be more comfortable with someone that was an employee somewhere, right, like a coaching business with employees. Yeah, I'm not saying that there aren't individual contractors out there that are great. I'm just saying that like with an independent contractor, you have to do a lot more research, and have a lot more discernment when you look at them. And so I think that's like the good, right. So let's pause for a second here from our sponsors. And then I want to come back and talk about the bad and why I feel so apprehensive about coaching, even though I know it can be so helpful, you would think that like, one of the downsides to coaching are that coaches might dabble in mental health things that really they shouldn't, because they don't have that training, they don't have that education. And that's certainly one of the errors, especially when someone is a quote unquote, life coach, like it's kind of nebulous, like, What do you mean little life coach, like, there's not a specific skill set that they're focusing on? To help them develop? It's just general life coach, right? So you might think, you come across someone, and it's like, wait, but this person is a coach, and they have a Master's in Counseling. So like, that's the best of both worlds. And unfortunately, unless that person is also like, I know someone who is a therapist and a coach, but she maintains her therapy licensure, like, she still has a private practice. And she does therapy work. And then she also has a coaching business where she does, like cleaning, organizing, making appointments, and she does not take the same clients for both, okay, you can only be one or the other. And with that one, she is very clearly delineates, like, I'm helping you develop life skills. Yeah. And I'm talking about how you've organized your pantry and why it's hard to clean and how you're feeding yourself. And someone like that I would be comfortable with because if they were to do something unethical in a coaching space, like their board would still hold them responsible for that. Sure, right. Because it's like, oh, you know, you're a licensed therapist, and but you've got this like side gig where you're taking advantage of people. The part that makes me so nervous, is when a person has a Master's in Counseling, but they don't have licensure. And they're working as a coach.

    Heidi Smith 17:35

    Well, and then I mean, not and this isn't I'm not I don't mean this to be a wholesale judgment. But my first thought is like, Well, why don't you have a license? Yeah, and you know, because it's definitely something somebody who maybe has had their license removed, for, you know, who knows why, then it's like, they hang up the shingles coach. And so either way, I mean, whether they choose not to have a license or not, I would definitely want to look into the history there.

    KC Davis 18:01

    And, you know, I have to admit, like, this is 100% a prejudice on my part. But it's a prejudice based on experience. So I'm in no way saying that, like, every person out there, like, and I, you know, what I've actually heard a lot of is I came across someone the other day, and she was a black woman. And she said, You know, I have given up my licensure, because I'm uncomfortable with the position that puts me in when I'm working with people where I might get, you know, required to turn over medical records. Interesting. And here's the thing I don't I'm not like a marginalized population. And I certainly know that a lot of governmental systems are not set up to protect marginalized people. And so like, I think that's an interesting perspective. And so I'm not saying that anybody that, you know, decides not to get licensure. I also know like having ADHD, I can for sure, see someone who is trained and capable, that like, just couldn't get it together to get licensure. Sure. Sure. They couldn't do the admin part, maybe or get it renewed. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe they got a supervisor and their supervisor was really traumatic. And they just were like, Oh, God, I can't do this. Maybe they decided I want to be able to go to people's homes and help them with doing laundry. That's really my jam, like so. So please, if you're listening, it's not a wholesale condemnation. But I do want to share my experience. The only three people that I've ever known to hold the education of either being a therapist or a psychologist that did not hold licensure, all had sexual misconduct, yes, either before or after, right, some lost their license because of sexual misconduct and became coaches. Others never got their licensure. And then I come to find out that there's some sexual misconduct going on. Like truly that is and so that's why I personally am just like, now I have to say, all three of those people were men, heterosexual sis men. So that, frankly, may be more of a discussion for like, the red flags of like men that are not holding licensure that want to work with women. Yes. But then again, like, there's women out there like Teal Swan. Yeah, who certainly has some education? I think she has like a bachelor's in psychology or something ridiculous. Right? And, you know, she's pretty dangerous also.

    Heidi Smith 20:24

    Yeah. I mean, it's gosh, I mean, there's so there's, it's such a rabbit hole, when you go down, you know, the unethical things that we've seen in this industry, both coaching and licensed professional counseling or social work, and realizing, you know, when I was in school, you know, they talked so much about it during my ethics class. And I remember thinking, like, Who are these people that are like having sex with their clients? It just seems so like fantastical, you know, almost just like, that's got to just be like, you're one off, that never happened. I mean, you know, and then when I started working in the field, I mean, it's just it happens left and right. And, you know, realizing that this is that nobody's actually above it. And it's one of the things as a supervisor, and as a teacher that I've really, really been passionate about is helping people realize that you may think you're an amazing person with a great kind of ethical grid, but you find yourself in some blind spot. And it can happen quicker than you realize. And especially, you know, yeah, I mean, it happens to male therapists a lot. It happens to women therapists a lot.

    Speaker 1 21:35

    Yeah, if you've been practicing for any amount of time, and you can, like, I almost like don't believe someone who's been in practice, like, decades and decades, says that they've never been attracted to a client.

    Heidi Smith 21:46

    Oh, yeah. I mean, if you're not like, if you're open about, you know, that transference and countertransference, which is kind of a clinical term for, for that energy exchange, that happens and those feelings that happen in the context of the relation that therapeutic relationship. Yeah, I mean, that's, it's insane to think that your human beingness, you know, wouldn't show up in that context?

    KC Davis 22:10

    Well, it's interesting, because I think that would prevent like a counseling student or an intern or an associate from bringing up that they were feeling that is this fear that like, they're going to think I'm someone who is going to be unethical, but like the difference between therapists that are ethical, and there are like the difference between therapists that engage in sexual misconduct and therapists that don't, is not whether or not they've ever felt attracted to a client. It is whether or not they've ever been open with a peer about that and asked for, like, accountability around working out that transference.

    Heidi Smith 22:47

    Absolutely, and have a healthy amount of fear of themselves like, right, I'm not above this. I mean, I'm human, and I'm feeling a certain energy in this room that's scaring me. And I need to be open with it and seek counsel and seek supervision, and figure out how I can therapeutically navigate that or how I can end this relationship. And so I 100% agree. I mean, it's about the humility to be honest, and ask for supervision.

    Speaker 1 23:15

    And I think that's kind of what I hesitate or what scares me about the coaching field right now, as it stands being kind of like the Wild West, because you can find companies that offer certifications, you can find companies that offer training. But I think what the general public doesn't understand is like the difference between licensure and certification, like licensure is run by your state government. And they have big groups of people that come together to decide like what kind of education a person has to have, and what kind of training they have to have. And then there's this centralized place, where they oversee all the people that have licenses, and they're all under the same ethics. And if you report someone the same, you know, everyone gets the same kind of investigation. Whereas certifications, like certifications can be great. Like, I want to go to someone that has a certification for XYZ, I want to go like, if I did want to coach, I would want someone that had a certification. But the general public needs to understand that like, I, as Casey Davis could wake up tomorrow, make a PowerPoint presentation and offer a certification at the end. And people could listen to my

    Heidi Smith 24:23

    right and just print out a certificate. Yeah, like it's that easy.

    Speaker 1 24:27

    So you have to look when someone says I'm certified as a life coach, you have to go figure out like, let me Google that company like was that a coach that I interviewed? She did a nine month training. Yeah. supervise our boundaries? Yeah. Whereas other people can take a weekend course. Yeah. And so I think, you know, I really don't believe that, like fair, I think it's easy to get into that elitist space where it's like, therapists are better than coaches. And that's not true and they're different and the The kinds of people that are therapists are not different or inherently more ethical than the kinds of people that become coaches, it's just that there are systems set up within a licensure world to provide a place for that supervision so that people can talk about that, that provide a place where we know that everyone's getting that same education on those sorts of dangers. And there's that oversight so that if someone does mess up, we can.

    Heidi Smith 25:27

    Absolutely, and then there's, I mean, continuing education requirements. And you know, it's an ongoing, the license is an ongoing process. It's not a one time training over a weekend.

    KC Davis 25:39

    And what I would see sometimes with coaches, and it was typically again, it was older men who would do coaching. And often what I would see is they would work for organizations, but they would only be independent contractors, sure, so that when they kind of overstepped a boundary, there was no firing, there's no employment, like it can just move on record. Yeah, they just the person who usually approaches them, they don't want to make a big to do or a big hug, and they just go, you know what you need to go, we're not going to renew your contract, and they go, and they go to the next place. And there's not like this record of who's been investigating or who's been keeping up. And it's really unfortunate, they can go to a different state, and they can do this. And so that's why I feel sometimes really, I think it's really careful. I certainly, and again, I know this is prejudice, but it's one of those things where it's like, I'm sure there are really great, loving stray dogs, but like, it's still safer to say never pet a stray dog, because like, it's just not worth accidentally petting the wrong one. Sure, like, I just would never send a woman to get a coach that was a heterosexual sis man. And I'm sorry, to all of the men out there that maybe are the best coaches in the world that love to work with women, but like, I just never would. Yeah, it's too risky.

    Heidi Smith 26:55

    I don't know any, none of the coaches that I currently work with are referred to. It's all gender specific. And so I definitely, I think to err on the side of caution, you know, men coaches should work with male clients and female coaches should work with female clients. And that's not to say that's not failed.

    Speaker 1 27:15

    I mean, I have some room for like, well, and I have some room for identity too, like, sure. I've never seen like a gay man. Pray on a straight woman. Right. Yeah. And if you are, you know, and if you actually, yeah, yeah, that's true. Everyone can prey on anyone. Yeah. Or, you know, if you're a gay woman, like that's, that's a similar dynamic, working with someone who falls in line with who you would be attracted to. She would see in that air, you know what I mean? Like, I guess that's

    Heidi Smith 27:43

    who the potential lies for you to sexualize? Yeah,

    Speaker 1 27:46

    exactly. You know, I mean, the real question is, like, is this the type of person you would fuck? Right, let's be real, right? And not not even as a client. I'm not saying the client should ask that. I'm saying that like, yeah, the type of person that coach would fuck probably don't go with that coach. Yes, exactly. And again, not because y'all, there aren't some out there that are amazing and wonderful. I just would be hesitant, I think, because of I think the coaching industry will get there. Like, I think we'll get to a place where at least when it comes to like life skills, coaching, maybe we have a better set of guiding printed regulatory.

    Heidi Smith 28:22

    Yeah, well, and the interesting thing is, I mean, the only pitfall isn't even like, the idea of sexual integrity. But I mean, so many families I work with which I work in the addiction field, have been at least they claim now, I haven't done my own investigation. But you know, I talked to I work with young adults. And so I talked to moms and dads that have been burned financially by coaches, interventionists, you know, because interventionist is another, you know, and then worse, right, and case management. Yeah, that's another kind of interchangeable word. As you know, the in the addiction industry is the idea of these case management, people who kind of come in and get really involved with the family and help guide them as to how to deal with their son and where to send them and things like that. Now, I want to say, I mean, I most of the case managers, interventionists that I work with, obviously, if I'm working with them, I respect them and trust them, and so value, the space that they're in, in the work that they do, and they're needed. So I want to make that clear. But you know, there's bad X, and a lot of the abuse that I've seen actually has really been financial, hey, you need to pay me you know, $20,000 for a six month contract of case management, and then they don't do shit. It's like two phone calls a month, you know, I mean, and it's, and they can't ever get their money back. And so,

    Speaker 1 29:50

    yeah, and I'm kind of with you where it's like I so that like it's such a needed role, and I do value it. I just feel really, really bad for clients and families. Because you almost have to be like, someone like me someone like you someone inside the industry who's all connected to know what you're looking at. And that's unfortunate is like, there's no way to know what you're looking at.

    Heidi Smith 30:14

    Yeah, I mean, a family will call and tell us that they're working with a certain interventionist or certain case manager. And it's like, we all roll our eyes, you know, like to ourselves and just think like, oh, shit, it's not he's not the worst, but he's not the best. And you're probably not going to get your money's worth, and you know, and whatnot. And so yeah, it is, it's like, you have to kind of have your own experience your own insider information. And families get taken all the time.

    KC Davis 30:40

    And I always felt like, there's ton of like two kinds of people that become therapists, there are like people that have dealt with their own shit, then go, wow, I found that process so valuable. I would love to be the person that helps other people engage in that process. And then there's people that are like, they have not dealt with their own shit. And they have like a weird savior complex, and a very, like, it's the kind of people like you and I used to joke that, like, we would look around in counseling school and be like, some of you should just be rescuing puppies. Yeah, please like that. Like, like, just just don't like if you're, if that's what you like, just don't like if you really need to, like bleed heart all over someone, like go rescue puppies, like, don't do this, or that arrogance of like, I can help people, I can fix people, I can save people. And I feel like you run into that same thing when it comes to the coaching industry, where it's like, there's two kinds of people that become coaches, there's people who have, like, figured some stuff out and gone through some difficult times and came out the other end with a lot of wisdom, and a lot of practical skills, and realized, I love I've been telling my friend, I love this. Like, I feel like I could help people. And then the other person is like a person that goes through like their experience, and then believes that their experience is gospel and then decides, I just want people to pay me to tell them my experience.

    Heidi Smith 32:01

    Yeah, there's a lot of narcissists in this industry. And again, there's a lot of nurses licensed and not in every industry to I mean, you know, so it's like, it's hard to know, because they present well, and they sound good, you know, but sometimes they're definitely a one trick pony. You know, I mean, they what they have to offer is what worked for them. And that's kind of all they've, they've got.

    Speaker 1 32:24

    Yeah. So I wanted to share with you, at the end of this episode, I'm going to play the interview that I had with this coach. And I thought it'd be interesting for me to share with you like as I was looking at her website, like what I as a person who's really familiar with the industry, like saw that gave me like green flag vibes. Okay, right. Okay, I'm gonna pull it up. Hang on. So it's ADHD coaching. So off the bat, I love that there is a specific focus. Yes. Right. And on the front page, you can see prices and their per session. I like that. I'm not saying it's the only right way to do it. But I would say if someone's asking me to prepay for six months of something, yeah. Before I've had any experience with them, it raises, I'm more cautious. Yeah, absolutely. Like, I'm going to need them to really justify to me what that's about. And but right on the homepage, can you diagnose me? No, coaches do not diagnose? And there's a whole paragraph about that. Right? Do you work with kids? No, I do not work with kids. How do you know what you're talking about? And then there's a list of where she got some certifications, where she got trained a little bit about herself.

    Heidi Smith 33:33

    And so she's already saying on the website, what she doesn't do, which I think is yes, yeah. Here's what I do. Do and here's what I don't do. Yeah.

    Speaker 1 33:42

    And so when you go to her like sessions and services, you know, obviously, you have like the individual coaching sessions, and but then she has group coaching sessions and listen to that sandbox, a weekly group motivation session for neurodivergent creatives on Thursdays. It's four sessions per month, about what you pay, and then she has a price. Hype yourself up about your creative practice and hype others up. And it's just like a, you know, when you're feeling stuck, yeah. And I'm like that to me way green light, because it's like very much I'm a peer. And I'm gonna bring together other peers, and it's about like, pushing each other and encouraging each other and helping get unstuck from like, a creative process, or maybe a work process.

    Heidi Smith 34:27

    Well, yeah, and there's not a lot of clinical jargon, too. Yeah, that's another red flag for me is when I hear a coach talking, saying a lot of clinical jargon, like, you know, trauma, just even that it's like, well, you know, work on their trauma. It's like, are you gonna do you need to be working on their trauma, you know, so even just the words that and

    Speaker 1 34:45

    then the next thing is, yeah, there's no clinical jargon. Okay, so then we have group body doubling sessions, get more things done with other neurodivergent people. It's great for those who thrive on seeing other people's energy and progress. And I'm like, see, that's great. Yeah. If we're gonna get on a video call and get, you know, get something done around our house that we need to get done that's hard to motivate ourselves for. And then she also has a queer Joy support peer support group, where we get together and we pull from each other's collective wisdom, share weekly wins, and even make friends. So off the bat, I love that she has outlined some very specific skill takeaways that you'll get from her. It's not just I'm going to help you with your life. It's like, oh, she's really honed in on like, I'm here to facilitate I'm here to look at specific skills and help you get unstuck, so you can access those skills. I don't know, what are your thoughts on that?

    Heidi Smith 35:39

    Yeah, no, I mean, I love it. I think even just the words about you know, she used the word, we're gonna hype you up, and really motivating, and supporting is what the whole purpose is. And so I mean, I couldn't agree more that there's a lot of green flags there, in the way that she's presenting what she does in a really authentic way.

    Speaker 1 35:59

    I love it. One thing that is a red flag for me, and I don't even know that it means that it's always bad. But man, I've never met a spirituality coach that I trusted.

    Heidi Smith 36:12

    Man, that's such a gray area, right?

    Speaker 1 36:15

    And the reason is, is because by nature of the very like subject of spirituality, it's just too easy to create a power dynamic.

    Heidi Smith 36:26

    Yeah, I don't even what is I mean, I don't even know what is a spirituality coach. I don't like are they? Did they go to seminary? Are they trained and a specific?

    Speaker 1 36:36

    Yeah, I don't, might be might not be, but I'm thinking like all Teal Swan type characters. But others like that I've come across that maybe you're talking about teaching meditation, or that could turn into illness cult leader real quick. That's where I go, it just makes me nervous. Like, I would rather find a community to help somebody plug into Yeah, or a group something or another versus like a one on one, I'm going to teach you about spirituality just because again, like, it's so easy to get into this area where all of a sudden, it's like, I'm the person that holds the sacred knowledge. Right? And I know you better than you know, yourself. Yeah, yeah,

    Heidi Smith 37:16

    There's a lot of power and influence. When you start, you know, throwing around spirituality, I think there's an opportunity, it just depends. If a life coach is getting involved in helping somebody seek, taking, hey, let's go visit, you know, a Buddhist temple, and let's go visit a synagogue and let's go try out a mosque. And let's explore some different options here and see if anything fits. I think that's great, you know, versus somebody who's trying to guide and lead in a way that creates a power dynamic. And so, man, it's, it's so much of it is dependent on the person. And I think that's the good and the bad, right? It's like, I could see somebody being an amazing coach who helps somebody explore spirituality, if they had like, incredible integrity and ethics and kind of guiding principles of here's what I do. And here's what I don't do. If somebody is on a narcissistic power trip with very little insight into themselves, and they're a quack, you know, who's just out to make money. And there's no way to know that until there's like, kind of bodies laying in the background. Yeah, I mean, metaphorically, you know, until you've seen the work that they've done, and there's already been damage. And so it's, that's a hard learning curve, you know?

    Speaker 1 38:38

    Yeah. And I mean, that's true of any I mean, that's not even a coaching specific thing, like I, you know, because we all know, priests and pastors and all sorts of people in really it because it comes with that spiritual authority. Yeah. I think yeah, for a lot of people that goes hand in hand.

    Heidi Smith 38:55

    Yeah. And that idea of giving somebody spiritual consent and your life. I mean, you even get into that with 12 Step sponsors, sponsorship, you know, is like, I'm going to put myself in a vulnerable position and give this other person in my life, like a level of spiritual consent for them to give a feedback and explore this kind of, in depth area of my life. And so, there's, there's a lot of opportunity for abuse there.

    KC Davis 39:22

    I love that term, like spiritual consent, or even like emotional consent, because I'm kind of someone that believes that, like, it's okay to give a person feedback if they're doing something really harmful, like anyone, right? Like if if I know of a therapist, and I don't know them, but they're doing something harmful for me to be like, hey, I need to, like give you some feedback here. And if there is something I can do via their licensure, fine, but if I know someone else and like, it's not that like, I have to have someone's permission to like point something out to them. But I do think that when it comes to like, just areas of like, Hey, this is where I think you're wrong about something or this is where I think you need to grow about something or this is where I think You have like a mistaken belief about something. It's not that I can't point it out. But to me, the spiritual comes into it. Like, if that person then says like, Okay, thanks. Or they say like, no, that's not it. That's to me where it's like, I don't then get to like, push and argue with them. And be like, No, it is, and here's why. And here's, like, engage with them. Unless that someone who has given me that like spiritual consent, as a friend that has said, I welcome you to push back on me.

    Heidi Smith 40:29

    Yeah, that's fine. I mean, I think it's a great term, actually, I'm sure it's like a common term, but I learned it from my husband, my husband uses it a lot in that in the context of 12 Step sponsorship, and, and with your spouse, and with your friends, and that, like you're talking about that there's this small circle for me that, that I've allowed somebody in my life and given them that spiritual consent. We're like, you know what, I'm open, like, you have hold a place in my life where, like, you get to tell me the truth at any time. Like, I've given you that spiritual consent. I haven't always, it's not always like a formal conversation, you know, but it's sort of an unspoken thing where that happens in really intimate friendships and intimate relationships.

    KC Davis 41:12

    And now this is like a little off topic. But it reminds me of a conversation I had with a psychologist from Divine where we were talking about, like, the difference between taking accountability for something in your community and be like, having to, like, let people walk all over you and just like, treat you like dirt because you messed up. And like, who has the right to, like, tell you that your accountability is or isn't good enough, or any of that. And she had this great metaphor, and she was like, you know, it's important. Like if you're in your in your, like, home, and your spiritual home or whatever. And people are saying, like, hey, we need you to come out and talk about this. And like, taking accountability is like stepping out and like opening your door and letting people look in and be like, Yeah, okay, this is what's going on inside. Yeah. But that doesn't mean that you have to let anybody just anybody come in your house and start like rifling through shit. Right? Like that you need specific consent for?

    Heidi Smith 42:09

    Yeah, absolutely. That I think having those personal boundaries, which is a whole different podcast, you know, but to understand, like, who, who deserves spiritual consent, and my life, and, you know, again, a different podcast, but that idea that employers, you know, especially in the helping industry, I think, oftentimes think that this is a space where just because like we're working in the helping industry, like we're all we're gonna run our staff, like, you know, like a big spiritual feedback session all the time. And I think that can get very abusive very quickly. ,

    Speaker 1 42:46

    And that we're going to definitely do an episode on that, because I could talk for days on that.

    Heidi Smith 42:51

    Oh, I could do and I've been a victim of it as well, myself. Yeah. So that's not maybe a victim, but I've experienced it for sure. Yeah.

    Speaker 1 42:59

    Okay. Well, thank you, Heidi. I mean, I feel like that's a good overview of like, The Good, the Bad, the Ugly. I think the bottom line is, do your research. Yeah, honestly, whether it's a therapist or not, I just be aware of some of the potential drawbacks. I think that also what I've seen is I've seen someone get under the thumb of a really unethical coach. And then they're you, like you said, like, you look around, there's like bodies on the ground. And then they want recourse. Right. And it's like, and you have to, and I think that's where this comes from, like, so I hope people can kind of understand why I feel so cautious about this. But it's like, if you've ever had to break it to someone who had been truly, like, violated emotionally, physically, spiritually by signing it, if they financially by someone that they believed to be an expert coming to help them if you've ever had to break it to that person. Oh, actually, there's nothing you can do. There is no one that you could tell there is no way to stop them. There is no way to put a mark on their record. There is no way to alert the public. I mean, like there's no governing authority. Yeah, there is no yeah, like, it's just so difficult. It is yeah. So I just that's the thing that I want people to be aware of. And look at that. And so So next I'm going to sit down and talk to actually that ADHD coach and hear from them what they think about the bounds of coaching, their personal experience about sort of green flags that they see in the coaching industry versus some red flags that they see to help the people that are listening that might find coaching helpful to them, to make them feel a little bit more equipped to be able to pick out a coach. I can't wait. Thank you, Heidi. Thanks. Rachel, thank you so much for being here. Will you introduce yourself to the audience?

    Rachel Ambrose 44:44

    Hi, I'm Rachel Ambrose. I run for to like coaching. I used to hear they pronouns but I'm really happy to be here.

    Speaker 1 44:50

    I am really glad that you're here too, because I was just speaking with my friend Heidi. She's a therapist and both of us have worked with coaches before so we're going to start talking about like the good, the bad, the ugly and And I wanted to bring in a coach and talk specifically about some of the green flags and red flags that people can look for if they feel like a coach would be helpful to them. Yeah, absolutely. Let's

    Rachel Ambrose 45:09

    Yeah, get into it.

    Speaker 1 45:10

    Okay, so one of the things that I loved that you said, was the difference between whether or how someone is presenting themselves as an expert, can you talk a little bit about like green flags and red flags there?

    Rachel Ambrose 45:23

    Yeah. So obviously, when you go to a therapist, they are an expert in mental health in whatever their modalities are. And I think it's really important when people go to coaches that it's very clear that they and the coach are on the same level, for two reasons. A, I think that it's very important that the client is centered in the entire coaching relationship. And in order to center the client, the coach needs to make sure that there's no weird power dynamics at play. And so in order to do that, the coach really needs to meet the client where they're at, and be able to work with the client, following the client's lead. And if you style yourself as an expert, there's already sort of that initial assumption of oh, this coach knows more than me like this coach, like, somehow got like the magical tips and tricks that I've never heard of, and cannot ever come up with in my own brain. And that's not a place where I personally coach from, and that I think, is a particularly useful dynamic to engage in. And I think that centering the client and making sure that the client knows that they are fully empowered to take the lead, puts the client in a really interesting position, because I don't know about you. But so many times where we express struggled with being neurodivergent folks in neurotypical society, we're just sort of handed these boilerplate advice bits that don't actually help us out in the long term. And a coach should really empower the client to be able to explore and come up with their own best solutions.

    Speaker 1 47:21

    So one of the things that you mentioned to me when we talked was and I guess we would call it maybe like a yellow flag when we're talking about like, someone who presents themselves on this pedestal as an expert is kind of a red flag, you want someone who's appear, but also like, in the marketing, when you see language about like, try my proven method, right? Or like, it's like, it's okay, if somebody has a workshop or whatever. But sometimes in the marketing, you can tell that there's like intention to exploit somebody's vulnerability. And like, they talk about cures and fixes. And there's this really awful woman on Tik Tok right now, who is making tech talks about how like her son used to have autism. And he, you know, she has cured him. And if you want to book with me one on one consultations, and like, I will coach you through what to do, right? And so like, immediately, you know, we should have red flags about like curing like, probably not, right, no, absolutely not get in. And it's like, all of this, like, let me sell you MLM supplements. But that would be I mean, my first red flag is anyone who says it can cure autism, but that if somebody may be a new parent wasn't, you know, didn't know anything about autism. But that should be the first thing is like curing fixing. You know, you're inherently broken, but I have the magical answer that I've put behind this paywall.

    Rachel Ambrose 48:43

    Yes, yes, yes. subscribe to my newsletter, where I will break down five easy steps for you to work with your autistic child and cure them of their No, absolutely not. We don't do that.

    Speaker 1 48:57

    Yeah. Okay. You mentioned the issue of training, like, obviously, there's no licensure, there's no like, training across the board. But how can we look at if somebody says, like, Oh, I've trained, what can we look at to know whether that person maybe has worthwhile training or not?

    Rachel Ambrose 49:14

    Yeah, that's a great question. And I think that it requires clients to be so much more canny than they would be if they were having the same conversation with a therapist. Because, yeah, coaches should go to coach school, they should go to ADHD specific code school, if that's the particular niche that you're trying to get help in. And some really great programs out there include AGCA, which is the education program that I went through. It's a nine month process. If somebody tells you that they took like a weekend course and how to become a life coach. Don't book them. It's a really intricate process because it's a completely different way of engaging With a person, then the typical conversation with anyone else might go. And you should be learning from mentors and certified master level coaches. Some good things to look for include ad code, badging, or I act badging or PAC badging on a coach's website. And those are all training programs and credentialing programs that cater specifically to ADHD coaches.

    Speaker 1 50:30

    Thank you. So the last little category that you mentioned, when we were talking was the idea of like a coach's willingness to refer out.

    Rachel Ambrose 50:41

    Yeah, I think that my golden rule for coaching is no your lane, love your lane stay in your lane. And so I will refer out for two reasons. Well, many reasons, but two big ones. One is I say coaching and therapy can work side by side. But they but coaching cannot cross into therapy. And what I mean by that, specifically is in regards to trauma and mental illness in terms of biochemistry. So if a client were to come to me and say I have ADHD and depression, but my depression is really well managed. And I'm working with a therapist alongside your coaching, that's great, we can play ball. If a client comes to me and says, I have ADHD and depression, I've been in a in and out of therapy for some time currently out of therapy. Yeah, we can give it a shot. And if it turns out that the depression is in need of adjustment, or if there's trauma that comes up within the course of the coaching relationship, I will immediately refer out because I can work with we can we can talk about trauma during the context of a session, I do not process trauma at all, I don't touch it. That is for people who are way more qualified than I am. And it they they should be able to be accessed. I've even sat on client calls where they have opened up like psychology today with me, and I bought it out with them while they have made those initial reach outs to their local therapists.

    Speaker 1 52:32

    So there's one thing that you said that I highlighted when you and I were emailing back and forth, and I just want to kind of read it and then have you maybe expand on it for our last little spot here. But you said, another really important element of coaching is its concreteness, a client might want to work on their blog, for example, a coach would say what specific things would you like to get done on the blog between this session and next, what feels sustainable, what feels like something that could fit easily into your schedule this week, once the client has narrowed down what they might be a realistic goal for the timeframe, the coach might offer to check in with them a few days and see how it's going. I love how you put that because I think what can be hard is like a therapist can do therapy. And they also sometimes provide what can what is kind of like coaching, like they can give you practical, practical advice, actionable advice, but they can also do the like, Hey, we're not going to necessarily take action items, we're going to like delve in and talk about feelings and talk about psychology. And so I appreciated that you brought that up, because I think if somebody is working with a coach, and they're not walking away with concrete, actionable things, then that will kind of raise a flag about like, what am I doing with this person? Like, what are they trying? Like, there's no ambiguous healing this person can give me right, like there should actually be walking away with concrete things. And so can you talk to that for just a second?

    Rachel Ambrose 53:54

    Yeah. So I think that having a specific outcome within the course of a session is a really important distinction from therapy. I personally have never walked into a therapists office and had the therapist sit me down and say, Okay, what are we talking about today, and whether it's, you know, mindfulness or whatever the topic may be, okay, what would be a successful metric for you to walk out of this session with, and then partnering with the client to make sure that they get there. And I think that, like people who are not familiar with coaching or have never been coached before, that can be a really important distinction to make between a coaching session and a therapy session, because it's, the client is totally in the driver's seat. And the coach is just there to make sure that they get to where they want to go. And then it's like, okay, like we've gotten to this action plan and now you have some concrete steps to go and work on your blog. And do you need any support from me? In order to fully accomplish this task over the next few days.

    Speaker 1 55:04

    Yeah, that's really helpful. It reminds me almost of like when you go bowling and they have like the bumpers that they can braid as it's like, this is you and your journey, you're going down the lane, but like, I can help act as those bumpers of like, you know, setting concrete goals, checking in with how you're feeling, checking in with, you know, what you're thinking and being maybe some accountability, maybe some different perspectives. Like I like that idea of, you know, I'm moving, I'm in charge of my journey. But from a practical sense, like, I need someone to kind of help me with these practical things as they go through. And again, like practical things are going to include like, Hey, I'm anxious about this, or I'm telling myself that I'm not good enough to do this. So like, yeah, as a coach, you're going to come up with those sorts of things. And so knowing how to talk to someone about those things is okay. But you know, I think that you're right, it just takes a good coach to know, you know, when are we talking about, hey, let me offer you a different perspective. Or let me share my experience with feeling like I wasn't good enough. Let me encourage you, you know, Hey, have you ever heard, you know, here's a saying that I heard that really helped me like at that versus getting into like, well, when? When was the first time you thought you didn't feel good? Right. So that's really helpful. Yeah, that's really helpful. So I'm

    Rachel Ambrose 56:18

    I like to say that coaching is for the present and future you whereas therapy sometimes can focus more on the past? Like I would never ask, like, when was the first time that you felt like you weren't good enough? Like, you know, that deep historical self narrative isn't really for coaches to touch a lot of the time. But if you are having issues with adjusting your expectations when it comes to like cleaning your kitchen, we can dig into maybe where those internalized expectations are coming from and whether they're appropriate for you to continue having and what you might want to replace them with.

    Speaker 1 56:59

    Yeah, that's helpful. Rachel, thank you so much. Where can people find you if they want to learn more about your services?

    Rachel Ambrose 57:05

    They can find me at my website is welcome to the porchlight.com and they can find me on Instagram at porch dot light dot coaching.

    KC Davis 57:15

    And you do ADHD coaching?

    Rachel Ambrose 57:17

    I do and audio HD coaching. I work with people who have the combo meal of ADHD and autism as well. Awesome.

    KC Davis 57:25

    Well, thank you so much, Rachel.

KC Davis
38: Interview with the White Woman Whisperer

Racism. You may think you know what it is and in what ways it exists in our society, but it is a deep and multi-faceted topic. We could spend hours trolling the depths of language, attitudes, behaviors, and nuances that are influenced by race. We are attempting to explore and learn more in today’s show. I’m joined by Rebecca Slue, also known as the White Woman Whisperer. You may know her from TikTok, which is where I found her. We connected when I took an anti-racism course and reached out to her for help, and I’ve already learned a lot from her. Join us for more from Rebecca’s perspective.

Show Highlights:

  • An example of how KC got into a quandary over comments on social media and the fear of being labeled as a racist

  • How amazing conversations are happening when we aren’t concerned about perfectionism in our words

  • What we need to understand about white supremacy

  • How Rebecca uses a caste system model of values to understand the behaviors that perpetuate white supremacy

  • Why our understanding of anti-racism is a journey and not a destination

  • Rebecca’s experience of racial identity as she grew up the child of Jewish and Jamaican parents

  • How Rebecca’s experience played out when she entered corporate America

  • How she became the White Woman Whisperer

  • How racism created a holistic layer of chronic stress for Rebecca

  • How Rebecca uses a  metaphor to explain white fragility, white privilege, and the pinata of white supremacy

Resources and Links:

Connect with Rebecca: Website and Podcast, Instagram, TikTok

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello you sentient balls of Stardust, welcome to Struggle Care. It's the podcast about self care and mental health by a host that hates the term self care, and doesn't always have great mental health. I am here today with a friend of mine named Rebecca and you may know her as the White Woman Whisperer on Tik Tok. So hello, Rebecca.

    Rebecca 0:25

    Hello, KC. I'm glad you're here today. I'm glad I'm here, too. But we recorded an episode together that ended up being so long. Because you and I can't stop talking. Isn't that great?

    KC Davis 0:39

    problem to have? I'll take it. Yeah, I think so we'll do our best to be professional podcasters. Okay, so for the listeners, Rebecca and I met, I was actually taking a course an anti racism cohort. And there was like this section about black history. And at the end, it was like, reach out to a black person in your network and ask them, like, how were they taught black history? And so I sat there and I was like, okay, and I don't know why you came to mind first, but I was like, and I didn't really even know you that well. Also, that's a real humbling moment in your anti racism cohort where they're like a black person in your network, and you're like, oh, shit, I

    Rebecca 1:22

    gotta find, find. And I'm like, what black person in my network is not going to be offended by me being like, Hey, you're black. I was told to find the black mine.

    KC Davis 1:37

    And I remember being like, Okay, you and I had exchanged some messages. And you were making like, anti racism content. So I felt like, okay for white women to I mean, yeah, I felt like, okay, safe bet. Yeah. And I was in that phase, which I still am sometimes where I'm like, terrified of making a mistake. Yeah. I get that. It's fun when you bring your like perfectionism and to anti racism work. Oh, yeah, that's the killer. That will do it for you. But I was so happy to see the message from you. And I know that was so weird. But I mean, I was open, especially it was the beginning. I was so naive and innocent and excited. And you know, you were one of my first Mutual's where I was like, I think I may actually be doing something here. Like, it's got the right vibe. I like what she's doing. Like your content inspired a bit of my content in terms of moral neutrality, and not that perfectionism in terms of even being a black person. So it just made a lot of sense. I was like, Alright, let's see what this is going to be like. The questions were interesting, though. Well, and you quite literally had a huge role and a turning point for me like it was, gosh, it must have been like a year ago now. Like it was a while ago, it was a while. And I had a woman call me out because I had made a video where I had referenced having locks when I was like, 19. And I was kind of making a joke out of it. But the joke was just like, look at this thing. I did. Oh, my God, I was 19. And she left a message about like, hey, this doesn't sit right with me. You're like making light of it. But it's like kind of a big deal to some of us. But the problem was, is that I just like glanced at her profile. Well, so first, I was like, Okay, I hear you. And I took the video down. And then she started commenting, being like, Hey, you're not being accountable. You're not doing this, you're not doing that. And she was really passionate about it. And I mistakenly, because I just kind of glanced at her profile picture thought that she was a white woman. And so I came out like guns blazing, like, you know, how I would talk to some because sometimes that happens, like other white women want to like outwork me. Oh my gosh, yes. They try to outwork me so and I just don't have a lot of tolerance for it. I bet.

    Rebecca 3:54

    I bet I come out quick to especially when you see a lot of comments all the time. It happens it happens. Turns out, she identified as MCs. She was like, No, I'm talking about my culture, my own experience, like you have actually offended me. And anyways, details of this are not important. But basically, you know, I talked to her we sort of worked it out and I'm in an apology and but what started happening was that like, you know, on tick tock, the peanut gallery like everybody, oh, actually, I just learned that the peanut gallery is like a racist term as well. So that's not the best term to use. So did I. Okay, so lots of commenters. All the sudden I was getting flooded with comments that were like half of them were like, This is no big deal. You should not be making like, just let it go. And then half of the comments were like, yeah, no, you need to like do something about this. This was really horrible. And I was in that period of my anti racism journey where I was really into like, listen to black people, listen to black people, but the split was all black people. It was like half of the white people saying that my comment saying like, nor that girl is just making too big of a deal of it and then half of them

    mean, like knows is very, very serious. And so I was like, paralyzed. And I was like, What do I do? I don't know what to do. And I happened upon your content at that time. And I started like binge scrolling your content. And you had this one video where somebody was saying to you like, I'm so afraid of making a mistake. I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing. And you had said to her, like, I mean, what's the worst that could happen? If you make a mistake, if you say the wrong thing. And she was like, well, like, I don't like when I'm trying to do the right thing. And people mistakenly think I've done something racist. And so like, now they think I've done the wrong thing, even though I've done the right thing, and she literally looks at the camera and you were like, you'll be fine.

    Right? Even if all of that is true, you will be fine. You will literally be okay. In the real use of literally, you are on this is the safest I can be as a black woman is on the internet. And for white women to say they're scared, especially afraid. This type of language of being disliked by a black person may be at worst case, you know, they don't like you. Okay, they yell things on the internet at you and, and the mistake your intentions, they will get over it and probably not even yell at you to be honest, when we make jokes, and you'll feel a little silly. And that's your moment. What do you do with that I've had some amazing comebacks, not comebacks isn't clap backs, or call outs, but people just go, oh, I messed up. And then they get so much respect from restraint. And just to you know, I remember when there was a big tick tock drama, and you reached out and told me that you had utilized some of my work to just not, and that you were so grateful that you had made the choice to not do something is amazing. And it's like, oh, all I want to see come out of this is like it can be easier than this, like what you guys are doing is daunting, because what perfect dialogue are you expecting to have, where you know exactly what's going to happen, what the other person is going to say, that's also a problem with that sentiment to me, you know, we're gonna be mad, or you know, what we're gonna do? You know, we deal with physical violence and generational fear. I'm not so concerned about being insulted or offended. These aren't words that we're focused on.

    Yeah, that was the part that really sort of, like shook me out of that moment was that and I get it, like social rejection, even perceived, like our nervous system that hits hard, it can feel sometimes like the same thing as physical danger, because that's how desperate we are, you know, that's how much worth at stake for us. But the reality is, is that if a white person mistakes, your intentions in real life, that can can and does lead to violence, right? You could be jogging through a neighborhood, and if a white man mistakes, your intentions, decides they don't like you, that leads to violence. And for me, if I do something, and a black person mistakes, my intentions, I'm gonna be fine. Maybe they don't like me, but like, Okay, I don't think that's

    a stretch, you know, we don't know you're on the internet, is it? We don't know, you. And I think some of that is, you know, check the self importance there. You know, black people are trying to live and survive and get through generational trauma. And we're finally able to speak our minds. Without that fear of physical harm happening the moment we speak. And that's why you see so many amazing conversations happening. If you're listening to Black Tech Talk, not because they haven't been had before, it's just that the voices have been silenced. So, you know, we throw things out there. We're not concerned about perfectionism in our conversation. And I am not concerned with perfectionism because I'm like, Who knows when they're going to shut this down and stop listening. I need to get this information out there. And if you think about the intentions of black people, when they speak, which never happens, you will find that it's actually not that hard to listen and move forward from there. But I feel like the intention conversation happens after an offence or wrongdoing has already been pointed out. Now we want to talk about intention, but what about my intention on making the video that you got upset about, you know, why did I do that? And no one I don't see that in those who get upset. You know, I see that obviously from those who are doing the work, but

    Well, in that moment, like I felt as though like I had spoken to her privately we had had a conversation about like, I bungled this how can I make this right? And so she and I had already had that conversation, and the leftover Panic was just my image, my PR like all of these people in the comment section, where I was wanting to prove myself I I was wanting to defend myself I was wanting to say like, no, here's how you're wrong, you think I am an A. And that's where like that tick tock, you may and I think even messaged you about that. So I was like, this just saved my life. Because I was able to take a beat, and just learn to tolerate that it felt bad that these people and I want to say theoretical, they're not here, but there are literal people, but they're also like, not people I know that like, affect my life in any way. So it's just like the idea that theoretically, a black person could think that I was racist. It was like causing me genuine panic. And I think the most eye opening thing in my journey of going through that cohort and of listening to creators, like you was realizing in any moment, like my clarifying question was like, okay, am I concerned about how to actually impact like black liberation for good? Or am I concerned about being liked and approved of by black people?

    Right, by every black person? Because you have you have it like you admittedly had black people on your side. And I want you to consider that a lot of those black people that were not happy with you, or an actual black people. So I know we talked about they are people, but I find a lot of they know how afraid white people are of messing up and having a black person not like them. So often, I will have people come into my comments and start a phrase with as a black woman, I don't agree with you. And got to tell you, that gives you a way right there. We don't walk into the room and announce our race and gender because it's there in front of you every single day. How we speak, is what tells you that but I often have digital blackface happening in my comments, to shut maybe other white people down who are coming to my aid or trying to explain though, throw in a I'm black at the end. Yeah, then you know, cannot capitalize the B and then make, you know, never the math doesn't math. But I know that it does silence people. So there's that too.

    Well, it's so true, because the woman who had made the original comment was a light skinned mixed woman. But like even she didn't feel the need to say I'm black. Right? And this bothered me, right? Which was where you know, right? Like, you do not qualify at all people, you'd think that she would feel like she had to qualify yourself. And she's like, No, I'm black. I'm mixed. And she identified as mixed. But she also talked about being black, which is why I'm using them interchangeably. But so that's just interesting to reflect back on that show. Like, I'm talking about myself.

    It's one of those funny things. I remember in the beginning, I said, You know what's funny, I realized that white women walk into the comment section announcing themselves all the time, it was just like a funny thing to me just like, hey, I'm pale and or I'll come in with, like, a funny description for why I'm a white woman. And this I'm neurodivergent. And this, you know, some qualifier. And that is a sort of like characteristic, I believe of white supremacy now that I can see it in bulk and realize that we never do that. I've never felt the need to start with why you should listen to me. But in whiteness, your category comes first. And it's always

    with our like, white as faces in the profile picture to like, I didn't need the descriptor, Sally.

    I know, for so many other reasons in the beginning of your sentence, you know, I know what you sound like, I know the talking points, I see the picture. I mean, what you're going to speak to is probably going to let me know you're not going to use a v you know African American Vernacular English. Oh, and the way we're gonna get into that the literal understanding of black languages is another thing we could work on in comment sections. But that's for later times.

    I have this like line and I've never actually said it to anybody, because I'm not sure how appropriate it is. But it's, I think it in my head, especially when like because I've seen someone say something that is racist, and maybe to them they wouldn't recognize it as racist. Like, they would recognize it as like, oh, maybe it's a microburst, like no, it's just all racism. And when they're called out, and someone uses a she her pronoun, they'll get really angry about like, I'm actually not she her, like, either they'll say I am a man or I don't use those pronouns, or my favorite is like, why would you assume I'm a woman? And you know what I say in my head, and you can tell me, like she just say someone I always want to be like, I mean, white woman is as white woman does exactly. Like, I don't care if you're actually a woman or a man or white or whatever. Like I'm just saying,

    because no one identifies as white once they're pointed out as white. And the other thing is, I'll just be talking to someone and say, Hey, you're wrong, and they'll say, Why do you assume I'm white? Okay, I didn't mind. You know, it's not even a thing, right? Like, no one's technically white. So the moment you get called out and you say, I'm not this, it's like, okay, well, you're white enough for me. Okay. You could be black and be white enough for me because the conversation is is about white supremacy and white supremacist behavior to me, not about people, individuals, or you know what you're about, I can't take the time and focus that much on individuals, I'll never get anywhere, I have to focus on behaviors, especially if I see them over and over and over again, I don't need to know much about you to address this talking point, that there's always this special,

    I want to talk a little bit about white supremacy. But I want let's take a pause real quick. And we'll be right back. Perfect. Okay, we're back. And when we talk about that term, white supremacy, I feel like I can like hear my white listeners like their little toes curl. Because a lot of us were really taught growing up to believe that white supremacy is believing consciously that black people are inferior to white people, that white people should sort of rule that it should be this like very Hitler asked, like white Aryan society, with our little pointy cloak hats and burning crosses. And it has been very eye opening to me to talk about white supremacy as something more than that. So do you have like a working definition that you use with white people about what it means when we talk about white supremacy?

    Hmm, I do not have a working definition. And I also don't have a cute analogy for it yet? Well, I guess I do, I will, in a basic sense, I like to formulate it around the behavior I'm trying to address. So white supremacy is foundational to the conversation we're trying to have. If you're interested in reading the book cast by Isabel Wilkerson, I suggest reading from black people that are alive today. One, and she is and it's to understand it as a system, a caste system so really don't even have to discuss race or racism, if you discuss it as a caste. It we saw a caste systems see them in India, and we see them in Nazi Germany, and here in America. And she reviews the three as systems that you can see, as a set of behaviors, laws that were put in place based on this specific caste system for us was white male property ownership. Based on those three things, we will now formulate the rules in order to dictate behaviors that will continue this value system. If that makes sense. I like to envision it as a pyramid. And the bottom is just like white supremacy. And then our laws and our institutions are created based off of that, so that we make sure our education system is based off of that our financial institution, our healthcare system, everything comes with the assumption that the white men that created it, that their characteristics, and what they saw as important is across the board.

    That's like the most powerful definition I've ever heard, honestly, which is impressive for starting out with I have no definition.

    This is usually how I just kind of we get there.

    I know. But no, you're right, because it's this idea that it's a value system. And that. And I think about that sometimes when people talk about the Constitution, when they'll like some argument about whether or not we should do something in our country, we'll be like, well, but that's not what like the Constitution says this. And that's not what they meant, not what they want. And sometimes I just want to be like, what if it's just like,

    it was a bunch of dudes in a room just because they wore different clothes and had white curled up hair that didn't make them special. And I think we have, you know, made them this mystical dudes. And if they were in button downs and khaki pants, would you see that constitution as some magical piece of paper that they had more information than we have?

    Like if Elon Musk and Bill Gates, and like George Bush and Jeff Bezos, like walked out of room be like, we have a document? Yes. And this is how we're gonna run everything. And I mean, listen, I think that there are parts of the Constitution that are inspirational and beautiful, but it's not like they intended that to apply to anyone but them,

    right, it's, and then set up all the law is based off of that, and the small number and the size of that triangle. Yeah, it can grow, but it can't really change. It's just gonna get like, taller and fewer. And because it's based on this static, nonsensical, imagination based value system. It's not based on what

    is perfectionism. Like, when I first started sort of learning about racism, and being willing to believe that I had unconscious racist beliefs, one of the things that I realized was causing that like now I'm too afraid to make mistakes. Now, I don't want to say anything to anybody. Because what if I make mistakes and I don't want people to not like me. And it was pointed out to me like that level of perfectionism that you think if you can't be right, you're going to be cast aside and rejected and that Will Make You worthless. And so you're clinging to it like that is a value of white supremacy.

    Yes, you will never achieve that. That is a trend. Not

    every culture has that value, right? Sometimes just

    making it, just figuring it out. And what does that look like for you? Who are you the system? You know, I thought about the phrase, there's no I in team. Why do we like that? I am important, okay. In a team, if there's no if we're just doing whatever we're told to do, you have no opinion that is valuable. And it's just not true if you hadn't decided to make a tic toc. And I hadn't decided to make a tic toc. Because you know what? Might as well, and to expect perfectionism, we will never move. I would never put out anything, you wouldn't ever put out anything. And we just stay quiet. sounds gross. sounds gross. I don't want that

    my first tech talks were me being like, this is how you cook chicken. And then the conversation would be like, That's not how you cook chicken. And I'd be like, just kidding. Here's another way to cook chicken. Like I just, I genuinely started doing how to one being like, I'm just making this up. Like, this is what I think I know. And it's funny.

    Once you realize, if you can't do it, like there's no Oh, I like to say there's no destination. So people look at it as like, I'll get to this place. Like how do you get comfortable talking about this? When do you finish where now you're like, I'm good. And that's just not how life should be because there is no destination, anywhere. It should be about the journey. And it should be about making those mistakes and then highlighting those mistakes. This would not be an impactful demonstration of anti racism if you didn't say I did this, and then I did this instead. And now I feel better. If you just went in with how do i i wouldn't be able to really work with that. Because you are a part of it. Everybody is can I tell

    you a totally tangential joke, please do. So when the Little Mermaid like preview came out and I hadn't seen it yet. And they were talking about the like Little Mermaid being black. And for like a hot couple of weeks. I thought we were talking about Halle Berry.

    Well, okay, that's reasonable because itself but here's

    what sounds exactly like, but what's funny to me is like when I realized it wasn't the same person my first thought was like, Casey, like, you need to get real serious about your anti racism work like not every black person is the same just because it seems like God, like see black people as people. And then like, but so I was like kind of being very somber with myself about like, let's look at ourselves. And then I realized that like, I also thought that like Josh Groban and Josh Brolin were the same person. Yeah,

    I mean, give her that everything that's serious.

    And I just recently found out that the lead singer of Florence in the machine did not star in a movie with Harry Styles. Oh, that is in fact, not the same person. Even though her name is Florida. So anyways, I was just laughing at myself, because my initial thought was like, Wow, we got to do some work. Like

    no, just stupid. No, just stupid. Not this one. But I liked it. You're out here. I like you're on the lookout.

    I showed up to the game. There may not have been a game that day. But I was in my uniform. I was ready. Close. It was close when it was close. Okay, okay, we're gonna do the same thing. We did the last podcast, which is Chuck, I have actual questions here. Okay, let's go. One of the things that I loved learning about you was your experience of your own racial identity growing up, so can you tell us about your mom and your dad?

    I can. So my mom is Jewish from Brooklyn. And my father is Jamaican, who also moved to Brooklyn, but was born in Jamaica came here when he was 15. And they somehow found each other. He also was a Jehovah's Witness growing up, which adds a cute little element of fun. The whole X cult life, and my grandmother died still a part of Jehovah's Witnesses, they live together. That was interesting as well as you know, nice little Jewish kids. We worked it out. So just based off that alone, I kind of was prepared for this non traditional life that I did not realize was so foreign, because I grew up mostly in Teaneck, New Jersey, which was the first town to voluntarily integrate their schools. Very proud of that. I grew up with so many biracial friends just because we were friends not because we were biracial. We just happen to be a black Japanese girl a bunch of I was the only Jewish person that was brown in my Hebrew school, but I was okay with it. I was fine. You know, I did ballet and maybe I was the only Brown Girl No, probably not but one a few and I knew that. I knew I was brown. And I would say Brown. You know, when brown Cinderella came out was brown Cinderella, not black to me when Brandi was Cinderella, but when my brother was born, he was very white looking And I was aware, you know, maybe not when he was first born, but even my father would say, I'd asked him, you know, what if, when we learned about Martin Luther King, what if it goes back and you and I Dad are not allowed in the same places mom and Brandon are. And he told me, I didn't know what to say to you, because he hadn't realized that I had realized. But by that point, I mean, my hair was different. I'm a child, I'm not an alien. And so when we have these conversations about if kids should be learning, it's like, well, they are, you know, they can see, I can see things with my eyeballs. And he just said, you know, that'll never happen. And I was like, okay, good. We're in this new world. We're all good with this multiracial family, it's never gonna go back. And I don't have to worry about

    it. And how did that change? When you entered corporate America in the Midwest?

    Oh, my goodness. Well, you know, and it's, I think, corporate America period is a big shift. And I didn't realize at first, you know, it's like one of those things where in hindsight, it's very clear, I wore my hair straight. If you don't know my hair is very curly. Right now. i It's in its natural state has been since I was 26, though, because the world tells you, as a black woman, what your hair needs to look like, it needs to be fixed and professional. Another one

    of those white supremacy, values, professionalism, not being professional, but what professionalism means what kinds of things are professional,

    it's not what you wear every day. It's not how you look every day. It's how that guy looks every day. And what they naturally do you have to look like it to me, it's if you are living in your black self, and you are you have this rich experience a deep colors, like how I like to think about it, and like blacks in this depth of something. And then you go out into the world and into corporate or into the professional world. And it's pastel white supremacy to me is pastel. Yeah, there may be variations and colors, but you know, it's all pastel, it's got this light tint to it. And that keeps it all even in the same family. So when we show up to work, we have to powder ourselves up to be as pastel as possible. And make sure we do not disrupt that powder, we don't move too fast, we don't take any off because the second you, you know if you can see through that, we get called out on it, and are made to feel as though we don't belong in that place. And we can see through that powder you're wearing and you're not really one of us. And that is exhausting to turn that power down and have to not knowing why. Because your value is based on how pastel you show up is hard for the brain, at least for my brain, because I understood. You know, if you do something, well, it will be reflected as such. And someone will say, Hey, you did a good job on this. You know, you can't get past that. But with professionalism, you can get past that. I can do everything right.

    Yeah, I remember you telling me that you were like kicking butt taking names, you were putting out more measurable like KPI output than everyone else on the team, including the people that were supposed to be your managers.

    Yep. And that was a mistake. That was a mistake. Somehow, I didn't learn the rules of professionalism. I was the first person in my family to go to college and to graduate. And then I went to business school, and I thought I was doing something by you know, wearing my currently natural hair at business school. And I was very proud and forthright about my blackness, and that I am here to change things, but also to do a good job. And to have these conversations. And it does not matter. Because of this little thing that I call pet to threat someone else is going to because it's great to have you on be all black women and look at your hair, and then a little bit of the actual petting and the touching that happened here in Chicago did not happen in New Jersey, that you want to start kind of speaking back on it and making your presence known and being very good at the job. Now you are a threat to those who need to see themselves as higher than you. And I did not know that was going to happen. I thought it would make us all look good. But if you're focused on hierarchy, and you're focused on the fact that you are my manager, and now you can't instruct there to desire to help from white people is what I see in this hierarchical structure. If you're a higher than someone, your role is to help them and I would rather have had support, but because you know, I'm good at what I do. I always have been that's how I got there. And then to show up and have a white man asked me if I'm scared of PowerPoint, or if I know that this email is my canvas. And this is where I can show my skills and write out things. Meanwhile, I just you know, one plus one wasn't equaling two and my brain was not what was truth. I didn't know what truth was anymore. That to the point where it's like I I am doing so much and being treated so little, like such a little thing I was told them this I was very forthright and professional, I brought it to HR with HR language. But none of that matter, just like when we talk about on tick tock, you can put everything right. And at the end of the day, he will say, well, I need to help you understand what I'm trying to tell you. You need to have empathy for me in this situation, because I have kids, and I am working through stuff as well. You know, meanwhile, there's protests, and I'm speaking on behalf of black people at work. So I know this is kind of all over. But you know, there was a pandemic, and I'm doing my job. And I'm also educating white women at this job, which made me realize I could do this work as white woman whisperer. So you know,

    who hid and they asked you to do that. Right? They asked me to do

    it. Yes. They want awards based on what I did. Was I the recipient of that award award? No, they won multiple awards off of my work, but somehow still, but then you weren't a team player, right? I wasn't, you know, maybe a cultural fit. I wasn't spending my time, the way I was supposed to listening and obeying, I guess, rules that did not exist, you know, there was silent treatment, but then also micromanaging at the same time. And he just, there was no right way. And I needed that lesson. But I would rather other black women in the workplace not get the lesson I got in the way that I received it, especially these younger generations, it was terrible.

    So I want to take a pause there. And when we come back, I want to talk about the impact that had on your mental health. Okay, we're back with Rebecca, the white woman whisperer. And I mean, okay, so this is the struggle care podcast, right? Like, my book is how to keep household drowning my tic toc channel, it's really all about how to do life and care for yourself when you have barriers in your life. And so I have a lot of people that follow me that have mental illness, mental health issues, that are neurodivergent that are stressed, that are, you know, maybe they have kids, or they just lost somebody or they're chronically ill.

    So there's like, all these different reasons why, you know, you could be experiencing, like limited capacity or barriers in your life. And one of the things that I've learned from you and other black creators on Tik Tok and like authors, and is that the racism isn't just like some uncomfortable thing you experience that it creates this holistic layer of chronic stress. And so can you talk a bit because you had taken a leave from how much stress that caused? So what did that do to your mental health?

    Well, it wasn't great. I'll tell you that much. It definitely wasn't great. It wasn't a good time. But, you know, I'm just so grateful that during that time, I had my boyfriend, who is black and very educated in the black experience. From a generational information standpoint, he came from the south, and went to an HBCU, a historically black college university. And when I was on the brink, I had someone to say, No, this isn't about you. Because I was so sure that I was doing something wrong. Even though I would stay up, I would hyperventilate before work, because as you know, knowing I had to talk to them, I said, in my head, there was something I there was a correct phrase that I had to say, to get them to understand, you know, because it was not just my manager, it was his manager, and the communications between them and the gaslighting of, you know, I get your side, I get his side. And so then I, you know, trying to figure out how to make two people think something is not possible. One, I found out through a lot of therapy, and I'm still in therapy over it, because there's, we are taught that good work, should receive good things, at least I was, and maybe in terms of my neurodivergent. See, I've relied on that. I relied on the fact that regardless of race, regardless of gender, you do the right thing. People can't ignore that. Because it's right.

    KC 34:15

    You work hard, you

    Rebecca 34:16

    raise up the ladder, right? You pull yourself up, all you got to do and I saw another aspect of this was, you know, I would go to many people who said they supported me at this job that won awards based off of me, I would talk to them, what am I doing? What can I do? A lot of white women mostly because that's what I connected with that work. And there weren't many other well, there weren't many of the black people. But if there were, it's kind of like, you know, just stick it out. What did you expect type of thing and I didn't work well with that. But it was always framed as what I could do. You know, if I would go to the VP of HR and say, Hey, this is happening. The response was okay, how can we get you out from under him? As in What job do you need to do? Like, what job can you apply for within the company that gets you out? And it can't make him look back? And you can't burn that bridge. But you also how are you going to framework for the conversations with him moving forward, because you do need his recommendation to get this job. But you are amazing, you cannot leave. We are so happy to have you, you are changed so much. No one said, I'm gonna go talk to that man. No one gave me a way out. There was a lot of victim blaming, if you do that, but so I started not trusting myself, I'm not seeing it. from a higher perspective. I'm just seeing, I'm crying in front of so many people as a black woman. And I'm thinking one of these conversations it's gonna hit. And that's tough.

    KC Davis 35:40

    I mean, it really says it. As a therapist, it sounds so similar to when I have counseled families that have like abusive dynamics, where like, the man is really abusive. And the child is constantly being given this burden of Well, here's how you can navigate his anger so that you stay safe. And the wife is often like the nice white lady who's like, I get it. I know it's wrong. I'm so sorry. Right, but they won't leave him and take you with them. Right? They won't stand up to them. And they're similar products, like different but similar reasons where it's like, oh, I can put my own oppression on the line.

    Rebecca 36:22

    I mean, I'm thinking you don't you want to know if this person is being disrespectful to me and demeaning me just to make a point. And I'm telling him, and he's pretending to write things down. And then he lies and says, I called this meeting to HR when I did, and the HR person is on there, not correcting him, listening to him, gaslight me the whole time, and then claim that I'm not understanding him correctly. And I didn't know gaslighting. I just got out here to Chicago, I moved for this job. I have no family out here. They do the love bombing. So they give you all the stuff in the beginning, I interned first under black leadership with black HR, black everything and was bait and switched a week after moving to Chicago, in my opinion, reorg, whatever. And it's this is my financial livability. And as a black person who was the first one to come out of college, it's like this was success. This was supposed to be the spot I got into, I moved, I got this corporate job making almost six figures or you know, and finally, the immigrant's daughter makes it and but somehow I'm feeling like teeny, tiny, but also blown up and so powerful and impactful. And I'm being praised all the time, but also being diminished and made to question my own sense of self during George Floyd protests, where my company talked about looting and rioting. And I just watched this man at all times a day be nailed on. And I'm connecting dots and things that happened to me and to my brother who doesn't even look very black. But he has a gun pointed in his face across the street from my own house in Teaneck, this beautiful little community. So to put all of that, and then realize what was happening within my own job and how I was questioning myself. And then at the same time, get this data that said, you were blowing the numbers away, like you were serving your customers. They had been looking for you specifically to teach though. And these men not seeing me. Something just snapped.

    KC Davis 38:32

    Is that what get out was about Ooh, like you were describing that and all of a sudden I was realizing like that feeling of like we're in it together and then like this, like I heard like scary museum movie music when it was like dawning on you like, oh, shit, like the call is coming from inside the house. Like these things that have been happening to me and these people that say they love me, but all of a sudden they're talking about looting and rioting like what you're like, Oh, God, yeah,

    Rebecca 38:58

    this is against Wait, I'm working for oh, and they were telling, you know, it was coming to the office. This is you know, we got scientists and the DEI strategy, you know, there was a lot more things in terms of hair touching and stuff that you know, was just coming back to me, and how do you still have trouble processing it interesting. And I'm still in therapy and I have not gone back to that job. And you know, realizing what is for me, I've never thought about it. I've just been trying to survive this whole time. And that's what black people have been taught and trained to do is just up until this point is to survive especially like I think our generation and my dad's was kind of like don't like get there get there and then worry about but I got there was terrible. And I

    KC Davis 39:46

    can imagine like not only first of all I love that your boyfriend like was the one to gaslight you and like bring you back to that that's so huge. And but not only are you experiencing this like extreme like racial gaslighting, racism, racial discrimination and then everyone gaslighting you about it at work. But then like I see you talk about racism online, and I see the comment section just line up with white people going. That's not real. That doesn't happen. We aren't like that the world's not really like that. And it's just like gaslight upon gaslight.

    Rebecca 40:21

    Yeah. So imagine you are sorry, already thinking that like when I was thinking, thinking, How do I explain this to someone and explain to them that it's racist, but really it's just him questioning me at every turn and then deciding it's not right and giving himself credit for things he adds to my work, and then giving the credit to me as if he's doing me a favor. Oh, nice. Nice job adding that sticker on the bottom that he added interest? Did you see how I gave you that? I threw that at you? And I little? How do I convey that to this third party woman? Who is already looking for it not to be true? And do I just list every event? Do I show these? I mean, I have so many emails. This is please show your creativity. But if when you do at this at this at this, and my coworker is texting me on the side? We don't know why he's doing this. I'm so sorry. You have to Can I help you? You could talk to him. But I didn't even think that, you know, I'm just thinking, Oh, well, that's validation.

    KC Davis 41:20

    Well, all the while you knowing and frankly, like, you know, the word intersectional gets thrown around a lot to mean a lot of different things. But like, originally, it was specifically about the legal context of a black woman being discriminated against at a job. And but the problem is, is that like legally, like black woman is not a category unto itself, right. And so she either had to prove she was being discriminated against as a woman, or she was being discriminated against as a black person. And there was no way to nail that down, because the job would go, Well, we have other black people, because they had they had black men there that weren't being treated that way. And they could go, Well, we have women here that aren't being treated that way. And she was like, No, I know, it's the specific intersection of being black and being a woman that my job is discriminating against. And it's like when people are telling you like, I don't know why he's doing that to you. Was there a party? It was like

    Rebecca 42:14

    I do. It's a power thing. And I think I couldn't even admit to myself, like, it's just as plainly as I do is because I'm black. Because God forbid, you know, even saying that out loud. At the time, the fear of having someone negate that someone I was giving me a little bit of validation. Having them go well, I mean, because I had people on my team when I would tell them about because, of course, you know, after George Floyd happened, my director calls and asks me how to talk to the team about what is going on. And I tell them about, you know, touching my hair and how it's rooted in, you know, people being in zoos, and people, you know, being entitled to the black body. And even when they don't realize I will tell them a story about how this happened, and how it made me feel, and afterwards touch my hair, to acknowledge how pretty it is. As if they are not doing the thing I just talked about, I am not even kidding. I had two people, my black director, we were talking about how his dog walker touched my hair before she even knew my name, and how it was crazy. And then the two women hearing it said, Oh, wow, that is nuts. But you do have gorgeous hair, and touched each side of my head. And my director looked at me, we made big eye contact. And that was it. And we talked about it all the time. But that's how insidious it is. And how to then have someone questioned something that I'm struggling to come to terms with already. And it's someone I like, and I'm like losing white women, left and right.

    KC Davis 43:39

    And I've seen the white women in your comments talk about like, but it wasn't because of race, they didn't touch your hair because of race. It's because it's so different. It's because it's beautiful. It's because of that. But the part of that story that really sticks out to me is you and your manager locking eyes because you know, because this has been happening to you your whole life, because you have been experiencing this your whole like, you know why it's happening.

    Rebecca 44:05

    It's deep, like we know immediately and without words, and then we will leave and then be like, Oh my gosh, you know, there is these conversations are happening. And what I like to say on my page every once in a while is like I'm giving you information. We these are not nude conversations for us. We have just always have to have these conversations in silence and you didn't secret away from you because of the reactivity. I don't know if that's helpful. I don't think it's done. It's very good. And you know, the concept when we started, you know, white supremacy, the words saying the words it's like, but for who, who's uncomfortable at hearing the words, white supremacy. It's not us. You know, who's going to be uncomfortable at hearing the N word, which I don't love that we turned it into just another word so that people can say without saying it, say it if you want to say you're just not there consequences, you know, this whole not allowed business is very white supremacy, because we'll be perceived negatively You're allowed to do whatever you want, you know what, who was not allowed? The BlackBerry will we were literally not allowed to read or write. So yeah, no perspective, zoom out every once in a while and think why, who's uncomfortable and why.

    KC Davis 45:13

    So you're on your channel, your experience, I feel like has led to first of all, I love your brain, because you come up with like the best metaphors. So you talked about, like, the volatility. So like, oh, you bring up to someone like, hey, it's because of racism. They're like, what? No, I'm not racist. That's not right. And it's like this white volatility, and which is, I think what most people are referring to we talk about white fragility. And so tell us your metaphor for white fragility, or white privilege.

    Rebecca 45:43

    So I like to start with white privilege being a booger, just pretend someone points out to our white privilege that it's a booger, how are you going to feel if they yell at you? Right? If I go, Hey, stupid, you've got a booger in your nose. And everyone here can see it. Now, that might hurt a little. But now you get to take care of that. And we get to stop staring at you. And you're aware of information that everybody else has. Now you just say thank you, and you wipe it away. Often, no one's gonna scream that at you. But except information, appreciate it. And then just keep going because you will be okay. Now, the other aspect of privilege that I think is a little bit more insidious and violent, it comes around what I was considered the pinata of white supremacy. So like the goals of white supremacy, being rich and white, and thin and Young is this pinata up there. And we're trying to take it down. You know what white women are now like, we got a smash it give us bats, but you're not adept. You just got here. And there's a lot of, you know, Poles and levees in there that's going to go on, and we're just trying to tell you like, hey, excuse me, that's not how you do it. And oftentimes, you turn around because you're covered by that privilege that like that blindness, you have the blindfold, and you have white privilege, and you smack the black woman next to you thinking you're doing something and you're not good. We're trying to help. We don't talk to you because we want to be mean and have sentience. We've got other things to do, like take care of our lives and make sure we can eat when we're talking to white women about white privilege or anything. It's for our own survival and for yours. So if we're telling you, hey, you're not doing it, right, listen, maybe just and not ask for instructions, know that you have a blindfold on. So you need to stop swinging, put the bat down and give it to the people who have been here longer. Let black women tell you one, we don't even want that vignette. If we could just stop swinging at the piano and just go play our own game over there and let them just pull out that thing. They'll get bored. Eventually, they'll just be pulling at the piano. No one will be swinging. And we'll go play good, nice game without that's one where we don't have to smash things or something maybe based on humanity and like sharing resources. I don't know.

    KC Davis 48:03

    I feel like that's like it needs to be like an SNL skit skit. It's so good and visual,

    Rebecca 48:09

    and people added such good things to it, too.

    KC Davis 48:11

    I wish we had so much more time because I feel like we could keep talking. But I don't want to go too far over our time without giving you the chance to plug your podcast and your social channels. Where can people find you if they want to come and learn

    Rebecca 48:23

    so you can find me at White woman whisperer.com There are links to like everything else. So it's a nice one stop shop. I've mostly post right now on Tik Tok and I am out I have a couple episodes of my podcast out which I'm very excited about, which is on everywhere. Podcasts are included in my website. So you know, we're figuring it out trying to grow up our community, definitely consider joining my Patreon. I'm aiming for social capital, or over financial capital trying to start a new model where you know, the people speak and not one guy with a lot of gross paper that has touched

    KC Davis 48:57

    a lot of ham. And is your podcast white woman whisperer? Is that the title that

    Rebecca 49:00

    is white women whisperer, the podcast. I tried to keep very consistent.

    KC Davis 49:05

    I like that. It's everywhere. Awesome. Well, Rebecca, thank you so much for your time and thank you for having me. I just am I grateful that you're in my life. This is awesome. I can't wait to do it again. Bye bye.

KC Davis
37: Technology Aids for ADHD with Kat Hunt

Technology can be challenging for those with ADHD, and I’ll admit that I’ve struggled at times in this area. If you are someone who responds better to tactile and visual learning, you can probably relate. There are many tools and hacks available to help with executive functioning issues, and I’m excited to learn more in today’s show. I’m joined by technology expert Kat Hunt, who is raising a neurodivergent daughter. Let’s learn more about technological aids that can be helpful for ADHD. Join us!

Show Highlights:

  • Three specific areas in which neurodivergent struggle and technologies that can help:

  • Why mobile access to these tools is preferable over a physical tool, especially for those who travel or move from home to office frequently

  • How Kat uses Alexa technology to her advantage in time management with her family and at her office

  • How the Due app forces you to pay attention to notifications for events and tasks

  • How parents can use Alexa features with neurodivergent kids to increase independence and self-efficacy while still having parental structure in place

Resources and Links:

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. I am KC Davis. Welcome to Struggle Care. We're going to talk today with cat hunt about technological, not, I guess, AI solutions, but technology aids when it comes to having ADHD, when I'm particularly interested in this subject, because I feel like I've tried out a few. And I have a difficult time with technology anyways, because I always feel like everything needs to be like tactile and visual around me. So I'm interested to hear a little bit more about what could be useful to the ADHD person when it comes to technology. Yeah,

    Kat Hunt 0:43

    So I am a little bit opposite, I work in a tech industry. So it's been kind of in my wheelhouse for a long time. But a lot of the solutions that I've been discovering recently, are very user friendly. And I kind of honed in on three particular kind of symptoms that people with ADHD or other executive functioning disorders or challenges, kind of grapple with. And I've identified what these technologies do that helps those three specific areas in my life that I think for other people as well, it could be a solution.

    KC Davis 1:19

    That's wonderful. Okay, hit me with the first one. So

    Kat Hunt 1:23

    one of the first big ones is time blindness, where you either underestimate how much time you need for something, or you exert a disproportionate amount of time to something that you're hyper fixating on. So for example, one solution that I use Calendly, I can actually build in buffers, for my appointments and things. So I don't have to worry about going over into another appointment or other obligation. And it also gives me a little bit of breathing room because it sometimes can be hard to pivot from one activity to the other. So having like 30 minutes or 45 minutes, to decompress after an appointment and start into the next activity can be very helpful. And with a software solution like that, I don't have to think about it, it is built into my schedule automatically, without me having to spend a lot of cognitive energy trying to calculate that with every individual appointment, it just happens automatically. So this

    KC Davis 2:26

    is something I totally think that I should do. Because I use acuity which is like a similar one, where I block off times and do this at the other end, I actually saw at one point where it asked me like how much time to put in between appointments. And I just didn't click anything because at the time, I was like, oh, pack it in, right. But here's the thing, you're so right, not only on the back end, but like the amount of times where I've gotten sidetracked and started something late. So it pushes it beyond. And I take ADHD meds in the morning. And so when I get several hours of this, like really intense motivation. And I find that during that time, I'm less likely to be tuned in to what my body needs. So whether it's going to the bathroom, getting a drink of water, eating something. And I have definitely found that like times when I have like back to back to back to back meetings or appointments, I'm not leaving myself any time in between. To do that, well, then we say that there is enough time to do something in between, there's not enough time for my brain to decompress from that meeting, to the point where it can start to actually hear the messages my body is sending.

    Kat Hunt 3:43

    Exactly, definitely some other kinds of solutions to that as well. I know I'm not sure if other people do well, I'm sure some people do. But I will have lots of tasks on my to do list. And I never have enough time to necessarily get to all of them. So some software solutions, I particularly use something called artful agenda. There's probably others that do this, I think task li does this too. It will migrate tasks that are undone. At the end of the day, to the next day. Again, it's automatic, I don't have to exert cognitive energy to think about it. It's just Oh, she did not finish that she didn't check it off. Let's move it to the next day. Sometimes I might reschedule it for a day later in the future. But I don't often identify that the day of it's the next day that I look at the tasks again and say oh, I need to push this out a little bit further. So that keeping track of that data, which was kind of my next problem, data loss and data overwhelm, kind of keeps all of that together without me having to exert extra mental energy for it.

    KC Davis 4:50

    And is it putting it on your calendar or is it putting it on just like another day's to do list?

    Kat Hunt 4:56

    So this particular software solution is interesting. I I put in my Google calendar, which my Google calendar if you saw, it would be absolutely insane, because there's my calendar. But there's also calendars that I have to have an awareness of, and not necessarily directly related to me. But if I'm a manager, I'm in a kind of a managerial role. So like I'm having to coordinate, well, I migrate my personal things into this other software. So that pops up on a monthly, weekly and daily spread, I don't have to copy it, it does it again automatically. And then it has in that software task areas, it kind of looks like a paper planner, this particular solution, but it's not. So rather than trying to write things from one page to the next to migrate it, it just automatically does it.

    KC Davis 5:49

    That's great. Okay, hit me with the next one.

    Kat Hunt 5:52

    So the third problem is the problem of dopamine. So ADHD, individuals in particular, but a lot of different people who have other neuro divergence have dopamine seeking behavior, or dopamine resistant behavior, in my case is dopamine seeking. And if things are under stimulating to me, I won't keep up with them. And it's not only that, I won't keep up with them. In some cases, it can be actually painful to engage in something that is not stimulating. So the act of going to a calendar and writing down your agenda in a planner, for example, this is a very tedious kind of task. So by eliminating that, and automating it, it gets done in an efficient way, that's not painful to me, or doesn't get shoved under the rug. Other solutions, kind of with time management, there's one program I use called forests, where it will actually grow a tree for every 25 minutes, you're working on something, it's a virtual tree, you can create a little forest.

    KC Davis 7:06

    So I'm not kidding when I say that, like of everything you've said, that one has blown my mind the most. Because, you know, I found myself playing. So I play love and pies, which is a mobile game that I'm kind of obsessed with. But I play it all the time. And one of the things that I find myself thinking about, like, as I'm playing it, because it's one of those games where you know, you have like a certain amount of energy. And as the energy goes down, then you gotta like, wait a few minutes and get more energy. But one of the things that I find myself thinking is like this, you know, I'm like merging strawberries to make a pie. And it's like, this pie doesn't exist. I don't know why my brain feels so satisfied by this completion. I remember thinking, like, I wish there was like a game, where in order to get more energy, I had to go to like, do some sort of care task, like and then it could magically know that I went and like, did my dishes. And I'd come back to all of this energy tokens, and I could keep going. Because you're right, there is something really satisfying about just that, like it's moving towards something, it's doing something it's not, I'm not just like doing things in the abyss. And I can 100% see myself, like working extra on something because I'm like, Well, I'm seven minutes away from the next tree, or whatever it is.

    Kat Hunt 8:26

    Yeah, actually, you know, if I don't do it as regularly yet to create, like a whole forest, but I have had days where I have some super tedious work, where I'll have multiple trees, and it's really quite satisfying to look at a whole forest of what you've done. So you could apply that to any number of things. But it also keeps things again, kind of talking about trying to manage your energy levels, you don't often recognize when you're approaching the end of your energy level, by breaking it into 25 minute increments. If it's something I'm really engaged in, it has the opposite effect, oh, I've worked on this one thing for, you know, an hour and a half, maybe I should step back from it and take a break or switch to something else.

    KC Davis 9:12

    It's great, because like the passage of time related, that timeline is like it really is difficult. And whenever I talk about solutions with like timers and things, I find that there's always two kinds of people that are really drawn to that. And the first are people that they don't want to start. But if they can visually see like, oh, it's only going to be this amount of time. It's like okay, I can keep going there's only a little bit left. But then the other people are people who are like once I start I just forget the world and all of a sudden hours later I'm still doing this and I've missed all these things. And so that visual passage of time is really important. But I found that like so my go to is always the like the visual timer right where you turn the dial and it colors the time in like a color so like red, blue, purple, but that's what really only helpful for me when I need to visualize how much time has passed coming to a specific stop point. So I only want to do 15 minutes. But like you're saying, if the issue is the opposite, where it's like, I can work on this as long as I want to it's open ended. But I do need to be aware how much time I'm spending on it, I need to see the passage of time to be better tuned in to how much time you know, I'm taking away from what other things I might need to do that day.

    Kat Hunt 10:32

    Absolutely. It For Me, I've seen those physical timers, I think those are really neat. One of the big things about all of the solutions I use is its mobile access. And that's something that I very rarely forget a planner, I always forget it at the house, I forget at the office, it's never where I need it to be. tools that are physical like that will get left in a bag. And when I switch bags, it's not with me anymore. For my particular profession, I travel a lot, I'm on the go a lot. So having everything in a handheld device is really helpful for me too, because I can use it anywhere. So that

    KC Davis 11:08

    I totally get that because my number one like and I guess you could call it technology. Okay, so we're talking about the passage of time, right? Okay, so this is a timer cube. And it's basically like this little cube, it's like the size of my palm. And you can get them with different increments of time, right. So mine is the one that has five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, just around the site. So when I put the time that I want facing up, it starts a timer for that amount of time. So cool. So this is really helpful, very satisfied.

    Yeah, sorry, just scratch my chair. It's really helpful when I'm at home, because I was like setting a timer on my phone. But then I'm picking up my phone and I'm getting distracted by the things on my phone. This is really helpful. And the way that I finally like cracked the code of the best way for me to use it is like, let's say that I have a meeting and 30 minutes. So what I used to do was say, okay, great, put the 30 minutes up. But then it would go off. And I'd be like, oh gosh, oh gosh, I might be right in the middle of something. And I'd be like, well, let me just wrap this one thing up. And then it'd be 10 minutes later, and I'd be late to the meeting. So what I found was, the best way to actually do it is if I have 30 minutes until I have to be at a meeting, I do the 20 minutes instead. So that when it goes off it orient me to the time, and I go, okay, so I need to spend about five more minutes wrapping this up. So then I'll click the five minute one over, and then I'll focus on wrapping something up so that when that timer goes off, I'm done. And I still have five minutes to like prepare or pull up the screen or get on the phone or whatever for the next thing. And when I finally figured out that that's what I needed, like I needed the to not just be told when to stop, right? Like we don't just need a timer. We truly need tools that orient us to the passage of time as we are doing something, which is what I love about like the forest one, what's it called, again,

    Kat Hunt 13:13

    it's called forest. And I think it's actually a lot of these are free or very cheap. I think forest is free for most functions. And you'll like this as well. I don't take advantage of this because I can't be disconnected completely in most cases. But it will actually block out all of your apps and notifications if you ask it to. Oh, so the phone becoming its own distraction can sometimes be mediated that way. For some folks, again, I can only do that to a certain degree,

    KC Davis 13:50

    people who work I do. Okay, I'm gonna check out the forest app. Let's pause for just a second to hear a word from our sponsor. And when we come back, I want to ask you about Alexa, because I heard your Alexa going off and I have some questions. Okay. Okay, I want to talk about Alexa because I have one and I don't know like how much you use your Alexa but I feel like I'm not using it to its potential. Because other ADHD people talk about these, like really creative things they're doing with their Alexa and I don't do anything with mine except like the timer when I'm cooking.

    Kat Hunt 14:21

    So I actually discovered Alexa first for my daughter years ago and she actually is on the autism spectrum. So shifting tasks for her is very challenging for different reasons and in different ways. So for us we started using it was just kind of a speaker to play music. You know, we got on some freebie or bonus or something. I would tell Alexa to give my daughter cues that in 30 minutes she was going to have to start shifting gears into something else or in 10 minutes and sometimes depending on how how difficult it was for her for certain tasks, we might do a couple of those, you know, 30 minutes, 10 minutes, five minutes. So it really started as a tool for her. I don't use it in the house very much personally. But what I use it for is the office more. So in a lot of what you were just saying about how you'll use your cube to give you some buffer to orient your time. Alexa does that for me in my office, when I'm here, she'll I call her Ziggy, because I'm a big David Bowie fan. And that's one of the options but I've got my calendar plugged into her. And she will say in 30 minutes, you have an interview with Casey Davis.

    KC Davis 15:42

    So that only you have her plugged into your calendar. Yeah, so

    Kat Hunt 15:46

    my virtual calendar feeds into her. And she will remind me in an increment that I set of appointments that are coming up,

    KC Davis 15:56

    that is helpful, because I get the push notifications on my phone. But I can't tell you the amount of times that like you're doing something and it comes down, you're like you like swipe it away, or you don't see it, I had no idea that you could actually connect so that the notifications are coming through Alexa,

    Kat Hunt 16:14

    exactly. You can do Apple calendar or Google Calendar, which Google calendar can feed into Apple calendar, which I have an Apple Watch. So I do that Google Calendar is where I have my foundation, because it goes everywhere on any device pretty much. And then it can feed digitally into a variety of different devices, depending on what I use them for another app that is good for that it's not on Alexa specifically, but do will harass you about reminders until you acknowledge them. That was actually on an ADH forum on Facebook. I can't remember which one but someone suggested it. And I tried it. So things that are really critical. I will do that. So I don't do the swipe up and forget that data loss that I mentioned earlier. That's a big one for me. So it'll remind me again, do due

    KC Davis 17:08

    Do you e Okay, so how does that work? So like let's say I need to feed my cats.

    Kat Hunt 17:12

    So I do have a couple of reoccurring ones. For my mids, I'll you know I take my meds a little bit later in the morning because I have to stay up later for work and family obligations. So I have a reminder on a cycle and it will harass me every five or 10 minutes until I acknowledge it. And even with non like repeating tasks. By just having awareness of it, I can say, Oh, I can't do that right now because of this important thing that got in the way. But let me reschedule it to a time I think I can. So it doesn't get lost, I'm not losing the data. It's bringing attention to it and I just reschedule it. Or I say okay, I need to go ahead and do it like it's harass me three times at this point, I need to I need to get that done. So that's very helpful, too. I wish I could connect Alexa and do but they haven't figured out that link yet.

    KC Davis 18:08

    So how is do different than Alexa just like setting a timer and alerting you to something

    Kat Hunt 18:14

    that harassing feature the inability to get rid of the notification without either rescheduling it or deleting it, it will just keep there's no easy way to snooze it, it will just keep going in increments that you set. So you could say, you know, remind me every five minutes, they have a new feature now to where it's urgent, where it won't even let you get rid of it at all. It's like this is really, really important. I haven't used that feature yet. Because I haven't had anything that's like that critical. But it just continues to remind you until you either reschedule it, or delete it or do it. Because it's the ideal thing. Do you

    KC Davis 18:51

    ever just delete it? And then forget to do the thing?

    Kat Hunt 18:54

    No, it's a process to delete it. So that's another thing about it is the way it's it's what we call a user interface. So that's what you're interacting with. Its user interface is set up that it's not easy to delete it you have to like really cognitively say I'm going to delete it because it's no longer relevant. You cannot so I'm busy.

    KC Davis 19:16

    It's interrupting. It's like no matter what it is sufficiently interrupting your train of thought and direction. So that like if you're going to take the time to delete it, you might as well just go do the thing. Yep, that's actually kind of smart. Because it is so easy to just say like Alexa turn off. Yeah, or to swipe away notification on your phone. And part of that is because you're thinking, Oh, I've just got five more minutes on this thing. And I'll do that and you're like you're like, you're just like batting it away with your hand and then I it doesn't take me very much time to forget something. Say that. It's interesting.

    Kat Hunt 19:51

    When you hit when you reschedule, you pick increments so I can say I want to be reminded again in three hours or I want to be reminded again in 10 minutes, so maybe you're Like knee deep and some thing that really can't end a kid's got a problem your bandage it up the knee, whatever it might be, you can just very quickly say, remind me in two hours or you know what have you. Okay, but you can't delete it as easily as you can reschedule.

    KC Davis 20:17

    So if you do want to just batted away quickly, you can only do that by rescheduling it. And the rescheduling is easy.

    Kat Hunt 20:24

    Yes, fairly easy, but it makes you think about it. So you're not Yeah, you know, losing it in the ether of your brain.

    KC Davis 20:30

    I will say the thing that I use Alexa for, besides just the timer stuff is the grocery list feature. Because the amount of times that I have gone grocery shopping and forgotten, like something major. And I always think like when I run out of something major, I always think like this is so major, there's no way I'll forget to get this when I go or when I order or when I whatever. But I found that like, I'm noticing that I need something in my kitchen, usually when I'm in the middle of doing something in my kitchen. And so putting the Alexa in my kitchen, so that as I'm literally like, you know, I'm stirring a pot, right and I use the last of the red wine vinegar, I can literally just be like Alexa, I have red wine vinegar to the right, and I don't have to even stop what I'm doing. Because what I found was I wasn't stopping what I was doing to go like right down the list. So the ability to have her do something for me while I'm doing something else. And then you have like your whole list there.

    Kat Hunt 21:32

    Yep, absolutely. I do that with my my Apple watch, because I can feed it into the do app as well. I can set reminders or make lists. So Alexa and in and my Apple Watch kind of work. Similarly, one is just fixed in my office and one goes with me wherever I am.

    KC Davis 21:50

    Well, the thing that I also like about I don't know about the Apple Watch, but I had a smartwatch one time that I could make it the notifications just vibrate with no sound, which was really helpful in environments where there was other people around, or I didn't want to alert people to like what it was I was reminding myself, like you don't want to be take your medication right in the middle of a board meeting, right. But you still want to be alerted. And it's like, okay, I can do that. Like that a lot of there was something else I was gonna say. I think it was about the Alexa Oh, you were mentioning like giving your daughter like transition times and like layups to transitions. So I've started doing that with my kids too, mostly because I forget, I'll be like 10 more minutes a TV, and then I'll go do something and it'll be 45 minutes later. But you know what I found? And if you found the same thing, my kids respond much better to Alexa telling them that it's time to stop doing something than me.

    Kat Hunt 22:45

    I don't mind when you're better for everybody else's parents, but me.

    KC Davis 22:49

    It's almost like they see her as some objective robotic. Yeah, it just is time the house just went off right. Like as opposed to, Oh, mom just doesn't want us to watch more TV. So I just that's like an interesting observation I wanted to share with listeners because

    Kat Hunt 23:05

    I can't remember how young your kids are minors worry and five minds about the beat 13 and a few months. And one thing to think about as they get older, that's been good for her too is she started taking accountability for her own time buffers. So first, second, third grade, I would set the transition time, but now she sets her own. So she'll say, Alexa, remind me in 30 minutes that it's time to get ready for better or what have you. So she'll set her own buffers and and that's given her that skill that she'll take with her as she gets older. And it gives her some self efficacy with it too. So it's not Oh, you know, mom is imposing this thing on me it's me doing this to help myself feel better and do the things I need to do.

    KC Davis 23:55

    I have seen people utilize also like smart bulbs with their Alexa where you know, it'll, it'll change the color. Like if there was somebody that I was listening to where their kids get like 15 minutes to read before they go to bed. And instead of the parent having to go in and be like okay, lights off, they have a smart bulb, and after the 15 minutes, it turns purple to let them know they have a couple of minutes left. And then it turns off. And I mean obviously you can turn it back on but it's like it reminds them and I think that's so key for neurodivergent kids like teaching them how to use the technology that's going to be helpful to them. Because I've really I haven't done it yet but I really would love to even for my kids at their age like get some smart bulbs and put like one of the I have like an echo that someone gave me like the Alexa little dot, which is only like 50 bucks. I would love to set that up in their room to wake them up in the morning. Right where it was like telling them it's time to get up and it was like turning on the lights and maybe playing some music which is crazy that like even at the age of three and five, there's a way for me to start to give them some independence and some ownership. And I mean, I'm probably still gonna have to go up there and help them and things like that. I'm not like leaving them on their own. But I feel like there's so much potential in technology with our kids, to still give them the structure that they need, while allowing them like better teaching them to have some ownership over that, you know, their processes and taking care of themselves and creating their own structure.

    Kat Hunt 25:32

    Definitely. And for me, and my daughter, you know, being on the autism spectrum, she thrives on structure, and I am one of the most unstructured people in the universe. It's helped bridge a gap for us as a mother, daughter, dyad, where she's getting the structure, she needs a little bit more, but it's not either, it's not totally impossible, because a lot of things would be without these assistive technologies, I think for me, but it's also not abrasive to me. So it really creates a very harmonious kind of ecosystem. Not that things don't ever go wrong ever. We've been working on it for years, but you know, I definitely am things. There's little things like they're so simple, but they make a big difference.

    KC Davis 26:17

    That's awesome. Well, cat, thank you so much for coming on. And for sharing those solutions with us. I think that's gonna be really helpful to people. And I quite literally am going to go download the tree app right now.

    Kat Hunt 26:30

    I'll make a list of everything I kind of mentioned today to you so you can have it and share it and you know, all of these are just a hodgepodge of things I've tested so there's nothing they will put it in. Yeah, awesome. Thank you so much for having me today.

    KC Davis 26:45

    Absolutely. Thank you.


Christy Haussler
36: ADHD & Sex with Catie Osborn

As you can probably figure out from the title, this is NOT the show to listen to around children! I’m joined by Catie Osborn, better known as @catieosaurus on TikTok–with an average of 30-50 million monthly views. She is an actor, podcaster, sex educator, adult performer, and mental health and disability advocate based in Atlanta. We are diving into the interesting intersection of ADHD and sexuality. If you are curious to hear more, join us!

Show Highlights:

  • How growing up in a very conservative and religious household gave Catie an interesting perspective on sex that was based on shame

  • How Catie became interested in kink, received an ADHD diagnosis, and became a sex educator

  • Why sex is a “fragile moment”

  • Why sexual dysfunction and sexual disappointment are NOT the same things

  • How ADHD makes it difficult to stay focused during sex because of overthinking

  • How neurodivergent people struggle to articulate their needs–especially with intimacy

  • Why sex shouldn’t be in terms of obligation, duty, and service but in terms of being authentically ourselves in surrender to the experience

  • How our sex lives are influenced by layers of white supremacy, capitalism, trauma, and heteronormative values that need to be unpacked and investigated

  • What kink is at its core–and why it has saved Catie

  • Why conversations about sex and intimacy connect you to your partner, breed trust and vulnerability, and lead to better sex!

  • Why Catieosaurus’ TikTok series, “Burnt Out Gifted and Talented Submissive Brat with a Praise Kink,” has been hugely popular

  • How kink allowed Catie to be the one who calls the shots and feels safe and supported–for the first time


Resources and Links:

Connect with Catie: Website, Podcast, Instagram, and TikTok

Book mentioned: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

 Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • Unknown Speaker 0:00

    Hey

    KC Davis 0:05

    Hello you sentient sexy balls of stardust. This is struggle care, the podcast about self care by a host that hates the term self care. And today's episode is probably not the one you want to play in front of your kids. And if you are my mother or my father or my in laws, probably also not the episode that you want to listen to, unless you want way too many details about my sex life. So if you are neither a child nor related to me, carry on.

    Welcome back to the struggle care podcast. I have an exciting guest today. You may know her as CatieSaurus from tick tock. It's Catie Osborne.

    Catie Osborn 0:44

    Hello. It's me. Catie Saurus. I don't know what I was going for there. It's right. Oh,

    KC Davis 0:50

    it's fine. Listen, guys, I prepared for this podcast by saying meet me at the maypole at 10am We're gonna do a podcast.

    Catie Osborn 0:59

    Live here from the maple.

    KC Davis 1:01

    We're live here from the maypole. That's about the amount of preparation that I put into this podcast, which is not a reflection on how excited I am or how important of a guest you are.

    Catie Osborn 1:12

    I feel like that just means that you have a lot of trust in me. So I'll take it as a compliment.

    KC Davis 1:16

    Well, I did have this thought of like people a lot of times when I'm on their podcast will like prepare questions ahead of time and send me questions. And I've definitely done that for people. But I'm also someone who is like, perfectly happy to like, just like rip off the hip. And I did have this slot where I was like, I'm super grateful that Katie is the one on the podcast. Because something tells me she could probably just go off the dome.

    Catie Osborn 1:40

    That's what my entire podcast is. That's what we do on our podcasts. We pick a topic and then we just go oh, what do you think about this topic? And then sometimes we wind up staying on topic and sometimes we end up like reviewing movies like it just it's you never know. So I get it.

    KC Davis 1:55

    Well, I'm super excited about our topic today. Speaking of topics, because as many of you maybe know, Katie and I both are over on Tik Tok. And we've had quite similar trajectories. I feel like we've been at the same follower count for months now. not static, but like when you grow I grow.

    Catie Osborn 2:15

    Boy, I sure hope you grow next week then because oh my god. I think I got 10 whole followers yesterday. It was really exciting. Oh, no, it's fine. We're all five.

    KC Davis 2:26

    Well, listen, if you're listening to this, you gotta go follow Katie. Okay,

    Catie Osborn 2:30

    go follow me. Well, I mean, listen to the podcast first, make your own informed decision. Make an assessment. So hey, Casey, what are we talking about today? Well, okay, we're

    KC Davis 2:39

    going to talk about sex today. So sex and ADHD, this is an interesting cross section most of your content about ADHD. Yes. And then you started this series about sex and ADHD, which is fascinating to me. So tell me how this came about to be a topic of combo. Okay.

    Catie Osborn 2:55

    So well, how do you want the long story, the medium story? I want whatever story you want to tell. Okay. So my relationship with sex has always been really interesting, because I grew up in a very conservative, very religious household. And so sex and our bodies were, I was raised thinking that they were very shameful, and you know, something to be like, embarrassed about, and we didn't talk about. But what that also meant was that I didn't have a really good understanding about my sexuality, and about my body and that kind of thing. And so then, as I got older, that was kind of something that I wanted to take back, I wanted to empower myself to like, sort of understand myself in that way. And so I got really into like kink and that kind of thing. And I started educating on kink and that type of stuff. And then after I got diagnosed with ADHD, I started doing some research, but at the time, it wasn't specifically about just, you know, ADHD, neurodivergent, the effects. But I started looking into, you know, just ADHD has effect on our lives. And what I was, I don't know why I was surprised. But I was surprised to find out that ADHD isn't just a school thing. It's not just a work thing. It affects every facet of our lives, including stuff like orgasms. And when I learned that my mind was quite literally blown. And so I started sort of like studying and secret to become a certified sex educator, because I'm one of those people where if I tell people, I'm going to do it, then I won't do it. And then, you know, and then they asked you six months later, and it's embarrassing. So I totally held in secret for a year and I took a lot of classes and did a lot of work to become a certified sex educator. But the thing that solidified it for me and I tell the story a lot, but I like it because I think it's really important. So in the middle of one of my classes, it was being taught by this very neurotypical man who was just kind of like, you know, talking about sex stuff. But there was a class that we were taking about, like, you know, what happens when sex gets interrupted, what happens when, you know, like, you fall off the bed or something goes wrong, and he very cavalierly said, you know, You just don't have to worry about it, the moment is not precious. It's not you don't have to worry about it, you can just laugh it off, come back. And I was like, that is so counterintuitive to everything that I know and understand about sex because like, Yes, I agree, you should be able to just, you know, laugh it off and come back. But if I fall off the bed, you know, like, I run the risk of noticing that the carpet needs to be vacuumed, or like looking out the window and realizing that the UPS truck is here, or whatever it may be. And so I asked, and I said, Well, what about people with ADHD? You know, like, what about people who do get very distracted, or like, task initiation or that kind of stuff, and I really got blown off. And that was one of the first moments where I realized how much of the conversation about sex and intimacy surrounds the assumption that both or all parties involved, I guess, just to say, are neurotypical and able bodied. And once I started really thinking about what I had learned, and really started unpacking what I had learned, I realized that like, there weren't conversations happening in like, a large scale way. And I thought, well, I have the platform, and I have this very vested interest in this topic. So I guess I'll become the lady on Tiktok, who talks about sex and ADHD? Viet?

    KC Davis 6:14

    I love it. Okay, so I actually binge watched a bunch of these tech talks recently to prepare for us talking. And that was the one that stood out to me the most, where the guy said, like, well, the moments not fragile.

    Catie Osborn 6:27

    Yeah, yes, it is.

    KC Davis 6:29

    And I was like, oh, no, yeah. I mean, I get what he's saying. But also, like, I definitely more relate to what you're saying, where like, when you get in that zone, there's this like, Okay, I'm in tune with my body, I'm in tune with my partner, I'm feeling my sensations. I'm enjoying myself. And it's almost like you have these like really fragile blinders on. And there's this tightrope of like, okay, if I think too much about how it's going, well, if I think too much about how I'm in the moment, then I will take myself out of the moments.

    Catie Osborn 7:13

    Yes, that happens to me all the time.

    KC Davis 7:16

    And I was like, it is fragile, like being in that sort of, like, erotic zone, where you have to pay a high Oh, no, but you're right. It's fragile.

    Catie Osborn 7:30

    Yeah. And the thing that I think is fascinating is that there have only been a handful of studies because I'm like, I'm very, like, I'm the academic one, or I'm just like, I'm gonna go research. But there's only been a couple of studies done, but like, they all kind of agree that about 40% of everybody with ADHD, irregardless of gender struggles in some way with sex or sexual dysfunction. But the other thing that I think is really interesting is that one of the most frustrating things about having conversations about sex and sexuality is the terminology of sexual dysfunction. Because what is actually more accurate for a lot of people is what like I would say is like, sexual disappointment, right? Where it's not like there's anything medically wrong with you. It's not like there's something that is not working. It's just not how you want it to be. And that can be even more frustrating, right? Because like, if you know, a person with a penis goes to the doctor. And they're like, oh, no, I'm having trouble with sex. The doctor can say, Oh, you have erectile dysfunction, congratulations, and like, move on with your day. But with like ADHD, where like, symptomatically, it's I'm checking out during sex, or I'm having a hard, I like the Bailey founder square your toy, right? When I got to most serious discussion. I got a dog listeners. And I regret giving her squeaky toys. That's what I learned. But you know, like with ADHD, it can be really hard to look at it and say, Okay, well, I'm checking out during sex, or I'm struggling to stay focused during sex, or I'm struggling to get in the mood during sex. That is not a dysfunction. That's not something that is like clinically wrong with you. It just means that there is like a struggle there or like extra work that you have to do. And so sometimes the first step, and even having a conversation about sex and about intimacy is like unpacking the toxic ideas that we have about sex and about intimacy and like that it's supposed to be this one way or it's supposed to be easy, or you're supposed to be, you know, turned on at the drop of a hat. And that's just not the case. And I think that is, that's a big part of it is in the conversation about neuro divergence is also just really starting to unpack the expectations versus sort of like reality of intimacy as a whole. So it becomes very large very quickly.

    KC Davis 9:51

    One of the things that you talked about one of your tic TOCs that I thought was really meaningful was that when you talk about quote unquote sexual dysfunction or sexual troubles. You mentioned troubles getting aroused, but then you specifically mentioned trouble staying aroused. And that's something that I feel like it's not talked about a lot when we talk about sex and problems with sex, because the focus is so much on penetration in sort of a heteronormative view that we focus on getting aroused as being like the most important thing because like, if you have a penis, like you have to get aroused for, like the mechanics to work, and if you're a woman, you have to get aroused for the mechanics to not be painful, right, like, so we sort of focus because we have such a penetrative view of sex, it's like, well, as long as we can get the P and the V, like the, which should be smooth sailing after that. But the reality is, I think, especially as someone with ADHD, that feeling of kind of needing to stay ahead in the game to really be in the experience. But also, you know, if you get into a stretch, where you're thinking, like, Oh, God, I'm losing it, I'm losing it, I'm losing it. Because you know, there's something that changed in the environment, or in the move or in the position. And if you're not in a place where you've worked and talk with your partner about being able to vocalize at that moment, hey, position change, or like, hey, Nope, we're gonna go left, not right, we're gonna go up, not down, we're gonna go, whatever, whatever, because you feel like it should always just flow, it should always just be this magical, you know, like, whatever is that then you find yourself in that spot where as you feel the arousal waning in the middle of the sex act, you get into that like meta headspace of like, it's okay. Okay, oh, God, get it back, get back, get back, get back. In my experience, like, once you get into that space of almost not overthinking it, but almost like having like meta thoughts about the experience, it's like it's over. So one of the things

    Catie Osborn 11:53

    that I find to be really interesting, and really sort of like, along with that is that in working with a lot of neurodivergent, people, sort of like, regardless of what your neurodivergent it is, a lot of neurodivergent people struggle to know what they want, or struggle to articulate their needs, or feel like they can't, and that is like a really big one. And a lot of that comes out of trauma, it comes out of living with an undiagnosed neurodivergent See, or feeling like there's something inherently wrong with you, or feeling broken or feeling guilty about it, or all of these sort of like, very negative emotions that are associated with, you know, the experience of late diagnosis. And so then it wants to be missing where the conversation is never just about ADHD, it's never just about intimacy. It's never just about this, like one thing. It's just like massive, sort of like tangled yarn ball of like, the effects that ADHD has your on your, you know, attention span, but also then the trauma of not being able to articulate what you want, or having gotten in trouble a lot for asking for stuff over and over again. And so it can be really difficult for a neurodivergent person to even start to like find, you know, the thread to pull on. That's like, Okay, well, how do I get into my body? How do I figure out what I need? How do I figure out what I want? And that I don't have a good answer for. But one of the things that I talk about a lot is that is that specific experience of struggling to articulate needs and struggling to articulate wants, because I think it's important for other people to hear that they're not alone. They're not the only person who struggles to articulate or struggles to know what they want. And that I think sometimes can be, I don't wanna say more important, but I think it's a really important part of the process, when you're starting to think about sex and sexuality as it relates to your neurodivergent SE. Does that make any sales?

    KC Davis 13:55

    Because it comes to my mind is like when you spend the majority of your life particularly as a sort of person socialized as a female living as a female, like, you and your neurodivergent? Like, you basically have a history of being told You're too much. Yep. Right, you're too much Calm down, wait, your turn, quit interrupting. And not only that, you're told that you're too much, but you're told that you're too muchness is relating to a character defect, like you're selfish or self absorbed, you're an attention whore like, and so we develop this shame about our personalities and we learn how to perform at such a young age. So that you know whether I'm in the classroom or with friends, like I learned to constantly have this meta narrative dialogue about my behavior and about my experience. Okay, when was it okay for me to talk? Okay, wait, wait, wait, okay, and go right or like, Okay, I just set a thing. I just did a thing. Okay. Was that too much? Was it enough? Do they think this? And one of the things you talk about a couple of people, I think you read come As you are the book, and come as you are as a great book, if anyone wants to read up on sex, and then there's another figure, did you study Esther Parral at all? Okay, so both of these figures I am obsessed with, and they really represent what I think as a therapist is a much better way of thinking about sex. Because if anyone's listening, like if you've ever been to like old school, like sex therapy, it's very weird. And it's very old. It's very based in like, Well, men have needs and men need sex to feel intimate, and why don't you just schedule sex and and God help you if you were ever in like a religious context where they talked about like duty and sacrifice and serving. And I think that this idea that they talk about income as you are, and that Esther Perel talks about where sex, to be, like good sex to be intimate sex, it requires that there not be that meta narrative dialogue, that you just are authentically yourself, and you're coming to claim your pleasure, and you're coming to interact with this other being, and there's this freeness and this abandon and the surrender. And obviously, there has to be trust and safety and all of those things for that to happen. But it makes sense why someone who is neurodivergent would really struggle because not only do we have trouble sort of paying attention, but it's not as though paying attention has to do with distraction. I mean, it can as much as it has to do with like, we did have not had practice turning off that meta narrative Nair, like a dialogue that we constantly have about our behavior.

    Catie Osborn 16:45

    Yeah, absolutely.

    KC Davis 16:46

    To just focus on experiencing, I'll say this, I was the most like, helpful thing I ever heard from a sex therapist, that is kind of like up on the new research about sex is he said that the first thing he does with couples that come in, that are struggling with intimacy is he says, He tells them to stop referring to sex as a need, and stop referring to like drive like, oh, low drive, high drive all these things. But he said that because as I stare, Pearl says, like, obligation is the opposite of eroticism. Like, if you are just trying to do you're good little, you know, neurodivergent girl thing and like read the room, gain the expectations, get the rules, and then perform like you might perform well, but you're not going to experience it in a way that's fulfilling for your view, at least eventually, right? And so yeah, he says, I want to get rid of these words like need and drive. Because when you say to your partner, I have a high sex drive, and I have a need, and I need you to meet my needs, it automatically puts your partner in the seat of obligation and duty and service. And particularly if you live life, as a woman, we're already told that our whole lives are about obligation and duty and service. He said, It is so different. He said, you don't have a need for sex, you have a desire for sex, but I'm not downplaying it. Like it's an important desire. And it's such a different experience to go to your partner and say, I have a deep burning desire to have a passionate, intimate sex life with you. Yeah. And inviting them into a space where you're asking them to unfold, you're asking them to abandon you're asking them to meet you in this place that only the two or three or however many of you, right can be in this intimate space where you are invited to turn off this meta narrative, you are invited to surrender and be authentically just who you are and lose yourself in the experience. He's like, how much like, that'll get your panties wet. Right? It's such a different way.

    Catie Osborn 19:00

    It's so much better. I mean, and maybe I'm working too hard to like, shoehorn it into like a tight little point. But like, for me, a lot of times that conversation around like sex drive and like this, like idea that like, oh, I need sex or whatever. A lot of times, like, especially with sex drive, and like libido, I related a lot like when I'm talking and like doing like speaking stuff, to the idea of like high functioning versus low functioning, because I hate that. And it's such like a problematic take on support needs. But like high functioning, low functioning, high sex drive, low sex drive, according to who, according to what measure according to what metric, are we deciding that? Well, you have, you know, your low functioning or you have low sex drive or whatever, because and this is like, honestly, I'm not even embarrassed to say this. This is something I didn't know until I was literally 30 years old is that sex drive is as defined by the individual sex drive is not there's not like a board of sex drive guys who decided, like, if you think about sex four times a day, that's Hi, you know, and if you like, it was one of those things where like, I just always disliked thought that there was just this understanding that sex drive is like a readable metric one through

    KC Davis 20:21

    10 There's like a valid scale, like out there. Yeah,

    Catie Osborn 20:25

    yeah. You know, it's like the smiley face chart at the hospital. But it's like, no, like, your sex drive is entirely based only on you, and only on your experience, and sex drive weights, it waxes and wanes, you know, like, it is very, very natural and very, very normal to have peaks and valleys in your desire, especially when you're in a safe and supportive and healthy relationship. Because like, sometimes, you know, you got to just deal with like, the in laws or whatever, and there's not time for intimacy. And sometimes it's like game on, you know, with this idea that there's like, one right way to live and experience sex drive. And there's one right way, you know, for, like, whatever it may be, that I think is also one of the most damaging things that I like, a lot of times, that's what I have to start with, like, I don't even have start with the questions about ADHD or neurodivergent. Se, what I start with is questions like, well, you know, my partner needs to have sex three times a week, but I want sex one time a month, what do I do? And I'm like, have a conversation about your mismatched desires, and don't do anything you don't want to do? Like, that's step one. And that's what I think is really interesting, because again, it's we're talking about socialization, we're talking about, like, patriarchy stuff, we're talking about, like white supremacy stuff. And it gets so large, so quickly, that it's like, I love talking about this. But I always have this little bit of dread, because it's like, I can't fix everything. And I can't talk about everything all at one time. But that's like, that's where my brain goes, is just really thinking about that a lot. I don't know what I was going where I was going with that, but it's fine.

    KC Davis 22:07

    No, but I'm glad that you went there. Because here's what I think like, I also come from an evangelical background, I still practice in the Christian faith, but I do not belong to a church. And I would consider myself a somebody who has deconstructed that evangelical vein. And I think that because I've had a lot of experience with marriage therapists in that world. And I think a good bit of sex therapy, in general is really heavily influenced by those Puritan values. And those ideas that like, Well, men need sex and men's brains are like waffles and women's brains are like spaghetti, and all of this fucking junk science about how we have gendered brains that are so different. And you know, men need sex to feel loved, and they need respect. But women need love to feel it. It's just it's so wrong. But one of the things is, is like if you are someone who is going to go to therapy to talk about sex, and the first thing your therapist starts talking about is sex. They don't know what they're talking about, yes, 100%, because we are so influenced by white supremacy. And we are so influenced by capitalism, and we are so influenced by the trauma of being neurodivergent, or the heteronormative sort of values. And like, there's so many things that are affecting our sex lives, that we don't know, that we have to unpack or at least investigate before we can even get to a place that answers the question of what do I do if I'm, you know, I want it once a month, and he wants it three months, you know, three times a month or a week or whatever. Like, there are so many layers here. And just I mean, as everything in our lives is complicated, like we don't check those things at the door when we go into the bedroom.

    Catie Osborn 24:01

    Yeah. And one of the things that I struggle with the most is that is, I think, just like the fundamental misunderstanding of how ADHD affects adults, because like, I mean, honestly, the reason why I started doing all of this and doing what I do is because I just got fed up with reading literature that like seemed to imply that like, on your 18th birthday, when you become an adult, the ADHD fairy comes and you're cured, you know, and like, just like the insidious way that like ADHD is discussed, where it's like, oh, you know, like, I don't know 15% of kids have ADHD, but seemingly only 3% of adults have ADHD. It's like no, those people still have ADHD. They just learned strategies and coping mechanisms and their ADHD is such that they can exist without like needing medication that doesn't make ADHD go away. But because there is so much like fundamental misunderstanding about what neurodivergent see is What ADHD is what autism is whatever it may be that then you immediately start running into stuff like, well, ADHD is just a school thing, or it's just a work thing, or it's just a keeping your house clean thing, or it's just a that thing, but it's like, no ADHD is, like I said earlier, it is entwined in every single aspect of everything we do. And then on top of that, you have a lot of like those universal experiences, like rejection sensitivity, and struggling with, you know, like you said, the trauma of neurodivergent. Se. And so, when you start having conversations, like I agree, like, I really don't think you can start with sex, like you have to start with the individual and the individuals experience of navigating through the world. But it's so much easier to just go, oh, well, you could schedule sex for Thursday's. And it's like, that's not getting to the root of anything. It's, you know,

    KC Davis 25:56

    and like, anytime a therapist, or somebody gives the advice of like, well, you know, you just have to maybe do it sometimes when you don't want to as an act of love. It's like that's not the answer. Because truly, truly, truly one of my favorite phrases is that neurons that wire together, fire together. And it just means that like, if you're doing a behavior in a specific emotional context, enough times, your brain will begin to associate that emotional context with that behavior. And it will get to the point where even if you're not in that emotional place, you will not be able to do that behavior without bringing on those emotions. Yeah, so if the more times you have sex, when you don't want to, the more times your brain will associate sex with something that is not something you want to do. And so even if you're in a position where Oh, no, I want it you hid in the bedroom, or the kitchen or the backseat of your car or whatever, and your brain will start to shut things down, it'll shut your body down, it'll shut your mind down. Because your brain, you fed your brain, this script, like you've literally given it a piece of code that says, sex is something that we just get through sex is something we distract ourselves to get through sex is something that isn't about our pleasure, it's about their pleasure. And you can't just decide that you're not going to use that piece of code without like a good bit of debugging. And every time you do obligatory sets, you reinforce those neural pathways, and random swing, and here, but I was thinking about how the reward, motivation interest of somebody with ADHD is different than someone who's neurotypical. And I'm sure people have heard this before, if they've looked into ADHD, when they talk about having interest based motivation systems we talk about, I think it's like interest, competition, novelty and urgency. One of the things that occurs to me is that I think that you when you're young, when you're dating, you may not have had any sexual issues. But then you get with a partner. And if you decide to be monogamous with that partner, fast forward months or years, and all of a sudden, you're struggling with things with sex that you never have before, and you're going what's wrong with me? Do I not love this person and do it like all these things. And to me, it's just so obvious that it dating, or in your that honeymoon phase, or you have multiple partner, whatever, like your sex is naturally going to have a sense of novelty and urgency and interest to it. And then fast forward, if you're in a monogamous relationship, or maybe it's not even a monogamous relationship, you just have a committed partner, even if it's an open relationship, or a poly relationship. And all of a sudden, like, sex is familiar. It doesn't have those qualities anymore. And as somebody with ADHD, like you actually have to then create those qualities again, and you're in the bedroom.

    Catie Osborn 28:59

    Yeah, I mean, and it's, I mean, this is the point where I always feel bad because I'm always just like, I swear, I'm not trying to recruit anybody to my team. But like, it's one of the reasons why I got so invested in like, educating about kink, because I I really do think that kink is one of the most powerful tools that a person with ADHD has in their toolbox for things like the novelization of ADHD, you know, or like intimacy with ADHD or you know, the, I don't know the shaking of things up with ADHD and it's so funny to me because like a lot of times I think people hear kink and they think like, you know, whips and chains and signing contracts and going to dungeons which like if you're into it cool. But when I talk about kink what I mostly just mean is exploring things since orally because that is very much like you know, if you boil it down and boil it down at its very core kink is simply a, I think, deeper exploration of the individual senses and how they tie into the intimate experience. And so, you know, things like, you know, the one that I always, like wind up giving an example of is like, you know, a lot of people say, well, it's really hard for me to stay in the moment during sex, because, you know, I look around and I see like, the messy bedroom, or I'm looking at the dusty ceiling fan or whatever, and I go cool, wear a blindfold. Problem solved, you know, and people go, Oh, that's so this is so kinky. Oh, my gosh, oh, and I'm like, but try it. See what happens. You know, for other people like me, especially like this is one that I do is I really like wearing like wireless earbuds during intimacy because like my neighbor, most his lawn 97 times a week, it is the weirdest I don't know what that dude is doing. But he is retired, and he is living his best grass mowing life. But it's so hard for me because you know, we'll be in the middle of something. And then the lawnmower starts and I'm like, Well, there's a noise, you know, but it's like, you know, what, this is that having music that I'm just listening to, that is technically considered cake, like now that's like the most, you know, cool with you, you know, vanilla cake ever. But you know, stuff like that. And so it's like finding, there's no shame in finding clever and creative and resourceful workarounds. When it comes to feeling like that novelty is wearing off or feeling like that urgency has worn off, because like, I don't want to speak for every person with ADHD. But I can say, personally, I sabotaged so many good relationships, because I didn't have an understanding of what a healthy stable relationship look like. Because my frame of reference, especially when I was younger, was movies and TV. And you know, I talked about this on tick tock the other day, but like, movies and TV, there's never a scene where the couple sits down and says, Hey, I love you so much. But like, oral really doesn't do it for me. And it's awkward when you do it. And I feel weird. So like, could we find that, like, that scene doesn't exist on TV, you know? And so it's like, there's this idea that like, for true intimacy, or, you know, by extension, true love to exist. Intimacy and sex is this act of mind reading it is this act of like, immediately being ready to go with a drop of a hat and being able to turn on and you know, whatever parts you have the arousal, is there enough and good and working and functional, and everybody's in the mood and there's, you know, no laundry that needs to be, you know, put into the dryer. It's very, I don't even say sanitized, but it's a very sensationalized idea of what intimacy really is.

    KC Davis 32:42

    What's really cinematic like, yeah, like, never is there the scene where, like, you know, you crawl into bed with your partner, and they go, I love you, but you smell Yeah. Will you take a shower before we do this? And yeah, it's just, it really is so huge, because so many people I think, that are struggling, are locked into this, they think it's a foregone conclusion that if they're struggling with this, it has something to do with their partner, or they are broken. So like, we immediately go to either I as a person and broken or I don't want to share any of this with my partner, because I don't want them to think it's their fault. Like, I don't love them, like, I'm not attracted to them. And I think that it's so important that we normalize having these conversations. And the other thing that's wild, like, we think that having those kinds of conversations is going to like, be really not sexy, like, Oh, it's so administrative, it's so whatever. But here's what I have found, like, intimacy is so much more than just sex, like intimacy has to do with connection. And I was so surprised to learn that having those conversations was very intimate for me. And I don't mean intimate, like, you know, candlelight, like, Ooh, I have butterflies in my stomach. But especially with a long term partner, having those kinds of conversations are very connecting, like just talking about your relationship talking, like the feeling of, we're on the same team, and we're like, we're in the trenches, and we're gonna figure this out, we're gonna have the best sex I've ever we're gonna eat like, that is the camaraderie that happens there. If both of you approach it in that way, is like builds a lot of intimacy. And that intimacy helps you in the bedroom and I just love I love when you talk about kink. And I think that for a lot of people, like you said, they hear kink and they go right to like whips and chains and dungeons, instead of really having this or they go to like, if they have a background from church, they go to like perversion, like that's the word that they associated with it. Instead of like, play like that should be where our mind goes when we hear kink is play.

    Catie Osborn 34:55

    Oh, I have so many thoughts. But I mean, I do want to say one thing about what you just said is I think that there's like a third component that sometimes happens is like, you know, people either think it's a commentary on me or I don't want to hurt their feelings. But the third option, and this is one that I get a lot in the work that I do is that having to have that conversation is some kind of red flag about the relationship. And that the need to sit down and discuss, I shouldn't have to ask for him to tell me that I love that he loves me, I shouldn't have to ask him to bring me flowers, I shouldn't have to ask her to you know, remember to load the dishwasher, whatever it may be. There's this idea. And again, I think it I really think it goes back to like, I always hate saying the media. But I think in this case, it is applicable. Like I think it goes back to like the media and those sort of like patriarchal standards of like communication is somehow bad. Communicating somehow implies a problem having to sit down and talk about, you know, whatever your needs may be, that's not an intimate thing. That's a thing to be feared. And that's like, one of the biggest things that I constantly fight against in my work is like, why shouldn't have to ask for him to tell me that he loves me. It's like, well, it should be automatic. And it should always be exactly what I need it. And you know, I always kind of look and it's I try to be very like, you know, non judgmental, because that's important. But I find myself looking at at a lot of people and saying, Well, how will he know that you need to hear I love you. Unless you tell him that you need to hear I love it. Well, he should just know. Well, he just told you that he grew up in a house where you know, people didn't say I love you. So that's not a behavior that he knows, and that he appreciates the same way that you do. And then they look at each other and go, Oh, well, that makes sense. But that that immediate jump to having to talk about it implies a problem, I think is so indicative of like, the culture that we're living in this culture of like, we especially like people who have been socialized as women, like articulating our needs, somehow makes us a less than partner or a worse partner. And it's exactly the opposite. It is exactly the opposite. In like having those conversations breeds intimacy, it breeds vulnerability. It breeds trust, it breeds communication. And that makes for better sex. Because when you feel connected and trusted and able to be open with somebody, you're gonna have better sex. That's just that's just that's science.

    KC Davis 37:27

    I think, you know, we've sort of been talking a lot about from the perspective of somebody who is female, presenting or socialized as a woman. But when I think about somebody who was raised as a man or presents as a man, or who's been basically living under the male script of patriarchy, I think that a lot of men have been socialized to be uncomfortable talking about emotion, uncomfortable talking about something that's in progress, right? Because they're supposed to fix it. And it's not supposed to be emotional. And so they look at the act of sex as their one way to get emotional closeness or intimacy. And so when you say, well, we can have this conversation and this conversation for one party might feel very intimate talking about the ins and outs and the nuts and bolts, whereas like, I can definitely see someone living under a patriarchal script of masculinity, being extremely uncomfortable in those conversations and feeling vulnerable and feeling like I don't feel close. When we talk about this, I feel laid bare. I feel insecure. I feel like we're talking about things that I have failed at. And I have been told culturally from a white supremacist culture from patriarchal culture that if I fail, I am worthless. And so they're just again, it's hugely powerful things to unpack before you even get to the bedroom, if you will. I want to ask you about one of your most popular series, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, and is probably the reason that I realized that I am I too am.

    Catie Osborn 39:01

    Oh, do you want me to do it? Is it a burnout gifted and talented semester? Brat with price kink?

    KC Davis 39:05

    Oh, yeah, I want you to do it. Haha. Yes. Okay, just talk to us about this.

    Catie Osborn 39:10

    Well, what would you I don't know what you want me to talk about. For the listeners

    KC Davis 39:15

    at home? What does it mean to be a burnt out talented gifted kid, submissive brat with a praise kink?

    Catie Osborn 39:21

    So do you like how I always cleverly managed to bring it back to neurodiversity? Like it's just I'm shoehorning it in so hard, right? Like I think one of the more interesting things that I have learned and also experienced in my own life is that for a lot of again, I'm talking about the socializes woman experience in this capacity, but for a lot of people who have lived that experience with undiagnosed neurodivergent sees they often get thrown into the gifted kid program, because neurodivergent kids tend to be really good at like certain stuff. Now there are certainly there's also the experience of neurodivergent kids who unfortunately get You know, the remedial behavioral problems? Yeah, remedial, which is also like just as unfair for its own set of reasons. But my experience was being an undiagnosed neurodivergent kid who got thrown into gifted programs because I was extremely good at school. So already off the bat, like my experience with ADHD was not that I was failing out of school where I was struggling at school, school was my time to shine, school was the thing that I had, and the place where I would get the accolades and I would get the recognition and I was in every club and every, you know, straight A's and all that stuff.

    KC Davis 40:31

    Do you want to know how I refer to that I would love to being smart, was the driftwood that I clung to in a sea of insecurity.

    Catie Osborn 40:40

    That's how I know that you've written a book, because that's a good author wordings, but like, but that was it was like, and for a lot of people, you're exactly right, that is the driftwood that they cling to. And so a lot of people develop this sort of like identity as like, I'm good at school, and I'm smart, and I'm gifted, I'm the gifted kid or whatever. And then this thing happens, where you graduate, and or, you know, you do what I do, and you go to grad school three more times, because you just feel like you can't get enough. But then like, at some point, you don't have anybody to tell you that you're doing a good job. And you don't have anybody to say, Oh, my God, you're so smart. And this is amazing. And you're you have so much potential, because now you're like, 35, you know, you're like, What am I doing. And so like I jokingly started talking about, like being a burnt out gifted and talented submissive brat with a price cake. And it turned out that there is a hell of a lot of us out there on the old tiktoks. But I think that I make a lot of jokes about that series, because that's kind of like my fun, you know, like, silly series. But I also think that there's something like deeply truthful about that, living that experience of being, you know, somebody who comes from that world of, you know, gifted and talented programs, and now feeling older and feeling more grown up, but still wanting to hear that good job and still wanting to hear that like, Yeah, wow, that was you did a good job a plus. And so for a lot of people, so just shows up as a praise cake, or just, you know, enjoying praise. And so yeah, and so I started that series very facetiously. But one of the things that has come out of it is honestly just like a profound appreciation for the community of people who sort of like identify along that line, because it's like, it can be really, I don't want to say hard, but it can be really challenging to navigate the world and have these places where, like, you really want to hear the good job, and you really want to get the accolades, but like, where do you get them now that you're 35? And so it turns out that turns out the answer is Bucha. Jobs, answers blow jobs, and no, like, you know, occasionally go on to the next budget, or whatever it may be for you. Yeah, but yeah,

    KC Davis 42:51

    every time I hear you talk, I just have this overwhelming sense of like, are we the same person? We

    Catie Osborn 42:55

    might be? I've been, I've been thinking about it. You have cooler tattoos.

    KC Davis 42:59

    I also went to grad school, literally, because I finished college and thought, Oh, God, I am not ready to be an adult. I will just keep going to school. Yeah, so I had a similar experience in school. And my was interesting, because I was very good at school, I was very intelligent. I was one of those like, oh, let's pick you out at seventh grade to go take the SATs, like that kind of thing. But I never ever did homework, because ADHD, like, like, go home. And I just can't make my own structure around those things. But I loved to learn. And so for a lot of people with experiences, they do really well in school, and then they get out of school. And then they have this disappointment of I'm not changing the world. Actually, I didn't amount to anything, I just am a normal person with a normal job. And my experience was a little bit different. Because what happened, my drop off was high school. Because what happened was, I went to a school where the way that they weighted grades was that tests, quizzes, participation, and like classwork were the majority of your grade. And your homework was like a very small percentage. So even though I never ever, ever, ever did my homework, I was the girl whose hand was always raised, I could sit there and listen to the lecture, not take any notes. And then a week later, take a quiz or a test and get 100 on it, because I would retain all of the information. It made sense it was this interconnected web of concepts in my mind. But what happened was, even though I did get in trouble about the homework, I'd never gotten too much trouble. I was still making straight A's. When I went to college, I went to an all girls private prep school, and two things happened. Number one, they started testing us on things that they didn't teach us in class. Now we'll get you right like I'm gonna teach chapters one through three and then you're gonna go home and read and learn chapters four and five, and then we're going to get a test over all of it when you come back. And because I wasn't doing homework, and I didn't know how and I had no Gill's to figure out how to structure myself for that, I quickly started failing tests. And they also changed the way that they weighted grades. So now the work you were doing outside of class had a much bigger impact on the class grade. And so I started failing, literally failing. EFS, DDS, I ended up having a lot of behavior problems, addiction problems, I got expelled from that private school. And so, you know, whether it's that experience, or like your experience, but it's the same thing, it's this, like, you get identified early as just being inherently better than everyone else.

    Catie Osborn 45:38

    And it's so damaging, it's so damaging. And when that eventually

    KC Davis 45:43

    falls off, you, you're like, Well, this was all I had, I was the smart girl, I was the competent girl, I was the girl that was better than everybody else. And then all the sudden, like you said, you're in grad school, or you're in the workforce, or you're just like a regular adult. And we don't know where to go anymore. Yeah.

    Catie Osborn 46:02

    And I love like, your story is so interesting to me, because like, I feel like we are, we're the same person. But like, we literally took the two paths that we see undiagnosed neurodivergent, especially girls go through where you where there's that point of change, there's that point of the structure has broken down. And for a lot of people, it's going into college, for a lot of people, it's when they get married, or they you know, they move out and they're like, on their own for the first time. You know, for some kids, it's high school, but for for like the vast majority, it does tend to be college. But it is exactly what you just said, like you, you know, left school, you're dealing with addiction you're dealing with like behavioral stuff. And then I went the opposite way, I was the person who threw myself in with this, like desperate clinging on to this idea that I had to be the best and I had to be perfect and whatever. So I'm gonna go earn two degrees that I don't really need, you know, and like all of this up, just to keep proving myself over and over and over. But that is like that's kind of like the path, you know, you can either

    KC Davis 47:10

    because perfect is the only option. And so it actually creates two paths, you can continue to pursue perfect, or you can go anti perfect, and I'm going to be the most perfect drug addict, I'm going to be the most perfect, like Kurt Cobain feeling, you know, like, just tragic. I'm going to embrace this tragic beauty Fallout, I'm not even going to try anymore. Because if I try and fail, I'll have to own up to me being a failure. But if I don't try it all, if I don't try it all, Katie and I just go use a bunch of drugs, then I just get to tell myself, while I'm, you know, the failure of society, but then I get to tell myself, it's just because I didn't try. I mean, I am smarter than everyone. I am better than everyone, but I'm not participating in society. Yeah, that's why, right. Okay, so this is the burnt out, talented and gifted part. And then the next part is the submissive part. And I will tell you this, like it folds right in because I find that if you're someone who has been sort of labeled, competent, strong, extrovert, like those things, if you've just always sort of been in control, there is something about being in a position and being allowed to be safely submissive. That is, like, so relieving.

    Catie Osborn 48:36

    Yeah. Well, it's for me, especially like, it's like, I think, again, people here submissive, and what they sometimes like, fill in the blank is like perversion, you know, or like trauma, or like, whatever. And it's like, no, like, I always explain it, like, a lot, like, and I think a lot of neurodivergent people get this, but it's like, at the end of the day, I'm exhausted from making decisions, because every decision that I have to make throughout the day, is just another like, you know, emotional expenditure. It's another spoon that I'm spending on whatever. And sometimes, I don't want to have to do that I'm tired, I'm exhausted or whatever. And the safety of having a partner who I trust and I, you know, I've communicate with and that kind of thing, but just looking at and being able to say, I just want to turn my brain off, you know, it doesn't even have to be a sex thing. Like the majority of you know, what I would say is, you know, my submissive right with a price tag is like, I let Chris choose what he wants for dinner. Like we just if you pick where we're going for dinner, I don't care, you know, like that kind of stuff. Like it doesn't have to be like overtly sexual, but sometimes it's nice because like circling all the way back to kind of the beginning of the conversation, it can be so hard for me to turn off my brain it can be is so deep to call for me to get into my body like that is one of the hardest things for me is to just be present and be there in the moment and be like, okay, like, I'm going to experience this intimacy with you. And so being able to just kind of look at a person that I love deeply and trust and say, and I'm sort of giving you the keys because I don't want to drive like that it can be, it's such a relief, it feels like a sigh, you know, like that kind of thing.

    KC Davis 50:26

    The sigh and I also to me, it's also connected to like being told my whole life that I'm too intimidating. Yeah, for the people that I'm attracted to. And so like, and like you said, it doesn't have to even be sexual or in the bedroom or any of that like, but to have this moment of being told, it's okay to wilt. Like, you're not too intimidating for me, like, I will step up to the challenge. Like you're and it's, there's something deeply affirming about for me the messaging of your worth stepping up to the challenge, I see you where no one else sees you, right. Everyone else is intimidating. But I see, I see someone that will I can turn to putty in my hand. So there's this aspect of intimacy of like, I see you.

    Catie Osborn 51:15

    Well, that's also I feel like that's like, that's where we get to like the next one, which is like the brat, right? Because for me, like, you know, like, I feel like, I don't know, branding. I think it's like a bad rap. Because like, a lot of times a lot of like there are a lot of I will say it, I can say what I want. I'm an adult. Like there's a lot of toxic brats in the kink community who really like foist that onto people like their branding, non consensually, and I don't get down with that. But what I do, like, what will absolutely like drop my panties Is that is that notion of like, you are worth it, like you're worth the work, you're worth the investment. And like for me, I think it is it is reinforcing to myself, that like I am desirable, and that I am valid as I am, you know, but that looks like presenting a little bit of a challenge because like I want to feel desired. And I want to feel like my asking you to take the keys, you know, and drive isn't an inconvenience. And I think a lot of that ties in also with like rejection sensitivity in a major way. But I've spent so long I've spent so much of my life, apologizing for my existence, and apologizing for taking up space, and apologizing for you know, my accommodation needs in my and just like how my brain is and how I am that being able to look at somebody and be like, not only am I not going to apologize, but I'm going to make it a little bit hard for you because I know that you want this and that you think I'm worth it. That's been one of the healthiest things, for me as an adult is just that feeling of being able to like look at somebody and have that amount of trust, and that amount of intimacy and that amount of vulnerability. And it just but it comes in being silly, and it comes in being goofy and it comes in you know, being like a little bit sassy and sarcastic or whatever, you know, your version of brat looks like. But for me, it's about that trust. And it's about that intimacy and having that with somebody, it sounds trite to say it, but it's powerful. It's powerful, and it's meaningful. And it's you know, talking about, like needs versus wants, but like, I don't necessarily think I need it. But like it's something that I want to have in my life because it is so good. It's just good.

    KC Davis 53:35

    So I have two thoughts, and I don't want to forget them. But for anybody who's sort of clutching their pearls and doesn't actually know what a brat is. Can you give us an example of what that means? Or a definition of what that looks like?

    Catie Osborn 53:48

    Yeah, I mean, I think like, the best sort of like shorthand explanation is like in a traditional power exchange dynamic, there is a dominant partner and a submissive partner. And traditionally, you know, the DOM says, you know, like, I don't know, like, go drink some water. And the submissive says, Yes, sir. Or, you know, whatever honorific there is, and drinks water in a submissive brat relationship that might look more like, why don't you come over here and make me you know, where there's like, a little there's like a rise to the power, there's a rise to like, I don't wanna say the occasion. But there is there is a push back there, but the pushback is based on the understanding that this is play that this is a sort of, like exploration of the power dynamic, because you know, we talk a lot about like, you know, the dog having all the power, but in a, I think, truly healthy kink relationship. There is an absolute power balance, where the DOM is agreeing to take the keys and you know, drive, but the submissive says, and I trust you and I'm along for the ride. And so a brat sort of is like in that like middle ground where it's like they're not necessarily dominant, but for me, like I've literally just Switch. So I go back and forth. But the brat moment is sort of about that moment of like, well, yeah, like, you want me to drink water, we'll come over here and make me and then whatever that looks like happens, but then ultimately, they drink the water. And the dog goes, Ah, you're such brat, like, does is that a good enough explanation

    KC Davis 55:20  

    I think it's a great explanation I do. And I think that when we talk about people who want to, like dip their toes into the water here, you know, if you replace drink water with take your clothes off, it's like, there's nothing Dungeoneering about that for somebody that sort of like, Oh, I could never ask for that. But it's like, yeah, that's something that even the most sort of vanilla couple would be like, Oh, well, that's an exchange that we

    Catie Osborn 55:44  

    might have. Right? Yeah, you know, or you have 30 seconds to take off your clothes, or I'm taking them off for you. Like, that's high. Like, that's high, you know, but it's also like, but then like, you're not having to be like, Oh, my gosh, are they in the mood? Like, am I being an inconvenience? Like, what if they don't really want me to take my clothes off, like, all of that is sudden, all of those like rejection sensitivity, voices are suddenly silenced because this person is looking and going. And if you're not done in 30 seconds, we're gonna have a problem, you know. And that's like, that's so powerful like that is so powerful for somebody who is accustomed to feeling like a burden and accustomed to feeling broken and accustomed to feeling like an inconvenience. Having that. I don't want to say subliminal, but that underlying message of and if I didn't want this, I wouldn't be telling you to get it done in 30 seconds. Like, it's the first like, kick changed my life like it did. Like I'll say, I don't care. kink absolutely changed my life, because it allowed me to the for the first time ever, to be the one who was calling the shots being the one who was getting asked if I was okay, being making sure that I was safe and supported. And that's why I'm such a big sort of like, advocate for all of the potentialities that kink holds in those spaces where you might feel insecure, or you might feel less than or you might feel broken. Because I think over and over and over in a relationship like that, you're being told no, I want this, I want you in a way that I think sometimes we aren't accustomed to communicating if that makes any sense.

    KC Davis 57:22  

    Yeah. And I think it directly scratches that like itch, or like heals that wound of like being too much. Like, if you're told that you're too much your whole life, there's something that about you that comes to yearn for someone to say, not just I want you, but you're worth the work that it would take to want you that, because I know how to perform. I know how to be docile, I know how to be a good girl, you know, in the sense of like, oh, I laugh at his jokes and all talk quietly, and I'll be quiet and submissive, like, but I also know that that's not really who I am. And there's this fear. And this experience, frankly, of when someone sees my real personality, and it's too much, they won't want that. And so there's something really healing about that. In our play that exchange of, but if it's hard to love me, will you still want to? Yeah. Will you still pursue? Will you still push Will you still? And you know, what's funny is like, we really do have this idea that kink is this like, perverse thing. But when I look back in my life at the characters and movies and fiction that I relate, not related to the most, but that I gravitated towards, that were like the most acceptable PG G character like Elizabeth Bennet, right? Or like any character that is saying to and that's why I was always obsessed with J not like really looking back and realizing that the reason I was obsessed with Jane Austen is because of kink was because like she would do these characters of women that would say to a man, I hate you, and the man would go, Well, I hate you. And she's this like, difficult person. And then all of a sudden, this man's like, Wait, actually, I'm in love with you. And even if you push me away, I'm going to keep pushing because that's how fucking maddening I am with how amazing you are like, looking back and realizing that like, even in like my most like innocent identification of characters, it was this same dynamic.

    Catie Osborn 59:37  

    So okay, I have one really silly story about this. So speaking of going to grad school way too many times, I have two master's degrees in Shakespeare, and my thesis advisor for when I was getting my MFA, we were like going through my resume and he was like, looking at me he's like, okay, so you got like, You got Beatrice. Okay, you've got K K. You've got Rosalind K got Lady Macbeth K. At some point he's like going down the list. Seems like have you ever noticed that all you play as brats? And I was like, I mean, there's a reason why I play like a very limited scope of roles in Shakespeare, but it's like because but I think like Shakespeare is a little bit the same way, like a lot of the women that he writes like, the really good lovers like Beatrice and and Kate are absolutely do that, too. It's that sort of like, Austin dynamic of like, I'm going to push back and I'm going to like talk shit. And I'm going to like, make you prove that you want this. And I love, like, tame like, I mean, Tammy has is problematic for its own reasons. But like, Kate and Beatrice are my two characters to play. And I play them quite frequently. And it's, but I love those characters. I like I love those roles because of that, because it's that same. Like they're both burnt out gifted kids like they're brilliant women who are stuck in these dole sort of scenarios. But yeah, like, it's the same exact thing.

    KC Davis 1:01:04  

    It's funny, because I've been watching the second season of bridgerton.

    Catie Osborn 1:01:07  

    I haven't started it yet. Well,

    KC Davis 1:01:10  

    let me tell you, there had been some audible like, yes. From me in the moment, because it is exactly that story of like, Oh, she's difficult, and she's too much and she doesn't fit in. And she's too smart.

    Catie Osborn 1:01:26  

    She's so hot. Right?

    KC Davis 1:01:30  

    And I must know. Well, that's awesome. Well, listen, Katie, this has been the coolest talk ever.

    Catie Osborn 1:01:40  

    Hooray. Thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here. This is great. You're so cool. I like you so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just think you're so great.

    KC Davis 1:01:49  

    Thank you. Oh, I like you, too. When I went to rehab when I was 16, we had to do these like various treatment assignments to like build our skills or whatever. And some of them were really intense about like journaling about your trauma and things like that. But some of them were like, very, like basic level, not really had a treatment assignment called like making friends. And this is so funny. So you had to like write about friendship and like, do all these things. There's like several things. But one of the things that you had to do swear to god is you had to pick two people in the community is 16 Girls, that's how big this treatment center was. We were 16. If we were between 13 and 17. That was the age range. And so at group every night, because we'd group every day and like you had to do this assignment, you had to walk up to the girl in the group, and you had to cross your arms, and they had to cross theirs and you had to hold their hands in that criss cross position. And you had to say these words. Are you ready? Katie?

    Will you be my friend? I do want me to make more friends. And literally the person will be like, Yes, I will. And that is the funniest fucking thing in the world to me that they had us do that. And for years and years and years to this day, like girls that I went to this treatment center with, we will like that's like one of our funniest inside jokes.

    Sara, will you be my friend and help me to make more friends. So every time somebody has or like it's you always always like fellow neurodivergent has that moment they're like, will you be my friend? I know that's awkward. I'm gonna be like, Haha, are we telling you? I am the master of explicitly asking someone if they want to be my friend to help me make more friends. So I find that endearing and awesome. We are friends. All right. Well, Katie, can you tell people where they can find you?

    Catie Osborn 1:03:34  

    Oh, I do lighting. So I go by Katie Soros on all social medias. I also have a podcast. It's called Katie and Eric's infinite quest in ADHD adventure. We talk about life with ADHD and neurodivergent it and living life with depression, all sorts of stuff. We talk a lot about relationships and kink and that kind of stuff. And I have a website now because I'm fancy. You can go to kT a source.com. And you can see all the cool stuff that I'm doing. Or you can go to infinite Quest podcast.com. You could go to all three, it whatever you want to do is fine.

    KC Davis 1:04:04  

    If you want to if you want to I mean, if it's not a bother.

    Catie Osborn 1:04:07  

    I'm not. It's just It's fine. There's you could if you wanted to I wouldn't be bad. It'd be fine.

    KC Davis 1:04:11  

    We will link that in the show notes for everybody. Hey, awesome. Well, thank you, Katie.

    Catie Osborn 1:04:16  

    Yeah, thanks so much for having me.



KC Davis
35: Discouraged with Self-Care with Taylor Elyse Morrison

Self-care is a term we hear EVERYWHERE right now, and you’ve heard me talk about it over and over again. Today’s discussion is around the disillusionment of the self-care industry that I’m feeling, along with many others. I’m joined by Taylor Elyse Morrison, the author of Inner Workout: Strengthening Self-Care Practices for Healing Body, Soul, and Mind. Taylor is a founder, facilitator, coach, and serial entrepreneur, and she uses her coaching, mindfulness, and movement training to meet people where they are and offer actionable steps toward avoiding burnout. I’m putting Taylor on the spot by asking questions and picking her brain about common self-care struggles, and she is up for the challenge! Let’s see how this turns out!

Show Highlights:

  • How the consumeristic quality of today’s self-care movement ignores the marginalizations and barriers that many people experience that bring distress and hopelessness

  • Why Taylor urges us to ask, “Is it the Self, or is it the System?”

  • Why Taylor created a self-care assessment to give people “practical starting points”

  • How Taylor’s self-care assessment is based on the five yogic dimensions

  • Why self-care is often confused with pleasure as the hard work of self-care is overlooked

  • Why part of self-care is holding onto yourself in the presence of other people

  • Why wisdom is a part of self-care, along with the components of presence, self-trust, and aligned action

  • How curiosity and self-compassion play into effective self-care

  • Why Taylor is satisfied with the feedback she is getting from her book

Resources and Links:

Connect with Taylor: Website, (Buy her book, take the free self-care assessment, and join her newsletter group.) TikTok, and Instagram.

Find Taylor’s book on Amazon:  Inner Workout: Strengthening Self-Care Practices for Healing Body, Soul, and Mind.

Find Inner Workout on TikTok and Instagram.

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello you sentient balls of stardust. I am your host, KC Davis. This is Struggle Care. And today we're going to talk about self care and the disillusionment of the self care industry. And I have Taylor Elyse Morrison with me. She's the author of a new book called Inner Workout: Strengthening Self Care Practices for Healing Body, Mind and Soul. And Taylor, I'm glad that you're here with us. First of all, thank you so much for coming. And thank you for writing such a wonderful book.

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 0:33

    Thank you for having me. I'm super excited to get into this conversation always. But like, especially with you,

    KC Davis 0:39

    okay, so I didn't tell Taylor this. But well, here's what I'd like to do, I want to tell you something that I have been struggling with, and maybe you can give me back some hope and encouragement. Let's do it. All right, I hope you like being put on the spot. Here's the thing when I was reading your book, I was reading even just like the intro, and one of the things that obviously stood out to me is that early and often you talk about how the self care industry has really focused on this idea that we can all just sort of bubble bath our way into a great mental health and excellent life. Like there's this real consumerism behind self care. And you talk really beautifully about how that doesn't really take into account people's intersecting kind of marginalization, and privileges, and community, and all these things that actually affect our lives. And so here's something that I wanted to ask you, because of you writing this book. And so not everyone can see you, but you are a black woman. And that's a really unique perspective that I think you bring to this book. And so, you know, I know, we don't know each other, but I'm just gonna sort of word vomit on you for a minute, I have been doing this work around self care, and trying to make content that can really help people that are experiencing real barriers in their life, recognizing that so many of people's problems is happening because of this intersection of where they are in society, the barriers that they have in society, that marginalization that they experience. And I've honestly kind of found myself, like swung so far away from the idea that individual choices can just self care our way out of distress, that now I'm experiencing discouragement. I'm experiencing almost like a little hopelessness about like, well, what can we do anything? Like how can we help somebody have self care in the midst of things in their life, they cannot change that is absolutely creating this difficulty and this distress in their life. And I can feel myself shifting that far, and feeling that hopelessness. And I think that it came from a pretty like a good place of me looking at my own privileges and recognizing like, you know, I can't just go half cocked and tell someone, well, I do this. And it's so helpful, because the reality is sure, that might be a helpful practice. But how much of my life's enjoyment is really coming from other things like being financially secure, like having a marriage that isn't abusive, you know, by not being afraid every time I leave my house. And so I'm kind of in this spot where I'm almost like, afraid to speak. And I don't know, it feels so hopeless. And so I'm hoping that maybe because of the book that you wrote, you can speak some to that about how do we reach people, and validate that the things in their life that are causing distress are real and in many ways are systemic? But is there any place for us to help ourselves in that?

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 3:33

    Yeah, who, I feel that so deeply, I appreciate you sharing that. And it's funny, because I'm like, how much hope am I actually going to be able to provide, as I start thinking about, like, I've been doing this work around self care for about five years now. And as I think about what I want for the rest of my career, and if I read another book, there's so much around community care, and the systems that need to change around care, like that's the conversation I'm really interested in having in the future and the decades and years to come. Because I do think that if you are a person who wants to think intersectionally, about the conversation around self care, you're inevitably going to end up at a similar place where we're at now. And also, I think, and I am someone who has consumed your content, and I know how useful it can be. I think that you're doing a disservice if you don't speak up and share your intersectional perspective. A question that I've offered up to people in my community in the past is, is it the self or is it the system? And sometimes I just do that as a check for myself to say, okay, is this like a mindset, a belief, a habit? That is really coming from me that I can shift and experiment and find something that better serves me, or is it this is happening because there's a system that I keep running up at And I need to accept it and not an accepting it that we should be in this place of systemic inequity. But accepting that this is the reality more from a mindfulness perspective, this is the reality. And instead of feeling like I have to contort myself to change into fit into this, I can just say, Okay, this is how things are right now, my energy can be better spent elsewhere. So when I talk to people, and I have this framework in the book of like the ecosystems of care, I believe that we are our own ecosystem, we exist within ecosystems, we're part of nature as humans, even though we like to forget that I talk a lot, especially in this book about the ecosystem of you. And then looking a little bit at your communities, because that's where we can have the most control it even for some of us listening here, like, I don't feel like I even have that much control in those ecosystems. But it can be helpful to from like a locus of control perspective, instead of getting. So zooming out so far that you feel helpless, sometimes it's helpful to zoom in and say, I can take three deep breaths right now. Or I can get up and stretch for a moment. And that can be really, I don't always like to use the word empowering, but that can be really satisfying, really nourishing to zoom in for a moment, your agency. Yes, exactly.

    KC Davis 6:21

    I love what you said about that. Because that piece of looking for where we can reclaim some agency really struck with me, because that's the piece that I think is different for everyone. And in your example about like, Is this me? Or is this the system? And the example I thought of is like, you know, when I go to the doctor, and they say, Okay, did you apply that ointment three times a week, and like I didn't, because I'm really awful with any type of like, repetitive routine, I always found myself being like, I have to lie, I can't tell them and then recognizing, like, I'm really blocking my access to health care, by not being honest with my doctor. And it was empowering. And it was agency for me to go, No, I need to start being honest, I need to own who I am and say, This is me, I didn't do it. And I need to care more about my getting good health care than I do about the doctor judging me. Because in that example, it was me. However, if I was someone else, that may not have been the same, like if I was someone who was disabled. Or if I was a black woman who have historically been treated really poorly within the medical system, I might be thinking, No, that's not me, that's the system that is if I don't look like a perfect compliant patient, I'm not going to get access to the health care that I deserve. And that's coming up against a system. And that really sort of turned a light bulb on for me when you said that. Because I think that first step isn't just jumping right to here's how you should talk to your doctor. But as acknowledging that question of Is this me? Or is this the system? Because if it is me, then maybe who I am, I get to press into that and reclaim some agency and some empowerment. But if I realized, no, this is the system, like you said, like, I don't have to contort myself, or spin energy there, I can look for a different sort of like carve out in my life to do that.

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 8:14

    Yeah, it just really, it saves a lot of energy. And then when you do want to do the work of changing systems, we could do that being supported by a community instead of constantly. Because honestly, the system is set up to make it feel like everything is your individual problem, and you are a bad person. And so it's really nice to be like, Oh, wait, that's not me. That's how you design this thing. And I don't have to take that as me being wrong. You're wrong. The system is wrong.

    KC Davis 8:41

    Yeah. And it can be validating. I think, like, I think that's the goal, right is if you validate, yes, this is happening to you because of a systemic issue. The hope is, is that in itself can be self care to someone of like, Oh, I'm not broken, I'm not wrong. I'm not just a screw up. And then finding those places of agency where we can do something small for ourselves. I took your self care assessment on your website, which I really liked, because again, it didn't point to specific things to be doing, which that's my other gripe about self care is like, okay, if I'm overwhelmed, I don't need another like to do list to fail at. And I really enjoyed the questions that it asked and it asked them questions that I didn't, that I was surprised by. So can you tell me how you kind of came up with this little assessment for self care? Yeah,

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 9:33

    so first of all, that's my favorite piece of feedback is like, Oh, I didn't expect that on his self care assessment. And I'm like, yes, because there's so many opportunities for us to care for ourselves, that we don't realize we don't accept that those things are caring for ourselves. So the way that this came to be is everything that I do the book the assessment, the company is rooted in this idea of the five dimensions of well being which are inspired by The yogic concept of the coaches. And for me, that was a big aha moment to realize that the way I had been sold self care was primarily about caring for my body. And really, it was about making my body look like what the societal standard of what a body should look like was. And so to realize there are all these different aspects of myself, yes, there's the physical dimension, but there's also the energetic dimension, the mental and emotional dimension, the wisdom dimension, tapping into my own wisdom, and the bliss dimension, which is all about connection. And I realized that there are all these instances, when I was feeling stressed, was doing the kind of treat yo self version of self care, which was often me buying something for my body. And I might feel really good in the moment. And then I, a day, a week later, was coming back to this place of feeling overwhelmed and burned out. And some of that was the way that I was structuring my life. And some of that was that I was doing these quote unquote, care things that were caring for the aspect of myself that didn't actually need care right now. So thinking about the five dimensions of well being really shifted things for me in terms of caring for myself holistically. And the assessment I built that at the beginning of the pandemic, I'm an assessment girly, I love having different ways to think of myself, not from a prescriptive way of like, you need to, again, I don't like being confined into boxes, but more I think of them as like conversation starters with myself. And at the beginning of the pandemic, I had just launched in our workout as a company, thought I was going to be doing a lot of in person stuff couldn't do in person stuff. But everyone needed self care a lot. And so an assessment seemed kind of like an a scalable way to get people in conversations with themselves and to give them some practical starting points.

    KC Davis 11:50

    I liked how much it focused, and your book talks about connection and meaning and the questions that asked about like, Do you have a sense of a higher purpose? Do you have a sense of connectedness with people, I would never consider those self care questions. But when I look at my life, and I think, okay, in what way do I feel cared for? And what ways do I feel strengthened to deal with things in my life, and a lot of it is this feeling of having meaning in life having sort of a connectedness to something that is bigger than me. And I also really appreciated the questions about like, do we allow ourselves to feel distressing feelings? Because when you mentioned like, Okay, I would buy something that would feel good. I think sometimes, I think there's a lot of room for a conversation about like, pleasure versus care. Because a lot of times I think self care gets packaged as just pleasure, like you need more pleasure in your life. And obviously, hot pleasure is a very important part of our lives. But not all self care is pleasurable. And so I thought that that was an interesting thing for you to bring out, which is, and then the other questions about like, do I make decisions that sort of align with my values? And so I was wondering if you could maybe speak to like, the hard work of self care?

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 13:06

    Yeah, I love that. You mentioned this. And I think, actually, one of my former teammates, this was this might have been who was first introduced to your work is because they sent me a video where you talked about like caring for yourself in the present, and thinking about past versions of yourself and future versions of yourself. And I think that speaks so well to the hard work of self care. Because when we are focused on pleasure, we and I can speak from the I do this, I want to feel good right now. And so I'm gonna eat something that I know, like, I'm lactose intolerant. I've known this for like three years, I still have more dairy than I should, especially when I'm feeling stressed out and I'm like, I know I'm gonna pay for this. My stomach's gonna be hurting. But in the moment, it feels good to have that ice cream. That's a very like, pleasure centric idea of self care. But if I was thinking more holistically about myself, I would think, Okay, is there another way that I can be with myself, I can tend to myself, the definition I use for self care is listening within and responding in the most loving way possible. When I'm thinking holistically, there's probably something else I could do besides have that ice cream that would be listening to myself, would be responding with love and would also respect a future version of myself who doesn't want to be doubled over and stomach pain for a while. So I think for me, it's going back to this continuing listening and responding with love. And knowing that like you said, love and care doesn't always feel like sunshine and roses. Sometimes it is sitting with yourself in the sadness. I'll like full disclosure, I was crying on my kitchen floor last night. And I was having this conversation with myself where I was like, I wrote a book on self care. I own a self care company. Shouldn't I not be feeling this sadness should may not be struggling right now. And that's actually part of the work. Part of the work was for me to allow myself to cry, allow myself to feel these feelings because there was a toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing version of myself who felt like I was bad and wrong, if I was having those emotions he was trying to kind of trickle out. So doing the creating, for me, a certain level of structure that I can play within is a way that I don't love structure naturally. But it actually is really good for my ADHD brain to have structure, or I don't want to have this conversation with my husband. But I know that on the other side of it, we're going to be stronger. Those are all things that don't feel good in the moment, but are supporting you for the long term.

    KC Davis 15:47

    Yeah, that's really good insight. I'm going to pause for a second have a word from our sponsors, and we'll be right back. You know, for some reason that word self care is so overused, that it almost like doesn't have meaning anymore. And it's like one word. And when I find myself, instead of asking, like, what self care can I do today, instead of asking that asking, like, how can I care for myself today? Because I think that puts a little more in perspective. And just like you said, like, if I think about how do I care for my animals, right, like, caring for my animals isn't like, a lot of it is pleasure, and love and affection, and those sorts of things. But some of it is also like stuff that is going to be really uncomfortable for them, but I know supports their health, sometimes it's going to be like not letting them go outside, right, like not letting my cats go outside, even though that would give them more pleasure. But that would, in fact, put them in more danger and sort of learning to look at self care like that for myself. And I have a friend that's a therapist that used to mentor me, and one of the phrases that she used, that I really loved was talking about being able to hold on to yourself in the presence of someone else. And so she would talk about, you know, when you brought up like having a conversation with your husband, so I'm like that too, I'm kind of conflict avoidant, especially if I know that I'm gonna say something that he's gonna have feelings about. And she would talk to me about, you know, part of what the goal of caring for self is, is so that, you know, you can stand in front of this person, and be honest and be authentic, and then hold on to yourself in the presence of his emotions, like not spend so much time trying to couch it a certain way, or avoid it a certain way so that you can control his emotional reaction. But instead, like, how can I address myself so that I can allow him to have the feelings that he's going to have? And I'm obvious caveat, like, I'm talking about like a loving, respectful relationship, I'm not talking about like, I have to do things. So I'm not abused. But that reminded me of what you were talking about when you were saying, you know, what do I need in this moment, to sort of do the things that align with my values that are going to set me up for greater like quality of life tomorrow,

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 17:58

    I love that perspective that your mentor offered, of being able to hold on to yourself, and as we were talking about in the beginning, like self care and community care, and being a human who lives in systems that have varying degrees of being able to support us, this idea of coming back to yourself and grounding in yourself, and holding on to yourself just seems even more important. And I think that's why the way that I talk about self care is a conversation with yourself, and being able to find these loving responses in the midst of all of these different circumstances, loving responses that consider all of these different facets of you is just really important. And I think I joke around sometimes I'm like, Why did I choose this career talking about self care? That is this nothing word right now. But when we get to these places where we're talking about caring for ourselves, caring for other people actually feeling cared for and experiencing care, I get teary eyed because it's like, if everyone were able to access this on a day to day basis, if our systems were set up for that, but also if we set up our life's for that, to the extent that we're able, like, how different would our worlds be? How beautiful would our world be? It gets me Yeah, gets me a little teary eyed.

    KC Davis 19:21

    I remember being in rehab, and, you know, learning about sort of this idea that things that like sort of your inner child, right, and that like things that you go through as a child really stick with you, and sort of shaped the way that you react to things going through this process of like, visualizing myself holding myself as a child, and comforting myself as a child. And I would come back to that visual like, every night as I was going to bed as things were so hard. And you know, I was getting a lot of feedback about my behavior and the ways I was showing up in the world and things that needed to change. And it was hard hard for that like inner child to hear even valid criticism about my behavior without feeling like, you know, oh, that means I'm worthless. And I kept coming back to this visual of like, now I'm the adult, I wasn't until I was like 16. But it's like, now I'm the big person who can consider this feedback. And like, it just was the reality that nobody was going to step in, and tend to that inner child for me, even though that's what I deserved. And I kind of had to learn to do it for myself through that kind of like visualization. And that's the memory that I came up with, as I was reading through some of your material. And then the last thing I really wanted to ask you about was you have a section on wisdom as self care. And I've never seen that before. So I'm curious if you could talk for a bit about the idea of wisdom as self

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 20:52

    care. Yeah, so the wisdom dimension of wellbeing, that's what it's talked about, again, like this was inspired by the coaches. And for me, what I kept coming back to is, so many of I mean, myself, first, I'm always patient zero, but also the people in my community, the people that I've gotten to work with one on one, one of the things that makes it so hard for them to care for themselves, is that they don't trust themselves. They don't trust their inner knowings. They, if they do get to the place where they can even hear what their inner voice, whatever you want to call it, their inner wisdom is telling them, there's a huge gap between hearing that and then feeling like they can do something about that. So the three sub dimensions of the wisdom dimension are presence, which is all of our focus, which is all about being present, and living in the present moment, which in and of itself is something that is so hard. And again, the systems, the software's everything around us is not set up to support that, especially if you have any type of neuro divergence. And then there's the self trust, and the aligned action. And those two go together a lot. Being able to hear yourself know that watching something doesn't serve you I think I talked in the book about how like, I couldn't watch skin squid games, because I'm a highly sensitive person, that's too much for me, and everyone was talking about it. And I kept being like, ooh, should I want to like watch what everyone else is doing? I had to be like, No, or it could be career decisions that you're making, or realizing that you need to read negotiate relationships or renegotiate how you structure a part of your day. And there's one thing to know that to feel wherever if you're ahead a heart or a gut person, but to feel that over time. And it's another thing to do something about it. And it can be so scary. When everyone else seems to be thriving, doing something that is not serving you to be able to step out. It is so caring, like right now. I'm back on like a sober, curious journey from alcohol. In the first time around I did it I was so uncomfortable being telling people like, Hey, I'm not drinking right now. And seeing a lot of times what was other people's reactions and perceived judgment of me making a decision. And so taking them out of line to action can be hard when you're in an environment where everyone else has a different status quo.

    KC Davis 23:24

    The I love it. It's always called sober curious, because one of my other like therapist mentors, he uses curiosity a lot, where he'll say instead of asking, like, why did you do that he'll be like, so I'm curious about that. Tell me more. And he talks about, like, even being curious with yourself. And he'll literally say, like, get curious, get curious with yourself, like, how is this affecting you what's going on with you? And I think that that has been, you know, I talk a lot about self compassion. And I think that it's like one of the most powerful tools at our disposal for caring for yourself. But I think that other aspect of curiosity, right, so whether that is a sober, curious journey, whether that is, you know, what would it be like if I were to quit this toxic job, not saying I am or I am not? Not, you know, instead of getting caught up in like, well, I can't, I can't because of this and that in the end. It's like, okay, like, I want to validate that for some people. That's true. However, don't let that prevent you from being curious about but what if I could What if I could in five years, what would I have to do today to be able to quit this toxic job in five years? Because I think sometimes, as we're validating systemic things, we can sort of accidentally get ourselves stuck in places where we're not recognizing where we can have some agency and being willing to be curious about like, what would it be like if when I said this hard thing, I just was quiet because I always want to over explain myself. And I think that when you pair that, like the wisdom of being curious with self compassion, that's when growth just skyrockets. Because, yes, I'm going to be self compassionate when I make mistakes. Yes, I'm going to be self compassionate when I come up to my human limitations. But I'm also really passionate about that curiosity of, you know, I got an email today from someone, and it was literally an email just cursing me out about my book and how they thought I did it wrong and how, you know, I had like, further traumatize them, because I hadn't structured it in this way or whatever. And like, of course, I want to respond to that and be like, Well, good thing. It's my book, not yours, right? Like, I want to defend, and I want to go with that gut feeling. But that curiosity of like, what would I lose? If I responded to this with kindness? And not permissiveness? Right, like, what would it be like, if I were to stand up for myself, and be kind? What would it be like if I because I don't want to be a doormat, and I don't want to roll over other people. Like, I don't want to be a doormat. But I also don't want to make other people a doormat. And I sat with it for a minute. And I responded, and I was like, first of all, thank you for your feedback. Here's some explanation as to why I did those things that way. And I ended the email by saying, like, you know, your email was really aggressive. And I can tell you're very upset. And I have to imagine, and I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you're in a lot of distress in your life, and you're really struggling, and you came to this book, hoping that it would help you. And maybe it didn't help you as much as you had hoped. And I can imagine, if you're already in distress, being further frustrated by a book that is supposed to help you is probably pretty upsetting. That being said, you could have given me all this feedback without that rude and aggressive and mean basic. And I said to them in the future, I'm not going to respond to emails from you that are written in that manner. Your feelings are valid, but this behavior is not you deserve kindness, but I do too. And I think a lot of us struggle with the black and white of like, you know, standing up for myself means pushing over someone, but showing them grace or kindness or benefit of the doubt means laying down and being a doormat. And that curiosity of like, well, what if I just did something slightly different? Like, what if you could do those things at the same time? And when you talk about like being willing to feel those feelings? Like what if I just sat with this feeling for one extra minute? So I love I just all of that, I think is really helpful. Is there anything else you want to tell us about your book that you are really proud of?

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 27:28

    I appreciate that question. Because that's actually a lot of my inner work right now is allowing myself to be proud of things. I felt we could sit here for a long time and talk about all the reasons why it's hard for me to be proud of things. But that's been something I've been stepping into more. I think what I'm really proud of is I tried as best as I could to write a book that was practical and accessible and intersectional. And the feedback that I'm getting a people like, there are points when I felt this book was talking to me. Or I could see myself in this book in a way that I couldn't see myself in other books like that. I like speaking of inner child stuff, like the part of me who was like, on my little desktop computer as a kid writing stuff. And it's just like doing cartwheels that other people are reading this and seeing a positive impact in it. That means a lot to me that people can see themselves in it and that people feel like it's meeting them where they're at, because that's what I want. I like I'm not interested in being anyone's guru. I've been starting to sign a couple people's books. And the inscription I always write is that, like, maybe these words lead you closer to yourself, may they lead you closer to your inner wisdom. I'm not doing my job. If you're just like, oh, Taylor is really cool. My job is that you realize how cool you are and how worthy you are of care, and how much insight you have to offer based on your lived experience. So yeah, if you're looking for something that like talks about self care, but is not in a goofy way, then I think the book is a good fit for you.

    KC Davis 29:03

    I definitely think you should be proud of that. Because I know that feeling of I want to write something that's going to be helpful for anyone that picks it up. But how do you generalize something that is so personal, that everyone in different circumstances can come and walk away with something and I think that you've achieved that and I do think that that's something to be really proud of. So thank you for sharing that with the world. The book is out now where can they find it? Where can they find you? You know, go ahead and self promote for a bit.

    Taylor Elyse Morrison 29:31

    Yeah, if you go to inner workout.co not.com There's a button right there to buy the book. There's a button right there to take the free assessment if buying the book doesn't feel accessible for you right now. And then joining our self care Sunday newsletter is the best and most consistent way to hear from me and to hear from in our workout. I'm on Instagram at Taylor Elise Morrison and in our workout is on Instagram at and our workout, same handles on Tik Tok. luck as well. But honestly, speaking of things that aren't serving us, we don't do a ton on social media. The newsletter is where it's at and our podcast, but you'll find out that if you're on our newsletter,

    KC Davis 30:10

    Awesome, well, we will link all those things in the show notes. Taylor, thank you so much for coming. And I really recommend that you guys if you're a book person, check it out. Is it going to be on audiobook as well? It will be later this year. Okay, great. So check that out. Thank you for coming Taylor and we will I will talk to you guys next time.


KC Davis
34: The Problem with Professional Organizing with Professional Organizer Alison Lush

Can you afford the services of a professional organizer? Most people can’t, and that’s one of the big problems with the industry. Many professional organizers have come up with alternative ideas that allow them to reach more people with their services. Join us to learn more!

I’m happy to welcome back to the show Alison Lush, a Certified Professional Organizer who specializes in chronic disorganization. Alison last joined me for Episode 5 about Gentle Organizing. Today’s discussion is about the problems with professional organizing and how the industry is evolving to be accessible to more people. The good news is that there are different levels of help available more than ever before for organizing and decluttering your spaces!

Show Highlights:

  • Why a main problem with the professional organizing industry is that the services are not accessible for most people

  • How the pandemic massively impacted professional organizers in beneficial ways that are far more economical for clients

  • How Alison’s focus has changed to educating and empowering the individual to get unstuck

  • Why there is a spectrum of disorganization in which most people exist somewhere in the middle

  • Highlights of new gap-filling services that some innovative professional organizers are offering (See Resources and Links)

  • Why Accountability Groups and Body Doubling have become the cornerstone of Alison’s work with clients

  • Why the biggest question for professional organizers to ask regarding the client is, “What do they need?”

  • The difference between being unwilling and being overwhelmed in organizing and decluttering

  • Alison’s advice about finding a professional organizer 

Resources and Links:

Connect with Alison: Website and TikTok

JUDITH KOLBERG

Conquering Chronic Disorganization book – emotion-based decluttering and organizing strategies

https://www.judithkolberg.com/

HAZEL THORNTON

Go With the Flow!: The clutter flow chart workbook https://www.org4life.com/

SUSAN GARDNER

The Focus Project “If your possessions interfere with your quality of life, The Focus Project is a way to look at them through a different lens.” Frame, Value, Edit. Exercises that promote looking at your belongings from a different angle. Reflection, partnering, creativity are encouraged, along with curiosity about the root causes of clutter. – Self-directed

LYNNE POULTON

Declutter GO! by Lynne Poulton - Once you start, you’re on a roll. Declutter GO! GAME NIGHTS – Group body doubling – weekly guided activities, prompts – group body doubling or autonomous - 

JONDA BEATTIE AND DIANE QUINTANA

Release-Repurpose-Reorganize CARDS

https://releaserepurpose.com/?fbclid=IwAR3UkkdN6FdroVrQ260VV17XqvA2MnuMl5Hf9DHfzdMD_OaiYLz8tFbyYag - Self-directed – focused areas – systematic

VICKIE DELLAQUILA

Ophelia the Organizer – Follow her adventures and hear her organizing advice

https://www.opheliatheorganizer.com/

JULIET LANDAU-POPE

Organizing Bootcamp (5x15 minute sessions over weekdays) https://jlpcoach.com/

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello, you sent to you balls of stardust. My name is KC Davis. I'm your host. Welcome back to Struggle Care. And today we have Allison Lush back in the studio with us, Alison Lush is a certified professional organizer who specializes in chronic disorganization. And if you hadn't, if you haven't caught Allison's first episode with me, it was a great one. So be sure and scroll back and do that one. But we wanted to pop in today to just do a short episode on the problems of professional organizing. So Alison, I just want to like open it up there, because you called me and we're like, you know what, let's talk about the problems behind professional organizing. Well,

    Alison Lush 0:43

    thanks for inviting me back. This is such a pleasure to be here. The sink, one of the primary issues with my industry is that it's not accessible for all that many people, the basic model seems to be approximately three or four hours on site in your home. And professional organizers cost more than a cleaning person and less than a psychologist typically. So it is not cheap. I'm not saying it's not worth it. However, many people don't have access to that kind of liquidity, and therefore it's not accessible for everyone. Many of us have developed alternative services over the last few years in particular, since the pandemic because we couldn't even go into people's homes for quite a while. And so I'm really excited about the different ideas that my colleagues and I have come up with in order to reach the public and deliver our services in ways that are more accessible.

    KC Davis 1:34

    Yeah, I will say that before I met you, my picture of what a professional organizer is and does was totally different. Like I almost exclusively pictured, like the home edit. And by the way, I love that book, I have it on my bedside table is anything in my house rainbow organized for more than five minutes at a time. No, but I did try. But I like it's a beautiful book. And they I love to hear their ideas on things. But like that was really the picture like the picture was, like nice ladies that come in and make everything aesthetically pleasing. And like I remember when I moved into this house, so I packed myself but in previous houses I've paid to have people pack for me. And typically moving companies will say like, well, whatever we charge per hour, we would will charge that for the packing. So they send for people for you know, $160 an hour and they pack up your house, usually like in a day. So when I moved in, I had this idea of like, okay, well, since I didn't spend money on packers, maybe it would be nice to have someone help me unpack, because this time I've got two kids and my husband was in the middle of a trial. So I was like looking up around the internet, like, you know, are there people that that's kind of what they specialize. And there were a bunch of professional organizers in my area that advertised, like, I'll come help you unpack so that we like we're like organizing as we put things away. And I was like, oh, okay, but that's expensive, but like that would be worth it. So I checked on her price. Just a cool $10,000 Which Listen, I am not even here to say whether that is or isn't worth her value. I'm just saying I cannot afford her value.

    Alison Lush 3:17

    Hmm, yeah, yeah, it's amazing how it can add up the services because it we work on an hourly basis, typically, and it's simply out of the reach of many people doesn't as you say, it doesn't mean that the person services aren't worth it. But I'm very motivated to deliver our services to as many people as possible.

    KC Davis 3:38

    So tell me a little bit more about what you said about how the pandemic sort of created this space where you had to get creative. Oh, the

    Alison Lush 3:46

    pandemic had a massive impact on our industry. So one of the things that happened, which is actually a huge benefit for our industry is that so many professional organizers learned how to deliver our services virtually as I did, I went to school at the very beginning of the pandemic and lurk got credentialed learned how to deliver my services virtually. And I've developed a whole business based on that. So now I have clients literally all over the world, which is phenomenal because I can find people who have a specific need for my services. That's one thing. Second of all, because I'm only working one hour at a time, it's far more economical for the client. There's so many advantages. I save travel time, I can work with people anywhere, the client is more in control of the process. The client does more of the work themselves and therefore it's far more economical, far more economical. And I discovered one thing is that when I'm working with someone, virtually my hands are kind of itchy, like I want to touch the stuff I want to move this stuff and help no no pick it up and move it over there, whatever. And I can't because I'm in my home. So what I do instead is I focus on transmitting to the person's brain as much education and insight and analysis as possible so that they become empowered to do as much as possible. So my focus has changed from moving the stuff around and developing systems to educating and empowering the individual so that they can do as much as possible. It's a complete game changer.

    KC Davis 5:13

    Yeah. So in this process of when you work with someone virtually, and you're helping them, you would mentioned like it's more economical. I also feel like, it's, I don't wanna say unfortunate, but like, it's interesting to me, that the people who go into celebrity homes, and make everything look beautiful, and put everything in these like clear plastic containers. And, you know, I think one of the Kardashians showed their, like pantry that was like, bigger than my house. And they had a professional organizer committee that like, when I got to know you, and the kinds of things that you do, where you really help somebody. Like, I would say that you are very person centered. You know, what do you need in your home, what's functional for you and your home? Don't worry about whether it looks good to other people, or whether it works for other people. Let's find things that work with you and your brand, which I think why we clicked really but what you offer. And what someone that does Courtney Kardashians pantry offers, like, they don't exist in the same universe in my head. And yet, you're both called professional organizers.

    Alison Lush 6:23

    That's one of the problems. It seems like they're. It is a total barrier. And I'm not I'm very uncomfortable with the title professional organizer, I have to tell people, that's what I do, because otherwise they won't get what I do. But I don't feel like a professional organizer. I know it sounds completely grammatically incorrect. But my instinct tells me what I do is I'm a professional unstuck or I help people get unstuck. That's what I feel like my job is that's my calling. When you said that we live in different universes. I absolutely agree with you and my particular education, I didn't create all this emotion based human centered stuff. I learned it at school, I went to school to become a professional organizer. I'm heavily credentialed, along with many of my colleagues. And our work is based on the work of Judith Kohlberg, who is the founder of the notion of chronic disorganization. And this book conquering chronic disorganization is available for the public. And it's got strategies in here that are emotion based. So although this has been out for quite a long time, this is absolutely an alternative way of delivering services to the public that are useful and person centered.

    KC Davis 7:31

    And you know, it's not that I've never seen shows or people out there that work on like the emotional basis, but they're only shown in the most extreme cases. So it's always like the hoarding shows where someone comes in to talk about like, their emotional relationship to their stuff, and how they got to the point where the house is unfunctional. And I think those two opposing pictures of like, Kourtney Kardashian is beautiful pantry, and someone who has been hoarding that animals. And so you have like, the average person sitting at home going, well, I can't afford that. And I guess I'm not that bad. But, man, I'm experiencing a lot of distress in my home.

    Alison Lush 8:13

    Mm hmm. Very, very much. So you explained it quite well. And I consider that to be sort of a spectrum, the spectrum of like, what professional organizing can help people with. And what the majority of us do is we work somewhere in the middle, I work a lot on nuance and functionality. So I'm really concerned about, I don't even really frankly, care about the stuff in a person's house, I don't care. I don't care how it's organized. What I care about is how does the person feel? Does the person feel comfortable? Does the person feel in control? Can they find their stuff? Can they put their stuff away? Can they reset their stuff. And when I work with people, as many of my credential colleagues do, our focus is not me teaching the client what I think that they should be doing, but teasing out of them and analyzing what's going on inside of their brain, their value system, their needs, their lifestyle, in order to make a fit with what we understand about good systems, and strategies and making the we create the bridge between the education and the client. That's what we do. And we're doing it really, really well.

    KC Davis 9:17

    Well, and it's a totally different skill set to like, I think that I wasn't aware beforehand that there was this pocket of professional organizers that were not only learning the skills of organization, you know, what kind of containers could go on these type of things, and how do you help somebody think through a room, but we're also invested in learning the emotional skills to work with people and to be curious with people around the emotional stuff and, and since then, I've talked to several people who have invested in those skills professionally, or maybe just have them personally or maybe even a couple that, you know, are clinicians and professional organizers. And I wish more people knew that that was out there. Because you and these other professional organizers you bring a gentleness, and a tenderness and a space of non judgment that is very different than sort of. And I'm not saying that like someone who would organize Coronae Kardashians closet wouldn't necessarily have that. But it's not advertised as part of the service.

    Alison Lush 10:18

    Yeah, so one of the things that I encourage people to do is to identify what their goals are. If your goal is to hire a professional organizer to help you have the Rainbow House, then look for a professional organizer who sells that service, they're out there. And there's nothing wrong with hiring that organizer if that's what your needs are. But there are a whole raft of other organizing specialties available. And for a person who just wants to figure out where the heck to put their keys so they can find them. There are organizers who specialize in that kind of functionality, I actually created a series of tiktoks 15 videos that I've put into a package and put on my learning website called How to choosing a professional organizer. And it's a public service announcement. It's just available for free to the public. And there's like 15, tiny little videos explaining. It's sort of like an insider's view of the industry, helping people identify what is important to them, and how helping them choose an organizer who would be a good fit for them.

    KC Davis 11:18

    Awesome. All right, let's take a quick break to hear from some sponsors. And when we come back, I want to hear about this new model that you have been creating to try and fill some of these gaps. Okay, welcome back, Alison, tell us some of these gap fillers, these like new creative services that you are coming up with to help people and make this kind of help more accessible?

    Alison Lush 11:38

    Well, I did a little bit of research asked around some of my colleagues, what are you doing this creative because I'm only one person, I've got some ideas, but and I'm really proud of my own services. But there are other organizers doing completely different things out there that I'm very, very excited about. So for example, I have one colleague, Hazel Thornton, who just published a book called go with the flow, the clutter flow chart workbook, this is available online, anybody can buy it and print it themselves. And it's phenomenal. It's a self help tool, all based on flowcharts. It's extraordinarily clever. And Hazel has like a whole career of professional organizing behind her to back it up because she knows how people think and what the issues are. And it's fun. It's an easy book to read and to pick up and to use. My colleague Vicki Dilek Willick created this alternate personality. Well, she's like a mascot called Ophelia. And Ophelia has a book and she has a Facebook page and Ophelia travels all over the world. And she is inspiring, and she helps families understand and little kids understand organizing challenges. And it's just a completely different angle to take to deliver. And Vicki is heavily credentialed. And it's just a different way of building a bridge between our education and understanding in the public. And that's what I'm very excited about. I have another colleague Lynn Fulton, who created a game called declutter, go it's six cubes. They're all beautifully made and colored and you got it today. You did. Well, I'm glad you found yours because mine's propping up my tablet.

    KC Davis 13:07

    Okay, so I'll and we'll post this little clip where we're talking because we are on camera. Okay, here I have it. Somebody holds it up to the camera. Ooh, so it's a box, right? You get the box, you open it up, and there's the six die, and they're kind of foam. I haven't really looked into how to play it. What did the thing here? What do we do what you

    Alison Lush 13:24

    roll the dice, there's simple instructions, you roll the dice, and it kind of it prompts you it says, like, spend this much time in this area. And this is your goal. And so it's just basically gamifying decluttering. So you go off and you reset that area or you do whatever the dice are prompting you to do. And another thing that Lynne added onto that which I think is just phenomenal. She created declutter GO game nights. So she sells a package where people can come and they sign up for like six weeks or eight weeks, I think. And they show up all together and they play the game together like live, like somebody rolls the dice, they all run off and do 10 minutes of decluttering or something and they all come back and it's like a party. It's so much fun. That's doubly taken to a whole other

    KC Davis 14:07

    level. Okay, so the first dice that you're supposed to roll is the Revive dice. It says before you get rolling, get energized, whatever you need, whenever you need a quick pick me up, take another roll to revive yourself. So this is amazing because this is like we were talking about like skills other than the organizing because basically whenever you need a break or you're feeling fatigued, or you're feeling overwhelmed, you can stop and you roll this dice. And this is going to tell you Okay, turn on some music or like change the aroma, get some fresh air, go get a snack, hydrate, like I love that idea. And then there's one you can roll that has a number for either the how many minutes or maybe how many items you're going to do. There's one that you roll to tell you what area to start in. There's one two roll just for paper People ask me all the time what to do with paper, right? There's one that is an action so whether you're going to discard something, put something away, recycle it, all that kind of stuff. And then I love this bill. Last one is reward. So you can roll the dice and give yourself a reward. This is so cool. This is the stuff that really gets me excited, like ways that we can make things creative and engaging for people in an area where I think in the past, we haven't put a big spotlight on, like, how can we make these things more accessible

    Alison Lush 15:20

    and fun? Why should it be boring and hard work, it should be fun. Lin, along with myself, and many of my colleagues are like I said it again, heavily credentialed. But what we're doing is we're bringing that big education and experience to the non judgmental interaction between the humans and their stuff in their space. We're toning down the stress, toning down the expectations, focusing on the human, to make it a completely, it's a completely different game. It's a completely different goal. Another colleague, I have created something called Organizing bootcamp, Juliet Landau posts, she does virtual organizing, and she sells a package where you sign up and you get five days in a row, 15 minutes a day, and you jump on and you do that your 15 minutes boot camp every day of the week. And it's just like a little quick check in another colleague, John Beatty and Diane Quintana, they created a game a set of cards, and the cards have prompts on them of 10 minute tasks that you can do to declutter your home. I don't think that it's created specifically for neurodivergent, folks, but it would totally work for people who don't know where to start. And they could just give themselves more time than the 10 minutes if that's what they needed. But it's a simple way to engage and overcome overwhelm. There's another one that I absolutely want to mention is Susan Gardner wrote a book a number of years ago called The Focus project, it's available on Amazon, make sure that you look for her as the author because there's a different focus project that's not hers. And it says, if your possessions interfere with your quality of life, the focus project is way to look at them through a different lens. And it's a workbook that's based on taking photographs of your belongings in order to interact with your belongings differently and analyze them and experience them in a different way. It helps. And again, she's got the same training that we do so Certified Professional Organizer in chronic disorganization, but her husband is a photographer. And so the two of them, they melded their experience together, it's a very beautiful book, I absolutely recommend that if it inspires people that they have a look at it. And that's something I wanted to comment on, if I may, is that these are strategies, these are tools, these are approaches, there's no one that's better than any other what is important for an individual is to look for something that feels comfortable, that feels inspiring that if you're looking for education, look for an educational thing, if you're looking for fun look for a fun thing, it's for the individual to find a good fit with what's being offered out there.

    KC Davis 17:42

    So talk to me more about you know, when you mentioned some of these ones that are like checking in every day or a group game, I think that's also a missing piece that I've seen is like, you'll have someone that says, Well, I don't necessarily need someone to teach me or maybe I do want a little bit. But like, my issue isn't just that I don't know, because even if you taught me what I didn't know, I'm stuck at actually doing it. And unless you can afford to have someone come up every day for hours and hours and do it for you or with you. There's not a lot of services that I know of that are offering that kind of community building accountability, even capabilities, you know, like we don't mean like Hardline, but like the body doubling and things like that. And I know that you've been working on some things that offer that to people at a more accessible rate.

    Alison Lush 18:28

    Absolutely. That's like it's becoming the cornerstone of my business, actually, because it is much more accessible for people even then the virtual organizing. So there's two branches of it that I've developed. One is what I call accountability groups, because my clients kept telling me, like, I need to have some kind of a regular check in and I'm crap at checking in with my clients. I hate phoning them up or emailing them and saying, Hey, how you doing? Because it feels patronizing to me. I hate doing that. So I created a system where people can register and its maximum six people. It's one hour on Zoom, and each person gets 10 minutes, unmuted with me. And it's like coaching one on one. So it's what have you been doing for the last week? How did you feel about that? And I tried to extract with my coaching skills, extract what they learned insights, did you get stuck anywhere? And what did you do and what can we celebrate? And then looking forward to the upcoming week, what's on the radar? What would they like to achieve? And then they come back week to week for a whole month. And people are saying like they're getting so much more accomplished than I was. So that's one branch. That's the accountability groups. But then there's this. I had this club a couple of weeks ago, and she was saying she had this huge backlog of reports to do for work. And she just couldn't make herself do it. It was so hard. And she tried to use focus, mate, but she found it too distracting. And she's like a focus mate veteran, but she couldn't do it for this particular task. And I really wanted to help her and I said, Look, Sunday morning, I'm going to be at my computer for like six hours or something. How about if I do body doubling with you? Because that's part of my training. It's part of my credentialing is that I'm trained to do body doubling. So we started doing it and she started plowing through the reports and then It was getting going so well and I was getting more done. So I said to her, okay, I'd like to consider developing this as a service as a standalone service. And so she and she helped me talk through it and figure it out. So now it's on my website as a standalone service. And I proposed it to another one of my clients who was also feeling stuck trying to get herself to do the things she knew how to do, which is such a classic ADHD thing, I know what I have to do, I just can't get myself to do it. And she said to me, I would want the body doubling, but I would absolutely need verbal processing afterwards. So we created a model for her, that's a Pomodoro. And then 15 minutes of debrief verbal debrief, because she ends up with a pile of stuff. And she says, then I get stuck. And I don't know what to do with the pile of stuff. So we examined the pile of stuff. And I helped her figure out what to do with the pile of stuff. And then she did another Pomodoro, which is 25 minutes of focused attention on a task. And so that's another new service that I'm offering. So basically, not using virtual using the client needs bringing, I'm building a bridge between the education I got for my CD, the Institute for challenging disorganization. I'm building a bridge between that education and the clients. And I am so motivated to help clients develop, what is it they need, and as long as it works out to be reasonably, you know, within my business model, I'm all over it. I think it's terribly exciting.

    KC Davis 21:19

    One of the things that I love and listening to you talk about this is that I can see so many people for whom this is a good fit. And I don't know why. But one sort of demographic that came into my head that didn't when we were talking about this. The first is like, I know so many people who their main struggle with cleaning or tidying or doing care tasks is that they didn't ever have a caregiver to teach them. Whether there was no caregiver present at all, or whether there was an overly critical one or a very aloof one. They never had, like a warm caregiver to actually walk them through the process of learning something like I'll never forget, like, when my daughter was three, and she had taken all of the diapers out of the diaper box, just one by one and spread them all over the place. And so I discovered it, and I kind of got frustrated with her. And I said, you know, you need to put all of those back, put them back, put them all back. And she went, I can't. And I'm thinking yes, you can. You literally physically can like, what did you did your arms break, since you took them all out? She and I kind of went back and forth, back and forth. And I finally was like, yes, you can and she just burst out in tears. And I can't there's too many, I can't hold all of them at once. And it was like a light bulb went off when I realized that when I said pick them all up. She thought I literally meant pick them all up at one time. And it never would have occurred to me that that's what she was going through. And then like a light bulb, I went, Oh my God, she's not unwilling, she's overwhelmed. And I'm so thankful that I had a moment to see that to have clarity around that. Because, you know, kids can't express and clear terms what's going on, they're doing the best they can to express what's going on. And thank God, I got curious with her and asked her about it. And I just it made me think like, how many of us, you know, we're putting a room with a trash bag and told clean it up, or I'm throwing it away. But just do it. It's not that hard. And I feel like you're kind of the perfect person. That's sometimes what people need is just like a tender figure, to walk them through it like they are not stupid. Like this is not something you are born knowing how to do. And then checking in not just this one time and part of information and then bouncing that that's like a huge group of people I feel like could benefit from this.

    Alison Lush 23:46

    Absolutely. And my accountability groups are very much focused on creating a task list of specific next steps and breaking it down and taking the notes and then giving the notes to the people. That's one of the things that I am really proud that is part of my accountability groups. But I have to tell you, that the methodology that you created, and that you shared, has gone such a far way to helping these folks because we're serving very much the same clientele overlapping, not identical, but very much overlapping. And I can't tell you how many people come to me and they say I was feeling overwhelmed. But I used Casey's method I went around and picked up just the trash, I went around and just picked up the dirty laundry. And that's, I mean, that's something that I've never heard put that way in all of the studies that I've done professionally. That's a different way of simplifying, taking away the overwhelm, giving a person a tool that they can fit in their hand and they can go with and that has been a game changer for a lot of people. It's been a very significant contribution to the knowledge that we have about how to help people who are overwhelmed with clutter. So congratulations and thank you for that, among so many other things but that's it really significant contribution really?

    KC Davis 25:02

    Well, this is such a cool, it's almost like things that you are doing that are kind of disrupting the industry in a very good way. Do you have any other things that you want to share with us? Well,

    Alison Lush 25:13

    I would encourage the public to look for credentialed organizers, people who belong to professional associations. I'm sure that people who don't belong to professional associations might be doing a fantastic job, but there's no checks and balances system. They're all by themselves. I believe that the people who are in a community have more opportunity to hear the better ideas and have their things checked out. And so I just think it's safe from give a continuing education, very much. So. Yes, yes. So when that little public service announcement course that I give, I talk about all those things, so people can, you know, get an insider's view of all the things you might want to consider if you're hiring a professional organizer?

    KC Davis 25:50

    Yeah, it's one of those things that, you know, there, it's hard. There are certain, as I'm trying to say this with, you know, honesty and honor, there are certain professions that are really important. But because there seems to be a lot of people getting into that, like, there's not a lot of entry barrier, right? Like, you can't wake up tomorrow and say, I'm a psychologist. Correct. You have to legally, but there are like, you could wake up tomorrow and say, I'm a professional organizer. Now, you could wake up tomorrow and go, I'm a nutritionist. Now. I'm a personal trainer. Now,

    Unknown Speaker 26:26

    it happens every day.

    KC Davis 26:29

    And they're not. And it's like, those are like needed people and expertise and services. But it's a difficult industry to navigate. Because you could get someone that has been doing this their whole life that knows it really well, that does all these things. Or you could get a super nice lady whose parents whose kids just went to college, and now she decided she wants to do something else. And she's always loved organizing. So now she's a professional organizer. You know what I mean? And like, maybe she's great, maybe she's not, but it's like, you don't want to spend the money to find out. That's really helpful to know that there are organizations out there that are offering membership that are offering training that are offering at least some degree of credibility to people. So that's wonderful. Well, Alison, thank you for stopping by. And I really appreciate these sort of extra tips and extra ways of looking at things and I hope it inspires everyone listening to not be afraid to reach out for help and to know that there are levels of help out there more accessible than hiring a nice lady for $10,000 to unpack your house for you.

    Alison Lush 27:27

    Thank you so much for having me here.

    KC Davis 27:29

    Okay, bye.

KC Davis
33: What Stress Animal are You? with Dr Lindsey Cooley

**Content Warning: This episode references school shootings and the murder of George Floyd.

Stress is a word we throw around regarding many aspects of life, and we all know what it is to feel stress, but how much do we truly understand about it? Stress can take any able-bodied, able-minded person and bring them to a whole new level, whether or not they have a diagnosed condition. As we break down the topic of stress, each person has different responses, personality styles, and primary goals. Join us to find out which stress animal you are!

 I’m joined by Dr. Lindsey Cooley, who posted a TikTok about stress, and I knew we had to have this conversation on the podcast. She is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who specializes in school-aged children/teens, emotional and behavioral disorders, LGBTQ youth, ADHD, and autism spectrum disorder. 

Show Highlights:

  • Why we should be kind to ourselves–even if we don’t have a diagnosis

  • What is stress? (THE million-dollar question!)

  • The phases of stress (alarm, resistance, and exhaustion) and how prolonged stress can cause diseases of adaptation

  • How our culture normalizes “too much stress”

  • How stressful life events can affect executive functioning, relationships, energy, and more (The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale and Adverse Childhood Experience are well-known measurement tools.)

  • Why we need to legitimize that most of our stress is caused by normal reactions to dysfunctional systems

  • The medical model of disease vs. the social model of disease

  • Common symptoms of being in a prolonged stress cycle

  • Differences in acute stress, chronic stress, and traumatic stress

  • How traumatic stress occurs when we watch something like the murder of George Floyd and school shootings

  • How the “stress animals” (eagle, turtle, chameleon, and lion) concept came from Lynn Lott's Top Card Activity

  • How your personality style and stress response help determine your stress animal

  • How we can learn to care for ourselves in the middle of stress

 Resources:

Connect with Dr. Lindsey Cooley: TikTok

Mentioned in this episode: Lynn Lott's Top Card Activity, the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, the ACE Scale, and "Kids Are Suffering from Toxic Stress" LA Times article

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

​​We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

KC Davis
32: Book Chat: Real Self Care with Dr Pooja Lakshmin

If you follow me at all, you know that I really don’t like the word self-care. But today, I’m giving you an entire episode about Real Self Care!

My guest today is Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a perinatal psychiatrist, writer, and CEO of Gemma, a women's mental health community, has a fresh perspective on self-care. In her debut nonfiction book, Real Self Care, Dr. Lakshmin challenges the conventional concept of self-care, which is largely full of empty calories and devoid of substance. She argues that the game is rigged, and faux self-care only keeps us looking outward, comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection, which means it's incapable of truly nourishing us in the long run. Her insights on self-care are particularly relevant in the current times, when many people feel overwhelmed, overburdened, and burnt out.

Show Highlights:

  • The difference between a “system” and “philosophy”.

  • There is no one right answer, there are hundreds of answers.

  • Hope as a skill, not a new concept.

  • A boundary is the process you went through where you decided that you were worthy of standing up for what you want.

  • You know how to practice real self-care when you suffer from a mental health condition.

  • There is no one answer for recovery from religious trauma.

Links and Resources:

Connect with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin: Instagram, Twitter

Real Self Care, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

​​We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • If you follow me at all, you know that I really don’t like the word self-care. But today, I’m giving you an entire episode about Real Self Care!

    My guest today is Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a perinatal psychiatrist, writer, and CEO of Gemma, a women's mental health community, has a fresh perspective on self-care. In her debut nonfiction book, Real Self Care, Dr. Lakshmin challenges the conventional concept of self-care, which is largely full of empty calories and devoid of substance. She argues that the game is rigged, and faux self-care only keeps us looking outward, comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection, which means it's incapable of truly nourishing us in the long run. Her insights on self-care are particularly relevant in the current times, when many people feel overwhelmed, overburdened, and burnt out. In this text, Dr. Lakshmin discusses her ideas on self-care, women's mental health, and more in a conversation with Casey, the host of Struggle Care, a popular podcast.

    Show Highlights:

    The difference between a “system” and “philosophy”.

    There is no one right answer, there are hundreds of answers.

    Hope as a skill, not a new concept.

    A boundary is the process you went through where you decided that you were worthy of standing up for what you want.

    You know how to practice real self-care when you suffer from a mental health condition.

    There is no one answer for recovery from religious trauma.

    Links and Resources:

    Connect with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin: Instagram, Twitter

    Real Self Care, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin

    Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

    Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

    ​​We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codesdc

KC Davis
31: Wait. Am I ADHD? with Dr. Sasha Hamdani

Many adults, like me, are diagnosed with ADHD later in life. It is fascinating to hear the stories of how this diagnosis is missed in their childhood years. I’m joined by Dr. Sasha Hamdani, a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist who just happens to spend some of her spare time on TikTok. Let’s get the facts from an expert! Join us for this interesting conversation!

Show Highlights:

  • The basics: What is ADHD?

  • Why reframing is helpful for adults diagnosed with ADHD

  • Why many of us do self-diagnosis, especially in today’s social media-driven world

  • Factors that can cause a child to fly under the radar and go undiagnosed

  • Why ADHD can be described as “an interest-based nervous system”

  • How most people with ADHD have an “I’m dumb” moment because of how their brains process information and overlook details

  • Why ADHD diagnosis is overlooked in so many people because of the ways they learn to compensate for symptoms

  • Why people with ADHD mask their internal symptoms by learning to respond to their external environment

  • Dr. Sasha’s advice about educating yourself and learning more about ADHD

  • How to decide whether or not to take ADHD medication as an adult

  • Dr. Sasha’s advice about noticing red flags in dealing with your healthcare provider

 Resources:

Connect with Dr. Sasha: TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Book, Self-Care for People with ADHD, and the Focus Genie App

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello, you sentient little ADHD balls of stardust. This is Struggle Care, the podcast about self care by a host that hates the term self care. And today I have Dr. Sasha Hamdani. Did I do it right?

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 0:18

    Yeah, it was beautiful.

    KC Davis 0:19

    Why don't you introduce yourself?

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 0:21

    Hi. Okay, so my name is Dr. Sasha Hamdani. I'm a board certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist. And someone that intermittently fools around on social media.

    KC Davis 0:33

    Love it. Okay, so not only did I send you the link to log on, like three minutes before we started recording, I actually have not even really talked to you about the topic or sent you any question. That's fine. And I'm hoping that maybe you can just roll with that.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 0:46

    Yeah, that's what I do best random rolling with things.

    KC Davis 0:50

    Me too. People always like, Would you like me to send you some questions? And I was like, no, no, stressful. Okay, so here's what I want to talk about. I want to talk about adult ADHD diagnosis. Oh, my God love it. Okay, because I got diagnosed as an adult. Yeah. And I think it's really interesting to talk about how it gets missed as a child. Yeah. And like, how do you know when to go in? And like, there's just so many interesting things about it that like when I finally got in front of a psychiatrist, that understood, ADHD, and understood its adult presentations and understood its adult presentations and women. Yeah. She was like, Oh, I clocked you from the moment you started talking about it. And she asked me all these questions about my life. And I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And then what really was wild to me was when because I was still like almost gaslighting myself. Like, am I making this up? Is this just because I had kids and now I feel scatterbrain. Like, you know, because I had a really successful career. I did pretty well in school with the exception of like, some addiction issues. But what really finally got me to stop feeling impostor syndrome was when she started asking me things about my childhood, and not things like ADHD symptoms. Would, she said, Have you ever been diagnosed with a learning disability? And I was like, Yes, I was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder, dyslexia and dysgraphia. She was like, Oh, well, there's a really high incidence of comorbidity with particularly auditory processing and ADHD. And I was like, Okay. She's like, did you have any addiction issues as a child? And I was like, Yes, I went to rehab at 16. She's like, Oh, because there's a very high crossover comorbidity between addiction and ADHD. And the one that really freaked me out was when she said, Did you ever have any vocal tics as a child? Hmm. And I was like, Yes, I totally did. It wasn't very long. It was like in a stressful period after my parents got divorced, but I developed this weird vocal tic, and this weird thing with light switches. And I can't remember there's anything else. And then I was telling her like, I just didn't think I was ADHD because like, I did so well, in school for so long. Now. I didn't do my homework, like ever. And she was like, Well, I mean, we're just on and on and on. So I know, there's probably a lot of listeners that either are ADHD or they're like, wondering if their ADHD and so I thought maybe we could just start with like, if somebody were to ask you what ADHD is, how would you like answer them on an elevator?

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 3:28

    So this does happen to me on elevators. So if I was talking about what is ADHD, just like a little blurb about it, I would say it's a neurodevelopmental condition that presents with inattentiveness, hyperactivity, impulsivity, and it doesn't need to be all of those, but it can be like an amalgamation of all of them, or one specifically more than the other. But basically, this is something that you were born with, and this has progressed through your life and is in fact, you know, a lot of people have beef with the disorder part of ADHD. But I think that's really important, because I think that it causes dysfunction. And even if like, in your story, Casey, like going through your life that you did, well, there were other facets of your life that were like exploding, right? So there's a disorder part of it. It's not just smooth sailing. So ADHD causes dysfunction in some capacity.

    KC Davis 4:20

    Well, I also thought was interesting was like, Okay, so like, I went to school, and there were some bumps along the road, but like, also, like, went to college and went to grad school, but also, like, I changed my major, because like, the first one was too hard. And the first one had too much math, and the first one had too much reading or whatever. And so what was interesting to me was thinking about, like, number one, what could I have done? If I had actually had my full capacity available to me?

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 4:48

    I mean, number one is a big thought in and of itself, right? Because I think a lot of people that are going through this process, especially people that have late diagnoses, there is a mourning period, right? Because you're just like, What could I have done? I wasted all of this time. And that's, I think that can be, that's something that should be acknowledged because it is a common experience. But also something that could benefit from a little bit of reframing, like, what you went through is like, if you had gotten a diagnosis earlier, yes, maybe life would have been different. But during that time, you were also building coping skills, and you were building like collateral circuitry and trying to compensate for some of these things. And maybe some of those alternative kinds of things that you arrived at, are really going to suit you now that you have a diagnosis that you have a possibly medication that you're addressing it appropriately now. So I mean, not last time, just different.

    KC Davis 5:43

    Well, what's interesting is that she said, like, so it happened, or the pandemic, so I was doing like a virtual visit. And I laugh all the time at how like, I wonder how different this would have been, if it hadn't been a virtual visit, if I had like, gone into the office, right, because I would have like woken up and gotten ready, gone to the office, like sat there, like had this calm conversation and been trying to like recount things. But what happened was, we were on a video call, and she says, What makes you think that maybe you have ADHD, and I was like, well, like, I feel like I can't remember things unless they're like visual to me. And and I started talking about my kitchen and how my kitchen is always messy, but I'm trying to get it functional. And I have to do these four things every night. But I can't remember the four things unless they're written down. And I like took her into my kitchen and started like explaining my system for keeping my kitchen clean. And she was like, you could like see her eyes like get wider and wider. She's like, looking at me pan across the kitchen and talk about my kitchen. And it's funny to me, because I feel like she probably wouldn't have had that experience of me if I was like sitting in her office. But her actually seeing my space. And the like nine I swear that I looked like that meme of the guy with like, all of the conspiracy board with all the strings where I was like, so I hang these here. And then I have to put this here so that the dishes go here. And if I don't forget the dishes, then I have this thing over here though. And she was like, oh,

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 7:04

    okay, okay. Yeah, I mean, that's part of the cool thing about being able to do telehealth because you're actually getting to see the patient in their environment, which gives you a huge amount of data also, which is great.

    KC Davis 7:19

    So I feel like so you know, you and I both do tick tock. And there's a lot of content out there about ADHD, some very helpful, some kind of random and maybe not that related. But what I think is interesting is that there are a lot of people right now sort of listening to things about ADHD and for the first time in their lives going, do I have ADHD? Like, I'm sort of relating to this? And I'm curious, like, how do you as a psychiatrist that works with ADHD? Like, how do you view that phenomenon? Like, are you on the now everybody thinks they have it because of social media? Or are you on the like, we have a, you know, there's been an epidemic of undiagnosed people that are coming out of the woodwork now, like, how do you see that?

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 8:03

    I don't know. So here's kind of my two cents on that, because I think this is related to that. Right? So I think why people like the crux of what you were saying, like, if you boil down the two sides of that, it's like, how do you feel about self diagnosis? Right? Like, is that kind of like where people would go? And so my view is, I think self diagnosis is kind of something that we all do, like whether or not it's from social media or not, like you're trying to explain your own internal environment. So I actually don't really have a problem with self diagnosis, like, trying to get information and learn about yourself, whether it's through social media, or through a podcast or through, like talking to other people that, you know, what I do have a problem with is when people get overly entrenched in these things, and like, I'm telling you, like, I am a psychiatrist, I've spent my whole entire life working up to this point and spending all my effort into this kind of academic training. And there are days where I'm like, I don't know if I'm hungry or sad. I don't know what that is. I cannot adequately describe what's happening. So I think it's difficult when people are trying to self diagnose, and they get absolutely, like, entrenched in this has to be ADHD, and it can't be anything else. Because then I think what you're doing is you're limiting yourself because it could be a lot of different things. And ADHD is so nuanced. It could be anxiety, it could be a thyroid disorder, it could be like some underlying learning disability, it could be so many, many, many different things. And so I think that yes, if you have suspicions, learn about your brain, understand it as much as you can get from other resources. But if it's accessible to you find a way to corroborate that information or to discuss that possible diagnosis with a medical professional because I think that's where you're gonna get the most comprehensive thing. So whether or not it's like this huge burst and like, I think with COVID, we were all on our phones more. So I think that there was just a lot of time where people became more introspective, and they had this new information out to them. And they were like, Oh, this looks like me. Although we all had this seismic shift in what we were doing, right. We were previously like out and about and multitasking. Now we're at home and teaching our kids at home and doing all of that, like a lot more responsibility was thrown on us in a small period of time. So I don't think it's this epidemic, or I don't even know what you would call it. I don't think it's like this huge, rapid burst of people that like new diagnoses coming out of nowhere. I think these people probably had it. And it was just like, Okay, now we're starting to realize it more because of this unique spot in time.

    KC Davis 10:38

    Yep. So there are certainly a lot of kids that get diagnosed with ADHD. And I remember being 16 and being in a partial hospitalization program, because I had a lot of addiction issues and mental health issues. And there was a kid in there, that was ADHD. And I remember him like not being able to stop moving, he could not stop moving, he could not stop talking, it was almost like compulsive. And then like, the next day, he came in, and they had medicated him. And he like, was in he started crying and was like, I can't do anything. Now. I can't do anything now. And I feel like I've just always had this picture of what ADHD looks like as sort of a stereotypical, like, young white boy that isn't focusing in class, and is being really disruptive. And as always getting in trouble in class for not like, you know, getting really poor grades and not being able to pay attention. And so that was not me. So I'm curious if you have any insight into like, how so many diagnosis,

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 11:47

    we all thought that.

    KC Davis 11:48

    Yeah, like, why did we all think that and like, why is it we're like, are there other presentations that we're just like missing and childhood? Like, what factors could make a child go undiagnosed, or like fly under the radar despite having this disability, so think we're getting

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 12:03

    better? But yeah, like, I know, when I was growing up, and things like that, I was diagnosed in fourth grade, but it's because I presented like a boy, like I was super hyperactive, and I was off the wall. And I literally, like it came to my parents attention, because I started riot in my classroom, like, I got all the other kids to stand up on their desk. So like, as disruptive as one could be, that's what I was doing. So I think that clinically the presentation, that's what kind of stuck out and I thought about this a lot, because everybody has that like young hyper boy. That's what they think of with ADHD. And I think it's become problematic because a lot of practitioners grabbed ahold of it. I think what they were grabbing onto was the dysfunction part where they were like, if it is like they are disrupting the entire classroom, and they can't progress through learning, it's causing dysfunction. But they were skipping over all of these, mostly girls who were inattentive, they were sliding by their classes, but they weren't doing as well as they could. And they weren't, like, appropriately building relationships or doing things like that, that's going to aid them that when things actually get hard. And when they're like, maybe it's like middle school and high school. Now they're dealing with like social things to where now they're victims of impulsivity and judgment issues and other things like that. And they can get into like, bigger, scarier, problematic areas. But by that time, it's like you don't have as a kid, you're fine. And so like, then from that point onwards, girls go through puberty, and then they're gaslit. You didn't get it. You didn't have it as a child, when really they did. It just presented differently.

    KC Davis 13:41

    Well, and I remember listening to someone say that, like, ADHD isn't about not being able to pay attention. It's about not being able to regulate your attention. And that the way that shows up for a lot of people is like, the young, hyperactive boy that can't pay attention in class. And when I was talking to my psychiatrist, and she was asking me about my experience in school, I told her like, I remember liking school. Now I didn't like the structure of it. Like I was kind of that kid. That was a little bit, but I liked learning. And I found it really easy. And once they identified the auditory processing and moving to the front row, it was easy for me to pay attention because I thought it was interesting. And I would listen, the way that my school was set up is that if you listened to the lecture, and what was happening in the class, I would retain it all. And then when I go to take the test, I would remember it all and I would get hundreds 90s 95 on the test. However, I never did homework. Yeah, never did homework. I was so fast at my a lot of classes. The way they were structured was like, Okay, do this worksheet. And if you finish first then you can start on homework. So or they're saying homework is if you don't finish the worksheet and I was working so quickly, that I either always finished everything in class, or I finished it and then some other thing. But the work that never got done was anything I was required to do or structure on my own time. And what was interesting about it is I think about that age is like, and it was a problem, like I got in trouble. But nobody really pushed it that hard because I was still a straight A student. And I was like forging my parents signatures on the like, notes that I that I wasn't doing homework. And even if you would ask me at that age, why I wasn't doing homework, I don't think I would have been able to verbalize like I am today, because I can tell you today, what would happen is that they would say what the homework was, and I would think to myself, I'll remember that, and then I wouldn't, or I would think, Okay, I'm gonna write that down. And then I would shut the journal, and it would disappear from my life fine, I would never remember to take it out and look at it again. And there was after school, and even my little after school care, like, but there was nothing after that, that was like, and now you have to sit down and open it up and recheck the list and look at it, like it disappeared from my existence. And what happened was, I did well in school until we hit high school, where they restructured how they weighted the grades, when suddenly, you know, it used to be okay, we'll do a lecture on chapters one through three. And then the test is on chapters one through three, and then I got to high school, and it was we'll do chapters one through three in class, and you'll go home and read chapters five through 10. And then the test will be on chapters one through 10. And I was incapable of doing work outside of class.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 16:42

    So that's so common with ADHD, because, you know, we hate structure, but we've made it. So like within the confines of a classroom, you may be able to be like, Okay, I understand how this goes. And as long as you're adequately engaged in the material. And it's still kind of interesting to you, you can keep up and you can process a lot of information at a small amount of time. When you pull that structure away, and you're you go home, and you're expected to self motivate yourself or stay organized without those kind of structures in place. It's nearly impossible, especially if you don't know how your brain is working. It's really difficult to do that. And especially as a child, like how are you supposed to do that on your own heart. So as parents, like, if you don't know, your kid has ADHD, if the kid doesn't know they have ADHD, I think it's really hard to parent that kid and kind of lead them the right way to because their brain works differently.

    KC Davis 17:35

    Plus the impulse control of like, when I'm at home, the amount of like executive functioning skills it takes to be like, I could go watch TV, I could go hang out my friends, but I will sit down and do homework. I didn't have it. So it was so fascinating for my psychiatrist to go like, well, that's because you were interested, you could pay attention because it was interesting to you like it was like a weird, almost like a lining of the stars that you just happened to be interested. And then of course I was I never did well in math, because it was never interesting to me. So I thought that was fascinating.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 18:08

    I don't know how it's interesting to anybody. I think that there's, you know, with ADHD, to me, I feel like it's an interest based nervous system like you regulate and you turn on and activate and you turn off and deactivate based on what you're interested in. So if there's something that you're engaged in, you fire and your neurotransmitters are working and you can like process, a tremendous amount of information, maybe more so than a neurotypical person. But if you can't get to that spot where you're engaged, it's like nothing is happening, like things aren't firing.

    KC Davis 18:40

    Okay, so I want to ask you specifically about the criteria when we come back from this little break. Okay, we're back. And here's my question. So when I was looking over the criteria, when I was first trying to question whether I had this diagnosis, it talks about inattention. And it talks about often fails to give close attention to details or make careless mistakes. And I think what was hard for me was not understanding like at what frequency was considered clinically significant, because it wasn't like, that was happening so often that I was like, I remember the TIC tock of the girl like crying in her car and being like, I think maybe I'm just stupid. I can't remember anything like, that wasn't my life, like I was super successful. I was very responsible. But there are these like key moments in my life that I could point to where I would read something. And I thought I knew what it said. And it said something different. And it caused me to miss a midterm or not turn in a paper on time. And it wasn't like I'm not being responsible. It was like I had it planned out. I was going to do this on this day, this on this day. And then I go to class and say, Oh, it was do this Monday. Not next. It's Monday. And I remember like, at one point, I really wanted to get a PhD. But the programs I wanted to get into you couldn't make less than a B in your classes and your like masters classes. And the one see that I made was because of one class where I misread the syllabus, the date on the syllabus, and I remember being like, I don't understand how I'm doing this. And so again, it wasn't like a thing that happened every day or every week. But there was like, these handful of times in my life, where I would like miss an important meeting or or like that, and I never understood like how I could be so stupid.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 20:40

    Yeah, I mean, I can't even tell you how much I relate to that. And I think that's kind of why ADHD is such an important thing to discuss because of these lapses in executive function. And these like gaps. It just like, deteriorates your self esteem, right? Because you're just like, I'm dumb. There's literally no other explanation for this. But I think that what helped me. So when I was in medical school, like one of my very first exams at a neurobiology exam, and I was like, This is awesome. Like, I like it was cadaver base. So like, we were looking at, like, cut up the brain. And I was like, so I mean, it was gross, how much I enjoyed that like, like, I was like, This is so interesting. Like, I understand the anatomy, because it was visual, like, I'm engaged in visual stuff. I did the test finish before anybody else. I'm like, I'm fully a genius. This is great. Like, every question was easy to me. They posted the grades later that day, and I had gotten a 32%, which is like, I'm fail. I like, I don't know what I was doing. And I was like, what? I thought I did well, and it's because I didn't turn over the test. So I literally did not flip the sheet. And so I remember at that point, like I had been by myself for a little while. It's the first time I've been away from home. And I was like, I'm done. That's it. I don't know what this is like that stuff. And what helped me and like my parents were like, trying to help me make sense that and this is like I was diagnosed earlier, but like, I didn't really understand that it was ADHD. So finally, around that time, like I was starting to put together the pieces. And so my poor dad was like trying to like, help me understand this better. And he was trying to understand better, and he's like, your brain just moves too fast. And so you're processing way too much information. And so things fly by. So it's like, we just have to figure out a system that works better for you. And I literally did not figure that out until I was well into residency. But like, that was so helpful for me because I'm like, Okay, it's not dumb. It's just I'm doing too much. My brain is doing too much. It's processing too much too quickly. And so obviously, if you're doing it so quickly, you're gonna make mistakes.

    KC Davis 22:50

    And I feel like I guess I always thought to my head like, oh, well, like everyone makes mistakes. Like, no, maybe, but it looks like I mean, but I have like a handful of them. And I guess I was under the impression that it had to be something happening to you, like daily or weekly to be like clinically significant. But then when I was telling my doctor, like, I mean, there was the time that I missed the midterm, there's the time that like that she was like, yeah, that's like clinically significant that you have like four or five instances in your life where something that really mattered to you was like, bungled, because you like missed a detail. And I think what was hard for the grumps around me is that I'd never went home and did my homework. And yet, like, I was a theater kid, who would prep, prepare, nail the star role, and then have the entire script memorized. And they were like, well, you know, it must be that you don't care enough, it must be in your trunk. Because if you can do that skill in this area, why aren't you doing it in this area? And so there was like, That mismatched? Like, is that part of it? Like, is that a thing? Like, I feel like if I had been consistently in deficit across like every area that maybe that would be something else? Or if I was like, consistently performing, but it was almost like the patchwork of when I was able to excel. And when people were like scratching their heads? Like how could you not be able to do this

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 24:17

    interest base nervous system, you were interested in the other stuff, and you weren't in that, like, so there are those like, with patients I hear all the time, where they're, you know, I'll have like, the kid and then the parents in the room and the parents are arguing in front of their kid, like at me. And it's just like, they can't have ADHD because they can focus on their video games for hours. And I'm like, Yeah, cuz that's interesting to them. Like that is something

    KC Davis 24:46

    on their neuro slot machines, right?

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 24:49

    I mean, like, this is stuff that is releasing a tremendous amount of dopamine they are able to engage in this. If you are like, Would you like to play Minecraft or would you like to read out of this algebra textbook? Which one do you think you're going to do a better job focusing on? Like, it just doesn't like, I think, to me, it's a little bit different because I have ADHD. So I kind of understand that flip side of it of like having it and also treating it, like interactions like that, where parents are so frustrated. Like, I understand the frustration, I understand how this may seem so contradictory. But like, if you can boil it down to like, what are you interested in? And what are you not? And the stuff that you're not interested in? How much dysfunction is that causing you? Is it like I can kind of get by? Or is it this is non functional, I can't get by this is not going to happen. That's going to indicate where what the clinical level of severity is, like, do we need to address this or not.

    KC Davis 25:49

    And what's interesting is like, when I the first time I started reading through the criteria, I had a hard time relating. But then when people who either had ADHD or were experts in ADHD, would talk about what the experience of ADHD is like, then I would start to relate. So like when you talked about, your brain is moving too fast. Like all the sudden, I have 1000 sort of memories and experiences that come to mind. And one of them is like, I don't know if your school ever did this. But they used to tell us in school, when we had a test, like first read through the whole test, then come back and start to take it and I was incapable. And they weren't even, there was one time when they did a test where it was like the last question was don't do any of the questions because it was like a little like, see if you can whatever. And it wasn't just, I don't have time for this, I'm too smart. For this. It was like, it was almost like painful to slow my brain down enough to like read each word without like I didn't. It's like it worked. It didn't work as well. And so like I had to move fast. And I've had that experience with like, if I'm interested in something, I can read about it for hours and hours and hours. But then I'd have like one form for something that I needed to fill out. And it was almost like, I can't make my brain. Like look at each word. You know what I mean? And so all of a sudden, when people are talking about that experience, I'm going oh, that's it shows up here. It shows up here. And I remember one time taking the like self rated score. And actually, let me let's take a break. And I'll tell you about my the existential crisis of my self rated score when we come back, okay. Okay, so let me tell you about myself credit score. So I remember getting to the questions. And there was one where it was like, you have difficulty finishing projects, like you always leave projects undone. And I had recently redone my third floor, we have like a game room slash den slash and I had redone and I got so into it. And I mean, there were so many steps involved. And like, I did it, and I completed it. And I remember thinking like, No, I don't leave projects on time. And so I said, like, No, I don't do projects, I'm done. And then I would like needed to go get a drink or something. And I walked down my stairs. And on the landing of my stairs, were all of the tools and supplies that I had used to redo my third floor three weeks ago, okay. And I looked at it, and I was passing by every single day. And I realized that the Oh, like, okay, in my mind, I completed the project, because the room looks the way I want it to look now. But I never, I always struggled to like clean up after myself or to like, put my hammer away, or like figure out what to do with those two frames that I didn't hang in the room. And it was like an epiphany where I was like, Oh my God, I don't finish things. Like when I'm over it, I'm over it. And it just sits there. And then the other part of it was I like went down, I got my drink. And like you can pick it I was like, like opening my little soda, thinking about it and walking up. And then I like looked in the room. And I remembered that. I mean, I had my mom come in town to help me with this room. And part of that is because I think it's fun to do things like that with my mom. But the other part of it is because I've learned in my life, that when I'm in the middle of a big project, I hit this like lol in the middle, where I don't want to do it anymore. But if my mom's there, she'll be like, Let's just hang the pictures. Let's just hang that we could just do it right now. And I won't want to do it, but I'll do it cuz he's like, let's just do it right now. And then I was like, Oh my God. I do have trouble finishing projects. It's just that I've created all of these like compensatory behaviors. And I didn't even realize like that's why I like my mom to come over when I'm unpacking. That's why I invite my mom when I want to do some big project that when I am doing little projects, I'm never putting things away afterwards. That that's all that same behavior.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 30:01

    Yeah. So recently I started working on an app like an ADHD app. And like, I don't know anything about that, right? I don't know, I don't know anything about tech. I don't know anything about data. I didn't know where to start. And so I had all this big ideas. And I was researching into this and like, figuring out what I wanted to do, and like, in my brain, I was like, Minority Report, I was like, everything is like, moving around, and I'm like, I am a genius. And I, like, couldn't execute any of that stuff. I'm just like, I can't do this. And like, because it gets like, you get so interested in everything. And then it suddenly gets overwhelming. And then you're like, recoil. And so what helped me is exactly what you were doing with your mom, I got my sister involved. And she's the one who's like, a secondary brain doing that executive function for me like, Okay, you made it this far, what are the finishing steps? Let's do this. Let's do this. And like trying to keep yourself balanced. So I think that a lot of people, especially people diagnosed later in life, they might have difficulty looking through that initial criteria, because they're like, their variables are confounded by their compensatory mechanisms. You know, it's like, yes, maybe you would have met criteria, but you do this really well. And so I think that, especially for women, we are very good at masking symptoms. And like societally, it's just not, you know, I think boys get a lot more latitude. And so like, girls, we just have to kind of toe the line and figure out how to make it look like it's working. And so like, a lot of it gets get

    KC Davis 31:32

    when I can see how if you were to go to a psychiatrist that maybe still even with all that expertise, just has that picture of that little hyperactive white boy, like they don't even know enough experientially to ask you past the do you finish projects? Anyone? Oh, yeah. Okay, but do you really like let's talk about what does it look like when you like any, like, it's hard because not everybody that is trained is like really actually super knowledgeable and ADHD. And I remember the other one was the when it talks about the fidgeting, like often fidgets are taps with hands or feet, squirms and seat and I remember being like, No, I don't do that. Like, I don't fidget, I don't tap. And, again, because I was thinking like somebody, some little boy that like, literally can't stop moving. And I remember laying on my couch one time, and I was like, massaging my job, because my job is always really, really tight. And the reason it's really tight is because I tend to tap my teeth together all day long to the beats of songs that get stuck in my head. So I'll be like concentrating, I'd be like, there's like all day. And again, I had another lightbulb moment where I was like, Oh, my God, I can't stop moving. It's just that I had learned as a girl who no doubt had been told, like Casey stop moving. Yeah. And I developed a way of doing it that wasn't visible to others that I wasn't even, like totally aware of. And then I have this one other one, where, because I went to rehab at 16, I went to what was referred to as a therapeutic community. And one of the things that they did there, there's a lot of great things I learned. And there were a lot of things that were like not super helpful. And they tended to take all of my behaviors and make them like a moral issue. And and I learned how to basically like stamp out a lot of behaviors during that time of being institutionalized. And so, when it got too often interrupts or intrudes on others has trouble waiting their turn blurts out a question before it's been answered, talks excessively. So I remember reading those, those are like the social component ones. Yeah. And initially answering note, almost all of them because I don't do those things often. And then I started thinking about my time in rehab. And about like, every week, we got concerns. And they're supposed to be like, addressing behavioral concerns. And the concerns I always got, were like, I never forget, the first one was take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. And then I got a concern about like, you won't stop interrupting people. And you're so self centered. Like you're answering questions, you'll hear someone ask a question across the room, what time did the van leave? And you'll answer it, even though they're not talking to you. Like you need to mind your business. Or the biggest one was that like, when people would ask me questions, I would answer them before they were done asking the question, and they would say, Casey, you need to stop. You're not listening. You're not listening. And I would say I am listening and they say, Why are you interrupting? And I'd say because I already know what you're going to ask. And they're like, well, that's really egotistical of you, like you're such a No at all. And so all of these behaviors were or couch to me like I was being selfish, self centered, egotistical, arrogant, and don't get me wrong, I was in fact all of those things as a kind of like a shitty drug addicted 16 year old. But actually, it was just ADHD. Like I did talk excessively, I do interrupt people. And so as an adult, I'm sitting there going, Okay, I don't interrupt people when they're asking me a question. But it's because I've learned to bite my tongue, I'm still answering their question halfway through and not listening to the rest of what they're saying. Because if I don't get what's in my head out of my mouth, I'll forget it. And so I have to concentrate on it. So that I don't forget what I'm going to say. But in concentrating on that, I now can't hear what you're saying. And I'm trying to find the socially appropriate time to interject it. And I did not realize that wasn't neurotypical like, I did not realize that that is what that criteria is. I just had learned to stamp out the external behavior, but like, I wasn't actually changing what my mind was doing.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 36:10

    Yeah, I mean, that's so common. And I think that's why so like, when you're looking at masking or obscuring your symptoms, for whatever reason, like whether it's purposeful or not, a lot of times, what you're doing is you're not changing that internal behavior, you're just changing how you respond externally. And so I think that's kind of what what becomes problematic in terms of diagnostic kind of things. Because if you've been masking for so long, it's hard to know, like, Is this a real thing? Is this what I do? What? Because you're looking at your internal symptoms? And so I think that's, it's difficult sometimes for a provider to truly get to the bottom of things, right? Because you're, what there's appreciating and getting data on its external criteria.

    KC Davis 36:52

    So what would you say to someone who is maybe listening to this, or they've seen other things, and they're going well, I kind of relate to those things. Like, what should next steps be at that point, because I think the other thing is like, this is really sad to me, but I've had a lot of people tell me, I brought this up to my doctor. And they said that, you know, because I'm not in school, it doesn't matter. Or because I'm you know, because I am doing okay, at work. Like it doesn't matter. Or if that's just a thing that kids have, like, I've heard that a lot. And so I feel like people are a little bit hesitant to know who they can actually talk to you about it.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 37:34

    So you know, and that's part of the reason like even getting to that spot where you can talk to someone that's such a privilege in and of itself, because a lot of people don't have that access to care. So I say the first step is just educate yourself as much as possible, like, at the base of everything is a better understanding of yourself and your brain. So learn as much as you can about that. And there's so much that you can kind of learn about an ADHD brain and how it's working in how it's functioning, and try to work on behavioral modification that's independent of medication, maybe you're going to be someone who needs to be on medication, maybe you need to do both. But I always like doing that behavioral kind of imprinting and working on those stemming from understanding what your patterns are, because of two reasons. One, it's going to eventually kind of help functioning. But two is just like such a number one validating experience. And two, it gives you a little bit of grace, like, This isn't me, this isn't a moral failure. This isn't like a problem with intrinsically me, my brains moving too fast. And this is what it's doing right now. So I think that gives people I don't know, I think it gives people just this level of comfort and understanding so that they have this judgment free place to grow and expand from.

    KC Davis 38:52

    And then my last question is, if somebody finds that they do meet criteria, or they do they get this diagnosis, and sort of the next question posed to them is, you know, do you want to try medication? And a lot of the feedback that I get from people is, well, I'm not in school anymore. And actually, there's this like, very specific demographic of people. And it's like, stay at home parents, that will say, Well, I'm not in school, and I don't even like go to a job. So like, they kind of feel like that's what medication is

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 39:26

    for. Since when is parenting not a job, right? Like,

    KC Davis 39:29

    I'll never forget my doctor telling me you like to do a tolerance break on Saturdays and Sundays, and up by medication, just like not taking it. And I remember I had to come back like three weeks later and be like, I'm sorry. I'm a mom. I actually have more to do on Saturdays and Sundays, that I need, like my executive functioning for them, like when I'm sitting at a desk. So I'm curious if you could speak just maybe generally about, you know, how do we make those sort of decisions about medication and what can medication help with outside of that sort? a stereotypical like studying,

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 40:02

    I'm not the one who can make that like, right as a practitioner, your job is to educate the patient. But it's like surely like ego, if I'm saying like, I know better when to start medication versus you like the patient is the one whose internal experience really matters. So if they're like, this is what I'm having dysfunction with, I am really having issues kind of moving forward, as long as there isn't anything barring or I'm worried about any, like comorbidity or like medication addiction issues or anything like that. They should be able to say like, Hey, I think I need to start medication because I've done these behavioral modifications, I'm not able to sustain them or keep them up or, or I'm not able to, I have sustained them, and I can't see enough benefit from them. And by the way, like with medications, I think everybody is so like laser focused on stimulants as being the only medication option. There's so many other things besides stimulants that you can treat ADHD with. So I think it's worthwhile having a conversation and just being open and honest with your doctor, like, here's where I am, this is what I've done. This is where the dysfunction still lies, what are my options, and just having that collaborative back and forth.

    KC Davis 41:14

    And I think for me, a big part of it was okay, there, it wasn't a matter of like, I can't do this thing. And so I need medication. So I had this idea in my head that like, if I can't do something, then I deserve or then I like could qualify as someone who can try medication. But it didn't occur to me that like, okay, I can do the thing. But it is taking me so much time, energy and effort. And I'm using three times as much effort to get this thing done, whether it's getting my household tasks done, or paying my bills or returning phone calls that like Okay, I'm getting them done, but at what cost? Like, is it just my baseline productivity that I should be judging? Or, you know, is there room therefore? Wait, you mean, other? Like I said earlier, like wait, other people just decide to do their laundry and then get up? I know, like some it's, like, efficient of water, like you don't know what wet is, if you've been in the water for so long?

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 42:20

    I think it is a matter of just kind of understanding. And honestly, even prior to having discussions with your physician, it's having discussions with yourself and figuring out like, what is this? What am I experiencing? What is this level of dysfunction? Because it's not your job to figure out if it's normal or not, it's a practitioners job to figure it out. But like, deciding within yourself, is this something that I want to discuss and find out more about like, I've had my own suspicions. Let me see if this is worthwhile to me to talk about.

    KC Davis 42:49

    Okay, so this is my actual last question. What could you tell people like, do you have like maybe provider red flags? Like, let's say that they go to their provider? Is there something that if like, let's say, if I came to you as a friend, and I was like, I saw my provider, and they said XYZ? That would make you go? Oh, I think maybe you should go find a different provider. Because I feel like a lot of people are getting really discouraged. And they don't know whether it's Oh, I'm not a doctor, I should just listen or whether it's like, I need to go ask someone else.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 43:21

    So a couple of things that come to mind are stuff we've talked about, like if they're saying you did too well, in school for this to be factor, like, theoretically, I think they're trying to indicate that it's not causing dysfunction. But school is not the only metric for that, right? If they're saying, You're not a kid, red flag, if they're saying things like, you've gotten this far, does it really matter? At this point? I've heard that before. Like, that's dumb. Don't listen to that. Those are kind of some of those things. And again, it's really difficult because like, these are all hypothetical situations, and you don't know what kind of led up into this case. But those are kind of the things that if you're hearing that or if that's kind of the undertone, that you should be like, that may not be accurate. And that might be more reflective over like an underlying, like, either knowledge deficit or just like a bias. Yeah, they might just feel that way.

    KC Davis 44:19

    Yeah, that's kind of those are like the ones where it's like, context couldn't really help a provider saying that,

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 44:26

    like the only thing I could think were was maybe like, it's like, if you had another comorbidity that could be explaining like ADHD symptoms, but even that and like,

    KC Davis 44:38

    yeah, I found that, especially in the realm of really any neuro divergence, like whether I was looking for someone to talk to about a possible autism diagnosis for a kid or my own ADHD diagnosis. Like, I found that I really needed to ask a lot of questions on the front end of the provider and I know not everybody has this privilege. But if you do, really asking for someone and like, how much ADHD do you work with? How what do you know about adult diagnosis? You know, like asking some questions about that, because I found that when it came to neurodivergent issues, I had to find someone that had specific experience in like, current.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 45:25

    Yeah, and also looking on like their websites and things like that. A lot of people they talk about that stuff, if they're passionate about treating it.

    KC Davis 45:32

    Awesome. Well, where can people find you if they want to follow you learn from you tell us everything.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 45:40

    So on social media, so I'm on YouTube, I vine, at tick tock, I'm on Instagram, it's the psych doctor, MD. I'm Dr. D, OC, T, or a book about ADHD is coming out January 3, and I didn't know you hated the term self care, but it's called self care for people with ADHD.

    KC Davis 46:02

    I love it. I don't hate it from you, I only hate and the thing is, is that there's no other term. That's kind of what I hate about it. Like there's no other term. So I do use it, I hate what it has, like come to represent.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 46:15

    So basically, that's kind of like the Oh, because I get it. I'm a psychiatrist, and I'm supposed to talk about medications all the time. But at the same time, I think going through this journey with ADHD, I really understand the benefit of one understanding your brain and to the behavioral modification, because I think that's really important. And so that's kind of the basis of the book. And then that's kind of the bones of of the app, which will be released cut in winter. And that's called Focus GT. And so it's the focus Jamie on Instagram and Tiktok. But basically, that is something that is like just behavioral modification in your hand. So it'll it teaches you about your brain and teaches you about here are things you can actually do. These are areas of dysfunction, what is the term procrastination, like all these different things, and then tools you can use with it, like how to break down your To Do lists, how to do a task timer, how to do body doubling, how to do like having all of those options, so it's, it's like, it's what I created that I should have used in medical school. Like if I had this, my life would be so much better.

    KC Davis 47:22

    I love that. Okay. And the release date for the book is January 2023.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 47:25

    Yeah, January 3, and then the

    KC Davis 47:29

    app. Okay. So by the time people are listening to this, the book will be out. Okay, great. So go buy the book.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 47:36

    If you want to,

    KC Davis 47:37

    please don't hate it. They're not going to hate it. It's going to be good.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 47:41

    Yeah. And then the app will be. So if the book will be out, then the app will be out too. So the app is I've just I'm like, so proud of it. It's so cute.

    KC Davis 47:48

    And what's the name of the app? Focus GD o focus Genie, I already love it. It's so cute. And

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 47:55

    it's got like this little dude, this little focus, Genie. And it's, it's cute. And so like, part of the thing is when I was doing research, and like I for myself was trying to find an app I liked and for like to help me and then to refer to my patients, and every single one I used, I'm like, oh, so boring. Like, I couldn't even get through the trial period. I'm like, I cannot maintain this. This is painful for my brain. And so this is like fun. It's colorful. It's engaging. It's like little hits of dopamine as you're going through, but you're learning at the same time. It's, it's great.

    KC Davis 48:27

    I'm picturing like, you remember the old school like Clippy, the paperclip and Microsoft Word that would show up? I mean, look, can you imagine like, it's like, he shows up and he's like, looks like you're trying to do your homework. We're like, looks like you're trying to do laundry. Do you need some help? I love that.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 48:44

    It's like essentially that there's like a little cartoon Genie that kind of helps and guides you through the process. It's it's the cutest.

    KC Davis 48:53

    Okay, that's amazing. So everybody go out, download the app, get the book. Thank you so much. And this was wonderful.

    Dr. Sasha Hamdani 49:01

    To Well, thank you for having me. I'm so excited. Of course.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

KC Davis
30: Fat Talk with Virginia Sole-Smith

Do you agree that we live in a world that equates body size with a person’s value? What is our society teaching our kids about fat, body size, and a person’s worth? If you experienced body-size shaming as you grew up, don’t you want to do a better job with your children? Parenting around these topics is not easy, and my guest today wrote a book to help us understand more. I’m excited for this conversation with Virginia Sole-Smith, author of Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture and host of the Burnt Toast podcast. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

  • Why parents struggle with fears and concerns around their kids’ body sizes

  • Why the goal is to have kids who don’t feel anxious about their relationship with food

  • Why we need to think about health as MUCH more than a number on the scale

  • Why, to embrace body diversity, we need to challenge what we’ve been trained to think about health, beauty, and morality

  • How weight distribution matches up with “thin privilege” and anti-fat bias

  • How focusing too closely on our personal weight struggles causes us to reinforce and perpetuate fat bias in the world

  • How our children receive messaging around body types and sizes from healthcare providers, sports coaches, etc. 

  • How to have healthy conversations with kids about bodies, fat, diets, etc. 

  • Why parents need to give counter programming to the default settings our kids receive from society about topics such as body shaming and racism

  • Why Virginia included in her book a chapter called “Straight White Dads on Diets”

 Resources:

Connect with Virginia Sole-Smith: Website, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Burnt Toast podcast, and Fat Talk book

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host, KC Davis. I'm here with Virginia Cole-Smith. And she is an author. She's written a book called Fat Talk. And I got an Advanced Edition. And I'm so excited to have her here on the show today, hi Virigina. Yeah. Hi, thanks

    Virginia Cole-Smith 0:20

    for having me.

    KC Davis 0:21

    I loved your book. Okay. So let me I'll just read back so that people kind of get caught up, okay. Since by the time they reach kindergarten, most kids believe that fat is bad kids learn as we have all learned to pursue thinness and survive in a world out to survive thinness and a world that equates our body size with our value. And there's more here. And so in the subtitle is parenting in the age of diet culture, which is amazing. So I had to tell you that this book was so much more than I expected, because I am someone who I've been on my own journey with diet culture, and my relationship with food and all these things. And I do a lot consciously, to help cultivate a healthy relationship with my children to food. And main ways that I'm doing that now is like making sure I don't comment on their bodies, and implementing like a different way of approaching food, like we don't do clean your play, we don't do eat your broccoli before your dessert. And you talk about both of those things in your book as like, things that we maybe our parents did that aren't helpful, and you tell stories, and you give data to back that up. But what's so interesting to me was like, That is like the whole of the advice. And like the general conversation when you're reading blogs and listen to podcasts, like that's kind of where it stops when it comes to like thinking critically about how we were brought up around food. And I'm curious, like your book goes into so much more, we'll go into that. But I'm just curious if you have thoughts about like, why does it tend to stop there?

    Virginia Cole-Smith 1:51

    You're totally right, it does stop there. I think it's because those feel like two very actionable things that people can kind of wrap their brains around. But even more, I think it's because just making a simple rule of okay, I won't make them finish broccoli in order to have dessert, I can see the research that supports that. That's very cut and dried. That is great. It's important. I really do recommend people do it. But it doesn't ask you to reckon with your own anti-fat bias. It doesn't ask you to go deeper and think why am I pushing the broccoli so hard? Why does the broccoli matters so much? Why is the dessert so scary? Like, what is this actually about? And once you strip away, but it's actually about, it's about the fear that if you are a parent in a larger body, if you have a kid in a larger body, that society will treat you differently and worse than if you were thin. And that having a kid in a larger body especially is going to reflect back on you as the parent as some kind of failure. And so dealing with that, and like pulling up all that by like, oh, super uncomfortable, super hard to look at super difficult work a lot of unlearning, like, yeah, I get why a lot of the blogs and like the kid food, Instagram keeps it to like, Oh, don't make them finish the broccoli.

    KC Davis 3:06

    Yeah, and I also wonder if a part of it is like, every time I've read about like not restricting dessert, it's always about how because when you restrict dessert, dessert becomes taboo, and then it becomes wanted, and then that's what we crave. And we can't have moderation. And we talk a lot about how that can start binge eating or that can start quote unquote, overeating. And a part of me wonders if like in our effort to, like, give our kids a better relationship. Part of why that's like the advice is because we're hoping like, well, then maybe this will work for them to not eat too many Oreos.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 3:41

    Oh, I think that's a big part of it. I mean, very often the way that advice is framed, and I have been guilty of this, I have to be clear in my own content at times, is people will kind of hold up like the bag of Halloween candy a week later, that's still like overflowing with candy. Or, you know, the box of doughnuts that came in the house and your kid actually only one of them or whatever. And they'll be like, see, this is why getting easing up restriction is so great. Because look, my kids can take or leave sugar. And then where does that leave the parent of the kid who actually is always gonna want three doughnuts, and always is going to be the kid who eats their Halloween candy all in one city. And that's just how they're wired. And we don't actually need to demonize that either. And so it's really important to understand that like, actually, the goal for this kind of advice is not to have a kid who has like no emotions in the face of sugar and never craved a cupcake and couldn't like, totally take it or leave it. The goal is just to have a kid who does not feel anxious and frocked about their love of these foods that they can just enjoy them. Like, Yay, it's cupcake time. I'm having one cupcake or four cupcakes, whatever I'm actually feeling in the moment, and then I can move on with my day and nobody made me feel like shit about it and I don't have to feel a whole bunch of complicated feelings about the cupcakes. I can just like have that joy in the cupcake and whatever that looks like for me, which is gonna vary for all of us on any given day,

    KC Davis 5:03

    and you do a good job in the beginning of your book of laying out that for all of the concern we have about our children's physical health, that like fatphobia kind of gets mingled with that, you know, there is a real damaging effect to their mental and emotional and physical health through things like restricting putting kids on diets, making these kinds of body comments to our kids. Because it's not just like, oh, let's do it this way. Because I'm being virtuous. It's like, oh, no, like, if we really cared about our kids health, like we wouldn't be doing these things.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 5:42

    Yeah, no, that's completely apt. We know that the number one risk factor for eating disorders is weight based shaming, and dieting in childhood. And a lot of the way we're taught to engage with kids around food and bodies is both of those things at once. So we really need to reckon with like if health is truly your priority, and so often, health is sort of a dog whistle, it's kind of a coded word for like, actually, I just prefer it than this. But if you're like, No, no, it really is about health, then you have to think about health as much more than just a number on a scale or point on the growth chart, you have to think about health as mental well being emotional health, felt safety, all these other things that really matter and really impact this and the impact the physical health outcomes as well. So it's much more comprehensive way of thinking about kids and health and food. And it's just removing so much shame. It's removing so much pressure. And when you step out of it, it's sort of wild to think that people think that the other way is going to be health promoting, like how would making someone feel like they can't trust their body and can't trust themselves around food and that their body is a problem to solve, like, how would that promote health. And yet that is, like so many of our systems and larger culture built on that model.

    KC Davis 6:59

    I want to read this little excerpt here, it's in the very beginning, an introduction, you say unlearning this core belief about the importance of thinness means deciding that thin bodies and fat bodies have equal value. To do this, you have to know that humans have always come in a variety of sizes, that body diversity is both beautiful and necessary, you have to believe that being fat isn't a bad thing. And that means you have to challenge a lot of what you think you knew about health, beauty and morality. That was such a beautiful passage, because you do this thing in the book where you say, like, Hey, this is like the part of this that's just like, right, in a moral sense, like bringing more justice into the world. And then you also speak to us as parents, when it comes to like, Hey, this is like how to actually promote health with our children. But you also like you don't stop there, you actually go and you have data, and you have the research and you dissect why it is that we think that fat must equal unhealthy and skinny must equal healthy, and you give really good data for that. And I think that's really cool. And then in that I'm going to flip pages, you're gonna hear it the whole time. Here's what I thought was so amazing about this book, like I wrote some notes. I'm all over the place today, but my listeners are used to it. Okay.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 8:16

    I love the notes. I love the flipping.

    KC Davis 8:19

    Okay, so I feel like so for listeners who have never maybe seen me, I am five, two, I'm currently like, maybe 160 pounds. Over the past two years, I have been in the 160 to 180 pound range. And as someone who's five to like, you know, I'm in this weird spot, okay. And I don't consider myself someone who is skinny. And I don't consider myself someone who is fat with a capital F. And what I mean by that is, I don't experience the discrimination and the bias in the medical field. In the social arena. I don't get harassed on airplanes, like I don't experience the kind of discrimination that fat people experienced that are in larger bodies than mine. And what I loved about this book was there were several points that I read, where I really realized, Oh, my God, you have pinpointed how anti fat bias in our culture has harmed me, has hurt me as a child, and has created all sorts of issues in my own relationship to food and my own health and my own sort of relationships there. And one thing that you talked about a couple of times that I've never seen anyone talk about before, and I'm sure they do, and I just have never been exposed to it, but you specifically talked about weight distribution.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 9:40

    Yeah, so that's the concept of Aaron, Harrop, I think is the source in the book, who elucidated that really well for me, and they talk about how, depending how your weight is distributed, you may have more or less thin privilege than someone of an equal body size than you so and I hate this terminology, it comes from women's magazines, which is also where I come from. So I have a lot of feelings about it. But I am someone who has an apple shape for lack of a less ridiculous term. You know, I am I wear plus sizes, I identify as small fat, which is again, in reference of the fact that I don't experience the more extreme forms of fat discrimination, I can fit into an airplane seat, like public spaces are built for me, I can order clothes, I have to mostly shop online in person stores not so much. But like I can get clothes that fit my body, I definitely do experience some weight stigma doctor's offices, like it comes up in different ways. But I have a lot of thin privilege. But having that Apple shaped body means that someone else who's my same way with the hourglass figure is going to have a different set of privileges and ability to access clothes, because their body is much closer to the thin ideal, or the sort of larger beauty ideals we have, which is that like, you know, you can have curves if they're in the quote, right places, but not the wrong places. So yeah, that's the weight distribution piece of that. And it is really fascinating to sort of see it also often intersects quite a lot with class and with race and interesting ways. And so all of these different aspects of fatness, you know, become these kinds of intersecting identities with whatever other marginalization you might hold. And yeah, you know, I mean, and then on the flip side, I'll say like, even though I'm an apple shape, I'm also someone who like, has skinny legs and like skinny or skinny face, that's a weird term, but like, so there's also ways that like, when I post a picture on Instagram, I might present as thinner than I present in a doctor's office. So this is where it can get really maddening. Because you can feel like your body is like this sort of moving target, if you are so focused entirely on like how to other people perceive it. And how does this enable me to move through the world? And I think what's important to take away from that is like, it's of course useful to sort of understand it for ourselves. But it is most important to understand it in the context of the spectrum of fatness. And to sort of take it in, sort of analyze where it shows up in your own life, but then think, Okay, where am I benefiting? And who is not benefiting? When I'm benefiting? You know, who's being pushed out? Because we prize thin rest are small phenolic, all these other weird things that like fall into, you know, how this shows up? And so I just think that's yeah, it can feel like you're really down the rabbit hole. But it's also like definitely happening all the time.

    KC Davis 12:24

    No, that's exactly my experience. And reading your book was, I felt like you pointed out ways in which I had never had articulated that, like, I never was a kid that struggled with weight. But I have always struggled with weight distribution, I felt like my body wasn't the right shape. And so pin connecting that to anti fat bias and some other things was kind of a moment for me of going, Oh, this is how anti fat bias has affected me. But at the same time, he did a really good job of routing me kind of understanding like where I am on the continuum of harm, intersecting with where I am on the continuum of privilege. So I am sort of in that space where the primary impact of anti fat bias in our culture creates emotional distress for me, but with the exception of maybe like mean online comments, like, which is still emotional distress. I don't experience barriers to parts of society that kind of said this early, right. Like I've never been discriminated against for health care. I have never had someone tell me that I can't ride a park ride that I've never had someone discriminate against me for a job, which we know that data shows that fat people are discriminated against for jobs. And so that was really helpful because it was like, okay, validating, totally cool to recognize like where your own wounds are, and important to recognize I am not the one most harmed by this and that this is a systemic justice issue, not just a personal self esteem issue.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 14:00

    Yeah, and I think that's where a lot of the online discourse really loses the plot. I mean, I just did a whole thing on my newsletter about the mid size queen trend on Tik Tok. And it's a lot of straight size women embracing their midsize status, which is to say they're not assigned to, and sort of talking about how this creates perceived barriers for them. But we just have to step back and say like, your personal struggle is real and valid. And you're, you know, any one of us feeling like we don't feel safe in our bodies, like we deserve that safety. We deserve to work on that, and to be, you know, supported through that. But when we leave the conversation there with the struggle of the sort of emotional struggles specifically of thin to small, fat white women, we are really ignoring this larger constellation of issues, and who is really being harmed the most by this and I would also say like for me personally, and I don't know if this will resonate with you, is really helped me let go of my own shit to understand the larger spectrum of this because I don't want to be that weight lady, you know, I don't want to be like pushing other people out of the conversation and centering myself over and over. Like, I can see the harm that causes and so that makes it sound then feel like an act of radical self acceptance, but also a form of social justice and form of activism to say, I'm going to wear you know, like, right now I'm wearing like a sports bra, and my stomach is out. And I am totally, like, fuck that beauty standard. And also, like, that's great for me personally. But that's also like some work I can do on myself that's like, on behalf of this larger thing, I don't want to be a part of that system.

    KC Davis 15:37

    Well, I think it taps into, like, a lot of what my audience resonates with, which is like, we talk a lot about like, Why do I struggle so badly to care for myself, but then I can go do all those same tasks for someone else. And I'm with you, like all of the areas where like, despite really trying to unpack fatphobia, and anti fat bias for myself, and like getting to a place of acceptance for my body, like some of that stuff just won't budge, right? Like, at the end of the day, it's like, just there. However, when I think about what me existing in the world without trying to change myself, how that can push dialogue, social change atmosphere, like how that can push it forward, it's like it's easier to care for others more than for yourself, right. And so I think that that was cool as a parent reading that because you're right, what you said at the beginning, which is like we have to unpack our own stuff while trying to avoid giving it to our kids. Oh, I know what I was gonna say. The other thing that I think is really helpful about the way you rooted us in that intersection of privilege and discrimination, or bias is that a lot of times what I've seen with that mid size, and I guess mid size is what I would say I am as well, is that when we're not aware of what anti-fat bias really is and what it looks like and we're up rooting that we end up using, like the ways in which we try to soothe ourselves and heal ourselves and tell ourselves we're okay. ended up hurting people that are fatter than us. Yes. Yeah. Like we ended up saying, you know, I'm not fat. This is just how like women's bodies were meant to look, we're supposed to have fat around our belly. And it's like, Well, okay, but like some people are fat,

    Virginia Cole-Smith 17:24

    or fat. Yeah, you're still making fat. The thing to avoid this comes up all the time, when I hear from my readers, I'll get these furious emails from parents, because they've just been to the pediatrician. And the pediatrician made a big fuss about their child having a high percentile on the growth chart. And they'll be like, it's so discriminated Tory, it's so wrong, blah, blah, blah. And he's not even fat. Meaning like, this is happening to my like, stocky, athletic kid or my tall daughter, you know, who's big boned. And like, how terrible. It's like, no, not what's terrible about this BMI, what's terrible about the way we you know medicalized way that what you've just experienced is like a tiny taste of what fat people are experiencing. And that's what's terrible. What's terrible is the way that gets weaponized against fat people. And you were just saying me that you don't want your kid to be in the fat kid club. And so that's another way of and that's what it really comes down to is when we stayed too focused on our own personal struggles. Without this larger awareness of our privilege, and the system we're operating in, we will only end up reinforcing and perpetuating the bias more, because we aren't seeing who's not there.

    KC Davis 18:29

    Great. Okay, let's take a quick break for a word from a sponsor, and then we'll come back. Okay, so we've talked about like, kind of some heavy stuff. And you do like, again, you firmly root us in the bigger picture. But you don't stop there. Like, it's not just this heavy read, like you give really practical advice. And one of the things that I think is helpful is that you talk about how much of an impact us talking to our children, about bodies, about their bodies, about other bodies. And there are lots of things that I think we would recognize as harmful. But I think you do a good job of saying even like innocuous comments that you think you're making, that is no big deal, like, are creating these issues, and you do a really great job of once again, making this a book that is not just for parents of fat children, like you talk at length about how this paradigm harms even thin children who will always be thin. And I wanted to just read this little part that you have, okay, and it says, When the adults in my life told me that I can eat as many treats as I wanted as a thin kid. While policing themselves I learned that I was getting away with something there was a certain thrill. But it also gave those foods more power, which made me more obsessive about wanting to eat them. And when I did say eat an entire box of fudge in one afternoon and didn't immediately gain weight. It reinforced my sense that fitness was some sort of innate superpower that I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight and was therefore superior to people who couldn't thinness gradually became wrapped up in my sense of self as a talented and successful person. It felt deeply tied to my other achievements, like getting good grades and winning my High School's playwriting competition three years in a row, even though those were goals that I had worked for, and my childhood body size required no such effort. This made it much more difficult to come to terms with my less than and later small, fat adult body. Because I wasn't just buying bigger clothing sizes. I was untangling my identity from thinness, even though the roles that make up my identity now, what writer mother obsessive gardener should not have a body type that is, to me was one of the more powerful things because I resonated with it, I understood it. And it helped me and thinking about talking to my children getting away from this, well, we just don't want to hurt fat people. And it's like, no, we don't want to hurt anyone. And like everyone is really harmed by this. So I thought that was really interesting, because you also talk about how you can engage with medical providers to protect your children from that kind of stigma that kind of weighed, taught that kind of fat talk, and how we should re examine sports for children and how that can be a breeding ground for this kind of messaging. Because it's true that like, there's only so much that we can do with our children, but like the world has an influence. So we need to know how to integrate in whatever that word is. Last point, I have heard so much advice about how to talk to my children about bodies in a good way. You're the first person that I've heard talk about how to teach my children how to think critically about the way society talks about bodies. And it just hit me like, oh, that's the much more important thing that I need to be doing with my kids. The story about the brothers and they were calling one of their brothers, a fat idiot. And the mom says, you know, why do you say that? What do you notice about fat people? What do you notice about why that's an insult? And it was like a lightbulb moment?

    Virginia Cole-Smith 21:52

    Yeah, I mean, I think there's so many layers to this. But I think what often happens is, once parents start reckoning with oh my gosh, diet culture is everywhere. Oh my gosh, anti fat bias is everywhere. You of course want to protect your kid, right? And so you think like, How can I keep them in a bubble? How can I and you know, I'll get emails like, I'm not gonna let my three year old watch Peppa Pig anymore because they make jokes about Daddy Pig's tummy. And I'm like, I agree. It's really annoying that you can't watch a cartoon with your toddler and not having anti fat bias show up. Like I also cringe at the daddy pig scenes. But what if instead, it was a chance to be like, Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with Daddy Pigs. Tell me why is Peppa being so mean to her dad? What do you think? And like, just start having those conversations? And like, Absolutely. When I did it with my three year old, it was like, blank stares, what? I don't know, you know, like we didn't. It's not like my child responded with a thoughtful dialogue about, but now that that child is almost 10, I am having her. You know, she brought me her iPad recently, she was playing some like penguin Island game on her iPad. She was like, Mama, check this out. And it was an ad that popped up in the middle of this children's video game for keto weight loss drugs. And she was like, What is this doing here? And again, I had the instinct of like, I want to like throw your iPad into the sea, like, this is why video games, you know, like I had that I just want to protect you from her. But I like took a deep breath. And I was like, Oh, what do you think of that? What are you seeing here? And now it's become this great thing. Whenever that ad pops up on her game, she brings it over? And she's like, can you believe it says expert approved? What experts approving these trucks? How? Why are they thinking kids should take this, you know, and like it's become this opportunity to build skills. And so and I want to be clear, like my parenting is often incredibly flawed. And this is like one victory I've had in the last six months that I'm really dining out on. So don't think of all the answers because I don't. But on that front, I feel like okay, we're building some skills. And both my kids have thin privilege right now. They are in straight size bodies. And I still know how important it is to be interrogating this with them, because they may very well take after me and not always be straight sized. Or they may take after my husband and be straight size forever, you know, Jury's out. Either way, I don't want them to think that thinness is pivotal to their identity, that thinness is something they have to fight to hold on to. I want them to not live because if you think about it, like fitness, and fatness only exist in opposition to one another, as long as we're continuing to pit them against each other. That's where all of these issues come from. And so the more we can do to use fat as a positive term, you know, they're used to me describing myself as fat. They don't think fat is a bad word. It's used in a totally innocuous way in our household all the time. That's what I'm trying to work towards so that it doesn't feel like the scary thing. And again, the rest of the world is out there. They're going to encounter the anti-fat bias in all of the different ways they encounter it. But they're developing the skills to question that and to reckon with that. Another thing I'll say is like even if you have 10 kids, it's important to talk about this stuff. The same way white parents need to talk about racism, right? We need to talk about anti blackness because when we don't do it, we are going to raise kids who have the you know, the culture will fill in the gaps for you. And you want to be out there. Yeah, they're gonna get the default setting, right? And we want to, we want to give some counter programming to the default settings and help them build those skills.

    KC Davis 25:10

    So I know that if someone's listening, and they're maybe hearing this for the first time, or they're, you know, they're maybe they're not as exposed to this kind of push back on diet culture, I'm sure that there is welling up in them that fear of what about their health? What about their health? I don't want us to go into that. Because that's, that can be a whole podcast, there's a lot of resources, I just wanted to bring it up to say that you do address that in the book, like what about their health, like you do a very good job of that. Here's really the last question that I wanted to ask you. In this conversation, I noticed that I am thinking a lot about moms and mothers, even when you say how parents talk to their kids in my head is like moms and mothers, the conversation in the culture is dominated by I used to see my mom talk negatively about her body, or my mom used to always point out my weight, my mom put me on a diet. And there's this really huge emphasis on the impact that moms being screwed up by diet culture, screw up their kids. And that's why I thought that it was so fascinating and amazing. When I got to your chapter, chapter nine, that's called straight white dads on diets. And so can you just talk to us for a minute about this chapter? Why did you include this chapter? And what is this chapter about?

    Virginia Cole-Smith 26:27

    Yeah, I included this chapter. Because exactly as you say, the default setting is to think this is entirely moms and daughters that show. So I also made sure throughout the book to include some stories from boys as well so and gender queer kids like I tried to include a diversity of genders just throughout the book, and kind of a more natural way that I decided we needed a chapter on dads, because I don't think we talk nearly enough about how much damage dads can do in this conversation. And it plays out in a couple of different ways. And I want to be really clear, I'm not shaming any parent in this. I mean, I also talk a lot in the book about how mothers are unfairly blamed. And given all the responsibility for our kids bodies, and like that really needs to change. So I'm not saying like, Okay, now we need to blame dads instead, like everyone's fault. I'm saying, I don't think our culture is giving men like against us straight white men in particular, but all men in some ways, I don't think they're being given a script for how to talk about their bodies in a way that would let them do this work. And so what that plays out as is, men doing things like CrossFit, or counting macros, or doing intermittent fasting, like there is a male diet culture diets that are marketed to men, that is distinct from the diet culture we see marketed to women often. And it's given a kind of gravitas that a lot of the diets are marketed to women are not given in quite the same way. It's often like more science backed and it's, you know, it's people like Jack Dorsey like he's a billionaire tech CEO, talking about intermittent fasting, or, you know, it's these doctors. It's Michael Pollan, who has been given like about like, optimizing yourself as a human. Right, right. And like you're doing it in this like smart, very, like Brainiac kind of way. But it's the same, it's the same thing. At the end of the day, it's rooted in anti fat bias. And all those diets do is teach restriction, which is everything every woman learned in Weight Watchers, it's the same goddamn thing. And I think stripping that back is so important, because when we're giving men only that language to talk about bodies, they then can't talk about the feelings, right? They can't, they don't have the scripts for talking about hating their bodies, and how that's making it hard to function or do you know, the distress that's causing, they're only sort of staying in this very, like, you know, practical, I have to do XY and Z to achieve this body and maintain my body way. And we really see the fallout of that on kids, because they're, of course, you know, looking up to their dad, just like they look up to their mom, they're getting this model set this template aside. And the other piece of it that I think is really interesting is how gendered our labor around food is so that in most heterosexual relationships, it's often the mom who's running point on the feeding and the meal prep, and the cooking and all of that. And that means she's more likely to have started to do some of this work. Because if she's following food influencers, and you know, she's gonna start reckoning with diet culture there. And then meanwhile, the dads are less engaged, right? They're not judged by how their kids eat in the same way. They don't have the same pressure on them. But it means they're not really engaging with this conversation. So then they're showing up to the dinner table and being like, No, you do have to finish your broccoli to have the cookie and not and like expecting that to be given some weight and authority when they aren't actually like they don't have receipts to back that up. And I just think that's also another layer to this that we need, in particular heterosexual men to be taking a much more active role in the labor of family feeding and like management of family bodies and all of this labor and And we need to be working towards being able to have conversations where they can do their own emotional work around.

    KC Davis 30:05

    Yes. Whenever I talk about care tasks, and cleaning, one of the issues that comes up is when it's almost always women that say, this will say, like, I just can't sit down and relax if the house is messy, and there are just certain like seasons of life where like, you can't like if if you never sit down unless the house is perfectly clean, you'll never sit down. And one of the things that I talk about a lot is how I believe that there are lots of women out there with undiagnosed generalized anxiety disorders, because the way in which they are carrying out those anxiety behaviors is culturally accepted for women. Like it's acceptable for a woman to never sit down for her always to be about cleaning for her, you know, and sometimes it's like jokey, and there's a difference between like, Oh, I like to Potter, I have ADHD. And the joke about like, mom never gets through a whole movie, she has to get up and fold laundry. Right, right. And because like, it's socially acceptable for women to be anxious, even in distress and pain, as long as the way they're carrying that out is like cleaning the home. And I feel like this, in some ways, mirrors that like, this is the way like men, I feel like are massively under diagnosed when it comes to eating disorders. Because so many times their disordered eating habits show up as socially acceptable gendered behavior, like you said, like masked as this, like, I'm just optimizing my mind and body and I'm counting my macros, and I'm getting stronger.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 31:39

    I'm training for an Ironman, you know, like, I'm just a triple sport athlete. And that's a normal thing for a 46 year old man to like, I mean, it's not that it's not normal, but like, what about the larger? Like, what about the work that goes into that, and the amount of mental bandwidth that takes for you to do and yeah,

    KC Davis 31:56

    and there's an interesting intersection between those two people when they marry each other. Because what happens is that she becomes very angry that she's carrying the whole load of the house. And he is leaving for four hours every Saturday to go bike. Yep. And so it's this combination of, you know, yes, I'm over burdened as the woman but also some of the overburdening, I'm giving myself because I can't relax and everything's perfect. And then he's in this space of like, yeah, like, I'm kind of avoiding. I'm going biking, you know, and so I should be here for my family. But it's like this, the idea that, like, I can just leave my family to do this without, you know, a reciprocal conversation for four hours. Because leaving to do this healthy thing is like the trump card. Like, who could argue with that I'm going to exercise when it's like, Ooh, maybe there's something else more obsessive going on.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 32:59

    Right? Why are you exercising at that level? Like, what is this? What need is this meeting? And why does it feel similarly? Like, why can you not just sit down? You know, like, it's another version of that I can't sit down until the house is clean. Like I can't I talked to men who are like, one guy in the book, who was like, I can't relax. It's 9pm at night, and I haven't closed my ring on my Apple Watch. I'm gonna go for a run. Like, that's something that's something to look at. But, you know, that's, I mean, he identified it as an obsession. And I think that feels pretty right. But yeah, because especially because it's Amanda. And you know, and you think if your teenage daughter was doing that, you might be like, Oh, I don't know, if my teenage daughter is going out for runs at nine or 10 o'clock at night, I'd be worried. But I'm not worried if her dad does that,

    KC Davis 33:39

    or like your 14 year old going to spend four hours on the treadmill, right? But he's

    Virginia Cole-Smith 33:44

    training for a marathon. So it's fine. Like, and I just want to be clear, because probably there's a lot of like marathon people listening who now want to like, send me hate mail. Like, I'm not saying you can't have a healthy relationship with Rene. I'm saying, in general, in our culture, we are not interrogating these things. And it shows up in a you know, there's things that show up that are worth looking at.

    KC Davis 34:05

    Yeah, I think that's interesting, especially when you find yourself putting that it's not like, you know, biking for four hours is bad. But if you're beginning to put it above priority over other things that maybe should be the higher priority. That's when the conversation happens. Okay, so just to wrap up the book is fat talk, the fat talk parenting in the age of diet culture. The author is Virginia soul Smith, and when does the book come out? It is out

    Virginia Cole-Smith 34:31

    April 25. So anywhere you buy books, there's also the audiobook version is out. And the UK, Australia and New Zealand edition will be out around the same time. So yeah, you can get it anywhere you buy books. And you know, you can also follow me on my substack newsletter, Bert toast, which is at Virginia soul smith.substack.com or subscribe to the burnt toast podcast and I'm on Instagram, Twitter and Tiktok although I am not as good at Tik Tok as KC and all of those is at V underscore colesmith. So,

    KC Davis 35:03

    come hang out. Amazing. Thank you again, thank you for sending me the book and go out and get this book or read it or you know, listen to it while you're doing your care tasks. I feel like it is a really helpful resource for parents.

    Virginia Cole-Smith 35:17

    Thank you. That means so much

KC Davis
29: How to Get Dope Therapy with Shani Tran

Getting therapy and finding the right therapist is super intimidating! Most people aren’t even sure how to begin the process. Besides the fear and stigma associated with seeking help for mental health, therapy can be scary when you don’t know what to expect. One of my friends from TikTok has written a book with tons of practical information and advice about the basics of therapy. Join us to learn more!

Shani Tran is a licensed therapist in Minnesota and Arizona. She wrote the book, Dope Therapy: A Radical Guide to Owning Your Therapy, to validate the anxiety that can arise around seeking counseling. Through her book, she offers guidance for navigating the uncomfortable conversations that can come up in therapy. In her professional work and on TikTok, Shani focuses on education around cultural humility and helping people of color, who have historically been underserved by the mental health community. 

Show Highlights:

  • Why Shani wanted to write her book to make the therapy process less intimidating

  • How Shani’s book breaks down the therapy process, including all the financial information that people need to know

  • Why it is important to be direct in your questions to a therapist

  • How to reframe your thinking around, “Therapy didn’t work for me.”

  • Why it’s OK to tell your therapist how you really feel (they WANT you to advocate for yourself!)

  • Shani’s advice about firing a therapist (Hint: Ghosting them is OK!)

  • Why the therapy room is a great place to practice new communication skills in a safe place

  • Why your relationship with your therapist is different from every other human relationship

  • How teletherapy brings new elements to the therapy process to improve accessibility

  • Why Shani wants to be noticed for her diverse skills as a clinician and not just her work with the BIPOC community

  • The difference in cultural competency and cultural humility

 Resources:

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Connect with Shani: Dope Therapy book (also available at other booksellers), TikTok, and Instagram

Mentioned by Shani: The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. Yalom

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • Unknown Speaker 0:00

    Oh

    KC Davis 0:05

    hello you sentient balls of stardust. This is Struggle Care, the podcast about how to get dope therapy at least that's the episode that we're doing today. I have Shani, with me. And she and I know each other from Tik Tok. And then we you tell us what your qualifications are? Because I don't actually know them off the top my head?

    Shani Tran 0:21

    Oh, yes. So I am a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Minnesota. And then I'm a licensed professional cancer in Arizona, same thing, just different letters behind the name. I don't know why every state, they just can't get on the same page. But basically, I have a master's and I am qualified to do therapy.

    KC Davis 0:40

    Excellent. Yeah, I know. In Texas, we call them LPCs. So I never know what to call anybody. And I am chronically underprepared to interview people on my podcast. So thank you for being here. So you wrote a book called How to Get dope therapy. And let me just say off the bat, the thing that I love about your book is how practical it is. Like you spend a good part of the book just explaining the basics. What is a copay? Where can you go to search for therapists? What types of therapy? What do they mean? And I feel like as therapists, we take for granted that people don't know the basics. And

    Shani Tran 1:17

    you know, it's funny that you say that, because if I'm being honest, when I actually had to condense that chapter down, that's chapter two, I had several people read it, and they were like, This is so much information. And I was like, I know what I feel like people need to know this. And it really comes from people coming into my practice working with me, and then me having to explain deductible and then being like, Wait, what are you talking about? I pay my insurance monthly. What do you mean, I now have this bill that's like, 130, I don't understand. And so I was like, I cannot write this book, and not go in depth about what a copay is, what a deductible is how that changes yearly, it starts over yearly, because I feel like I would be doing people a disservice. And then I was like, I can't put this chapter at the back of the book, if people can just get through this chapter. It's so good. Like, I know, it's so much like business and like money, but I'm like, I just need you to get to chapter two.

    KC Davis 2:18

    Well, I think about so many things that can prevent someone from going to therapy, and I am someone who like my whole life, I am chronically insecure about things that I don't already know how to do. Like, if I don't know how a workout class works, like simple stuff. Like I don't know what I'm supposed to do after I walk in. I don't know what I'm supposed to bring. I don't know exactly what everyone's gonna be wearing. I don't know if I'm supposed to wait over here over there. Like, it gives me so much anxiety. I just won't go unless I can bring somebody with me.

    Shani Tran 2:48

    Yeah. And I think that that's important to recognize is because especially if you're someone that is actually no, I want to say I was about to say if you're someone that's going to therapy for the first time, but then I'm like, no, because you can go to a different therapist, and it'd be completely different. So I mean, it can be this anxiety provoking thing, because you're about to be vulnerable, you're about to like lay all your shit on the table. And hopefully this person in front of you creates a safe place. That's so scary.

    KC Davis 3:17

    So when I was in college, I got a theater degree. And in your like, senior class, you had to take this one class, I don't remember the name of it. But it was famous because it had this thing called the wildness project, where you were encouraged to go do something absolutely wild, and then write about it. And it was kind of this idea that like as an actor, you need to be able to sort of get beyond yourself. So all of my I mean, you know, theater students, like we're all so depraved anyways. And so the kinds of things that people would do for this wildness project is like, they go take mushrooms, or they go skydiving, or they would go sit for like a nude art drawing, or they do have an origin. And he had specific rules that like it does not matter. I don't care if it's illegal, I don't care if it's unethical, like go do something, just wild. And so what was funny is like I show up at this point in my life, I've been sober several years. And I'm thinking those things aren't actually wild. For me, I've done most of things. And what I ended up doing for my wildness project was going to a ballet class. And the reason that that was so wild for me is because I always wanted to do ballet, but I hated the fact that I was like 21 and didn't know how to do it. And I felt like I didn't know enough about like, am I gonna be in a class with little kids? Am I gonna look stupid because I don't know how to do it and like, I just won't do things like that if I don't already know how to do them. I don't and so I signed up and I made myself go and I went to several of them and that was my wildness project of like pushing myself beyond my limits. But anyways, it just reminded me of that because I feel like a lot of people are in that boat like they don't want to go to a therapist because they don't understand what it's going to Do you like? And I feel like you lay that out so well in your book?

    Shani Tran 5:04

    Yes. Thank you so much. I wanted to comment, I love that you sort of said that because I think that we, as a society sort of see wild as like drinking and like drugs and like doing these things that could lead to death, like skydiving. And no, my wild is like, being in a ballet class. Because wild essentially is mean, like, unknown. You can do anything wild. If it's unknown to you.

    KC Davis 5:34

    Yeah, and wild is vulnerable. Exactly. I love it so much. Thank you. So what made you want to write a book like this?

    Shani Tran 5:42

    Okay, I'm gonna have to be honest, because I'm trying to think Has anyone asked me this question yet? Okay. So, honestly, I was approached by the publisher, and they were like, Hey, have you ever thought about writing a book? And I was like, yeah, definitely about myself. And so the publisher was like, oh, okay, what about anything else? And I was like, Oh, well, I don't know. And they were like, think about what you do? Well, like, think about what you do well, and I was like, Okay, so like, I literally took like, two weeks. And I remember, I was so nervous the entire time, because getting a book deal has been on like one of my dream, like vision boards. And I was like, I can't screw this up. And I was like, What do I do really well. And I was like, oh, therapy. That's what I do really well. And then I was like, How can I write a book that is unlike any other, like, literally going, diving into the things that I'm not going to lie, some of the things that I wrote in the book, I was very nervous about writing, specifically, the business chapter about co pays and deductibles. Because I don't think that that's often talked about. And what made me fearful of writing about it is I was like, what if I don't know, some insurance company is like, you can't write about this, we have to, like, Take this, but you can't put this information, you know, because knowledge is power. Right? And so I just was really like, I want people to know, as much as they possibly can to be able to make an informed decision about stepping into therapy, and what that looks like,

    KC Davis 7:21

    I love that. And that's only a part of the book is like the business II stuff. The rest of it is like how to get the most out of your therapy journey. And I really appreciate this a couple of years ago, I had someone asked me, How do I find a therapist, and I did like a series of tiktoks, that would like broke it down to like, okay, here are some places you can go in search, here's how you look it up on your insurance. But then the most important thing that took people by surprise was talking about how, for the most part, now, there are definitely people in circumstances where they don't have a choice about what therapist they're seeing. But when you have that choice, recognizing that they might be the expert, but those first sessions are to like you are interviewing them, you are seeing if they're a good fit for you. And people have never heard anyone talk about here are the questions you can ask because there's nothing worse than getting several sessions or several months in with a therapist, and realizing, Oh, this is not the person for me.

    Shani Tran 8:16

    Yes. And I provide a list in the book, there's a list in the book to talk about, like finances. Like I don't think people think to ask the question, okay, I might be coming to you using insurance. But if I lose my job, people don't often think of the financial questions to ask a therapist, for instance, I might be coming to you right now. And I have insurance. But what happens if I lose my job? What happens with us? What does that look like? Do you have a payment plan? What is your self pay fee? If I can't pay that, because I'm in the middle of losing a job? Will you help me look for insurance? That's something that I actually do as a therapist, where if a client loses their job, I'm like, Hey, let's get you on state insurance. You know, you can qualify for that. Now, let me show you how here are the websites. Sometimes I may even do where we sort of have video. And then I share my screen. And I'm like, if you're comfortable giving me your information, I will fill it out for you. People don't think to ask those questions. Because if you lose your job, you lose insurance. And that disrupts the therapy process.

    KC Davis 9:19

    Yeah. And it's good to know ahead of time, whether you have someone and sometimes it's not personal, it might be someone who they're running a private practice, and they just can't afford to do six free sessions. But knowing ahead of time, man, I could probably give you a session to close us out and then refer you to somebody else. Or hey, my sliding scale is full right now. All those sort of things are really important. I always like to ask therapists, when you are looking for a therapist for you personally, what are some of the questions that you ask? Oh, that's a

    Unknown Speaker 9:49

    good one, man. I gotta update my book.

    Shani Tran 9:53

    That's a really good one. If I wouldn't answer that question as a therapist, I think it depends on what I'm going for. So, I talked about my experience when I lost my dog. I mean, you had the pandemic going on. And I remember saying, You know what, I can handle all of this, just don't take my dog. And I lost my dog, the end of 2020. And I had never, this was my first dog. I had never, like put a dog down before it. They don't tell you what that process is like, let me tell you. And so I remember I was like, Okay, I'm not okay, I need to go see a therapist. Now, for me as a person. I've always worked well with sort of like, tell me Stern, you know, that's just how my brain has worked. And then I realized, I was like, Johnny, do you want that while you're grieving? Do you want someone who's stern while you're grieving? I was like, Oh, shit, no. And so for me, and looking for someone that could help me I was like, I actually don't want to feel like I'm working with a therapist, I want to feel like I know a person. And so it actually helped me choose my therapist was I remember in her profile, she mentioned that she loves running, and she was Hufflepuff. And I was like, sold. Sold, I'm sold there. And then I remember going in and seeing her for the first session. And one of the things that I asked her is, it was during the time we were starting, because by the time that I saw therapists, it was around the time of the election. So a question at the time, for me that was important as a black person was, who did you vote for? And I remember feeling scared as hell to ask such a personal question. But at that time, that's what I needed. I needed to feel safe as a black person. And my sessions, and I remember my therapist responding with, well, depending upon how I answered that question, what is it that you're trying to get at? And that's what helped me say, I need to feel safe in this room as a black person. And then I remember, she told me and I was like, okay, okay, actually, what I meant to say was, did you vote for Trump? But I think I asked it a roundabout way, because she was like, she didn't vote for Trump. And I was like, oh, so I immediately recognized, sometimes we ask questions, and we aren't direct, but we know what the answer is that we're looking for. So I learned something through that process. She gave you

    KC Davis 12:05

    such a good therapist answer of like getting curious about what was going on internally with you and wanting to know that, I love that. It's also like one of the first therapist hacks I was ever taught was like, if somebody asks you a direct question, particularly if it's like a challenging one, or one that makes you have some feelings to like, lean into, let's get this communication more direct, like, what are you feeling? What are you worried about? What fears do you have about how I might answer this question? And when that's done genuinely, it doesn't feel like they're like dodging the question, because they do eventually give you the answer. Oh, my

    Shani Tran 12:34

    God. Yeah. And she did. I feel like in school, I really wish they would teach therapists not to dodge answers. Like, I get that it's not about us. But I feel like if a client is genuinely asking you a question, and diving deep and figuring out what are you trying to get out is very important and not dodging the answer.

    KC Davis 12:53

    Yeah, I think one of the things that can be really difficult about sort of interviewing a therapist is figuring out what their biases may be knowing that they're not going to be able to directly tell you that. Yeah, I know what I mean. And so you kind of have to know what to ask. I know that one of my big ones was because I like I went to seminary, that's where I got my counseling degree. I'm not evangelical or conservative, I don't even go to church anymore. But I still consider myself as like, a scribing, to that faith. And so I didn't mind if my therapist was a person of faith. But I needed to know how that was going to impact the way they did therapy with me. And so I found that the question that really helped was, like, I'd say, like, this is what I'm struggling with. And I would say to them, Do you believe that this is a problem that can be resolved outside of issues of faith? Or do you believe that ultimately, I cannot fully recover from this unless there's faith involved? I love that. And, and most counselors will be honest with you, like they'll say, You know what, at the end of the day, when I'm looking at this, I think there's a lot of progress we can make. But at the end of the day, I kind of believe XYZ, or they'll say, like, No, I think we can go this entire process, you know, you can get better. And so it's kind of hard to suss out those internal biases, I think. But it's important, because you don't want to be six months in with somebody before they walked out on you.

    Shani Tran 14:20

    Now you do not. And that can be challenging, too. Because sometimes I feel like when people have negative experience with therapy, it may not be the therapy itself, but the person that was performing the therapy. And so then we sort of take this like, oh, therapy doesn't work when it's like, no, therapy doesn't work with that person or so people are some different. There's so many options out there for therapy, that if it doesn't work for that person, try finding someone else try and then reflect why didn't it work? Was it something they said? Was it how you felt in the session? There's so many different things As to that can lead to why therapy didn't work.

    KC Davis 15:02

    And this brings up another sort of question common I want to bring up, but I'm gonna pause this for a second. And we'll be back after the break. Okay, we're back with Shani, who wrote how to get dope therapy. And I think that it brings up this really interesting like your book fills a really important gap, which is that I think as therapists, we don't talk to clients enough about the therapy process, we don't teach them how to be a participant in therapy. They're just supposed to kind of passively show up and talk about whatever and will steer the ship. But I find that when I bring up things like ask them, what they think about faith, ask them if they've ever worked with this issue before, ask them what would happen if this especially if you bring up they'll say like, Well, I really hate that my therapist did XYZ. And if you say like, Well, did you talk to them about that? Yes. They're like, Well, I'm allowed to do that. It's like that is a therapists failure. If they did not make you understand that you are allowed to push back, you are allowed to ask questions you are allowed to, and this is what's so sad. And I feel like you will totally agree with me is that the heart of the therapy process is not I'll talk about my problems and get advice. It's I'll experience a relationship, we'll all learn to tolerate that sort of rupture and repair.

    Shani Tran 16:20

    Yes. Oh, I completely agree with you wholeheartedly. I mean, I can think of moments throughout the moments that I reflect on, I feel like as a therapist the most when I'm learning to be, as I say, I'm on this continuum of learning to be a therapist, because life is always transitioning, where there was a rupture in my early career days, and I didn't repair it, like those are the moments that I reflect on. And so now when I am working with clients, let's say if for some reason I say like, here's the homework this week, and they're like, Sure, I'm like, do you agree with that? And they're like, I mean, it sounds No, no. Do you agree with the homework? What do you think about the homework? Let me tell you why I'm assigning this homework. Let me tell you why I think this will be beneficial to your process. And I've had clients that are like, actually, I don't really agree with it. I'm like, Cool. Let's talk about why you don't agree with it. Let's talk about what you think might be helpful. I love when clients tell me how they feel. Because I'm like, yes, they're learning how to

    KC Davis 17:25

    advocate for themselves. That's the real work sometimes that's the real word and how

    Shani Tran 17:31

    to, because if I'm being honest, I think that some clients view me as like an authority figure, right? And so being able to challenge that, I love it so much, because as kids, you know, for me, you know, you don't say why you just sort of do what parents say they're the authority, and then that leads in adulthood to not speaking up in meetings, not advocating for PTO. So I love it when a client is like, no, actually, I don't like that great, tell me, because I can't be wrong. I'm just taking an information that you're giving me I can be wrong, your therapist can be wrong.

    KC Davis 18:06

    And I do think that sometimes, you know, I agree with you. It's like, it's not the therapy that didn't work, it was the therapist, that didn't work. And sometimes that therapist wouldn't have worked for you no matter what. But I also know that as a therapist, I'm capable of being more than one way with a client, like, I can be direct, and kind of, you know, I'm that person that you want to have those come to Jesus meetings with, you know, I can do that. But I can also not do that. Like, I also know how to be a therapist that is more a little more passive, a little more curious, a little more soft. And we do the best we can to sort of Intuit what that person needs. But we don't always get it right. And so it's totally okay for a client to say to me, you know, I don't actually like that you are meet you kind of ask challenging questions. I don't like that you interrupt. I don't like that. You always prescribe homework, right? Whatever it is. I remember having to tell a therapist recently, she was working from an act perspective. So it's Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and therapy. Yeah. And a lot of what goes on to that as talking about, like, our expectations, and those sorts of things. I won't go into the whole thing. But she kept talking, I was having some struggles. And she was talking to me about like, well, what are your expectations there? What are your expectations there? And it was really bothering me like I was getting irritated. And it took a couple of sessions for me to sort of identify and bring up to her. Can I talk about the word expectations? And she was like, Sure, I said, it really bothers me when you say that. She was like, okay, and she like got that look, but I know what just like, Oh, I'm so excited, like this is the real work. And I shared with her like I grew up in a really really cultish 12 Step environment for about seven years. And part of what they would talk about is how like, you know, your resentments or just unmet expectations and expectations or just pre resentments and how, like, any time I had a legitimate grievance about the way I was treated, People use expectations like as a weapon of like, Well, did you expect to be treated a certain way? Well, that's on you for your expectations. And I just kind of got gaslit with that concept. And I realized that the reason I really was disliking the approach he was using with me is because not because there's anything wrong with her or with that concept, but because I was feeling that sort of resurgence of my own sort of like triggers around that. And she heard that and was like, That makes perfect sense. And then at like, do you want to talk more about that experience. And then she was able to use different language, she was able to explain it more what she means when she says expectations, and that's not her intention. And she was able to be way more validating because she realized, oh, Casey needs her reality validated heavily. Before we walk into a let's look at what we can control in the situation.

    Shani Tran 20:52

    Yeah. And I think that that's important, too, because I think of it Yalom I don't know if you've ever read the gift of therapy? Oh, it's such a good book. And it's, it's,

    Unknown Speaker 21:04

    I think it's yellow. Oh, my God,

    Shani Tran 21:06

    I might get this wrong. Okay. So in it, he says, the therapist has many clients, but the client only has one therapists. And I think that that is so true. And I often try to recognize like, maybe this is I feel like I've had comments on my tic TOCs, where people are like, what is it about theater and therapists, like there's so many therapists that have been involved in theater. And I think that this is a great example, where theater was my first major, let me say that right now, I am multifaceted in that I can switch it up to my style can be switched up to meet the client's needs. So there are some clients that, you know, I might say, like, how are you doing? And as a formality, they might say, Well, how was your weekend? And I can totally tell that they don't want to know how my weekend is. They're just doing a formality. But there are some clients that are like, how was your weekend? And I can totally tell, they're like, no, please tell me how was it? I'm like, oh, yeah, chill with my kids. And I'm like, okay, great. And then they sort of want to get started. So I can be what the client needs. However, this is recognizing as a therapist, when I am out of my scope of practice, when maybe I recognize for instance, if a client may need EMDR. So I'm explicit and telling them, hey, I want to let you know, I've recognized as a different type of therapy that might be needed here. But don't worry, I can still work with you on some things. But I do think that this is coming up a lot, that I would recommend a different type of therapist, and I will help them find that type of therapist. So it's a juggling act. And I love it so much. Because maybe for me, as a therapist, I just don't want therapy to be so blah, you know, sort of like the person sitting in a couch. No, I've had where I've gotten up and danced with clients. What do you mean, in this moment, we've done puzzles, we've done games, I would love to actually go hiking with clients. But it's definitely something that the client only has one therapist,

    KC Davis 23:03

    I worked with a couples counselor way, way while back. But he was one of the best counselors I've ever worked with. And one of the things he did before he would even see us was, first of all, I want to normalize couples counseling for everyone, it can be so life changing with a good therapist, and you do not have to wait until your marriage is like on the rocks are in trouble, like this should be one of your first lines of defense, if it's in your budget, when you come to that sort of like this is something we can't get past. Because what I find is that the thing you can't get past is the thing you're never going to get past in your whole marriage. Like you don't go to therapy to learn how to get past that issue. You go to therapy to learn how to stay in a loving, respectful dialogue with someone and make a livable life with someone that you love knowing that this might be the issue that kind of comes up for us over and over. Like how do we learn how to do this in a way that doesn't erode our relationship over time anyways, but one of the things that I think made him so good was that he sat me down and was like, I have some questions to ask about. And because I was a therapist, he was kind of direct with me about like, where you feel some of these issues were coming from and basically what it amounted to was, he was trying to discern if any of our issues were trauma related, like, you know, a sexual trauma or domestic and he basically said I have an approach, and it's super efficient and successful, but it is outside of my scope to work with someone who has like certain types of trauma. This approach will not be helpful if someone has this certain types of trauma. And I so appreciate and respect to that he understood his scope of practice. He was proactively trying to make sure that he was going to be the best therapist for us. And I think a good therapist will always be open to being pushed back on to you asking questions. We'll be asking their own questions. I want to pause right here because I have another subject I want to get into after the break. Okay, we're back from the break. And I have well, it's really two questions. Well, it's a question and a comment. The first one is, this is like one of the number one questions that come up on my page is how do you fire a therapist?

    Shani Tran 25:17

    Oh, okay. Let me give you all the details. Okay, the first thing I want to do, first thing I want to say is, why do you want to fire therapists? I know that's not answering the question right away. But I really want people to reflect on why you want to fire the therapist, after you figure out why it is that you want to fire the therapist asking yourself, Is this something that I can talk about with the therapists why I want to let them go after you figure that out? And you're like, Okay, nope, I don't want to talk to my therapist about it. I don't want I just want to fire them.

    KC Davis 25:46

    You can ghost Thank you. That's my answer.

    Shani Tran 25:49

    I know that like ghosting has like a sort of, like, negative connotation to it and sort of like relationships. But those are different than a therapist relationship. And I say that ghosting is okay, because maybe something happened in the session that you feel as a person cannot be repaired. And that is absolutely. Okay. I also want to say, it is okay that if you go see a therapist, and later on, you're like, Oh, I think I might want to go back. Please do not feel any shame. With reaching back

    KC Davis 26:23

    out. I have never had hard feelings about never,

    Shani Tran 26:25

    I have never I'm like, Oh my God. What happened? What's the team? Where have you been? wasn't something I did, like. So it's okay to do that. I just want to normalize that. That's okay. The other ways to do it is if you feel like it's something you're like, I want to let them know, I kind of want to talk about it. But I don't really want to do it in the session, you can email them. I did that. I tried to fire my therapist, I emailed her. And long story short, it had to do with her scheduling. She wasn't the type of therapist that you get on the schedule. And then it's sort of like a rotating schedule. You're always on the schedule every Tuesday at 2pm. And when I had asked her in the session, I was like, Yeah, I'll just take every Tuesday at 2pm, I saw her face change. And she just had never been put in that position. And so I was like, Oh, what is it about me getting on your schedule that your face change, and I. And so like, I sent her emails like, Hey, I don't think we should work together. And then my therapist, because this was like our second meeting, she then called me and was like, Hey, I'm gonna give you a free session. So we can talk about this, because I want to explain what happened. And I'm sorry that you felt that way. So knowing that email is acceptable, and that's okay. The other way that you can do it is if you want to call them or you can do it in the session, or texting, I don't know if some therapists do texting. But that is an option as well. And also knowing to, let's say, if you feel like you're someone that needs emotional support, it's okay to bring someone to the session with you for support to talk about that. I just want to like, I don't think people think about that, like, Hey, I might need my support person here, you can do that.

    KC Davis 28:07

    I love that answer. That is exactly the answer I give I say that, like, if it's the difference between you, like continuing to go to therapy that's not working for you. And getting a therapist that does work for you just ghost them. And then I think just like what you said, recognize that if you are ready, if you're in that place, being able to communicate to them can like that you want to sort of wrap up the relationship, it can be such an incredible opportunity to practice those skills in a safe space. Right like a most of us need to practice those skills of sort of, you know, distress tolerance and being okay in conflict and standing up for ourselves and advocating and, you know, we don't want to walk away and feel shame about it. Like that is one of actually the perfect places to do that. Because it's a relatively safe, even if your therapist has a reaction that you don't like, chances are, it's not going to be some sort of totally off the wall unsafe reaction. And it's just such an invaluable moment to practice those skills. And so I encourage people to look at it that way. And then say, but if you're not in that place, if doing that is going to be what stands in the way of you going and getting therapy that works for you just goes to them. I also say like you can just go get your new therapist and then work with your new therapist about how to talk to your old therapist.

    Shani Tran 29:30

    Yeah, that's totally valid too. I mean, there's so many different things that you can do when it comes to finding a therapist. But one thing that I do want to say is that you might have unhealthy relationships with people but the relationship with your therapist that is supposed to be healthy. So if there's anything in that relationship that is unhealthy, figuring out what made it unhealthy, and if it has to do with the therapist, then it's okay to go stem but knowing that I want to say that the relationship with your therapists, it's supposed to be healthy.

    KC Davis 30:01

    Yes. And it's supposed to be explicit. That's one of the like, going back to like, we don't do a good enough job teaching clients what therapy is supposed to look like. Most relationships are not explicit, like, if you and I were to become really good friends, and we were to go to lunch sometime. And if something were to happen, where one of us felt some type of way, like, we would probably bring that up, be like, I felt some type of way, when you did this, can I check in? I felt awkward about it, or what were you thinking, and like, that would be really comfortable. I mean, it's not a comfortable situation. But we could both really tolerate that. I even did a recording with another therapist who we had, like, disagreed about something online. And we had this conversation about what did you feel when you saw my messages? Well, I felt angry. Well, I felt annoyed. Well, what I felt was, and we were able to talk about that sort of thing, in the confines of sort of still extending respect to each other. So like, that's totally normal for us. And I don't think we do a good enough job of explaining to clients like, that's how your relationship with your therapist should be, like, you shouldn't be having this. Like, I kind of thought she said this, or I kind of didn't like that, like, she's the person that you go, or she or he or they, they're the person that you go to, to go, I was talking to my mom, and I kind of thought she said a certain way, like that's that person to make everything explicit to say, I'm so nervous to say this, I'll never forget, talking to a therapist, I was made to go to therapy when I was in therapy school, did you want to do that too?

    Shani Tran 31:34

    You know, it's funny, I did not have to do that. But we had a class. So it was group therapy. And I remember the, the way that the professor taught the class was like an interpersonal relationship, it felt like therapy, because I remember, like, I was like, every time I leave that class, I was like, Oh, this, so we had to do group therapy for the class, and the professor would call you out on your bullshit. weren't being real within the group. And she called me out a few times. And I was just like, I remember I was like, I'm gonna fail this class.

    KC Davis 32:08

    Well, they made us go to six sessions. And I didn't really need therapy at the time, and I didn't want to pay for it. So I just went for someone on my insurance, just someone off the list. She was not very good, bless her heart. But at one point in the session, I was talking about, like a really important relationship in my life. Remember, it was like a best friend or something. And they were like, Hmm, sounds like and then they made a comment about my friend. And she was attempting to, like, validate me be on my side. But I didn't like the words that she used. And I didn't say anything at the time. But when I came back, and I remember having this perspective of this is not really a great therapist, I'm not getting a lot out of it. But you know what, I'm going to take this opportunity to, like, do this slightly uncomfortable thing, because that'll be good for me. And I remember saying, Hey, I wanted to bring up that in the last session when I was talking about my friend, like getting into an argument. And you made that comment that my friend was, you know, I don't remember what it was. I said, that really made me uncomfortable. I felt in that moment, defensive of my friend. And she was totally receptive. She was like, interesting. She was like, Well, I think sometimes. And she gave what, oddly was some pretty insightful feedback about some I don't even remember the feedback now. But it was something helpful about, you know, we can be angry with someone, and sort of possessive of them at the same time. And it can be really difficult to navigate relationships where you feel like you have to protect everyone. Yeah. And I remember being like taking,

    Shani Tran 33:37

    I mean, it feels that way. Because if you think about it, it essentially, like you're telling the therapist what's happening, it's like, but you don't know my friend, you to call my friend out. It's kind of like, I feel like the protective relationship where it's like, only I can make fun of them. You cannot. So if I'm coming to you, you laugh, that's all you do. It can feel very, like protective and defensive. But knowing too, that the relationship with the therapist is not quid pro quo. They're not your friend. It's one of the few relationships in your entire life where you get to take take, take take, take, take take, take as much as you need, take as much as you need, and not expect anything in return. Not Oh, is it okay that I use that word? Is there a different word that you would like me to use instead of expect?

    KC Davis 34:24

    No, you're fine. I'm great with expect in this context,

    Shani Tran 34:29

    okay. I just wanted to make sure that's the one relationship where take all you need. Go ahead. It's the therapist is job and I say this to my clients, because I feel like sometimes clients are like, I don't want to burden you with like, my stuff. And I'm like, it's my job to take care of me to take care of you. That's why I take vacations. So don't you worry about what you say and whether or not is burdening me don't worry about that. I got me and you

    KC Davis 34:56

    that's why that emotional health piece comes in. It's so important and you know, It made me think also of when we're talking about like, you know, she responded that way about my friend, which didn't work for me, but might have worked for someone else. Maybe somebody else really needs to be validated because their whole life they've never been validated. And it makes me think about when I love talking about like, has a therapist ever done something that made you uncomfortable? I like to ask that question sometimes. Which by the way, I think as a therapist, a great first question to ask in a session is Tell me about your past therapy experiences? What did you like? What didn't you like? Yeah, let's talk about so I can know off the bat, what doesn't doesn't work for you. What's so interesting to me is that I will always get this same comment. And I get both sides there for every person that says, I told my therapist about my trauma. And they cried, and it made me so uncomfortable, like this is now I feel like I have to take care of your feelings. And like, it didn't work for them. But what's interesting is for every comment like that, I also get a comment that says, When I told my therapist about their trauma, my trauma, and they cried, like, they didn't make some big blubbering mess, but they tears came to their eyes. And they just asked for a moment, it was the first time I realized what happened to me wasn't normal. Like, I had never actually been in front of someone showing me human empathy. And that human empathy sort of rocked this normalization of the way I had been treated. And was what made such an impact and was so helpful to me. And that's like the perfect example of like, both sides of the coin, because some clients need that and want that, that someone cares for me. Wait a second, especially if they're laughing about it, and you just refuse to laugh with them? Yeah, yeah. And you give them not refuse. Like, I'm gonna hold it out. But you just give them a moment of what would it be like, if I didn't laugh with you? If I was like, You're laughing, but gosh, that makes my heart hurt. Like some people really need that humaneness. But then other people probably as a result of their trauma, like, they don't need someone else's emotions in the room, because they can't have their own emotions in the face of somebody else's. Like they need that blank slate therapist. Yes,

    Shani Tran 37:05

    yeah, it might take them out of their window of tolerance, it might say, and I think that that's important to recognize. So something that I like to do sometimes if I can see a client, sort of, because I all of my sessions are held through telehealth is, I might say, Would you like me to turn off my camera? Because I feel like sometimes they want to not see me. And that's one of the benefits of telehealth for them to tell their story. And I can say, Hey, I see you do you want to turn off your camera? Because sometimes, you know, like, when you're looking, you're looking at yourself, too. And so that's helpful. And the other thing too, is that I don't think people understand or not understand. That's not what I want to say, I don't think people sometimes know that therapists can be uncomfortable and nervous to like, when I get the first time I have a first session with a client. I'm always very nervous. And the reason why I'm very nervous because I'm respectful that what did it take for this client to get here and make this step to come to therapy, and oh, my God, I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to take this. And then I'm getting to know someone. And that can be very sort of like, I'm respectful to the vulnerability of someone coming to therapy, but also in that too. Sometimes, for me, as a therapist, I'm okay with being uncomfortable. Like, if we're in a session, and I'm like, Whew, I know what I need to say here. Like, there's so much that's going on. I feel like in my brain where it's like, okay, I could take it this way. But can they handle it this way? Maybe I just need to stop check in. And sometimes I can feel uncomfortable to with just restating what they said, like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna restate. So you said that hurt your feelings? What are you gonna respond to that? Like, I mean, it's a very sort of like, beautiful, messy, uncomfortable, unsure, uncertain, but validating, there's so many words that you can use to describe therapy, and it's up to the two people, the therapist and the client or family, everyone in the room to figure out what is going to work for this relationship.

    KC Davis 39:14

    It's really a practice relationship. Like at the end of the day, it's not really that much about what you're talking about, or what issue you come in with or like advice that they get, like, it's truly a practice relationship for most therapy modalities, like it's a person to practice on that is going to be safe that is going to hold your space that is not bringing their needs into the room, so that you can figure your own ish out and I I will say like, the pandemic added some things around teletherapy that I hope stay. The first therapist I worked with in the pandemic was a postpartum specialist. And she did hers via phone call. All Okay, not even like with a screen. I've never even seen her. And so I would literally be and my kids were so young, like so young. They didn't understand what I was. Saying, and so I'd be at the park, pushing them in a double stroller with Apple air pods on, or air buds or whatever they're called right? And I'd be moving, I'd be walking, I'd be keeping my kids comfortable and not screaming, and she'd be talking to my ears. And there was something about that. That was like, Man, this is actually really nice.

    Shani Tran 40:23

    Yeah. And I think that that the accessibility, that's what it really gives people, you know, not having to sort of like, okay, let me shift my schedule around. Because sometimes some clients I see on their lunch breaks, it just really allows it to be a part of your day and not having to be sort of at the beginning, or at the end, whatever works for you, you can have, I don't even think that people know that you can actually, if you want, you can have 30 minute sessions, if some therapists offer them mostly self pay, I don't think insurance covers over 60 minutes. So you can have like 90 minute sessions, you can have 45 minute sessions. Yeah, it's sort of like, I want 30 minute sessions with this client, or sorry, with this therapist, maybe 45 minutes over here, maybe like you really get to curate what you want therapy to look like.

    KC Davis 41:09

    And as often like, it doesn't have to be every week, some people go over to some people go once a month to check in. I feel like accessibility is something we don't talk enough about in counseling school, particularly around like, a lot of the way we talk about connecting to clients, is really neuro typically cold coded, like we should be offering to clients and the outset, like, are you comfortable with eye contact? Would you be more comfortable without eye contact? Would you rather sit next to each other? Would you rather do telehealth? Would you rather do phone call. And there is something to be said about like, when I have a person in front of me, I can observe their nonverbals. And sometimes that gives me a better picture of what's going on. But that should never come before what that person needs to be actually vulnerable and do

    Shani Tran 41:55

    work. And that's so important. I mean, I'm hoping I've been out of my grad program for like, what is it 12 years? Well, I'm hoping that it really has changed, because I remember having that one multicultural class. And that was the thing that was like, yes, now you can work with everybody. And it's like, no, not really, that's not how this works and operates. And that's been a part of like, just my learning journey. Like I remember in one of my jobs, I was one of the only black clinicians and I remember, I ended up asking my supervisor one time, I was like, Are you only giving me black clients? Because I feel like yes, I get that, you know, you want to give them someone that looks like them. But what about my skills, I really want to be noticed for my skills, all the other therapists get clients based on their skills. But then when you sort of present the client, to me, the first thing you say is yes, they're a person of color. I don't think that's fair to me as a person of color and as a clinician, because just because I'm a person of color doesn't mean that that's what's going to connect us. And I get how important that is. And so that honestly, if I'm being very truthful, that was very hard for me to speak up, because it almost felt like the one thing that I stand for is the bipoc community. But also at the same time, that's not what I want to be only noticed for, I want to be noticed for my skills as a clinician, that's how I grow. And so I remember that experience and being like, that doesn't qualify me to work with every person of color, because I'm the only person of color on the team. That's so great.

    KC Davis 43:29

    Yeah, turning, like taking a client or not taking a client, like referring a client out from bias is different than referring a client out from humility. And the same thing, like referring a client to someone because of your own stereotype is different than referring someone to someone because you have intimate knowledge of their skills, where like connecting from a marginalized community is just like one spoke on the wheel, right? Like you can't ignore all the other spokes be like, oh, yeah, they're a good fit. Yes,

    Shani Tran 43:59

    yes. And I think what you said is important. So one of the things and I talked about this in the book is like the difference between cultural competency and cultural humility, cultural competency, you know, that sort of shine, or I don't want to say shines light that sort of pays attention to the differences, whereas cultural humility pays attention to not only the differences, but how to also communicate with those differences. And cultural humility is a lifelong process. Whereas cultural competency, often sort of is like, we taught you this class, we have this diversity inclusion meeting. Now you're culturally competent, and it's like, now let's talk about cultural humility. And I feel like that's a term when I was in grad school, that term wasn't even used. It was mainly cultural competency. And I remember having like, I remember reading in a book and there was a section on Asians there is a section on LGBTQ plus there is a section on black people and it was like, This is what you're giving people as their training. And then every other class is about how to therapy as white people, yes, exactly. And it's like, I remember being so just like, anxious in my multicultural class because as soon as a topic for, you know, a person of color came up, everyone's like,

    KC Davis 45:14

    Oh God,

    Unknown Speaker 45:15

    and I'm just like, hi. Oh my god, like

    Shani Tran 45:18

    I remember so, short story. I remember for one of my papers, I wrote, I was like, it's great that we're talking about our experiences. But this isn't enough. We now have to figure out how to take action. And I'll never forget my professor wrote on my paper, we're not ready for that. And my multicultural class, and I was like,

    KC Davis 45:37

    Who? You said the quiet part out loud?

    Shani Tran 45:39

    I was like, oh, so why am I why are we taking this class?

    KC Davis 45:44

    Yeah, that's sad. Oh my goodness. Well tell everybody where they can get your book. Yes.

    Shani Tran 45:49

    So you can get the book at Barnes and Noble you can get it@walmart.com And of course if you would like to Amazon that is where this available

    Speaker 3 45:58

    Walmart I'm not even in Walmart. Oh, yes. Yes.

    KC Davis 46:02

    Oh much a big good yes.

    Shani Tran 46:04

    I Google it. That's how I find out like I recently found it on Urban Outfitters.

    Unknown Speaker 46:12

    How does this even like work?

    KC Davis 46:15

    That's amazing. And where can people find you online? If they want to follow you on your socials?

    Shani Tran 46:19

    Yes, if you want to follow me on my socials, everything is the Shawnee project. I would say if you want just sort of like the mental health videos, you can find me on Tik Tok. If you want to know me personally, you can find me on Instagram. And if you want help throughout your mental health journey, you can join me on Patreon where I actually give you printouts homework, how to navigate therapy, like actual talking videos, Tic Tac is more like, that's where I have fun dancing.

    KC Davis 46:45

    Awesome. Well, thank you so much. I thought this was a great conversation. And you have written a great book. So thank you again.

    Shani Tran 46:52

    Thank you so much for having me.

KC Davis
28: The Magic of the Wash & Set with Heidi Smith, LPCS

Small things can make all the difference, and each person gets to decide for themselves what those little steps are that uplift our spirits and lighten our load. These little things are NOT the same for everyone! A simple thing, like having her hair washed and styled twice weekly, helps energize today’s guest and makes her feel that she can take on the world–and she doesn’t need to make excuses for it. Join us to hear my conversation with Heidi Smith.

Show Highlights:

  • How Heidi decided that having someone “do her hair” twice each week is a BIG deal for her mental health

  • Why we have to decide for ourselves how to spend our emotional energy, which is in limited supply

  • Why it is ridiculous that women put so much pressure on themselves to be presentable because of external motivation

  • Why our self-care routines should serve us and have a place in our functionality

  • How parenting responsibilities evolved for Heidi to finally allow her to take time for yourself

  • Why the best advice around self-care tasks is to find what works best for YOU

 Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And I have a very special guest in the virtual office today. And her name is Heidi Smith. If you've read my book, if you read the acknowledgments, you will have seen her name, she was my therapy supervisor, and has now become one of my best friends. And so hello, Heidi.

    Heidi Smith 0:24

    Hello, thank you for having me.

    KC Davis 0:26

    I'm glad you're here. So I have so many things I want to talk about today. But I want to start off with the text that you sent me the other day about how you're getting your hair done. Now, tell me about it.

    Heidi Smith 0:36

    It's true. So it's funny, because I'm actually so a lot of your model, sometimes I feel like doesn't like totally apply to me, just because I don't struggle in some of the ways I think that a lot of that you do and some of your other like, I'm a very organized type of a person who loves cleanliness and things like that. So there's lots of things that sometimes I'm like, Huh, that's not really my struggle. But I've been sourcing your model when it comes to my hair. So somehow, in the last maybe five years, I have gotten this new struggle. And I always feel like it's like a sensory issue with washing my hair. And so I have been, I've kind of adopted this new thing where I don't wash my hair. And it's like, the whole thing is super overwhelming to me, I will avoid, I'll take a bath. But like if I have to get in the shower and get my head wet, and sopping wet, and start the whole process all over, it feels very overwhelming to me, I don't like how it feels, I don't like starting from scratch. I can't stand like trying to fix my hair, I'm not good at it. I'm not like a person who knows how to like round brush, dry my hair, the whole thing is just super overwhelming to me. And what the result of that is, is that I just don't do it. And then I have disgusting hair. And then I'm trying to you know, throw some dry shampoo on it. And then it turns it's like the Friends episode where like it turns into a paste. I feel like the flour and the oil turns into a paste. And it's just not good. So there is a little walk in hair salon right next to my grocery store that I go to regularly and I stopped in one day and asked if I could get a wash and dry. And it was amazing. I left and my hair was like lovely and clean and bouncy. And I asked them if I could come in every Wednesday and Saturday like it a very specific time where I have kind of a window of opening in my schedule. And I go every Wednesday and Saturday, I pay $20 And I get my hair washed and dried. And I felt so much shame like that. Maybe that was very well lazy of me. And also very maybe like pointy TOIDY I don't know if that's the right word. You know, like,

    KC Davis 2:54

    oh, it was bougie have you to spend $20 to get

    Heidi Smith 2:57

    Yeah, bougie Yeah, like, I'm going to get my hair like, you know, set. But I sourced I like sat in the car and I sourced Casey Davis and I just thought like, she'd be real proud of me. This is like Casey's thing. And so I texted you and told you about it. And I am just real proud.

    KC Davis 3:15

    I mean, I am so proud of you. It's really like it's out seems like kind of a dumb

    Heidi Smith 3:19

    small thing. But like it's kind of changed my life because I feel nice. Most days like I feel like my hair is like presentable. Whereas I used to always kind of just feel like I kind of had like a greasy, matted hair. And I was always I just never felt nice. For me. It's like, I guess, I think the part that I feel like you were able to help me with was the part where it's like, I was getting stuck and like why can't I just be the kind of person who wakes up early and showers and washes my hair every day. Like that's what normal people do. Like, what's wrong with me? Why don't I enjoy that? Why don't I want to do it? And why would I do it? And I guess the part that I felt like you really inspired me was just like letting it go. Like, it doesn't matter. Like just figure out something that works for you. And so that's like, who cares? Right? Like, maybe it doesn't mean I'm a crappy person. Maybe it just is like something that is what it is.

    KC Davis 4:11

    And I think I was talking to someone the other day and we were talking about like accommodations and things and they were saying like, I know, but it's not like a disability. That keeps me from washing my hair, whatever. And I was like, right but here's the thing like sometimes these like accommodations are because like we can't do it a different way because it's extremely difficult to do it another way but also like it that there doesn't have to be some like huge disability. Like, if the reality is is like if it was like life or death or if it was like, you know, you're not going to be okay if you can't like make yourself get up and shower like I'm sure that you could like make yourself you could like berate yourself into it every morning. But the reality is, is like we only have so much energy like emotional energy to like force ourselves to do things and like there's just more important things in your life that you have to, like, try really hard at right like your, like emotional regulation and like, you know, parenting and being emotionally present for your clients. Like, we don't have like an infinite amount of that like pushing a boulder up a hill energy like that willpower, you know what I mean?

    Heidi Smith 5:17

    Right? Right, then that's like the thing it's like, and I mean, I don't know if this is true for everybody, but I certainly feel like my motivation for my appearance, like significantly decreased after I got married. It was like, right, like, I'm all set. I mean, I don't know, it's like this kind of almost, you know, primal, you know, it's like, I don't need to fluff my feathers as much because and so I have this thought, you know, I'm like, I could get up early and shower and like, do my hair. And then I'm like, But why? Well, like, what do I really need to you know, like, you're saying, Why do I need to push that boulder up the hill today? Like, I'm not trying to find a mate. I'm not trying to you know, and so at the same time, I don't like how it makes me feel always have dirty hair. Yeah. So it's like, finding a solution has been huge for me.

    KC Davis 6:02

    And I'll say this, well, actually, I'm gonna say this after a short break. Okay, so we're gonna, let's take a word from our sponsors. Okay, so I'll say this. Some of it also, like when you were talking about, like, you used to have all this motivation to like, get up and like fluff your feathers, right? Because you have to, like, attract a mate. But here's the thing that also I think is like, integral to this conversation is like, I watch my husband every day, Get up, take a shower, walk straight out of the shower, and like directly into his pants, and his shirt. Yes. And then like, walk out the door. And maybe he trimmed his beard a little, but like, He looks handsome, he looks put together, he looks amazing. And I think there is, I don't think it's just this narrative of like, oh, women let themselves go once the man is trapped. I think it really is, like, I never should have had to like spend an hour getting ready to be like, an acceptable female.

    Heidi Smith 6:57

    It's so true. I mean, sometimes I even look back at like what I used to do, like the amount of time I used to put on into my makeup and my hair. And I'm just like, what I mean it is it's it taking a shower is not like my son and my husband, like you said, just hop in and hop out, you know, and just move on with their day. And that's just not what it is. For me. I mean, I have like super dry skin. So after I get out of the shower, I have to like, do all this lotion on my face, and I have to like let it dry. And then I have to put makeup on on top. It's just like the whole thing feels like such a rigmarole

    KC Davis 7:29

    it is it I hate it. Yes, I hate it too. And I feel like you have done the thing that we all do, which is like, for a long time we do X Y, Z whatever, clean the house, put on makeup, get ready, blah, blah, blah, look fashionable for primarily like an extreme extrinsic motivation of like, what people think how we're perceived how we're moving through society. And then when we realize either, we don't have to do it anymore. We don't want to do it anymore. The pendulum swings like, all the way over to like 100 Till now I'm not doing anything like now I'm literally rolling out of bed, never showering, forgetting deodorant, like wearing big baggy clothes. Because when you detach from that phenomenon of like, my beauty belongs to the world. You go all the way to like, I guess nothing matters. Because truly, as a woman, like, I was never given the opportunity to be like, I enjoy the feeling of clean hair, because it was always about what I looked like how is perceived what I get a mate. And so I feel like your experience, it's not little, it's profound, because what happened was, you realized, wait, what do I enjoy about a shower? What do I enjoy about my hygiene? What makes me feel good, and makes me like the way that it feels in the way that I look not about, like how I'm perceived. And so I think it's profound, because I think it shows that we're so socialized to do these care tasks for the benefit of others, that when that is taken away, we genuinely have no connection to our own functionality. It's so true. And so we have to like come back to center.

    Heidi Smith 9:14

    Yeah, and like I've really looked, yeah, it I've kind of entered into this new era where, you know, my son's 11. And so I feel like I'm sort of like I've told someone the other day, I feel like I'm sort of like peeking up, like taking a breath a little bit. I feel like I've been underwater for the last 11 years, just with parenting. Just yeah, parenting and like, I haven't really been a priority. And I feel like I'm kind of coming up for air and realizing like, I do like to have my hair look nice. You know, like, that does matter to me. And like how can I make that happen for myself? And I think part of the kind of you no reward system is like when I do my own hair. I don't actually like how it looks. I'm not like I said, I'm not good at it. And again, I've always told myself like, Well, I'm just not committed enough to like getting the right Like, you know, product in the right blahdy blah, but you know, I just I'm not, that's just not me, I'm not into that. And so like, being able to go get a blowout twice a week is like, oh my gosh, it's like, it kills all these birds with one stone. And it's amazing. But coming up for a breath and all of that, like, even with my face, like, like, I realized that like, my skin is really dry. And I've not been taking care of my skin forever. I'm just I've never been like a face, or I mean, I've always I was kind of blessed with a nice complexion. I didn't really struggle I didn't struggle with like acne or anything. So I never really also had kind of a internal motivation to do some big nightly routine with like my skincare. And but what's happened is now my skin is really dry. It's just 45 I guess it's just happens. And so I've actually kind of taken an interest in that for myself, like, I've got those little Korean face masks that you like, you know, put on your face and stuff like that. And I'm enjoying that, which is new for me. That's not and it's not about how I look. It's about how I feel. I don't like feeling like tight, dry skin. And so yeah, it's just kind of interesting how, when I like take ownership of stuff for me, and not necessarily for how I look to everybody else and trying to keep up, it makes a huge difference. So

    KC Davis 11:21

    and I like how you mentioned that like this is at the end of 11 years, like this sort of organic interest and like, huh, and it really is like a gentle curiosity, like, how can I adjust this routine or this ritual that like, serves me and makes me feel good and has a function for me? I love that you mentioned that that was after 11 years. Because I think that's what it's about. Like, I can definitely see someone who is maybe only three years into an 11 year like a parenting SLOG and they're listening to you talk about like, yeah, just like decided to care for myself. And even that becomes like a mandate that someone's like, Oh, right. I'm such a piece of shit I don't even care about I'm not even caring about myself. Because that's like a shame thing to like, just take some interest in yourself, girl wash your face.

    Heidi Smith 12:07

    God. I mean, I have a unique situation in that island. I have an only child. But I mean, even with an only child. I mean, fuck man. Like, I mean, parenting sucks, like, I mean, it's like, I look back at the last 11 years, and I'm like, I feel like I literally got sent to like another planet. And like maybe just got to take, it's just I don't even I'm not very articulate. But it's like my entire life just kind of got taken from me. And I mean, I have a career. I'm a business owner like me, that's not actually true. Like, I mean, I still have friends, I have family, but it's just something has happened as my son is becoming a preteen where he's more independent. Like, it's the burden of like, kind of finding childcare on every moment of every single day. And, you know, meals and all of that is like it's loot that burden is lightning, as he's 11 now, and I just for the first time I just I really don't know how else to explain it. Like I feel like I'm able to come up for air and be like, Oh, I could like actually go take like a 30 minute bath and put on like a Korean face mask, just because I want to and like my son's just play in like his Playstation. And this is just kind of a new era.

    KC Davis 13:16

    Yeah, it was like a natural, gentle curiosity once you got the capacity, and I feel like that's the piece that we sometimes miss. Is that like, okay, yeah, you know, I think as a society, like we're good about talking about, like, you don't have to look good for others. You know, it's about like, how you feel, but even that sometimes gets commodified into this, like, you know, you look at some woman who looks like harried and whatever, and you're like, she just needs to, I just wish you would take some interest in herself just caring for herself. And it's like, that becomes the new edict of like, you're not good enough if you're not interested. And it's like, Right, no, like, it's okay.

    Heidi Smith 13:55

    Like, I can't even pull that off. I can't even do self care, right? Or, you know, yeah,

    KC Davis 14:00

    like, it's okay. Like, the whole 11 years that you were like, I don't know, my hair is just fucking greasy and I'm not gonna figure it out. Like it was literally fine. It was fine. Like you were like, less or more like I still am someone who does not have a scary skincare routine. I go to bed and my makeup. I never take my makeup off. I just go to bed. No, I

    Heidi Smith 14:18

    don't. I don't either. Make no mistake. I haven't gotten that. Like, I mean, no, I do too. But it's

    KC Davis 14:25

    not like a problem to fix.

    Heidi Smith 14:26

    It's part of the reason why I don't like taking showers and washing my hair because then I have to redo my whole face. So it's like it's not just my hair. It's also like, yeah, anyway, but I also

    KC Davis 14:39

    something else that I thought at the beginning when you were talking about like, oh, maybe it's lazy of me to like go twice a week. What's so funny is how like generationally dependent that line of thinking is because like my grandmother would go to the salon like twice a week to get her hair set like that was what you did like that was considered like even that like this sort Ever like spending one hour a day like blowing out your hair expectation like that didn't even exist for my grandmother. Like, I'm not saying she didn't have to spend a lot of time on other stupid gendered shit. But like she went to the salon twice a week to get her hair set. That was the expectation then

    Heidi Smith 15:18

    I mean, absolutely and when the best part is that the little salon I'm going to is like across the street from like an assisted living or kind of nursing home. And one of their like, big clientele is like little ladies. And so she literally always has like these little old ladies in there getting their hair set, then makes me feel better. I'm like, Yeah, I'm just coming in to get my hair set. Yeah, like it's okay. Why can't I do that?

    KC Davis 15:40

    I love this. Okay, I'm going to have you back to talk about some other things. So I felt like this was just like the perfect little mini episode on just like finding something that works for you. I love it. I mean, thank you so much.

    Heidi Smith 15:51

    Thanks for having me.

Christy Haussler
27: The Sex Ed You Should Have Gotten with Rachel Coler Mulholland

Today, we are covering an important topic today, but maybe not in the way you expect. I’m joined by Rachel Mulholland (aka Shug CM), a therapist whom I met on TikTok because of her incredible content around sex education for children. Today’s focus is on how our lives as adults are impacted if we don’t get comprehensive sex education as children. Join us for the conversation!

Show Highlights:

  • How KC’s story from her teenage years illustrates the gaps that most people have in their education about sex and the fact that sex ed is NOT a one-time conversation

  • How “purity culture” is impacting teenagers in certain places in the US in damaging ways

  • How even most comprehensive sex ed doesn’t address the pleasurable side of sex–and (for females) that the pleasure doesn’t have to come from another person

  • How sexual predators take advantage of the lack of information in sex ed from SAFE places

  • Why parents have real fear about talking to their kids about sex ed

  • The effects of NOT educating kids that sex and pleasure don’t always go together

  • Rachel’s Four Pillars of Safe Sex: confirmation, communication, lubrication, and enthusiastic participation

  • Why parents should be aware when their kids are ready to hear and learn–and begin at the most basic level appropriate for their age

  • How to answer those first little-kid questions around, “Where do babies come from?”

  • Why curiosity is a foundational part of body talk for kids–not just around sexuality

  • How parents can work through their own feelings around sex ed with their children

  • Why Rachel’s next project is a book about body talk

Resources:

Connect with Rachel: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Website (coming soon!)

Recommended by Rachel: How Do You Make A Baby by Anna Fiske

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • KC Davis 0:00

    Hello. Sentient ball of stardust Welcome to Struggle care the podcast about mental health by me KC Davis, eventually I'll have a tagline that sticks also, by the way, I somebody told me, like way early on, that I don't pronounce sentient correctly. And I looked it up and they were correct. So apparently the American pronunciation is sentient. I guess the British still say sentient. But I just want, dear listener, you to know that I am totally 100% aware that I don't pronounce it at the correct us pronunciation, and I will not be. I think it sounds weird, and I will not I want to stick with sentient. My guest today is Rachel, who is a therapist. I met her on Tiktok because she makes really incredible content about sex education for children. And before you swipe away if you're not a parent, we're only going to talk about parenting stuff at the very end, because I want to talk more about what the effect is as adults when we don't get comprehensive sex education. So Rachel, say hello, introduce yourself.

    Rachel 1:04

    Hi everybody. I'm Rachel. You might also know me as Shug from Tiktok. So Rachel,

    KC Davis 1:09

    I want to start by telling you a story. Alright, let's hear it. So by the way, Mom and Dad, you may not want to hear the story, but whatever my I don't remember sex education in school at all. No recollection of it. I do remember my mother, which I thought she did a good job. She sat down when I was in early grade school and explained to me how babies were made, and she drew the ovaries and the uterus and, you know, the vaginal canal, and she talked about the sperm going up through the vet the vaginal canal and meeting the egg and it coming down, like she get, she drew it out the whole picture, and that's what I remember. And at the time, and for a long time, I thought, like, wow, like, my mom really, like, did so much more than school did. And then fast forward, I was 16 years old, and I lost my virginity in the backseat of a minivan at like, 3am it was very romantic. And the next day. So I'm talking like 29 hours later, I was with my friend, who, incidentally, was that person's younger sister, and I went to the bathroom, and I sat down on the toilet, and this gush of blood came out, and it was not period blood, right? Like it was watery. It was a gush, and I panicked, and I called a friend, obviously not their friend, whose house I was at, because I just slept with her brother. And I said to her, this is embarrassing to this day, I said I had sex and I think I got pregnant and just had a miscarriage, because at 16 years old, that was I didn't know anything else except for those mechanics of like the sperm meets the egg, and that's what happens. It's so funny to me to this day of poor little 16 year old thinking that 24 hours later I had gotten pregnant and then had a bloody miscarriage, because I had no idea what happened. I know today that I must have had a hymen that broke like hours later, and a little bit of blood came out. But I just wanted to share that with you and maybe use that as a jumping off point for how what we think is really comprehensive is not that comprehensive, well. And you touched

    Rachel 3:11

    on a really important theme. We've touched on several, actually, and the biggest one is that this is not a one time conversation, right? So many of us can point back to that one time we had the talk, right? I will never forget mine was sitting on the front step with my dad, because for some reason I was much more comfortable talking about that kind of stuff with my dad, and he was, you know, going to have the talk with me. And was like, Well, you know, when this, and I pretty sure, blacked out, because I don't remember a single thing he said. And then after that, it was like it was never talked about again, and there was never any discussion about the interpersonal part of it, which is another thing you're talking about, right? Like the fact that you felt like you had to hide the fact that you've had sex from this one friend. Like, we never discuss the consent piece, the interpersonal piece, the timeline. We put so much pressure, right? You made an off the cuff remark about how, you know, oh, how romantic. In the backseat of event, like, there's so much pressure on the first time, right? There's so many themes that you've touched on. But the biggest one here that we should probably discuss is this idea that, like, you have the talk about the mechanics, then you never discuss it again, and you'll just figure it out. And from an adult perspective, right? You're wanting to talk about how this impacts as adults, that's the piece, right? Because we spend so much of our early adulthood fumbling around and trying to find this information through trial and error and through misinformation of our friends, trial and errors, and that's one of the biggest negative impacts you can have about not getting comprehensive sex ed. And

    KC Davis 4:37

    I even think about fast forwarding to being in my late 20s, I was married, and we were trying to have a baby. We were trying to conceive, and we were having fertility issues, and so that drove me and my little ADHD brain into this, like hyper focus of learning about how conception really happens, and learning that you're only fertile, like four or five days. Days out of the month, and that it happens at this time, and it takes this many days for and I remember being like I was never taught any of this. I had to learn what fertility meant. And my husband and I kind of joked about how our whole, like teenage and early 20s years was spent really thinking that, like getting pregnant was so easy that, like we had to constantly be terrified about it, only to find that, like it's actually kind of hard for some people, and feeling very like no one prepared us for this, I can't believe we didn't know this. And it also makes me think about how, you know, I am someone who considers themselves sort of what we call an ex evangelical. So I still am in sort of a progressive Protestant Christian faith, but I talk a lot with friends about what the effect of purity culture has on us like so if listeners aren't familiar, like in the US church, particularly in the south, there's this real emphasis on sexual purity. It's particularly only for women, really. And there's a lot of conversations about how damaging that is, and that's sort of a conversation for another day. But what I think is so interesting is that even those of us who would not consider ourselves as growing up in purity culture, there's still this like, well, this is not something I can talk to my parents about. And the conversations that my mom had with me about sex were about mechanics. And I was sort of given this impression that it's okay to ask about mechanics, it's okay to learn about mechanics, but when it came to pleasure, that's not okay to know, like to learn about, that you just have to that's

    Rachel 6:48

    not even the thing we talk about, yeah, like ever even once you're sexually active, like it is a recent development that even adult people talk to each other about, not just Like, whether it was good or bad, but like, this was an enjoyable thing. I'm doing this because it's an enjoyable thing. I don't want to have children, you know, they're like, that's a recent development in the way that we talk about sex,

    KC Davis 7:12

    and I think it really does create even if you're not growing up in sort of a religious context that shame culture around your body and your pleasure and the way that your body works. And it's wild to me that we can know so much and learn so much about our bodies, and that somehow everything below the waist and above the knees, it has to be like mysterious.

    Rachel 7:35

    What's really interesting, too, when you talk about the concept of pleasure, and the way that we introduce that idea is like, even if you have the comprehensive discussion like this is between two people who are really into each other, and it does feel good. We also leave out the idea that, like, the pleasure doesn't come from the other person. The pleasure is innate in you, and the pleasure is something that you can do for yourself, and we especially fail to do that for little for people who are born with uteruses and vulvas and vaginas, like we don't talk about that. It's like, ingrained in the culture to acknowledge that people with penises are just going to explore themselves. But we never, like, we don't touch on that subject for people who are born with vaginas ever and so like, even again, even if you have the conversation about pleasure, even if you were lucky enough to have a parent who was comprehensive enough to say, Well, yeah, you know, you can have sex without having babies, because it feels good. We don't like that gives the that gives children, and then again, young adults that the idea that the pleasure comes from the other person, it has to be initiated by the other person. It has to be created and serviced and maintained by the other person. It

    KC Davis 8:41

    totally reminds me of another funny thing, which is that I remember being young, and I'm talking like I must have been like a toddler, like I was sleeping with a stuffed animal, and I had just discovered masturbation, and I was in bed with my mother. I mean, that's how young I was right. And my mom was like, What do you wear on vacation or something? She's like, What are you doing? Why? Like, what are you moving around? And I was like, I'm touching myself here. And she just kind of rolled over and looked at me and went, Okay, well, that's something that you do in private. And then, like, rolled over and went to sleep. And so, like, my mom really did have, especially, think, for the when I was growing up, like a pretty open matter of fact, non shaming conversation or like attitude about it. And yet, fast forward, like around that time or a year later, I remember listening to that Christmas song where it's like, you better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pow. I'm telling you why. Listen, this is how young I was. I didn't know what the word pout meant, and for some reason, I decided in my head, I think that means what I'm doing when I touch myself. I think that must be what pouting is, and Santa doesn't want me to do that. And I remember getting really frightened. Yeah, so it's just so funny to me to like, have what I've always considered like a parent with kind of progressive, open ideas about that, and yet, culturally, still having these, like, formative memories about being like, wait, I shouldn't do that. And I think here's my question, really, is that I think when we talk about, Hey, kids need comprehensive sex ed, and we talk about like, they need to understand how sex works mechanically. I think a lot of people are totally down with that, like, yes, they need to understand. But even the most progressive people that I know, when you start talking about, talking about children, about pleasure, all of the sudden we are so uncomfortable, is that something that you've experienced,

    Rachel 10:45

    Oh, absolutely. One of the very first videos that I had kind of blow up really big was when I proposed that we should not only encourage our young people to explore their own bodies, but that we should encourage them to explore their own bodies as a way to keep them safe, because if you understand how your body works and what your body likes and what your body needs, and you know that that's okay, and you can focus on yourself, and you can say, I'm not really down to explore your body yet, because I'm really still learning about my own that's a safeguard for them. That's a way for them to say, you know, I know that I'm not really all the way sure about how my own body works, so like, let's not go there yet, right? A lot of the ways that predators leverage their power against children is by giving them information that they haven't gotten from somewhere safe. So they start with answering questions for them that the kids have been told they can't answer, you know, they can't ask, or they don't feel comfortable asking their caregivers. And, you know, it's pretty nonchalant. It's pretty non threatening. And then it escalates. And then it goes from answering questions to offering information, and that information is where we start to, you know, get into the dangerous stuff. And when they offer that information. Like, hey, if you do this, it feels good. And you know, I won't tell even you know it's okay to feel that. Like, can you hear like, how that becomes a way for this person to not only gain their trust and their confidence, but to then prepare them to move into things that is absolutely not okay. Whereas, if we take a kid and we say, You know what, you're absolutely allowed to explore your body, and you're going to find spots that feel really good to touch, and you can go in your bedroom, or you can go in the bathroom, and you can do those things with clean hands by yourself, that's totally okay. You're allowed to explore your body, and you should explore your body and find out the things that you like, and when you're older and when you're ready and you're done, exploring your body, and you understand it and you know it, then when you're bigger, you can start to explore it with other people who are safe,

    KC Davis 12:50

    yeah, because it really it deals in the the sort of like it is dealing in the trait of pleasure. Because we're told pleasure is sort of a taboo subject to talk about. And so when there's this person who's going to talk to you about pleasure, and it's the only person that will, and I mean, that's certainly how there's a reason why trust and credibility is so easily offered to teachers, because people that teach you things right, like, that's honestly even I have never thought of it that way. Because even though I agree, I still feel those feelings of, like, really, talk to my four year old about how it feels good, really, like, talk to my 678, year old. And I'm trying even to identify, like, what is my fear, right? And so that's kind of what I want to talk about next. And but I want to pause just for a second, and then we'll come right back. Okay? We're back with Rachel, who's a therapist that talks about, basically, BodyTalk sex ed. What is the effect that not getting sex ed has on us as adults? How should we talk to kids about sex? And so I wanted to come back to this point about how you said that not only talking about the mechanics, but about pleasure, and how that's actually a safeguard, because I think that something in me, My gut feeling feels the opposite. I feel like it's like, scary or dangerous, or like I might accidentally open something up that's like, not going to be good for my kids. Like, where does that come from? Well,

    Rachel 14:13

    I think that's, you know, touching back into the idea of purity culture, right? We're steeped in the US, in this idea that sex and pleasure are intricately interwoven. There we go, inextricably tied, right? They're stuck together. There is no separation. How

    KC Davis 14:28

    is that easier for you to say,

    Rachel 14:32

    Listen, my ADHD brain works one way. I can't explain it. It's just how it's gonna go.

    KC Davis 14:37

    That's amazing. Okay, so it's tied in an untieable way,

    Rachel 14:40

    exactly. You can't take them apart from each other, which is, of course, not true, like I said before, to what I miss the to what sex and pleasure? Yes, okay, they have to come together, right? There's that idea that sex is the only way to be pleasurable, and because sex is an adult thing, that means pleasure is an adult thing. It's. Not for young children. It's not for people growing up, even though it's literally your biology.

    KC Davis 15:05

    And I'm having like such an epiphany moment right now, because when I think about my first sexual experiences, they were not pleasurable, and I thought that was normal. I thought that was fine, like the effect of no one talking to me about sex and pleasure being inextricably linked meant that my first sexual experience as a, I guess, a preschooler, where the little boy wanted me to go under the table and say, I'll show me yours if you show me mine. And nothing about that was enjoyable. In fact, I was uncomfortable, but I just kind of let him do it, and it was a peer, right? And then moving forward, right? Like when the first time that I gave oral sex, and it was sort of this, like, I'll do you if you do me, and it was not pleasurable at all for me. But yet, when I thought about like experimenting, no part of me expected that it was supposed to be pleasurable. And yet, when I think about every male on the other side, they actually were experiencing pleasure. Right. Fast forward to losing my virginity was not pleasurable

    Rachel 16:05

    because had they been given the opportunity to explore their own bodies, to figure out what their bodies liked? It's again, it's a cultural norm that we just expect that.

    KC Davis 16:14

    So we're literally setting our girls up for not believing that their sexual encounters should be pleasurable, and that's like a big reason why so many of us and so many of our daughters would grow up to be like to partake in this culture where, like, my pleasure doesn't matter, and it really just matters about the man. And I'm just doing it so that he like, oh my god, this is such a light bulb moment.

    Rachel 16:43

    Yeah, we never label it. We don't name that. We don't talk about the idea that we're not talking about pleasure because we don't want to talk about sex like we have never that doesn't come up. And then so, like, you know, you feel uncomfortable talking to little kids about it. You don't want to say, This feels good, it's and then the next step of that is it feels good when you do it to yourself and it should feel good when you get to a partner. And that's where, like the next video, one of the next ones that I had blow up was my four pillars discussion, the four pillars of safe sex, because safe sex isn't just about protection. So what are the four pillars? So the four pillars are confirmation, making sure that both partners are really excited to be doing this. You need to confirm explicitly that both of you are jazzed about this happening. Then you have to have communication checking in beforehand. What do you want to try? What are you excited about checking out, like checking in during? Hey, is this good? Are you liking this? Do we want to try something different and then checking in after? How do you feel? Do you want to cuddle? Do you need a glass of water? Do you want to go for a walk? How was it? And then the third pillar is lubrication. Nobody talks about that. It's a whole, I mean, that's a whole nother podcast. But like making sure that you are able to do this in a way that doesn't hurt, right? There's a very low percentage of people that can have sex without additional lubrication and actually enjoy it. Weirdly enough, I keep smacking there.

    KC Davis 18:05

    I recently saw a Tiktok that was like nobody had ever put it this way. And he showed a picture, a D model of a clitoris, and where it showed that, like it's not just that little nub, like it's this big kind of organ that goes, you know, all sorts of ways. And he specifically talked about the part of it that comes around the outside of the vaginal canal. And he was like, here's the thing, there are no nerves like on the inside, like in much of your vaginal canal. And so what makes penetration pleasurable is when you get aroused, blood flows into this part of the clitoris, and that changes what's and it pushes in on the walls and creates sensation. And so he was like, when we talk about lubrication, we're not just talking about so that it goes in easy. We're talking about so that it's actually pleasurable for you, not just the absence of pain and irritation and friction, but that foreplay, getting those areas ready, right? It's as integral to a woman as like getting an erection is for a man, like it won't work. There will be no pleasure otherwise. Yep,

    Rachel 19:16

    you're absolutely right. Like that is, it is essentially, when you think about it, a female erection, getting that part of the clitoris warmed up is vital. You said it beautifully.

    KC Davis 19:27

    And he also, by the way, for any men listening, he said that is typically best done by not touching the clitoris. He was like, you can't just like, go in. It's like, this is the mood setting, right? So that's fascinating. So it's confirmation, communication, lubrication, what's the fourth one? And

    Rachel 19:42

    now my brain just turned off. So this is I'm all like, God, I

    KC Davis 19:45

    love that so much.

    Rachel 19:47

    My favorite part about being ADHD, I talk about this literally all the time. This

    KC Davis 19:52

    is such a safe space to do that. Just blank. It's fine. We'll come back to it. Yeah,

    Rachel 19:56

    yeah. It's just gone. It's not there. I made them up. Made a Tiktok. Can't think of it.

    KC Davis 20:03

    So I think that what I find myself as a parent being afraid of is like, what if I teach my kid things about her body that her brain is not ready to contextualize or make decisions about?

    Rachel 20:20

    So that's where my the kind of foundations of BodyTalk come from. That's where you have that requirement. I call it consent for knowledge, touching base and making sure that your kids are driving this bus, that they're letting you know when they're ready to hear this information. Touch is saying, you know, hey, this answer to this question or this topic that I'm going to bring up might make you feel some things. Might make you feel a little weird, or make you have some more questions. Are you ready to hear this? Do you want to know the answer? Because sometimes they're going to say, No. They'll be like, actually, I don't really want to know that. And then you say, Okay, I'll table this, and we can talk about it later. And what that does is it allows you to know like, Okay, this is something that they've been thinking about, or they've been hearing from someone, or they heard a joke in a movie, or whatever. And I need to come back to this, because it's clearly something that is brewing, right? But it also gives them the ability to say, I'm not ready for this yet, right? If I'm going to feel some things, I need to be in a different place.

    KC Davis 21:23

    So what would you say to a parent that says I don't want to talk to my young child? They're asking me where babies come from. They're asking me how babies get into the tummy. But I'm really afraid that if I tell my kid about penises going into vaginas, they're going to go to school and ask some kid to put their penis into the vagina because they don't have they don't understand cognitively that, like they need to not do that well,

    Rachel 21:48

    and that's where. So if your kid is asking the question, you start with the minimum answer possible, right? You always start with the most base level. So where do babies come from? Oh, babies come from uteruses. Oh, okay, okay,

    KC Davis 22:02

    so let's, let me ask you this in real life, because this has happened to me. The first time that my kid asked, Where do babies come from? I said, mommy's tummy. Yeah. I said, Okay, all right. The next time she asked, and I had actually already been watching your tech talk, so I was, like, trying really hard to and then the next time she said, this was like, you know, I can't remember if it was like, months or a year later or a year later or something? And she kind of stopped doing, how did the babies get into the mommy's tummy? And so I said, well, the daddy's put them there. This may not have been the right answer, but I was, I was trying to go with, like, I'm gonna be honest, but, and then she was like, oh, okay, like, whatever. Then the next question, and when I say they were, like, months, if not years, in between these questions, right? She goes, how did the daddies put a baby into mommy's tummy? And that's when I realized I'm not ready to have this conversation. And I was like, I'll tell you later. So like, and I mean, she was four when she asked that. So how do you first of all, how should I have done that differently? And then how would I answer that question of, how does the daddy put the like? So you

    Rachel 23:05

    didn't, I mean, to make you feel better. You didn't handle it poorly, right? You didn't shut her down and say, You can't know that you're that's too much of a grown up question. Like, you didn't shut her down. You said, Oh, I'll answer that a little bit later, right? We're all. We all have moments where we're busy or where we need to gather our like our thoughts, it is better to say in the moment, can we talk about this? Can we table this? Can we put a pin in it and I'll come back to it and then do that? Right? Obviously, you've got to make good than to freak out and be like, you can't talk about that, right? We don't want to add shame to the conversation. We just want to say, we'll talk about that in a minute, right? We'll give that a second. But that's the perfect time for you to throw in that consent for knowledge piece. So I'm going to tell you how the baby gets in there, but it might make you feel some big things and make you have a lot of questions. Are you sure you want to know? Because it's very possible that she's like, Yeah. And then what you do is you start again, minimal information. So you know that babies grow in my tummy, but there's a special organ called a uterus. That's where they grow. It's like a room that's only made for babies to grow. And what happens is there's these things called ovaries, and the egg comes out of the ovaries, and then the sperm meets the egg in the fallopian tube, and that's where the cells combine, and the DNA zips together and starts the process of making a baby. And the cells divide and divide and divide, and like, when you get to that again, that very mechanical explanation, the sperm and the egg, that's enough information, if you really don't want to talk about the penis and the vagina and that whole thing yet, start with the biology of where the baby actually forms, because that's so much, wait a minute, there's two. They have to Whoa. And it's entirely possible that's enough for her to chew on that, how the sperm gets in there? Not even there, not even thinking about it

    KC Davis 24:44

    yet, sure. Okay, well, is there like, a minimum age, or is it like different for all kids? Like, when you start,

    Rachel 24:51

    it's different for all kids. So, like, my oldest was probably seven. He probably took the longest to be like, how does. Get in there, which, incidentally, was really comfortable, because it was right after we told him that he was having a baby sister. He was like, Wait, how did she get in there? And I was like, Cool. All right, well, I guess I'll tell you. And then my middle was probably three and a half, because she was getting a baby sister. And she was like, how did she get in there? I was like, Do you want to know? And she's like, Yeah. And again, to them, it's like, putting Legos together, right? It's not some sort of big, scary, puritanical, you know, oh, I'm gonna go try this. Right? It's like, oh, that's a cool thing that you could do. Interesting. And then what you were saying, like, I'm scared that my kid's gonna go to school and be like, let's try this. You at the end of this conversation, or even peppered throughout you, throw in this is a thing that grown ups do when they're feeling like they want to have a baby, because when they're little, like that pleasure is not about you're not talking about two people having pleasure, yet you can, you can say that it feels good, I guess, but like, I've never bothered because I don't want them thinking about like, it's pleasure and it's baby. Because for them, they're just thinking about the baby. They're like, Where do babies come from? Where is human life springing forth from? And then the pleasure part is a separate conversation, just for themselves, in my experience, anyway. So

    KC Davis 26:13

    when would it behoove a parent to have this conversation with a kid that maybe is not bringing it up? So

    Rachel 26:20

    I that's another one where another foundation is encouraging curiosity. So curiosity is a foundational part of BodyTalk, and not just curiosity about sex, but curiosity about your body in general. So if you want to pepper scientific facts through their whole lives about their body, did you know that scabs, they fall off? Guaranteed within two weeks, because your skin, your whole outside of your skin, replaces itself every 28 days. Did you know that isn't that cool? Did you know that your body has a mail carrier like the mailman outside your body has that they're called hormones, and peppering those kind of facts throughout your day to make curiosity and information sharing a standard so that if you notice that your child hasn't asked the question, you can say, Isn't it interesting that babies are the result of two cells from two different people coming together to make a human? Did you know that? Isn't that cool? And you can spark that curiosity just by sharing non scary facts that are interesting about the human because we're miraculous, right? The way the human body works is fascinating, and there are things about us that we still don't understand. We've been wandering this earth for 1000s of years, and there are processes we don't get, but we're like, we're still figuring it out, and so making the knowledge of the human body commonplace but still fascinating, is a huge part of making BodyTalk non threatening.

    KC Davis 27:48

    Okay, so when we come back, I have two questions for you. Okay, so here are my two questions. I want to talk about how hard these conversations can be for us as parents when we maybe didn't get those types of conversations as kids, like, how do we address and I love earlier when you said, like, it's okay to punt the question. But what was interesting to me is that punting the question was about me not being ready, not about them not being ready. I mean, how do you help someone get over maybe some of those fears. Oh yeah, what if they're corrupted, or, what if they, you know, go say this to some other kid. What if they, you know, start experimenting, and it's, you know, how do we work through our own feelings of those sort of things? So

    Rachel 28:34

    that's the kind of, the reason why I started my platform, right? Is this idea that working through your own feelings, just like when you're doing gentle parenting, just like when you're trying to get into a healthy adult relationship. So much of this comes from doing your own internal work, and the easiest way is to start or to think about them ahead of time, right? Don't wait to think about this until your kid is asked the question, right? Start thinking about, how am I going to talk about this? What do I want to say? What are some scripts that I can use, right? And then, like you were saying, Where does this come from in me? Why am I uncomfortable about this? What about this conversation gives me the ick and thinking about, Okay, is there a time when I was little that I asked a question and got shut down. Was there a moment where I realized that if I had known this, I would have been a safer person and thinking about those things like that's so much of this is forethought. It requires thinking ahead. And kids don't often let us do that. They love to blindside us with things that we never thought about.

    KC Davis 29:40

    That was such a powerful thing you said, when you said, If I had known this, I would have been safer. And I think that even if you don't have kids, there's something really powerful about the permission to grieve. I mean, the title of this episode is the sex ed you should have had. And I. There should have been someone that could talk to you about this, and maybe it was no one's fault. A lot of people are, you know, we're all products of our time and our culture and the way we were raised, and I think most people are doing the best we can, but it's okay to grieve that like that might have hit some people like a ton of bricks, like you had you had this information, had you had an adult that could have taught you the way you deserve to be taught you might have been safer. You might

    Rachel 30:26

    have been able to avoid you know, I look back on my own youth and again, very much like you. I had parents who were way more open than any of my peers. Parents, right? Like I very distinctly remember, like my book opens with me flipping through the vellum pages of the World Book, encyclopedia, anatomy section, and looking at the systems, and being hyper focused on the reproductive systems, and being like, this is fascinating. And my parents were just like, yeah, if you've got questions, you can ask them. But my parents were married for 31 years. They met my mom's freshman year of college, my dad had been engaged before, when he was in Vietnam, and my mom had dated a couple of people, but, like, there was no there was never a discussion about what healthy dating looks like and what it looks like to, you know, try people on for size, etc, etc. It was just kind of this expectation that when you get old enough, you'll meet somebody that you want to partner up with, and then, you know, that'll be the thing. And so I think about my early 20s, where I dated some really great guys, and I went on some really dangerous dates, like where I had I had my own self interest in mind, even in the slightest, I would never would have gone. And I'm really lucky that being who I am, I was able to get out of those dates without being hurt. But, you know, I think about if those conversations had been more commonplace, how I might have been able to avoid that? And you're absolutely right, grieving and recognizing, like it's okay to be sad that I had to experience those things, and then remembering the reason I'm having these conversations is to help my kids avoid the really dangerous stuff. You're not going to help them avoid heartache. Everybody has heartache. Everybody has those moments where they're like, shoot. That did not go to plan, but hopefully avoiding those situations where they come home and they're like, I'm I'm hurt

    KC Davis 32:17

    well. And the thing that I think's ironic about my sort of gut reaction, fears of like, what if they go do this? What if they go do this? Are all things that like kids are doing when they don't have the right information. Like, those things are happening anyways.

    Rachel 32:33

    I will never forget Samantha s at the base of the curly slide on the elementary playground being like, I saw some sperm. You could see him swimming around in the hand. And I was like, Whoa, no, you can't they're microscopic. Like, that's not a thing. She's literally talking about tadpoles or minnows or something, and just calling them sperm. But like, it is in just seared into my brain, and that is another one of those driving forces, like, I will be sharing the information with my child that you can't see them, and if a grownup is showing you sperm, you need to tell mom. Well, listen,

    KC Davis 33:03

    that was my first thought was, like, if you had the kind of relationship with your parents where you that kind of thing was an open topic, and you were sort of taught about happening between adults. And some one did say to you on the playground, I had sperm in my hand, then that would be something that I immediately would be like, I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna tell my mom about that, because that kind of sounds weird, right?

    Rachel 33:27

    Exactly like I think back on that, and I'm like, because I didn't tell my parents. It like I knew how babies were made. But the concept, like, why would you it never went there for me that like, why are you as a fourth grader talking about, this, is this a flex? And what's really ironic is, my dad was a social worker, so if I had told him, it would have been an immediate like, oh, boy, we gotta check in on this. And it never even occurred to me, because the like, I knew that it was a grown up thing, but I never like and we're not supposed to know and we're not supposed

    KC Davis 33:59

    so do you have any, like, favorite books that parents could use or that you like?

    Rachel 34:07

    So I don't, I know there's

    KC Davis 34:11

    one I should have asked that. I didn't even ask that ahead of time. It's okay. There is

    Rachel 34:15

    one, I think there's one that's called How to make a baby, that's very cut and dry, right? It's very explicit. It's very there's diagrams. It's very clinical with how it comes together, and it's pretty straightforward. And it's a picture book. It's meant for small children that you can and you can show them the pages you want to show them, and you can show them, you know, the pages you don't want to show them. But as far as like, handbooks and guides, I'm working on one,

    KC Davis 34:38

    oh, cool. Is the one you mentioned how to make a baby, is that the one that's really inclusive? Yeah, about, like, the different ways that it doesn't just talk about penetrative sex between a man and a woman.

    Rachel 34:50

    Yes, yep. And that's part of the reason I like it. So I like that it discusses IVF. I like that it discusses, you know, the fact that sex doesn't just happen to be about a baby. Baby, but it, you know, we're focusing on babies again, because this is the question you're asking me. But yeah, that's that it is very inclusive, if I recall,

    KC Davis 35:07

    because I think I might get that one. Because, you know, when we were talking about, like, how do you bring that up to a kid that maybe is getting to the age where you should know, but they haven't asked, like, maybe that's a good way of being like, we're just gonna read

    Rachel 35:19

    this book. You totally good with the idea of, like, if you get uncomfy, this book has lots of really good information, but if you get uncomfy, please tell me and we'll stop.

    KC Davis 35:27

    Okay, well, I can't wait for your book. What do you have a title yet? It's

    Rachel 35:32

    only got my working title, which is BodyTalk, but it's a collection of stories that are then attached to, kind of the foundational pieces of the sex ed that we should have had, right? Like the how this could look different for people if we give them the information

    KC Davis 35:46

    well, so tell us where people can find you now if they want to follow you. So I'm

    Rachel 35:51

    primarily on Tiktok. My handle is lack of impulse control, which is a callback to my ADHD self. I'm also on Instagram, same handle, lack of impulse control. I'll be launching a YouTube channel here and a Facebook page in the next two weeks,

    KC Davis 36:04

    which by the time this episode comes out, that will be out. Yes, okay, cool.

    Rachel 36:08

    And then I'm actually working with a developer to get my website launched with the URL of which will be safe kidsno stuff.com.

    KC Davis 36:14

    Safe Kids, no stuff. No stuff. Oh, no. Like, K N, O, W, K N, O, W, yep, because Safe Kids know stuff. Okay, we'll link all that in the show notes. This has been really great, and I want to thank you so much. I feel like this is such a gap in parenting content when it comes to helping us know how to raise our kids, and especially because when we want to do something different than what was done to us, and that's no judgment, it's just you decide, you know, but it's like when you don't have a model for the way that you want to do it, or even the way you don't want to do it, because it's not like, well, I don't want to do what my parents did. I mean, they did fine, but I don't know how to do anything different without a model. And that's why I think that what you talk about is so vital, and the way that you do your videos is vital. So I want to thank you.

    Rachel 37:09

    Thank you. I remember the fourth pillar, by the way. What is it? It's enthusiastic participation. Nice if your partner or yourself is not in it enthusiastically, you should probably touch base. There's that communication piece again and stop enthusiastic participation. Sorry. ADHD, woo. The

    KC Davis 37:28

    amount of times I've been on a podcast and people have been like, what are your seven pillars? And I've like, said them. By the way, there's not seven, they're six. They already did it. And I'll, like, forget them say the wrong number of times there are. It's amazing. I have just really learned to embrace that about myself like that's fine. All right, cool. Well, thank you dear listeners for joining us. I hope that you guys have a really soft and compassionate day. You.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
26: How to Find a Good Therapist

If you’ve thought about finding a counselor or therapist, you know it can seem overwhelming. Remember that those first few sessions are essentially a time for YOU to interview the therapist to see if there are good vibes and a good fit for you. Don’t be intimidated by the process! I’m breaking it down with tips and advice about finding the right therapist for you. Join me for this episode!

Show Highlights:

  • The basics: What is the difference between therapy and counseling?

  • A breakdown of different providers and what they do: psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists, and counselors

  • How to find a provider–with and without insurance (Visit my Shop at www.strugglecare.com to download my FREE pdf file, Finding a Therapist.)

  • How to contact a provider when you’ve chosen one and what to say (Hint: It matters whether your private insurance is a PPO or HMO.)

  • What to ask during the first phone call about scheduling constraints, experience with your specific issue, typical sessions, etc.

  • Why it is OK to go into the first session with questions of your own

  • What you should communicate to the provider during the first session

  • How to ask the provider about their supervision, cancellation policies, emergencies sessions or phone calls

  • How to tell the provider that they aren’t a good fit for you

  • Probing questions you can ask to determine any biases/prejudices your provider might have around religion, spirituality, interventions, faith, LGBTQ people, gender identity, sexuality, psychiatric medications

  • How to figure out the therapist qualities that matter most to you 

  • Safety resources in the US (See Resources below for details.)

Resources:

If you are in a domestic violence situation and need safety now, call the 24-hour hotline 1-800-799-7233.

If you are under 18 and need help, safety, counseling, or services, text “Safe” with your address, city, and state to 44357.

The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) is America’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. If you’ve been assaulted and need help, call their hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. 

 Lifeline Suicide Help can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. They provide 24-hour free and confidential support to people in distress who need crisis resources.

The Trevor Project is a chat, text, and phone support line for LGBTQ youth in crisis. They provide peer programs and resources. Reach them at www.thetrevorproject.com

NEXT Distro is an online and email-based harm reduction service designed to reduce the opioid overdose death rate, prevent injection-related disease transmission, and improve the lives of those who use drugs. Find them at www.nextdistro.org

Never Use Alone can be reached if you choose to use drugs alone. Their operator will stay on the line with you while you use and notify emergency services if you stop responding. Find them at www.neverusealone.com and 800-484-3731. 

Connect with KC:

 Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Find the FREE pdf, Finding a Good Therapist, under the “Shop” tab.)

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And this is the podcast where we attempt to Depop psychologize, mental health and self care. Today I want to talk about how to find a good therapist. If you've been thinking about getting therapy or seeing a counselor, then maybe take a listen here. And I'm just going to talk about how to find somebody that you vibe with. Because it is intimidating to go into a therapists office because you feel like they are the expert. They are the authority. But the reality is, those first few sessions with a therapist, you are the one interviewing them, you are the one giving them a job. So keep that in mind as you look for a therapist. Now let's start off with some basic questions. What is the difference between therapy and counseling? Well, the truth is, there's not really a difference whether somebody calls themselves a counselor or a therapist. Tomato tomahto, really, there might be some instances where people would say, Well, you know, career counseling is not therapy. So that's true, right? And that, or people might say, well, occupational therapy is not counseling. But when we're talking about mental health counseling, we're talking about mental health therapy. So that's kind of how that works. Let's also break down the different types of providers that you might come across. Because I get this question a lot. What's the difference between a counselor, a therapist, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist? Well, let's start with a psychiatrist. Of all those people that I listed, a psychiatrist is the only one that can prescribe you medication. So a psychiatrist actually goes to medical school with other medical doctors, they are an MD, but instead of you know, when they go through medical school, but then instead of going to like a residency, and doing extra training for surgery, or for podiatry, they actually do their extra training in psychiatry, in mental illness. So they're the people that are going to give you medication. Now you can I have known psychiatrists that do talk therapy, but the majority of them really don't do therapy, or counseling even, except for medication counseling, meaning they'll counsel you on what medication is good. Typically, the experience of going to a psychiatrist is this, you go see them for an assessment, which is maybe 45 minutes or an hour, they prescribe you some medication, and then you'll meet with them again, a month later, for a 15 minute follow up. And for the most part, all of your sessions with your psychiatrist after that are going to be 15 minutes. It's just like any other doctor, they pop in, they ask you about the side effects, they ask you how your mood is doing. They adjust your meds, or they don't adjust your meds and then you come back in whatever time period. So a lot of people will have a psychiatrist and a therapist because the psychiatrist is handling the medication and the therapist is handling the actual therapy. So stepping down from a psychiatrist or not, sorry, not stepping down. But going down the list. A psychologist is someone who has gone to college, and then they went to get a PhD. So it's like college. And then they did like several more years of schooling. And then they did a postdoc, they went to school for like a long time. And psychologists, many of them do therapy. And psychologists are also the ones that are qualified to do testing. So if you want to be tested for ADHD, autism, any of those types of things, a psychiatrist can diagnose you with mental disorders, a psychologist can diagnose you, and a therapist can diagnose you as well. But a therapist can't do the kinds of assessments that psychologists can do, where you are sitting down and answering a long questionnaire that's getting, you know, rated and scored this sort of battery of tests. So oftentimes, you may be in a situation where you go to psychiatrists, you want medication, they'll say, Well, you got to go to psychologists to get tested and get your diagnosis. So that can be frustrating. And then of course, we have therapists and counselors, depending on what state you're in what country you're in, the laws around how therapists and counselors get their license may be different. I'm in Texas in the United States. And we require a graduate degree for licensed professional therapists and licensed professional counselors. And you can verify anyone's license online. And you should so whenever you're looking at someone, it's always good. You could just go on Google, honestly, and Google like your state or your country and then say licensed verification or something like that, and it should bring you up the ability to do that. Okay, so if you're looking for therapy, you're probably looking for a therapist or a counselor but there are some psych apologists that will do therapy as well. So how do you find this person? Well depends on if you're gonna go through insurance or not, if you're gonna go through insurance, there's a couple of ways you can do it if you have private health insurance like you do in the US. So and because I'm in the US, I'm going to primarily be talking about the US systems that we have to navigate. But if you're outside of the US, I'm still going to talk about like, how to vet somebody so that that's going to be helpful for you. Okay, so you're in the US, you're gonna call your insurance and ask them for a list, you could do it that way. You can also go on to websites like psychology today and filter by that you can look online for therapists near you and ask them if they have that. And then there are a lots of other ways that you can look for good therapist, I'm going to give you kind of a little list here. And this list by the way, you can go onto my website, struggled care.com, go to the shop and look for the PDF finding a therapist, it's free to download with all this information on it. Okay, so start we have Psychology Today. It's one of the oldest and most used therapist search sites, okay, it allows you to search by area expertise and insurance acceptance. If you're looking for low cost therapy, or you're having trouble affording therapy, I would check out Open Path psychotherapy collective, okay. It's a nonprofit nationwide network of mental health professionals dedicated to providing in office mental health care at a deeply reduced rate. Okay, open path. collective.org is that one, you can also check out the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which is nami.org. Therapy for black girls is an online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of black women and girls, which is therapy for black girls.org. The Loveland foundation is committed to showing up for communities of color in unique and powerful ways focusing particularly on black women and girls. So check that out at the Loveland foundation.org. And then if you are a person of faith, you can look through your various churches or synagogues or communities of faith. If you are a Christian person, there's something called biblical counseling.com. You could look through that. And so those are places to start for when you're looking for a therapist. Okay, so what do you do when you pick somebody out? How do you contact them? What do you say? Well, let me make another note about private insurance, you have to know whether your private insurance is what's called a PPO or an HMO. Because if it's a PPO, you can go and pick somebody that's on your insurance. If it's an HMO, that means that you have to go to your primary care doctor first and get a referral in order for insurance to cover that. So as your primary care doctor about that, you can also ask, by the way the doctors in your life that you trust, if you have a primary care doctor, if you have an OBGYN, ask them for a referral, they often have somebody that they know. So let's talk about what do you actually say when you call this person on the phone? Remember that you are interviewing them, okay? Now, there may be the rare cases where you don't get to choose who your professional is, but we're going to talk about when you do, okay, so what's the first thing you do? When you call them? You're gonna call them up? And you're gonna say, I lost my notes. Here we go. Hello, are you currently accepting new clients for individual therapy? If so, let me know what your fee is. If you accept insurance, like what you know, put your insurance or if you accept Aetna. And if there's a convenient time, we can speak briefly to see if we might be a good fit. Thank you. You can say that on the phone. You can say that via email, unless you're going through a community organization or you're being assigned to therapist, most private therapists, they should give you a phone call, or a free consultation over the phone. Okay. And when you get that consultation, when they get a phone call, it's just a short call to ask them some questions. And here's what I would suggest asking, number one, talk about any scheduling constraints that you have up front. So say like, Hey, I'm wondering if you see clients on the weekends, because that's the only time I have available? Or do you see clients in the evenings I have a job from nine to five? Or do you see clients in the mornings, I have a nighttime shift, get that out of the way first, because a lot of therapists will have specific schedules and you would hate to get to the end of all these questions and realize that they can't even see you when you're available. Okay, the next question is, what kind of experience do you have with fill in the blank? So these might be identity related with so with gender identity with working with stay at home moms or issue related, what kind of experience you have working with depression or trauma? And then ask them in terms of approach? What is a typical session look like?

    Your next question is I'm looking to attend therapy for that. And then either tell them the short or long term, okay? And ask them how long do you typically see clients because some therapists work on the short term. They'll say, Oh, I usually see clients for you know, eight sessions, and then we'll be done. Versus someone will say, Oh, I usually assume for years, and that it's helpful to end with you know, do you have any questions for me because often that therapist lost some questions for you. This is totally appropriate to ask for a short conversation to ask these questions, because not every therapist works with every expertise, and you can get a vibe and some answers done there. Okay. So when you go into your first session, typically speaking, you know that therapist will have something They want to ask you, they'll want to hear about your life. But you can also ask questions. So don't feel like you have to go in and let them drive, you can go in and say, you know, I have some questions I have for this first session. And here are some things that you can communicate with them. If you've had a therapist before, it's okay to communicate with them. Here are some things that my therapists have done in the past that have been really helpful to me. And here are some things that therapists have done in the past that were very unhelpful or harmful to me. And if you've never had therapy before, maybe just you can talk about your friends, it's helpful when you know, friends do this, or friends don't do this, during therapy, I would like to first focus on and then I'm going to give you sort of two examples here. And because one of these will be more applicable, you might be telling your therapist, I'd like to focus on exploring the roots of my issues and where they came from, and getting some sort of like deep healing, I want to jump right into that. Or you may tell them, I want to focus first on developing coping skills for the present moment, because I'm in a lot of distress right now. My biggest concern about therapy is tell them that and then ask them do you engage in professional supervision? So a lot of people will say, ask your therapist, if they have a therapist, I understand why. The idea that, you know, people should be in their own healing journeys to be any good to help others. However, that's a personal medical question, one that your therapist may not feel comfortable answering, it also doesn't really tell you how much work that person has done on themselves. Like just because they're not currently in therapy doesn't mean they've never been in therapy, doesn't mean they don't have other methods or communities that they're engaging in to continue their work. So asking if they have professional supervision is better. Now, professional supervision is something that is required, if you are a new therapist or an intern or something like that. However, most good therapists also engage in what's called peer supervision, where they'll get with other therapists, and they will help each other grow. They'll ask about cases, they don't use any of your identifying information. But if they're helping you, and they're kind of feeling like, gosh, I don't know what to do about this, they can go to somebody else and go, Hey, I've got a, you know, a female in her 20s really struggling with depression, you know, how do you think I should help? And then ask them what their cancellation policy is, you want to know whether this is someone who is going to require you to pay for a session, if you miss it, maybe they have, you know, you can miss one, or maybe you have to pay $50. And then also ask them if they offer emergency sessions or phone calls. You may not need it, but it's good to know. So those are questions that I was just asking in that first session. Now, if a therapist just isn't the right fit, you know, how do you tell them that? Well, first of all, I am someone who will tell you that it is okay to go see a therapist. Now, if you want to not go to a therapist, that's great. ending a relationship with a therapist is a wonderful opportunity to practice your skills in a safe place. But if the difference between you getting a therapist that works for you, and staying with a therapist that doesn't, is you're afraid to ghost them, just ghost them and go get somebody that works. If they're not the right fit, and you want to address that you can always just say thank you so much for your time. I don't think we're a good fit right now. But do you have a recommendation for a similarly experienced therapist that you respect, and I think you're gonna find that that will be helpful, because maybe they know someone. Let's pause here for a quick word from our sponsors. And then let's come back and talk about how to ask some deeper probing questions that might let you know whether your therapist has any bias that you need to know about. Welcome back, we're talking about how to find a good therapist. And I want to get into some questions that I think are going to be helpful to ask someone upfront things about religion, things about gender identity, things about medication, because, unfortunately, people have had the experience of working with a therapist that they really liked, that was really helpful. Getting six months down the road, when their therapist says something that's deeply hurtful, that's deeply prejudiced or bias. So for example, let's say that you do not want a therapist that is religious, and that's really important to you. Well, here's the issue. If you ask someone, are you religious, they will probably tell you if they are or they aren't. But that doesn't always give you the information that you need. Because I know some therapists that would not say that they are religious, but have like deeply, religiously influenced views about life. I also know therapists that are religious, that are incredible therapists that never bring religion into sessions that understand the difference between their personal religious beliefs and the goals and workings of a client that are like way better than even a nonreligious therapist. At the end of the day. Most of us don't want to know or care what the religion of our therapist is, what we do want to know our care is care Can this person do the job we need them to do without their own personal beliefs coming in? So here are two questions that I believe are more helpful in getting you the information that you need. Number one, do you believe that I can fully recover from the symptoms outside of a religious belief? or religious practices or religious ideas? That is a much better probing question. Because people might say to you, oh, I don't know what I don't bring religion in at all. But if this person has a personal belief that you can never not be depressed, unless you know, Jesus, that is going to influence the way that they give you therapy. Okay. The second question is, if I said, I do not want spiritual concepts to be a part of my therapy, what interventions would you use? And do you think that that would be sufficient to meet my goals, you don't want someone whose only tools in their basket are spiritual tools? If that's not what you're looking for? Now, let's talk about the flip side for a second, let's say that you are a person of faith, and you want to know whether your therapist is going to be prejudiced against that. So here are two a question and a statement that I think are gonna be helpful. Number one, just how familiar are you with the fill in the blank faith? Open ended? Let them answer. And then the second one would be, I would like for my religion, or my spirituality to be either you can say respected during our work, or you might even say incorporated into our work. So pick which one of those for you. And then the question is, are you equipped for that? And in what ways? So I would like for my religion to be respected during our work? Are you equipped to do that? And what would that look like? I would like for my spirituality to be incorporated into our work. Are you equipped for that? Okay. Next thing, when you are assessing whether somebody has bias or prejudice against the LGBTQ community, in my experience, it's not enough to say, do you work with gay people? Will you work with transgender people? Are you against XYZ? Because the most conservative therapists that I know would say, Oh, yes, I work with anybody. Everyone's welcome here. But they don't mean the same thing that somebody else means when they say that. Okay, so here are the two questions that I think are going to be more helpful to you. And here's the reason I say this, y'all, I got my counseling degree out of seminary. So I intimately know the kinds of people that are religiously trained. I am a professional therapist, I know lots of therapists that are not from seminaries, I know those people, like I know, therapists. And I can tell you that there are some of these people coming out of religiously trained institutions that you do not want giving you therapy. And there are some people coming out of religious institutions that are much better therapists than people coming than somebody coming out of a non religious place. There are people coming out of non religious places that have deeply embedded bias and prejudice that they're unaware of around these issues, and there are some coming out that don't so it's not enough for your own safety, it's not enough to just know are they are are they not religious? Or they? Or were they not trained in a religious place? Here's the question that I believe is going to be much more helpful to you is, do you feel I can fully recover from my mental health symptoms without changing my gender identity? Or my sexuality? Or might just like fill in the blank? Right? You need an honest answer to that question. Because if you're with somebody that at the end of the day is going to bring it back to well, I really think that, you know, you're not gay, it's really just the abuse, you need to know that upfront. Okay. The second question, how will we work on managing my symptoms while still honoring my gender identity? Or my sexuality, etc, etc? Make them get specific with you? Because someone who does not know how to do that will not be able to answer that question. Okay. And then the last question, I think is helpful is to ask somebody, what is your view of psychotropic medication? Or what is your view of psychiatric medication? Or what is your view of taking medication for mental health

    symptoms? Because y'all some people have some wacky ideas. Some therapists have some weird ideas about mental health medication, and that's something you want to know before you go in. I have another worksheet on my in that packet of finding a therapist that talks about therapist qualities that I think is helpful to take to your therapist. It's about what kind of therapist Do you prefer, and allows you to rate your preferences things about? Do you want someone that mostly listens or someone that leads the conversation? Do you want someone to help you discover things for yourself or to tell it to you straight? Would you rather have someone understand you or challenge you? Do you like it when a therapist relates to you about their own life? Or does that make you uncomfortable? Do you want to focus on healing the past or do you want to focus on developing new skills? And then lastly, some people like it when their therapist shows them that they care error. And some people are deeply uncomfortable if their therapist gets emotional, and good therapists can do both of those things, or all of those things, or some of those things. It's just so if you're with a therapist and they get emotional, that's uncomfortable, you don't have to break it off that therapist doesn't work, she gets emotional, good therapists, can meet you where you are, and change their approach depending on what you need. So we have to communicate with our therapists, a therapist, at the end of the day, is not an expert there to tell you what to do or give you advice. A therapist is a practice relationship with someone who is paid to put their own shit aside, so that they can accurately reflect to you what you are going through what you are feeling, and give you the arena to work some self stuff out. So it's a safe place to practice saying, Hey, I didn't like that you said that. It's a safe place to practice saying, you know, I wish we would go in this direction, give that therapist a chance to, you know, shift to a different thing. But it's helpful to take this sheet in at the beginning and say, this is kind of what I'm thinking. So I want to end this by giving you guys just some safety resources. Some things to know about. Particularly these are going to be USA resources. I'm just not familiar with ones and other countries. And so if you are in a place where you need safety now for you or your children, you're in a domestic violence situation. There is a 24 hour phone hotline chat hotline, if you call 1-800-799-7233. If you're under 18 and you don't know where to go for help. You need a place to stay you need counseling services, you can text safe with your address, city and state 244357. The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is America's largest anti sexual violence organization. If you've been assaulted and you need help, you can call their hotline at one 800 656 hope that 656 H O P E, the lifeline suicide helpline number is 1-800-273-8255. They provide 24/7 free and confidential support to people in distress prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones and best practices for professionals as well. The Trevor Project is a chat text and phone support line for LGBTQ youth in crisis. They also offer pure programs and resources. You can check them out at the Trevor project.com Next distro is an online and mail based harm reduction service designed to reduce the opioid overdose death rate prevent injection related disease transmission and improve the lives of those who use drugs. You can check them out at next bistro.org They will send you Narcan in the mail and other harm reduction supplies. Never use alone. If you are going to use drugs by yourself call them you will be asked for your first name, location and the number you're calling from. An operator will stay on the line with you while you use and if you stop responding after using an operator will notify emergency services of an unresponsive person quote unquote at your location. They are at never use a lone.com or you can call them at 800-484-3731 Stay safe out there you beautiful people stay safe. Until next time

Christy Haussler
25: Low Energy Self Care with Amanda Dodson

We are focusing on one particular aspect of self-care today with therapist and professional organizer Amanda Dodson of Nesting Your Life. I love learning more about how these two roles intersect in helping people with real-life problems. Join us to learn more from Amanda!

Show Highlights:

  • Why Amanda became interested in “low-energy care of self”

  • Why it is difficult to accept that you aren’t physically, mentally, and emotionally capable of doing the things you want to do

  • How Amanda explains the “Spoon Theory” of energy

  • An explanation of diminished energy and the blame and frustration that come with it

  • Why resources for self-care should think outside the box regarding the unseen rules we live by

  • Why budgeting your energy differently requires a sort of “mourning” the death of your able-bodied self as life changes occur

  • How societal messages about dealing with low-energy cater to the well people

  • Why neurodivergent people tend to have off-balance eating habits

  • How Amanda helps her clients aim for regular eating routines to be in touch with their hunger and fullness cues

  • Where to start if your home is not functional (Just take the first step!)

  • How sensory issues factor into low-energy self-care—and how to address them

  • Why motivation pairing can be a real game-changer in making undesirable tasks more tolerable

  • Why Amanda sees it as an important part of her work to help men become more involved in the care of their homes

Resources:

Connect with Amanda Dodson: TikTok and Website

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • KC Davis 0:04

    Hello, you sentient ball of stardust, this is Struggle Care, the podcast about self care by a host that hates the term self care. And we're gonna get into that today. I have a guest today named Amanda Dodson. She is a therapist and a professional organizer. And you know me, I love that combination. Hi, Amanda. Hi, KC.

    Amanda Dodson 0:22

    Thanks for having me.

    KC Davis 0:23

    Absolutely. So Amanda, the reason I wanted to have you on is because I love your take on things as a person who basically talks about low energy, care of self. So we you sort of orient our readers as to why that sort of became a place for you and what your background is.

    Amanda Dodson 0:45

    Yeah, so I started my career as a community social worker. So I did in home therapy for families who had cases open with Child Protective Services, basically. And a lot of those cases were for what they called condition of the home. So our job would be to go in. And I mean, purportedly, our job was to help them get the house cleaned up. But really, what it was, was figuring out what had gotten in the way of them being able to care for their home, and sometimes care for their children and themselves. And often it was physical disability, it was a significant mental illness, or simply not having been raised with that set of skills and getting to adulthood and just not being sure quite what to do. And so I really found I had a passion for just really getting in there and kind of getting my hands dirty to get homes the way people wanted them to be a with the sort of like mental health spin on it. And I moved into like different areas of practice after that. But then during COVID, I myself developed a chronic illness that really impacted my ability to do a live the light cleaning and organizing that I loved loved to do. So it was necessary for me to really adjust my habits and my expectations about how to keep up with caring for myself, caring for the people I take care of, also, because I am also a caretaker for other people who are chronically ill, and keeping up with just like the daily work of renting a home, which is a lot when you've got other stuff going on.

    KC Davis 2:29

    So what would you say was the hardest like shift mentally to make when you found yourself with a smaller capacity of energy than you were used to?

    Amanda Dodson 2:42

    I think the hardest thing to accept for me was just that it was simply not possible for me to do it all in the way that I was used to being able to do like in the past, and lots of people who have like become disabled know this journey. But in the past, you're used to having a pretty much infinite supply of energy, even if it is hard to reach sometimes. And it really took me a while to accept like, I just cannot do that anymore. And so I can't count on being able to like wake up on a Saturday morning and clean my whole house for the day. For the week, I have to be planful about how I ration my energy. And even in things like taking care of myself, getting myself showered, hair washed, dressed every single day. Like that became something I had to spend my energy on rather than something that was just a given that I would be able to do.

    KC Davis 3:36

    Interesting. You know, I'm sure a lot of our listeners are familiar with spoon theory, but probably not everybody is, which is this idea that well, I'll let you explain it. Go ahead.

    Amanda Dodson 3:49

    Well, yeah, spin theory. So the idea is that when you're able bodied, April minded, you have a pretty much endless supply of these little spoonfuls of energy. Like if you imagine your physical and mental energy as a big jar, you can just like spoon out of it, and the spoons never stopped coming. But when you have depression, or you have chronic pain or something interfering, your spoons are finite. And sometimes they're extremely finite, like you only have a couple a day. So you have to be really careful about how you spoon out your energy.

    KC Davis 4:25

    One is a really helpful metaphor for understanding like, just the idea of having a limited capacity, which I find is applicable to most people. So I don't have a chronic illness. But what I found was when I went from having one kid to having two kids, and then going through the pandemic, and then like coming under some stress, all of a sudden, I was experiencing this thing where I would wake up and I would have these things I needed to get done that day. And then like suddenly at 3pm I would just hit a wall and it was like I could feel my body and my mind being like, powering down? Yes. And I'd be like, oh my, and I could not get myself to do anything else. I'd have brain fog, I'd have fatigue. And it was really frustrating. And especially, you know, then it's but it's like, Oh God, I have all these other things, including like getting my kids into bed and feeding myself and like this thing that has to happen tomorrow. And so I think like, whether it is chronic illness, or you mentioned mental illness, or just burnout or stress, or I know a lot of parents, or maybe you got a new dog, I mean, literally, whatever it is, we go through this thing where we're going, Oh, my God, why don't I have the limitless energy that I had before? And I think that a lot of people are, I mean, even able bodied people have to make choices, like maybe they don't have the energy for everything. But typically, they have enough energy to cover all of the necessities, and they're really only making cuts when it comes to the extra. So it's like, I'm too tired to go to the beach and do a three mile run today. So I guess I'll have to pick one. Right? But it's like very different when that energy runs out. At okay. I guess I have to decide whether I'm going to shower today or I'm going to clean my house.

    Amanda Dodson 6:12

    Yes, yes. Or whether I'm going to shower or be able to prepare myself at dinner. Right, like, but isn't it interesting what I heard you say and I totally identify with this, like when you hit that wall and kind of ran out of spoons. Our emotional reaction is to feel frustrated and angry. And sometimes an often like angry at ourselves. Like, why am I so tired right now? Like, Oh, what am I doing wrong? Did I not drink enough water? Did I not get enough sleep? Like, why do I feel this way? It must be something that I've done. And I just have found that to be so counterproductive, even though it's a regular response. Because it only tires us out more to be angry and frustrated with ourselves for feeling tired.

    KC Davis 6:59

    Yeah, it was a huge deal for me to be like, okay, especially in my case, I didn't know why I was running out of energy. I didn't know if it was the trauma from the pandemic, if I had something wrong with my hormones, if I was sick if I was depressed, like what it was. And I was kind of frustrated that my doctors kept being like, I mean, you might just be traumatized. So it's like, no, it must be something fixable. But like getting to the point where I hit that wall, and instead of launching into those questions, or those criticisms, just being like, Okay, this is where it ends for me today. Like, it's, I think, a hard transition to be okay with those stopping points and kind of a non judgmental awareness.

    Amanda Dodson 7:37

    Totally. And like radical acceptance is the name of the game, because it's natural for us to go into that like questions spiral of why we're tired, or why we're out of juice, but like, that only just creates more suffering and more fatigue. And it's a lot more effective, I've found to just be like, Well, that's it for today. And that's all Amanda has to spend. So we got to redirect him to something else.

    KC Davis 8:06

    Well, what I love about your channel on tick tock, and about the kind of services that you offer is that coming into it from a place of knowing what it's like to have to ration energy, and even mental and physical energy, kind of allows you to think outside the box, right. And I think that a lot of resources and services out there about home care about self care, they kind of come from an able bodied perspective, right. So it's more about, you know, putting all of the different glass jars into the pantry or having your rainbow colored bookcase and meal, prepping big huge meals that you know, you're gonna have the time and energy to plan on Sundays. And those sorts of things. And I have an example of one that I love that I've always loved, I'm gonna play,

    Unknown Speaker 8:54

    pay you if you're too hungry and dysregulated to figure out what you want to eat. So you just eat nothing, eat a little snack first, wait for a minute, then figure out what you want to make yourself for a meal snack before a meal is loud, do it.

    KC Davis 9:07

    I love this. Because it's those types of little tips that are counterintuitive and a lot of ways. Like they're so simple when you hear them. And it reveals to us all of these like rules about caring for ourselves that we're like kind of following like who would have thought I felt like I wasn't allowed to eat a snack before deciding on a larger meal.

    Amanda Dodson 9:30

    Yes, but we carry those rules with us. You'd be shocked how many comments from people were like why did I never think that this was okay. And I think it's I've like worked in eating disorder recovery too professionally. So like the food thing has a special place in my heart. That yeah, I mean, I think we carry a lot of rules that come from just like gender expectations and role expectations about like how we're supposed to clean our home. Live in our home, eat In our home, and they are pretty aimed towards someone who's already doing quite well at all of those things. So the advice doesn't end up being that helpful.

    KC Davis 10:10

    So how many people do you work with on like a coaching basis that come to you because they've tried some other like self care organization method? And it was a method made for someone who is firing on all able bodied, able minded, totally great support system cylinders.

    Amanda Dodson 10:31

    I mean, like all of them, all of them every single one. Yeah, I was just talking to one of my coaching clients the other day, and they were saying, like, yeah, I looked up methods for like a system for cleaning my house. And it was like, day two, remove everything from your cabinets and wipe them out. Day three, clean all the baseboards, and they were like, This is intermediate, I need beginner. I'm nowhere near keeping up this level of cleanliness, I need something so much more simple. And really what people need is like the kind of home care training that some of us receive as kids on how to keep up with homes. But a lot of people just don't for whatever reason.

    KC Davis 11:13

    So I want to in just a minute, I want to get into something that you said, where you talked about how a lot of the guilt or shame we feel or the messages about like what rules we're allowed to break come from these different cultural expectations. I want to get into that, but I'm going to pause for a second, and then we will be right back. Okay, we are back with Amanda Dotson, who is a counselor and a professional organizer, she runs her company called nesting your life. Nice, you could tell I was worried that I'd forgotten it. So we're talking about how when you are when you go through something and you find yourself with a much more limited capacity than you previously had? And sort of almost would you say there's almost like a like phases of grief that you go through of like coming to terms with being able to be non judgmental about the fact that you have to now budget things differently?

    Amanda Dodson 12:06

    Yes, totally. And I really experienced this myself, and I've seen other people go through it, where it's almost like you have to mourn the death of you're able bodied itself that like they might not be coming back, you're gonna have a different kind of life now. And I think that comes with the whole process of accepting like a chronic problem or a chronic disability, or even just like a chronic life challenge, like from now on, you're going to have to be taken care of your ill parent, or from now on, your child has a special need that you never expected to parent. But now you got it, right. Like we all have these things come up in our lives that are unexpected that we never planned for.

    KC Davis 12:51

    It's almost like chronic lack of support also is yes, a huge one, right? Like there are people out there that didn't plan to be single parents. Exactly. They didn't plan for their job to transfer them away from their family, they didn't plan to suddenly lose their job and now have to spend so much more time making the amount of support that they used to have. And now they're exhausted and limited and time and energy.

    Amanda Dodson 13:17

    Yes. And all the narratives we have for how to deal with that are very, I mean, you're from Texas, like I am. So we were steeped in like just sort of pull yourself up by your bootstraps, like just, you know, get it together, and then everything will be okay. And you'll be able to handle all of it. And I think people feel quite full of despair. When that doesn't work. Because the opposite is true. Like in those times of your life, when you're accepting that you have to ration your energy. That's when you need the most support. And that's when you need to be bringing in more people that you didn't expect to have to help you out. But now they

    KC Davis 13:53

    do. We were sort of talking briefly about the idea that most like home and self care advice is sort of almost geared towards people that have able bodied and support systems. I'm curious your thoughts on why that is? Because if you think about it, like people who need quote, unquote, self help advice are people that need help, right. And so And yet, most of the sort of self help advice out there is really only geared towards a specific, like demographic of people that don't actually need too much help.

    Amanda Dodson 14:28

    Yes. And I think it's because those are the people that can afford to buy the books. Those are the people that have the disposable income for those sorts of things. And that's why I mean, I love your book, and I love writing for the target audience of people that it's like, maybe you're not going to be able to read this whole book, maybe you're just going to be able to skim it maybe you're going to be able to get some snippets from the internet right like I don't know why self help advice is so written towards, basically well P But who just want to like be a little bit better? But I think it's just because people like they forget they exist until they're one of them or they're taking care of one of them.

    KC Davis 15:09

    Yeah, the world doesn't really like to pretend like disabled people exist and their full rights as autonomous human beings that are experiencing life still. Yes. And I mean, I think you brought up a great point, which is that the majority of self help products and advice is living in a capitalistic market where they want people to purchase that product. And so you need to both promise to fix somebody's all their problems. And you need to be aiming and marketing in a way that people that have expendable income want to be marketed to. Right, they want to believe that all they have to do is just believe in themselves and manifest and then, you know, this will all be fit, like, they'll be better, they'll suddenly have more energy, they'll get everything done, everything will look nice. That's unfortunate, but it's so true. And I but I think it's helpful to know that when we're hearing messages, like motivational speakers, and people selling books and things like that, at the end of the day, they're trying to get people to purchase from them. And you have to market in that way.

    Amanda Dodson 16:16

    Yeah, like it's a product. And yeah, and but the products are sometimes packaged. So selectively, like the idea that if you could just do this one thing, follow this one cleaning system, or make this one little thinking change in your life, and then like, everything would be great, and nothing would be difficult or confusing ever again, like what a dangerously seductive idea. But that's not actually how life works. It's really more complex than that. And you can do all the right things and still have something bad happen to have everything thrown off the rails.

    KC Davis 16:53

    So when you work with someone who is trying to let's say, create a more functional home or work, some self care, I love how many tips you have about eating? Because if you go and look for like tips on eating well, it's mostly like diet advice. Oh, it is. Yeah, yeah. But my experience is like, there's a lot of people who are just like, No, how do I eat like anything? Yeah,

    Amanda Dodson 17:14

    it's one of the first questions that I asked people, even when they come to me for just like cleaning organization, like, what's your eating routine, like, because I find especially neurodivergent people, I think, because just their internal clocks run a little bit differently. Like, they tend to eat nothing, all morning, some of the afternoon until like three o'clock, they realize they're like starving. And that's when their brain tells them you're hungry. But by that time, they've lost all executive functioning skills to be able to prepare a meal. And usually all, they've lost all connection with their like hunger fullness cues. So it's just sort of like I need to get something in my body right now. And then the meal doesn't end up even being that enjoyable, because it's eaten sort of frantically, and then they don't get hungry again until like, late, late at night, when ideally, it would be time to like, wind down a little bit and start thinking about going to sleep. And if you can run your life on that schedule. Am I calling you out right now? Oh, my God,

    KC Davis 18:16

    describing my exact day, like, oh, my gosh, I feel exposed.

    Amanda Dodson 18:24

    And that's the reaction that people typically have is like, how did you know?

    KC Davis 18:29

    I mean, the more I talk to people, the more I'm convinced I've never had a unique experience. Okay, so if I come to let's, let's go with that, like, let's say I come to you, and I'm like, Hey, and you describe that and I go, Oh my God, that's me. And I'm like, What do I want to organize my house? Why is it though, that you ask that first, and we're gonna start there.

    Amanda Dodson 18:46

    Because they're never going to have the executive functioning to organize their house if they're starving.

    KC Davis 18:51

    So what are some things that you would suggest to me if I were to say like, yes, that's my eating pattern. And I'm going offline at 3pm. And I feel this paralysis, and I'm panic eating, but I don't know what to make myself like, where do we start with some tips for that?

    Amanda Dodson 19:05

    Well, I mean, usually I tried to target lunch, because breakfast is really hard for people. So I'll have people set an alarm for lunch. And we'll make them a list of things to like, ideally, that day, when I meet with them, go to the store and buy things that they know they like that are really quick. They can just grab out of the fridge for a lunch, then we start to target breakfast. And it's like, when you get up in the morning. A lot of people don't feel like eating but it's like what's the least, like, horrifying thing you can think of nourishing yourself within the morning. Can you get through a like Luna bar, right? Could you tolerate like a piece of toast with some peanut butter on it or something like that, right. And most people find once they start eating more regularly, they're more in touch with their hunger fullness cues. And so they remember to eat more frequently because they're starting to notice when they're actually hungry. So you out alarms. Having snacks in every room of the house is sometimes something that's worked for some people, like just having them visible. That

    KC Davis 20:07

    has been huge for me. I started keeping peanut butter crackers on my third floor. So my office is on the third floor of our house. And I found myself like, even when I was recognizing I was hungry, not wanting to go down to the first floor. Yeah. And I spent several days being like, but you have to Casey make yourself you have to it's important before I was like, or just put some peanut butter crackers on the third floor like maybe this is a battle for another day.

    Amanda Dodson 20:28

    Yes, yes. Because way better peanut butter crackers than like, nothing and internal turmoil. Right? Yeah.

    KC Davis 20:37

    And so do clients push back on you when you say get something you can just grab because that probably means things that are prepackaged things that are wrapped in plastic. Do you ever have people say like, Oh, God, no, the environment like I can't do it. Yeah,

    Amanda Dodson 20:51

    I do. I do. I get the environment and I get the the food rolls around. Like that's processed food. And I should be eating something with a vegetable. And I'm like, You're not eating anything baby like. Like, come on. Don't be a hero.

    KC Davis 21:10

    I love the one you did where you were like acting on a skit and you said, Oh, I've really got to get all this homework done. But you know, I'm hungry. And I'm thirsty. And I'm starving. But I've got to get this homework done. And you were like, Okay, well, why do you need to get the homework done? They're like, so I can get a good job. And why do you need a good job so that I can live a fulfilling life? Okay, like, is this fulfilling? Are you feeling fulfilled? And then you're like, No, I'm not hungry, though. Okay, you have to eat, if you want to do these other things like not eating is not alignment with your long term goals.

    Amanda Dodson 21:37

    It's not.

    KC Davis 21:40

    I love that. Okay, so that's pretty good. So let's say that I get the eating down, I'm starting to eat regular meals. And I've learned to maybe eat a snack before I make a meal, get some prepackaged things. If I'm feeling like my house isn't functional, where's a place that you'd like to start with people, if especially if they're going, the amount of things that needs to be done, for my home to be functional. So because a lot of my wording is about just focus on function, just focus on function, like don't worry about it being perfect focus on function. And that's really helpful for a huge demographic that listens to me and listens to my content sets them free. But a lot of times what happens is people going okay, but like my capacity is such that, like, I don't even have the energy to get it functional. Where do I go from there?

    Amanda Dodson 22:30

    Yeah, yeah. So the first question I usually ask at that point is, what is the most distressing area of your home that's always in your way? It's always causing a problem for you, when you look at it, you're filled with despair, like, what is that? For every person? It's different sometimes of like, Oh, my bathroom or for a lot of people, it's the sink with the dishes. And so then we start to, but then they'll say, but it's so overwhelming. I can't even think of where to start. So we'll say, Okay, what would be the very, very first step to doing the dishes? And they'll start to go like, well, you know, they'll go like six steps in and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, back it up. You just open, maybe open the dishwasher and see if there's clean dishes in there. Maybe we just empty the sink so we can work in it right. And like, I find that once people get that first step going. It's like it breaks the avoidance seal that their brain has imposed, and they can actually engage in the task without feeling overwhelmed.

    KC Davis 23:31

    I found that I have to put on an apron. Oh, that's like my game changer. If I put on an apron and put on music, then I'm like, okay, maybe I can open the dishwasher.

    Amanda Dodson 23:41

    Now I am cleaning person. Yes. Yeah, yeah, totally. And like, a lot of people through talking with them, we find that they have some sort of like sensory aversion to the task that that is causing a problem with them, we need to put an accommodation in place to help it be less distressing. So sometimes we problem solve that. And sometimes they just need the permission to start small. So I'll ask them, like, how long do you think you could clean your house for today? And they'll say, like, an hour, and so I'll say like, okay, set a timer for seven minutes, and just clean.

    KC Davis 24:19

    Thank you for saying that. I was really hoping that you were gonna say that, because the amount of times that I have gone to, like a professional, whether it's a dietician, or a therapist, or whatever, and been like, I mean, I think I could do like, you know, 30 minutes a day, and they'd be like, excellent. We're going to start with three. Yes. Like, I always overestimate what I think I can commit to and then I'm too overwhelmed to do it. So I'm so glad to hear that. That's what you do with people. Yes, but it's so true. Because we need the experience of being successful to feel motivated to do it again, like I can't be like shooting for 30 minutes, multiple days and not making it and like want to keep doing that.

    Amanda Dodson 24:56

    Totally, totally. Yeah. And that trick where Extra, a lot of things like, for me, I like my cognitive energy, like it hits a wall at some point in the day, and I just don't have any more like focus anymore. So one way I ration that if I'd need to, like write an article get work done, I'll be like, Okay, I can't say sit down and write an article. But I can say, sit down, and I'm gonna set a timer for three minutes. And all right, during those three minutes, and like, what I find, and what a lot of people find is, like, just once they do that three minutes, they're like, Wow, I did it success. And usually, they want to keep going.

    KC Davis 25:35

    I love that. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break here. And when we come back, I want to ask you more about the sensory issues. Okay, we're back. And I want to dive into this idea of people having sensory barriers, because I feel like, you know, when I am struggling to get something done in my home or take care of myself, it's often like, the first thought is like, Oh, I'm such a piece of junk, like, I just have to try harder, I have to do that. And when we give people permission to believe that their struggle with a care task is morally neutral, but like, it doesn't mean anything about them, and that their barriers are legitimate. I have found that that cracks open all of this problem solving, like I can't tell you the amount of people who when I talk about, like brushing teeth, and I'll say like, some people don't like they're avoiding brushing their teeth. And and I asked like, why, and they're like, Well, what do you mean? I'm like, Well, why, but like, think about like, really think about, like what it is that and people really haven't given themselves permission to think about what they hate about it so much, because they think that their avoidance of it is such a character failing. So tell me a little bit about how you walk through sensory issues. And like, what does that mean? What does that entail? What are some of the most common ones you've seen?

    Amanda Dodson 26:50

    Yeah, well, I mean, teeth, brushing is a huge one. Because for some people, the toothbrush and the taste of the toothpaste is a sensory nightmare. I've worked in like therapeutic schools with kids that are on the autism spectrum. And I one school that I worked at in Boston, they had a whole OT department, just like they had a therapy department, they had an entire gym and a department of OTs and I'm like I love OT, like, I should have gotten the school to be an OT I'm into. But I was so inspired by all the strategies that they had. And I started to realize how many sensory issues I had in my own life that I had just sort of like shoved down in the little ball. Because they seemed weird, or like, as my parents would say, like, You're a funny girl. Like, just the nicest way to say like, That's really strange. But I like for myself, I started noticing like, I was avoiding washing my Tupperware. At times, I would even just throw it away because old food gave me like a full body just ignatia reaction, like I couldn't think about touching it, I couldn't think about even looking at it, smelling it. And so actually at work, a dietitian saw me throw it away. And she was like, Okay, I'm gonna work with you. Even though you're my coworker, she was like, you're going to open it, put it in the sink, run hot water in it and soap so that you can't see all the food right away. And we're just gonna get like all the bad stuff down the drain. And you're gonna put gloves on, right. And so like giving myself permission to think about this not as just like a funny quirk that I had, but as like a genuine functional issue was really illuminating. And so, I mean, the most common ones I hear are like touching old wet food. And people often need like gloves, a drop of like something that smells good under the nose to be able to smell something different. Another one people have is like, they just hate the feeling of wet hands. So gloves also work with that, but also aprons, like sweatbands that go on their wrist, the water can't run down the wrist. That helps with face washing, too, because a lot of people avoid washing their faces because of the drips. A lot of people have and I have this one. Like if there's like crunchy things underfoot, when I'm walking around the house barefoot, It like makes me want to implode. And so I have lots of nice socks. And I asked and asked my friends and family and eventually they gifted me with one of those little robot vacuums which is massively improved my quality of life because I'm not just like inundated with horrible sensory input all the time. So

    KC Davis 29:33

    I'm such an apron girl. Like I found that the point of like, I knew that the point of an apron was like to keep things off of your like clothes. But I realized that one of the reasons why I would avoid doing dishes is because when water gets on the sink and I lean up against it, I have like a real thing with wet clothes in any capacity. And so I was like, oh, that's why people wear aprons. To me apron was such a 1950s thing. Yeah. So when I recognize like the functionality of not only does it like get me in the headspace, but like, when I have gloves on when I have an apron on, when I have music on, like, when I'm addressing my sensory environment, it's amazing to me how much of a task feels intolerable because of the sensory components. And when I address that, all of a sudden, the motivational blocks are a little bit less, because ill Oh, it's not as intolerable. And then if you just combine that with a few things, like you said, with like, let me just set a timer for seven minutes. And we can kind of get this like wraparound holistic approach to it. Yes. And it's huge. It's a huge deal.

    Amanda Dodson 30:44

    Oh, totally. And the like, motivation, pairing of like music, or podcasts or audio book with the chore is a real game changer for a lot of people. Also, because a lot of people, especially with dishes, the sound of like the dishes, knocking together really, really bothers them. So yeah, I mean, I think it's all about like, figuring out your special formula for like, what makes a chore tolerable, because once it's tolerable, it's, most people find they're even, like, happy to be able to do it. And

    KC Davis 31:16

    it's such a message of compassion to talk about that with people, because I think a lot of us got this message that if you don't like something, if it's uncomfortable, if you're feeling a sense of like avoidance, or even revulsion at doing something, that the only solution to that is just knock it off. Quit being so sensitive, pick yourself up by the bootstraps, big girls do hard things. And I believe that there is a time and place for believing, hey, this is uncomfortable, but I have to make myself do it anyways. But it's not dishes, right? Like it's okay to make a care task that you struggle with. A little bit easier, right with some accommodations, like, the things in my life that I've had to actually tell myself, I know it's uncomfortable, but you have to just do it. They're almost always emotional thing. Right? Like, I need to say this hard thing to a friend. I need to, you know, be honest with someone, I need to tell my husband something that's embarrassing. I need to stand up for myself like things where it's like, this is going to be hard. But I just have to make myself do it. Because I have to be courageous. Like that, to me is the place for Alright, suck it up, do it. Not? Yeah, you know, laundry is miserable. Because like, it's okay, like, it's morally neutral to build some accommodations around laundry, so you don't hate it so much. Exactly.

    Amanda Dodson 32:43

    And like, I mean, I don't mean to get so existential about these things. But like dishes, laundry, cooking, these things are the work of living, like, we spend so much of our lives doing these things. And I hate for people to feel like it's just like something some burdensome tasks that they have to do. Because and like, also, you know, caring for self and hygiene, right? Like, I think people feel really filled with like, emptiness when they think I have to spend my life doing all of these things that are such a burden. And I really hate because we have to do them every day. And if you are burdened by these tasks every day, I mean, how does that make you feel about your life and life in general. And so if we can find a way to make these tasks, certainly tolerable, but rewarding and pleasant, and like a feeling of success and investment, and just the life you're living, I do think that it just makes life a lot more meaningful.

    KC Davis 33:45

    Well, and it makes me think, like, for the majority of history, at least in the US, with our current country, the majority of domestic care tasks have been left to women. And so I think that there's like some real misogyny behind this idea that, you know, it's silly, or it's superficial to spend time making care tasks more enjoyable or easier, that you should just suck it up and do it like just be an adult, everyone has to do these things. And I always say like, and sometimes you will say that to me, where I'll talk about a hack that I use, and they'll say it would have taken you two seconds longer to just put your dish in the dishwasher. Right? And it always makes me think about how, like there are people that are paid like six figure salaries, to find ways to shave two seconds off of production times and warehouses. Like you don't think Amazon's paying people like millions of dollars to shave seconds here seconds there. I mean, we know they don't necessarily care about like worker experience, but when you know what I mean? Like making things more efficient, more doable, more productive. It's like our culture says it's okay to spend a lot of time and energy figuring out how to make business more productive, more efficient. But if you want to take that same type of creativity and dedication to your home, to your self care to your home care, figuring out how to create a home that serves you, all of a sudden, it's why would you do that? It's not that deep. Yeah. Yeah. When, like you said, like, good bit of living is these care tasks. So it is that deep,

    Amanda Dodson 35:24

    it is that deep, but I think you're right, it's our own internalized misogyny and, and society's misogyny, that makes us see these things as frivolous. And, you know, even like, for a lot of history, white women were able to, like, outsource these tasks to black indigenous and women of color. So seeing and I even like experienced this sometimes as someone who internally as someone who's like, I went and like, did all the loans to get this advanced degree and like, worked really hard to get this therapy license. And I've found myself like cleaning people's houses. And sometimes I feel a twinge of like, It's uncomfortable to tell people that I'm cleaning instead of practicing therapy, because cleaning is like this not as good, like occupation, when in reality, like, a lot of times I'm making people's day better in the same way that I am as a therapist, when I go and just clean up their houses for them. I think those forces are really sneaky. Plus, you know, like, we were talking about the sensory issues people earlier and giving themselves permission. I know with a lot of men that I work with, and men in my life, who they had no permission to feel that they had an internal barrier to housework, either from executive functioning or never being taught. A lot of boys are never taught how to care for themselves or their homes, we just assume they'll figure it out, or someone else will do it for them. And I think that's at the point at which it's very seductive for men to kind of like float into the like, casual misogyny of like, Oh, my sister will just handle it, or my mom will or my wife will just handle it. And like, I see part of my work is like pulling them out of that to be like, No, let's figure out what's getting in the way of you actually doing these tasks so that you can also participate in the work of living in your home and not just be like, this is some silly thing that's just done for you. Like you live there. And so you you should be a part of it.

    KC Davis 37:31

    Well, I think it comes down at the end of the day to that every person deserves to function. And they deserve help with tasks, even if they seem simple, even if they seem like nobody else needs help with those tasks. Because also they do. Right like there's a reason why my platform got so big. There's a reason why people come to you and your continued to be able to sustain yourself with this line of work is because there are people that need help with how do I feed myself? How do I brush my teeth more regularly? How do I get a functional home that's a little more organized. And so I think what you do is really valuable work and I really appreciate you coming on today.

    Amanda Dodson 38:06

    Thank you. Thank you so much for thinking of me.

    KC Davis 38:09

    Of course can you tell everybody where they can find you if they want to follow you? You can

    Amanda Dodson 38:12

    find me on tick tock at nesting your life and you can find my website at nesting your life.com

    KC Davis 38:19

    Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you

KC Davis
24: Collaboration: Mental Note & Struggle Care

Today’s episode is a conversation in which Ellie Pike, host of the Mental Note podcast (this episode first aired on 2/27/23), and I discuss my adult ADHD diagnosis and the workarounds I’ve learned to get things done and function in my life. Join us!

Show Highlights:

  • KC’s background as a messy person whose life changed dramatically when her two children were born

  • How KC had to learn how to keep a functional home in a totally new phase of life

  • How an ADHD diagnosis as a young mother made sense of her whole life

  • Why KC’s ADHD diagnosis was “missed” during childhood and youth because she didn’t “fit the mold”

  • Why ADHD is NOT simply the inability to pay attention

  • How success in school changed for KC during college when most of the work was to be done outside of class

  • How ADHD affects what is going on in the brain, regardless of external behavior that may appear normal

  • What KC has put in place to help her finish necessary tasks, even when they don’t interest her

  • The difference between motivation and task initiation–and why we treat them differently

  • How ADHD medication changed everything for KC

  • Why late-diagnosed adults with ADHD usually hit some kind of barrier, event, or transition that brings everything to a crisis point

  • The connection between KC’s depressive episodes and isolation, under-stimulation, and boredom

  • KC’s advice for listeners about creating systems that work WITH your brain: “Do a little, and do it as a person that deserves to function.”

  • Why KC’s message is that “care tasks are morally neutral” and have nothing to do with someone being a worthwhile human being

Resources:

Connect with Ellie Pike and find out more about the Eating Recovery Center and Mood and Anxiety Center:  www.mentalnotepodcast.com   

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • Unknown Speaker 0:05

    Well, I'm so grateful you're on the show with us today, KC. And, you know, when we say small tasks around the house, I know a lot of us feel like, oh, it's not a small task, it can feel really hard to get all the laundry put away, or the dishes done all in a day and take care of myself. So, you know, I'd like a little background about your story, which gives us some context into why you're doing what you do.

    KC Davis 0:31

    Absolutely. So I've always been a really messy person, I've always been sort of artistic and creative. And I've never been someone who like needs things to be neat and tidy. But like, it's always been functional, like, it's been functional for me to just kind of be messy or to do dishes every three days. But in two years, I went from living just with my husband and a small apartment where he was at school, to having two children, you know, a family of four in a bigger house with a husband, that's a new corporate attorney. And we didn't know anybody. And so all of a sudden, you know, it became evident that my lack of like, systems for my home was not functional anymore. Like the laundry pile was huge, the dish pile was huge. You couldn't move anywhere without tripping over things. And it just wasn't working anymore. And it was really stressing me out. And it was really overwhelming. And so I had to go back to the drawing board on Okay, how are we going to keep a functional home, in this completely new stage of life? And you know, when you look to two books, or online content about okay, how do I get my quote, unquote, house in order, it seemed to me like a lot of the advice out there was really, for a very specific type of person, it was like really specifically for like neurotypical people who desire to be neat and tidy. And the way that those systems were put forth was very prescriptive. And the motivation was, like, what I like to call like boot camp motivation. So it was a lot of like, Girl, just do it, have some self respect, get it together, you know, tomorrow is a new you. And that doesn't work for me. And at the time, I didn't know that I was ADHD, I found that out, like a year into making my content, and it suddenly made sense. Like, my whole life just made sense, realizing that this whole time, I'm not neurotypical like, that's why I was having these struggles. And that's why I had to kind of go outside of the box to find systems and habits and rhythms that worked for me.

    Unknown Speaker 2:46

    And I imagine, oh, my gosh, I can only imagine how lonely your experience was, when you were holed up in your home with two kids. Like no systems were working for you. And it's the early time of the pandemic, so really isolated. And then secondly, shortly after that you received a diagnosis of ADHD, how did you learn that you had ADHD? How did it come to your attention?

    KC Davis 3:14

    So it's actually kind of a funny story, when I started making content about these little life hacks that I was using to clean my house or get my dishes done. And what happened was, I really quickly got a really big following. And a huge portion of that following were people that had ADHD diagnosis, diagnoses, I never know what the plural of diagnosis is. But regardless, after doing that for about a year, occasionally people would say, like, do you have ADHD? And I'd say, No, I don't. And then people be like, wait, what? It'd be like a record scratch. They'd be like, Wait, are you sure? Because like, these are the first things that have ever worked for me when it comes to care tasks. I kept saying, like, No, I don't know, I don't, I've never been diagnosed. I've never suspected. And I remember the video that I posted where I had said, like, I don't have ADHD. And I was trying to be really clear about it, because I didn't want to ever, like pretend like I had a diagnosis for like, you know, cloud or like online credit or something. And I'll never forget the person that commented and said, I hope that you don't find this inappropriate, because I know that this is a parasocial relationship. But I really think that you should get assessed. Everything you describe is exactly the way my brain works. Every tip that you give, is exactly the tips that my brain needs. And it's really common for women especially to have their diagnosis missed in childhood.

    Unknown Speaker 4:39

    Can you talk about what those pieces were that you know, you didn't identify with what most people think of with a stereotype of ADHD and how you might have been missed in the system?

    KC Davis 4:51

    So the first thing was I consider myself really successful. Like I had a successful career. I went to grad school, I became a professional Counselor. And so I thought that I was too successful. And I listened to a lot of people that talk about ADHD. And they would talk about ways in which they weren't able to get through school, or they weren't able to create a career. And so I had a lot of comparison going on thinking, Oh, well, then I guess that's not me. I listened to people talk about oh, I was always too distracted to pay attention in school. And I would think, well, I always paid attention in school, I liked school, I liked learning. And when I reached out to I was seeing a psychiatrist at the time for some postpartum depression. And I asked her about it. And she said, Well, what makes you think that you have ADHD, and I told her about what people were commenting. And I showed her my kitchen. And it was really, really messy. And I said, Well, I can't keep my kitchen clean, without really specific visual systems. And I showed her like, my fridge with all of my lists, and my processes. And the way I like to put it is that like, I think to her, I looked like that meme, where the guy is standing at the like conspiracy board. And there's like, pictures everywhere, or documents everywhere. And like the red string connecting everything, and he just kind of looks crazy. That's how I looked like describing how I kept my kitchen clean. And she was like, let me stop you right there. This is a classic, you know, what adult women and ADHD look like? And so we started to talk about, like, how was my diagnosis missed. And she said that it's really common for girls that are good at school to get missed. Because we're not bouncing off the walls, we don't have behavior problems, we are much more likely to be socialized to behave. And the thing that really cracked it open was being explained to me that ADHD is not the inability to pay attention. It's the inability to regulate when you're paying attention and to what you are paying attention. She asked me a bunch of questions about my childhood that were really validating for me. Like for example, she said, did you ever get diagnosed with any learning disabilities? And I said, Yeah, actually, I did. I have dyslexic dis calcula, and auditory processing disorder. And she was like, Ah, well, there's a really big overlap between kids that are comorbid with ADHD and auditory processing other learning disorders. I was like, Oh, she's like, you know, when you were a kid, did you ever have any, like, vocal tics or obsessive behaviors or anything that like, maybe looked a little bit like OCD? And I went, you know, come to find out I did, I there was like, a period of time where I developed a vocal tic when my parents are getting divorced. And I remember when I was younger, sometimes I would flicker a light, I would think, like, I have to do it five more times. But it was never like that behavior. While odd was never persistent enough to disrupt my life. So I just never thought about it again. She'd be like, Ah, well, the thing is, is that there's a very large overlap between kids that have ADHD and kids that develop vocal tics. And the next one was like, did you ever have any addiction issues? And it was like, Well, yeah, I ended up going to rehab when I was 16, for like, a pretty severe drug addiction was like, Oh, well, there's a very large overlap. And I mean, this went on and on and on, and all these things that I had never heard anybody talk about in relation to ADHD. When I think about ADHD, I think about a young white boy who can't pay attention in class, who is, you know, shooting spitballs, bouncing off the walls. And that was never me. But when she explained to me, school is interesting to you, like you perform so well within that structure. But then when you stepped outside of the classroom, you were incapable of doing your homework, you could not provide that structure to yourself. But you were so intelligent. And you were so focused on the lecture that when you were in grade school, where the grades were weighted, so that your tests were so high of a percentage and the homework wasn't, and when they structured the class, so that we're going to lecture to you about chapters 123. And then the test is on 123, you were still succeeding. So nobody was catching these gaps in skills that you couldn't do. And then when I went to college, when I went to high school, and then college, it changed all the sudden homework was a very high percentage of the grade. And they started doing this thing where they would say, I'm going to lecture to you about chapters one through three, you're gonna go home and read chapters four through six, and then we will test you on one through six. And I was incapable of creating the structure necessary to do the work outside of class, because I would do all the work inside a class. And if you ever had a class that was if you get done with the schoolwork, you can start on your homework. Well, I was nailing that because I was wicked fast. So nobody was catching that what was happening was I was incapable of performing outside of This structure,

    Unknown Speaker 10:01

    as you think back on all the ways that you were missed in school or in the system, right, you were even seeking substance abuse treatment in your high school years. Were there any other pieces that you notice were missed?

    KC Davis 10:16

    So one really interesting thing is that my psychiatrists sent me the self assessment, like that was kind of the first step in getting formally assessed. And there's these like three or four questions at the end of the self assessment, I just want to read them to you. And this is really focusing on like the social aspect, right? And it said, How often do you find yourself talking too much when you're in social situations? And I thought, I get like, not really not a ton? I guess I do. Yeah, sure. I talk a lot. That it was like, when you're in conversation, how often do you find yourself finishing the sentences of the people you're talking to before they can finish them themselves? And I was like, why don't do that to people? And then how often do you have difficulty waiting your turn in situations where Turn taking is required? And then the last one, how often do you interrupt others when they're busy? So those are the four questions on the ADHD self assessment that are related to how things are showing up socially and social skills. And when I read those, I remember thinking like, kind of, but not really. But what's really interesting is that because I went to long term behavior modification treatment when I was 16, a lot of these behaviors, like the interrupting the talking over people, the correcting people, the finishing people's sentences, it got pegged as problematic behavior. That was because I was being kind of self absorbed. And so when they're trying to treat my addiction, they're trying to say, like, hey, we want you to be more mature of a person, we want you to be a little more altruistic. We think that if you learn and grow as a person, like, you'll be able to address some of these addiction issues. And so some of these behaviors, got lumped in, as, you know, just evidence of my immaturity, or my entitlement, or my arrogance, or any of these number of sort of character issues. And there was so much intervention put on me around these behaviors that I learned to keep my mouth shut when people are talking. I learned to hold my tongue until someone is done with their sentence. So fast forward, and I'm looking at this and I'm going well, I don't really do these behaviors that much. But when you dig down and ask me, what's happening in your head while someone else is talking? The answer is, I still know what I'm going to say in response when you're about three words into your sentence. And I am biting my tongue and thinking about nothing. Except, wait for the pause, wait for the pause. Casey, wait for the pause, there's the pause, go. And I'm not hearing what you're saying. Because if I don't say the thought in my head, I will forget it completely. And if I hold on to it, and try to wait till you're done talking, I can't listen to what you're saying, because that's the only thing I'm focusing on. So that made me really sad. There was so much grief around like, No, this still happens to me, this is still who I am, just because someone managed to stamp out these behaviors, because they misunderstood where those behaviors were coming from all the sudden, it's like, I look like I don't meet criteria. I don't even think I meet criteria. Because a lot of it's focused on this external behavior and not what's going on in my brain. In what ways? Do I have a literal neuro type that is different than the way other people's brains are thinking? So it's not about do I interrupt? Do I not interrupt? Because for some of us that behavior, especially if you're a girl, you know what I mean? Like that behavior has been silenced in us, the more important thing is what's happening in your brain when you're listening to other people talk? Is it hard for you to regulate how badly you want to jump in how badly you want? And there's another one in there about, you know, do you have trouble finishing projects? I remember going no, not really. And I was sitting on the third floor of my house, and I had just redone the whole third floor. And I'm thinking No, because look, I just redid this whole third floor. And I hear people with ADHD talking about, oh, I would get halfway through that project and fail. And I thought, see, I don't do that. But I remember getting up and starting to walk down the stairs and I have those stairs that have like a landing halfway through. And I stopped dead because on this landing was my toolbox. my measuring tape, a couple of pictures I didn't end up using and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Oh my God, that's not finishing the project. I got done with the part of the project that interested me. And then I sat all of my stuff down. And then four weeks I just stepped over it over and over and over like I couldn't like that's the part of for me that's not finishing.

    Unknown Speaker 14:50

    And did you notice that you didn't even because it wasn't the interesting piece? You just didn't notice and you just kept moving on with life.

    KC Davis 14:58

    For me it's part Usually not noticing. And then the other part is like, I will start to notice it. But I can't make myself care enough to do anything about it.

    Unknown Speaker 15:07

    So what happens for you when you're like, Okay, I noticed this, this task needs to be done. But I'm not interested. Do you have any systems in place to support you in that area?

    KC Davis 15:17

    Yeah. So one of the funny, it's a great question, because the tic toc that I mentioned earlier that had everybody going, okay, see, please get assessed was the one where I explained that my motivation, my ability to engage in like task initiation, like, I feel like I have this like energetic river in front of me. And when it's flowing, it is powerful. And it is like our rapid, and like anything in its path that gets swept up and taken care of with like, impressive, you know, ability. But if that river is not flowing over a certain task, I can't do that task. And so, for example, the idea like, this is why I have a cup graveyard, which is like, just cups all over my house, like I stepped away from us to go get a cup, and I grabbed one and it had like a drink in it, that was a building, I was also like, well, that doesn't work. And what I always say is like, I will see that cup, I will know that cup needs to go. But it's this like random task that's not in the flow. And I can't make myself do it, if it's not in the flow. So what I have to do is put all my energy into making the river flow over that task. So for example, because I am not very good, I will literally stare at a cup of be like, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, and I just won't like I can't make my hand move. But I can say that every Tuesday afternoon is cup duty, and go get all of the cups throughout the whole house, I can say that, I'm going to get a dish pan and put it on each level of my house. And that's where I can put my cups when I'm done with them. And then when it gets full, I can carry it down. Like I can turn these tiny little tasks into bigger systems that my brain is more willing to engage. And I used to joke that like, it was really common to go into the bathroom, and there'll be no toilet paper. Because often when I'm noticing these little one off tasks, like oh, I need to replace the toilet paper, oh, I need to take that cup to the whatever, oh, I need to hang that thing up. I'm noticing them while I'm in the middle of doing something else, right. So you're carrying your laundry to your room when you see the cup. And for me because of working memory issues and all sorts of other issues with ADHD. When I'm in that position, if I stop doing the laundry to take the cup down, out, forget about the laundry or get distracted from the laundry. And if I say oh, I need to come back for that cup and then go to the laundry, I'll never come back for the cup. And so I often felt like I was just like, what's that arcade like a pinball? Like I was just pinballing bouncing off of all these things in my house, there was no flow. So instead, when I decided that, okay, on Mondays, that's when I do the laundry, on Tuesdays, that's when I restock my house and I made a list of like all the things in my house that could need to be restocked, the toilet paper, the paper towels, the soap dispensers, all these things. And then I would take that little list and go around the whole house and do all my quote unquote restock. And that to me, like I could get my brain to engage in that kind of system.

    Unknown Speaker 18:23

    First of all, I can relate with you, as someone with a more of a neurotypical brain, I can walk around my house. And as I walk, I'm picking up and putting away but still see my end goal in mind. So I'm like grabbing things, and I'm taking them to the kitchen while I'm also putting away the laundry. And then I'm going to do this last thing. And then my house is tidied up before I get to work in the morning. But Casey as you talk about it sure, for your neuro diverse brain, there are systems in place that you can create that you can get on board with and create that flow and love how you describe that. And I can see how this is not only applicable to other people who have a diagnosis of say, ADHD. But if anyone struggles with depression, or bipolar or even just sleep deprivation, it doesn't even have to be any kind of diagnostic understanding. But even just being like tired, or working the night shift or juggling a household of kids and working right life is hard to organize. So this is really interesting and very helpful to hear some of those tools that you use. Can you talk some about, like, the difference between motivation and task initiation? I know that is one thing that you mentioned to me that I thought you could put words to

    KC Davis 19:42

    Yeah, so for a long time, when I would think about you know, okay, I know I need to get that laundry done, but I'm just not doing it. I always thought that I struggled with motivation. And it wasn't until I was actually talking to a psychologist friend of mine, Dr. Leslie cook that sort of wrote down, that there's a big difference between motivation and task initiation. And she explained to me that motivation is seeing something as valuable and desiring to do it, right. And so if I'm lacking in motivation, that I'm staring at a pile of laundry, and I might be saying something like, what's the use, I'm just gonna have to do it again tomorrow. Or I might be thinking something like, I don't even deserve clean laundry, I might be thinking, I just don't really care. Like, it doesn't bother me to wear dirty clothes, it doesn't make a material difference. And I know it's supposed to, but it doesn't actually make an experiential difference in my life, where I have a clean clothes versus picking something up off the floor I've worn and so I can't just can't get myself to really care that much. Those are motivation issues, and we see those, they're very real symptoms of depression, and of schizophrenia and other mental health struggles. It's called a motivation. It's literally on the criteria for a lot of disorders. However, that's different than staring at your laundry and thinking, I need to get laundry done, I want to get laundry done, my life is better when my laundry is done, go get up, do the laundry. And we don't understand why we feel paralyzed. Like we're just staring at it going, why can't I get myself to get up off this chair and do it. That is task initiation, barriers, not motivation, barriers. And it's important to recognize the difference because we treat them differently. If I'm staring at my laundry going, I understand the value of this, I want to get this done, my life is better when this is done. Why can't I make myself do it, we're looking at a completely different issue. We're looking at this issue of executive functioning. It's funny, I was meeting with somebody recently, we were actually talking about kids, and trying to understand kids in their developmental area. And she said, you know, in order to make a transition, a child has to go through seven different steps, seven, right, they have to unattach their attention from what they're looking at, they have to physically hear the cue, they're being given by the parent, they have to form an emotional, mental reaction to that and regulate it, they have to create a motor movement plan, and execute that and moving towards that, you know, task. And so it was like all of these things. And as I was listening to her, I was thinking, Oh, I understand this, because most people would say, you know, the transition from sitting in your on your couch to going and doing your laundry is one step. You just decided then you get up and go do it. But I don't experience it that way. I experience it as multiple steps that my gears are grinding trying to get through. And in fact, when I started my ADHD medication, the number one thing that changed for me was going from feeling as though the transition from getting off the couch to go to do my laundry was very difficult and took a lot of energy and time. To all the sudden it was like somebody had greased the wheels. Like I could just go, I want to do my laundry, and then all of a sudden, my body was getting up off the chair, and I was walking towards it. And that wasn't it didn't feel like walking through mud anymore. And I think, you know, the best way that I have found is that that medication in conjunction with lifestyle accommodations, you know, like creating these systems, because there are ways that I can create momentum for myself, like, you know, I needed to clean my house recently. And I set aside a whole day to do it. And I remember sitting there and being like, I can't make myself do it. And I had to kind of break down these small ways of creating momentum. So like the first one was turning the heat up, like I had to tune into my body and go, What resistance Am I feeling in my body and the first one was, I'm cold. I don't want to get up from under this blanket. So I turned my heat up, and was like, What's the second one and I had on like, fleece pants and a long shirt. And it was like this does not feel conducive to like moving around in my house. So I need to go change my clothes. And then the next thing was I put on some like upbeat music. And I found a podcast. And it took me literally three hours to do just those steps. But I was like slowly moving myself towards this goal of feeling full of energy ready to do things. And so it's those things in conjunction with the medication that have created so much more functioning for me. And that was one of the things that my psychiatrists pointed out was that your diagnosis has been missed, because you have been engaging in such intensely high compensatory behaviors your whole life, that at first glance, you don't look that different from other people. But what people can't see is that you're working 10 times harder to do the same tasks that other people are doing automatically.

    Unknown Speaker 24:58

    Right and So that that is not all evident by behavior, but every single day, or you're trying to shift within your mind, which I imagine, like you talked about just feeling like you're just like going through mud. And it would feel really challenging to do that. And I'm so sorry that you lived for so long. With that experience in your brain, probably feeling really like confused by that experience, without having anyone validated externally until you were able to get your diagnosis as an adult. And that took a lot of courage for you to pause and start asking those questions and to really seek out answers. And it's really, really amazing to see how you've grabbed a hold of this label. And it seems like you don't feel shame about it. And instead you talk about it, you use it to your benefit, you take your medications, and then you create systems in place that can really help you thrive.

    KC Davis 25:53

    Well, and I've learned that it's really common for late diagnosed adults to kind of be bopping along, okay. And then we hit a wall, and it's usually a situational wall. So you're okay, and then all of a sudden, you hit college, or you're okay, and then all of a sudden you hit for me motherhood. And so for a long time, I thought that the answer was just that I was failing at being a mom, because there were a lot of ways in which, you know, having a career and not having children, there was a lot of ways in which momentum was being created for me, right. And so you wake up, you have to be at the job at a certain time. So you necessitate, you know the urgency of of brushing your teeth and putting on your clothes and taking that shower, you get there, you do your work, now it's off, you come home, you're coming in, you've got your shoes on, okay, do a couple of things, and then sit down. And all of a sudden I transitioned from, okay, now I'm a stay at home mom, I have these two kids, none of the external structure is there anymore. And I can't function. And so that for a lot of late diagnosed people, there sort of an event, maybe it's grief, you've lost someone. It's a transition into a career, or motherhood or parenthood or something. And all of a sudden, and that's why I think there's also this barrier of well, I can't be ADHD have only been struggling for the past five years. And it really takes someone that knows their stuff beyond just stereotypes to help you untangle. Wait a second, maybe this is something that's actually been there from the beginning. We just really need to investigate the different ways those things have been showing up. And maybe there is this sort of golden thread that we can find through your whole life and explain why right now it seems so much worse.

    Unknown Speaker 27:37

    Casey, you talked about having some depressive episodes early on and your motherhood. When you look back, do you feel like it was like the chicken or egg situation where now knowing you have ADHD that was causing any of this depressive heaviness that you were feeling? Or do you see those as more like isolated experiences.

    KC Davis 27:57

    It's funny because there's lots of mental health experiences that I've had that I now look back and can see them all being related to ADHD. The two times in my life, I've experienced a depressive episode. I remember thinking like, I know, I'm depressed. I'm a therapist, and I know what the criteria is. But I don't feel or look like anyone I know who's experiencing depression. Like I'm meeting the criteria. But the biggest difference for me was I'd never felt sad when I was in a depressive episode. I always just felt emotionally flatlined, or numb, and I felt bored. But I never could say that out loud, because boredom seems like oh, just deal with it. But to me, the boredom was painful. It was sucking all of the meaning out of my life to where every day, I would go to bed. And I felt like I was staring down the barrel of a shotgun thinking about just waking up and doing the same thing tomorrow. And I had a depressive episode when I was postpartum with this last baby. And I had one when I was single and living overseas. And they were completely different times in my life. But I could recognize that the impetus for both of them was the same. It was isolation, under stimulation, and boredom.

    Unknown Speaker 29:09

    That's a really interesting observation. And I'm curious if you can jump in to talking about the stimulation piece and how that relates to ADHD.

    KC Davis 29:17

    So it's interesting, like, I find that I mean, everybody, no matter what your brain is, like, can experience being overstimulated, right? Like we've all been at the fair or somewhere, maybe a kid's birthday party and just been like, ah, there's too much noise here. And we all know what it feels like to kind of be under stimulated I think, by way of just maybe being bored. But the threshold for over stimulation and under stimulation when you have ADHD is really different. So if there's a lot of sensory things going around at the same time, I get really easily overwhelmed and it's hard for me to emotionally regulate so I'm snapping at my kids. I'm really angry for No reason. But the part that really blew my mind was the under stimulation, dopamine, which is like the happy chemical in our brain. I don't want to oversimplify it. But it plays a really important role not only in experiencing pleasure, but in mood regulation. And we know that one of the things happening with ADHD is basically a misregulation of many things, one of which is dopamine. This is why there's such a crossover between addiction and ADHD is because there's something going on in the pleasure center of our brain that isn't really firing correctly. And so for me, when I am under stimulated, it's not just being bored. But it literally brings on feelings of intense pain, intense, existential dread, it can be something as simple as you know, that's sometimes why it's hard for me to pay attention. If I'm sitting in a lecture, I often am feeling like I'm not stimulated enough to pay attention. And so I have to do something else with my head. This is where fidgets come in. And that's why it's because I'm under stimulated. And so if I find a way to stimulate my senses in some other way, I can regulate that attention, if I can find a way to stimulate my life, and another way I can regulate that mood better. And so when I find myself, Okay, I can't leave the house, I can't engage in meaningful activities, I feel kind of a loss of identity, I don't have a lot of social interaction, whether it's because I'm living overseas, or because there's a pandemic lockdown, and I have a new baby, the other mental health symptoms start to just Domino. And when I started making my tic tock channel, all of the sudden, that was creating stimulation for me. So it was I have an interest, I have a hobby, I'm watching feedback come in and comments, I have something to think about. People with ADHD tend to hyper focus on things probably because we get so under stimulated, and it was funny to look back on my whole life and go, Oh, everyone's always kind of thought of me as someone who just gets very passionate about things and then loses interest. And I was like, Oh, I can basically trace my whole personality by just one hyper fixation after another. And I need that I need something that is sort of tickling my brain that is novel, that is something to figure out. And that like, I don't know how to describe it, it keeps me on track having the right amount of stimulation.

    Unknown Speaker 32:31

    So you describe that. And I'm wondering how you create that sense of stimulation, while also having to do these really mundane care tasks, and sometimes live that, like Groundhog's Day life, like get the kids to take care of do the same job, tidy up the house, take a shower, right? Like all these things that we have to do in a day. So how do you do both? And what advice do you have for our listeners.

    KC Davis 32:58

    So for me beginning to try and create systems that work with my brain and not against my brain has been key, because when you systematize something, it creates enough interest for my brain to latch on. I think of it like a ski lift, right? Like I'm standing there, and I'm ready to just be scooped up by the ski lift and go. So in my five things, tidying method, you know, I visualized that there are only five things in the room trash dishes, laundry, things without a place and things with a place. And as I'm going through each category, just focusing on that category, it almost feels like it's been gamified. So look for the trash, trash, trash. And it almost reminds me of like when you play those first person shooter games, where there's like a little Bullseye that's like scanning the environment. And then they like, did it, he did it like locking in on something. That's almost what happens in my brain. Then when I get all the trash up, it's like, boom, that's the finish line. That's that little light hit of dopamine. And I find that when it comes to feeling motivated, there's really like, three or four things that do it for me. And that's pleasure patterns, panic, if I have to have the thing clean, because you're coming over in 20 minutes. Okay, I can get it done. But I also find that patterns really do that for me. And so if every time I want to clean my room, I have a predictable pattern of five things I do in a row. It's much easier for me to engage that for some reason that is stimulating to my brain versus like walking around and just picking up random items.

    Unknown Speaker 34:27

    That's a really fascinating solution. And one thing I really like is that your solutions seem to be really creative. So we've been given this narrative that this is what your day should look like. And then for some people that is just not going to work. So can you talk about what that has been like to shift from the rulebook into thinking more creatively?

    KC Davis 34:48

    Yeah, so the I would say that the main point of my whole platform and my book and my TED Talk and all of it what is the idea that care tasks are morally neutral, which means that the way you do them whether You struggle with them. It has nothing to do with your character, whether you're a good or bad person, or whether you're worthy of love, or shame, or belonging, or division, none of those things have anything to do with you being a worthwhile human being. And I think a lot of us are trying so hard to, quote unquote, get on top of things, from a place of desperately wanting to be acceptable, and not feel so much shame. And I think that that puts us on a hamster wheel that never ends, because we're constantly just trying to get it under control, and trying new systems, and then they fall apart within a few days, and then we feel shame. And it just keeps going on and on and on and on and on. And what I want to do is I want to refocus us from this idea that care tasks are this external measurement of your worthiness as a human. And instead focus on the idea that regardless of your level of functioning, you're a human being that deserves kindness, and that you deserve to function. You deserve to be clean and comfortable, you deserve to have clean dishes to eat off of, you deserve to be able to come down the stairs in the morning, and do the first few things of the morning you need to do without the extra stress of not having a functional space to do them in. And when we change our thinking from, you know, being worthy to already being worthy. And I think we will find that most of us do want to function. And when you get away from that you have a lot more freedom, when you get away from that sort of like it has to be this way or else, you get a lot more freedom to go. Why am I folding this laundry? Or why am I sorting the laundry before I put it in? Why do I feel like I have to have, you know, a certain number of dishes, whatever it is recognizing that you can design your life and your home any way that works for you. You can break all of the rules and you don't have to have it figured out tomorrow you don't have to have a bazillion systems tomorrow, I have a system that I call closing duties leftover from when I used to wait tables. And it's basically this list of four or five things that I do every night around 730 To get my space functional for the morning and it does not make the house clean or perfect or any of that but it does make sure that when I wake up in the morning, I have enough dishes to eat off of I have a clean trashcan and I have enough counter space to make breakfast. And I do that because I'm a person that deserves that in the morning and I don't have to worry about everything being perfect. But when I started closing duties, it had one item on it which was unload and reload the dishwasher. That is literally it. And some nights I had I did what I call survival day closing duties which was literally just take the children's bottles, shove them into the clean dishwasher and run it again. And I think that that is the key is like it's okay to do a little and do it because you're a person that deserves to function

Christy Haussler
23: The Color of Care Tasks with Danita Platt

I’m excited to have Danita Platt on the show today. I didn’t know anyone of color in the field of care tasks until I met her. Her content resonates with me and my views around care tasks, so I hope you’ll enjoy hearing more from Danita!

Show Highlights:

  • Who Danita is and how she became an expert on gentle care tasks

  • How our society over the last two generations has moralized care tasks and tied them to the worth of a woman

  • Why we need to rethink our views about care tasks and “being a good woman” that go back to the founding of the US, historically speaking

  • How the concept of “invisible labor” has carried over from colonial days even to today

  • How many white people were able to live the lives they did because of the cheap, exploitable labor of Black women

  • How the Great Migration happened to move many Black families to northern cities from the South

  • How the shift happened to push Black (and white) women to work industrial jobs while men were away during the war

  • How the push is recurring for 1950s homemaking to be viewed as the superior role for women

  • What we DON’T talk about in the fulfilling life of a homemaker

  • How Danita chooses to honor the Black women who had to wash clothes, clean house, and cook meals under duress–with no freedom or choice of their own

  • What Danita would say to women who want to live more joyfully in their homes and experience more freedom and quality of life

 Resources:

Connect with Danita: TikTok and Instagram

Mentioned in this episode: Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Christy Haussler
22: Moral Perfectionism

I’ve never been a perfectionist. I’ve never cared if my bed is made or my handwriting is neat or if a picture on the wall is hanging perfectly. I’m not bothered by things being a little “out of place.” So imagine my surprise to discover that my whole life is run by perfectionism–a different kind of perfectionism. That’s today’s topic on the show. Join me to find out more!

Show Highlights:

  • How an 18-month-stint as a teenager in a long-term rehab facility turned me into a moral perfectionist

  • How a militaristic 12-step program and an evangelical church forced me to examine every daily decision for pure, altruistic motives

  • How this type of perfectionism told me that I had to be “good enough” to be loved and accepted

  • How even self-improvement is approached differently with moral perfectionism

  • Why it’s impossible to live with moral perfectionism

  • The first step toward change: recognizing that I am a moral perfectionist who is trying to earn my worth through altruism and unselfishness

  • Why you are not alone if you feel like a moral perfectionist

  • An excerpt from my book, How to Keep House While Drowning, chapter 3

Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • KC Davis 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. Today I want to talk about moral perfectionism. In the spirit of not being a perfectionist, you might hear some clanging in the background because we are trying to patch some holes so that the squirrels don't get into our attic again, I'm sorry about that. It just is what it is. Sometimes you have to embrace the not perfection. So what do I mean by moral perfection? Well, I've never been someone who has ever considered myself a perfectionist. I've never cared if my bed was made, or if my handwriting was neat. Or if a picture was hanging on the wall a little bit crooked. I've never needed a project to be done exactly perfect. I don't care if I get a pluses. I'm not bothered by things being a little out of place. So it was a surprise to me, when I finally realized that my whole life was being run by perfectionism. It was a different type of perfectionism. It's something that I call moral perfectionism. And I think there's a lot of reasons why this happened. But I'll just tell you a little bit of the story. When I was 1516 years old, I was in a really bad spot, I had a lot of mental health problems, I had a pretty severe drug addiction. And I ended up going to a psych hospital, and then a long term rehab. And while I was there, in the midst of learning how to live sober, there were a lot of things that I learned from that facility that were really helpful. I learned how to be honest, I learned how to connect with people, I learned how to build my self worth up from the ground. But there were a lot of things that I experienced there. That became extra baggage. For me, a lot of their approach to sobriety was about being an upstanding citizen, about being a God fearing person about being a good person, that if we could just learn how to be good, loving people who were not run by selfishness, but were run by altruism, and giving and serving, that that would keep the monster of addiction at bay. And I was there for 18 months. And when I left, I went to a 12 step group, and I am in general, a big fan of 12 Step groups, they are as varied and different as any other, you know, organization with these groups have no connection to each other. I happen to fall into a group that was very militaristic and required very weird things like you know, call me every single day. And tell me every time you were selfish that day, tell me everything that you were dishonest about whether you were dishonest by telling a lie, or you were dishonest by omission, or you were dishonest by just not being, you know, in your thinking. I also joined an Evangelical Church and had that same thing pushed on me where every single decision you make needs to be as the intentions, the motives, the effects, the impact, and the execution needs to be as pure as the driven snow. And if any of it isn't, you need to do anything you can to root that out. And so my type of perfectionism was about being a good person. But it wasn't even really about being a good person. Because it wasn't about being kind to people or trying to live a meaningful life. It was about all of this minutia that I thought told on me that I thought had to do with being good enough to be loved, being good enough to be accepted. And I would have proach self improvement in this way. Self improvement wasn't about making my life more full of joy and meaning for me, because I matter and I deserve those things. It was about making me a better person, so that I could be lovable so that I wouldn't be alone so that I wouldn't be rejected. And in that way, when I had a selfish thought, when I was rude to someone, it would eat me up for days and I had to go through this almost obsessive ritual to feel as though I had sort of made up for it that I had rebalanced. This sort of like karmic scale, I would, you know, say something rude out of frustration to someone and I would immediately get in my car, and I would race down to a homeless shelter to volunteer because I had to even up the scales. I was convinced that if I didn't stay on top of having pure motives, pure intentions, never thinking something selfish or judgmental, never doing anything morally wrong, that I wouldn't use again. I wouldn't drink again, I wouldn't be loved. And it's impossible to live that way. Because you get up and you go to your closet and you think, what am I going to wear today? Well, am I thinking oh, I'm gonna wear this I'll look shoot it up. Does that selfish? Am I just drawing attention to myself? Is it modest enough? Is it fashionable enough? Is being fashionable wrong? Well, but I want people to look at me and like me, but is that just selfish? Should I not be dragged? And I'm dressing for attention. And if I am dressing, you know, can I buy something? Was it ethically made, and is it wrong in my bad if I were this, it wasn't ethically made, and I can buy this, but it costs expensive and, and I feel guilty about that, because I blew my budget, and it was so impulsive of me, that's so irresponsible of me. I mean, every decision was like this, every decision had to be morally perfect. And if I bought that thing, and it had too much wrapping on it, I mean, it was just nuts. It was insanity. And so recognizing that my life was being run by moral perfectionism was the first stop for me was realizing I am not trying to be a good person. Because being a good person is a reward in and of itself, because the world needs more people like that, because there's some sort of recognition that that's how we're all going to get through this together, I'm being a good person, because that pushes off the crippling anxiety that I am worthless, and I am trying to earn my worth through altruism. And that informed a lot of the work that I do on this podcast and in the mental health sphere, about, you know, most things in life being morally neutral, and about learning how to get off the self improvement rat race, where, you know, because I was in this self, this moral perfectionism, I would read the self improvement books, and whether they were how to have boundaries, whether it was how to organize your kitchen, how to tidy up your life, how to get new habits, how to do these things, I was approaching all of those things from the same place, which was, I need to improve so that I can be doing good. And I don't mean doing good in the world. I mean, like, I'm good, I'm doing good. I'm not doing bad. And again, I don't mean my what I'm doing. I mean, like my status, like I'm doing poorly, or I'm doing well. That was the life that I lived. And so I wanted to leave you guys today with just a note that if you will feel that way, you're not the only one that feels that way. And I want to leave you with an excerpt from a chapter of my book chapter three, which is called the self help rejects, which describes some of the same stuff. The audio excerpt is courtesy of Simon and Schuster audio from how to keep house while drowning by Casey Davis, read by the author, copyright 2020 by Casey Davis 2022 by Katherine Davis, and used with permission of Simon and Schuster Inc. So without further ado, here's chapter three of my book, How to keep house while drowning. You can get it on Barnes and Noble. You can get it on Amazon, you can get it at local bookstores as well. And if you want to look that up if you're in other countries, you can go to www dot struggled care.com and click on the book tab.

    Chapter Three, for all the self help rejects. Marie Kondo says to trifold your underwear, the admiral swears making your bed will change your life. Rachel Hollis thinks the key to success is washing your face and believing in yourself. capsule wardrobes, rainbow colored organization, bullet journals. How many of these have we tried? How many did we stick with? If you're like me, the answer is probably none. Why is it we rarely stick with them? I've already talked about the role of shame and first motivating and then ultimately demotivating us But there's more. First, any task or habit requiring extreme force of will depletes your ability to exert that type of energy over time. The truth is that human beings can only exert high energy for short periods. As someone in the addiction recovery world, I often think of a phrase we use when someone is attempting to maintain sobriety through sheer force of will. We call it white knuckling sobriety. Because it brings to mind a person whose only solution for restraining themselves from drinking is to grip the edge of their chair so tightly their knuckles turned white. And those of us who have been around a while, know that no one stays sober long that way. In addiction recovery as in most of life, success depends not on having strong willpower, but in developing mental and emotional tools to help you experience the world differently. Second, many self help gurus over attribute their success to their own hard work without any regard to the physical, mental or economic privileges they hold. You can see this when a 20 year old fitness influencer says we all have the same 24 hours to a single mom of three the fitness influencer only needed to add effort to see drastic changes in her health and so assumes that's all anyone is missing. The single mom of three however, is experiencing very different demands and limitations on her time. For her, she needs not only effort, but also childcare, money for exercise classes, and extra time and energy at the end of the day, when she has worked nine hours and then spent an additional five caring for kids and cleaning house. You can see this when a thin, white rich selfhelp influencer posts choose joy on her instagram with a caption that tells us that all joy is a choice. Her belief that the decision to be a positive person was the key to her joyful life reveals she really does not grasp just how much of her success is due to privileges beyond her control. Someone who is affected by serious mental illness or systemic oppression has a lot more standing in the way of a happy life than a simple attitude adjustment. And third, different people struggle differently. And privilege isn't the only difference. Someone might find a way to meal plan or exercise or organize their pantry that revolutionizes their life. But the solutions that work for them are highly dependent not only on their unique barriers, but also their strengths, personality and interests. For example, when it comes to my home, I've never been able to just clean as you go. When I try to I find myself stressed, overwhelmed and unable to be present with my family. Instead, I rely on dozens of systems I've created that helped me keep my home functional. And I still usually have dishes in the sink and clutter on the floor. However, when I sit down to write, or to work on my business, everything flows naturally. Sometimes I have to push myself slightly to get over a hurdle. But the hurdles always feel surmountable. I actually have to set a timer to remind me to look at the clock because I get carried away and lose track of time. I feel creative, energized and rewarded. At the end of the day. I have a dear friend who runs a similar business, and we often use each other as a sounding board and support each other. She often calls feeling stuck because she knows what she needs to do to grow her business but struggles to get it done. It seems like you can crank out seven videos for your social media and the time it takes me to do one. It takes me so long to figure out what to say and to get over my self consciousness she tells me she also keeps the cleanest house I have ever seen. One day she said to me, you know, Casey, the way you feel about your business is the way I feel about my home. I can virtually float through my home tidying here putting something away they're doing a little housework as I see it all while enjoying my life and keeping a very clean home. It feels natural, and it only takes a bit of effort. But when I sit down to run my business, certain aspects of what needs to be done make me feel paralyzed, unmotivated and overwhelmed. It takes extreme effort for me to power through and I usually have to set up lots of external systems and accountability to get it done. Main point my friend and I are simply strength oriented and stuck in different ways, with no discernible reason to which we can point. Because of this, my advice for getting things done at work won't help her at all, mostly because it amounts to drink a big coffee and just make yourself do it and then wait around to be inspired about what to do next. And her advice for getting things done around the house is useless to me. She once told me light a candle and think about how good it will feel to get some things done around the house. What I suspect many people doling out productivity advice, focus on areas where they're naturally gifted areas where all they needed was a little push or a couple of tips to get themselves unstuck. Unlike coffee and candles and believing in yourself. The principles in this book can be customized to your unique barriers, strengths and interests.

KC Davis
21: Wait. Am I in a Cult? with Chris Wilson

Today’s discussion is about high-control groups. If you aren’t familiar with this phrase, think of it as the clinical term for a cult, and most of us are familiar with that word. Let’s talk about it with my guest, Chris Wilson, who has spent many years studying this topic. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, a Master’s in Religion, and is working on a Master’s in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Join us to learn more from Chris!

Show Highlights:

  • Why a high-control group is usually toxic, with the abuse of power and control that induces trauma in people

  • How Chris witnessed abuse and experienced trauma in her religious upbringing–and became passionately determined to help others

  • KC’s story of teenage drug addiction, rehab, and exposure to high-control groups

  • How a recovery group that helps a person can also be a high-control group

  • What makes a group a high-control group

  • They use control tactics and don’t teach coping mechanisms.

  • They prioritize predatory collectivism.

  • Why not all religions with strict rules and regulations are high-control groups

  • How high-control groups function with behavior control and punishment

  • How high-control group tactics can show up in the toxic workplace

  • How high-control groups implement information control and use thought-stopping cliches to stop people from evaluating what is happening to them

  • How high-control groups remove a person’s ability and opportunity to make all decisions about even the most mundane things in daily life

  • Tips from Chris and KC for joining a group and being aware:

  • Balance your passion with rationality.

  • Connect with others in the group and ask specifically about the “downsides” of the group.

  • Beware if the group touts themselves as the ONLY ONE doing things right.

  • Beware if the group leader claims to be clairvoyant, infallible, or claims to know you better than you know yourself.

 Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • Unknown Speaker 0:00

    Hey

    KC Davis 0:05

    Hello you sentient balls of stardust. This is the Struggle Care Podcast, the self care podcast by a host that hates the term self care. Welcome back. And today we are talking with Chris Wilson. And what we're going to talk about today is something called a high control group. And if you don't know what that means, you've never heard that term. It's basically and Chris, you can correct me on this. It's basically like, the clinical term

    Chris Wilson 0:28

    for a cult. But it's one term for it. Yes.

    KC Davis 0:31

    Okay. How would you describe what a high control group is to someone that doesn't know, I would

    Chris Wilson 0:37

    say that the word cult specifically is a toxic form of high control. There are forms of high control in religion or other groups that may be welcomed, or even functional. But when we think of high control, most of the time, we're thinking toxic, we're thinking about abuse of power, abuse of control, and the things that truly would induce trauma in people.

    KC Davis 1:05

    I have so many questions to jump off from there. But before I get too far ahead, why do you know all this stuff,

    Chris Wilson 1:11

    so I have a long history of studying these kinds of topics. I am autistic and ADHD. And so my special interest started, when I was about seven, I wanted to understand the world around me and understand people knew I was kind of different. And I therefore systematically hid the Dewey Decimal System in the library. And I found metaphysics and psychology, and I haven't left there. Now, looking back, of course, I can sit there and say, Wow, the fact that I did that does point out some slight differences between me and the average person. But psychology has always just fundamentally drawn me to understand even the problems within that framework. And I have a background being raised Southern Baptist and a conservative form of the Episcopal Church. And I grew up with a lot of religious trauma. And I left the church for many years, I also got involved in a lot of new age and Neo pagan groups, and I saw the same kind of abuses happening there. And I survived some really extreme things in my life. And so when I had the chance to finally go to college and figure this stuff out, that became my passion, helping people identify these red flags, helping people see the abuse, regardless of what you believed, regardless of your framework, or lack of belief, because these things can show up even in corporate policy, you know, we can see those anywhere. And so that became a study of interest. I have a bachelor's degree in sociology, a master's in religion, and I'm working on my Master's in industrial organizational psychology now. So that's where I'm at.

    KC Davis 2:52

    That's awesome. And so you and I met on Tik Tok. We were Mutual's for a long time. And the reason I've always been interested in high control groups is because I had kind of a unique experience. As a teenager, I had a really severe drug addiction. When I was in high school, and my parents tried to help me, I went to a psych ward for a little bit. And eventually they sent me to residential treatment. And I went to a teen rehab for 18 and a half months. And when I left there, I left like, I'm healthy, I'm sober. I am the star client, I genuinely learned a lot of healthy coping skills. I genuinely emerged with a really meaningful spirituality. I genuinely learned to be honest with myself and others I shared, you know, all the things I was ashamed of, I found belonging, I found love, I found acceptance, I found growth, I found a lot of maturity. And I continued to have nightmares that I was being sent back to treatment, even though I was sober. And every nightmare was the same. I get to treatment. I say, I don't need to be here. I'm sober. And they say, that's what everybody says, We know you're lying. And in the dream, I'm over 18. So I can just like sign myself out and leave. And I continue to say, I don't need to be here. And they say, Yes, you do. You're very sick. And i The dream ends the same every way, which is me saying I could sign myself out, and then deciding not to, because I'm unwilling to leave unless they are convinced that I'm healthy. Like I can't cope with sort of the mismatched reality where they think this thing of me and I started seeing a therapist and sort of trying to figure out why I had such conflicting feelings about my rehab experience. And really what it came down to was, there was some really intense psychological interventions used that I Now know our tactics of high control groups. And so when I first found, you know, high control group as a term,

    I would look at the things that were like the criteria, and I'd go, oh my god, this is what happened to me. And it was even more confusing, because I didn't feel like it was like some horribly damaging experience. But there was some sort of weird trauma that I was really angry that somebody locked me up for 18 months, and like, basically used these like heavily coercive, psychologically coercive tactics to like, quote, unquote, treat me. And I ended up when I left that treatments that are joining a 12 step group that was actually very similar. Like I was told who I was allowed to date, where I had to be every night, I had to send an email every night about any kind of selfishness I had done in the day, we were the only a group that knew to good 12 Step, like how to get sober and all the other groups were wrong. And fast forward, I decided to leave that group. And when I left, I was told like, if you leave, you will get high, you will relapse and die. And I left, all my friends stopped talking to me, my roommate broke our lease and moved out. They told everybody I was dangerous. So I had this sort of back to back experience of being in high control groups. And that's how I became fascinated in high control groups, especially trying to piece together, how can something that I can point to ways that they genuinely helped me also created this weird underlying trauma. And I've talked to other girls that went through the same process that are the same place. So I think it's interesting me coming from a recovery background, you coming from a religious background, and I just kind of wanted to talk about it, I wanted to talk about what makes something a high control group, how does that affect people, you were one of the people that actually really helped me piece together what was going on. And it was when you finally said, regardless of whether or not they are trying to bring about a good and healthy outcome for you. The actual tactics themselves are damaging, they're coercive, they ignore consent, and they create damage, even if like basically the ends don't justify the means. So I will stop babbling about this, but also what makes a group a high control group.

    Chris Wilson 7:27

    So when we're looking at groups, and I think, you know, hearing more of your background in this story connects to a lot of the things that I have done research on when I was doing my master's thesis and religion because I really focused in on cult indoctrination tactics and high control groups within American Christianity. But one of the things that came out of this and from connections on Tik Tok, and from talking to other people in the field, was how it started getting involved in a lot of the mainstream Christianity was the youth intervention programs. It was the troubled youth industry of those tactics were initially meant to try and bring people back from the brink of self destruction in many ways, but one of the things that we have to recognize is that in taking these extreme tactics, we are enforcing an external control upon individuals, we're not teaching them coping mechanisms, a lot of the times we are still making them subject to other people's opinions, other people's feelings, other people's idea of who and what they should be. So when we're looking at what makes a high control group, we're looking at any organization, any group of people that are prioritizing, a kind of predatory collectivism is the best way I can put it. Because when we're looking at a high control group, we're looking at the kinds of in religious organizations, the prayer that actually is gossiping, oh, we need to pray for Suzy, who's having this problem with gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip, right? It's a really common thing. A lot of people will see that. But as I've said, a certain amount of control is not necessarily bad. And we might think of this in terms of let's talk about like Judaism has a lot of regulations as part of their faith practice. And inherently those regulations might be considered to be very high control. If you're going down to the bite model from Hassan's high control groups measurement, you might look and go, well, they have a lot of regulation. It's about their food, it's about who they're friends with. But is that something that is fundamentally toxic? And the answer is no. In most of the situations, that level of control is not actually passing a threshold of toxic engagement. Similarly, a Christian church might have a similar baseline they might have, okay, we don't want you to drink, we don't want you to smoke, we don't want you to consume these things that may not inherently be toxic for everybody in that situation.

    KC Davis 10:12

    I also it reminds me of like school, right? Like my kids are in school now. And like there's a lot about school where there's a lot of regulations, a lot of control a lot of hierarchy, a lot of authority, but like not every school is a high control group, or is toxic, or is damaging, right,

    Chris Wilson 10:29

    exactly. And so if we're talking about the school system, there is a lot to be said about how schools are implemented. Now, we know from the history of education, that there is a tendency to regiment school in a similar way to prisons. And there is a whole school to prison pipeline with, especially in marginalized communities. And one of the things that happens is the lower class of the school, the less funding the school has, the more likely it is to engage in toxic forms of high control with an idea that those with privilege fundamentally know better. That kind of paternalism that I know better than you, I am smarter than you, I am more financially successful, and therefore I am better. And I know what you need in your life. And so there's a wider theme here of society telling people, what is best for them.

    KC Davis 11:26

    I also think about when you said that it originated with the teen industry, we were trying to bring people back from the brink of death. And I will be the first to admit, like I was delusional, like I truly needed some sort of like reverse brainwashing because like, in effect, like I already was indoctrinated into this subculture, I was already kind of delusional, I was very sick. My therapist, friend and I talked about this all the time, how do you respect the autonomy of a person whose autonomy is dead set on killing themself? Right. And so I don't even know that I feel like oh, they never should have used these things. I mean, I wish they hadn't. But at the same time, even if they were to say, some of these coercive tactics, and we'll get into, like, some examples are necessary to prevent someone who's not in their right mind from hurting themselves. I think at that point, what I recognize is, nobody ever built an off ramp for me though, like, if I were the couldn't just go into me when I was 15. do too much of cocaine of like, just learn to trust yourself, because like, I didn't have a good internal compass, right. So there was sort of this like breaking down of my ego and taking away of my identity. But when they rebuilt all that stuff, there never was a point where it was like, Okay, now let's learn how to trust yourself. Again, now let's learn how to find your identity. Again, it was just take it off of the drugs and put it on us as a rehab. And you mentioned Steven Hassan, I think that's probably the first thing I saw, he has this bite Model B I T E for like, the criteria. And the first one is behavior control. And so for me, like, it's different to say lunch is at 11. And you need to be done with lunch by 1130, right? Like, that's whatever. And my rehab lunch was at 11, you had to sit at the tables, you were only allowed to talk to the person directly in front of you, you could not talk to the people to the left of you, at when the last person had their meal, you had to sit down, you had 10 minutes to eat at the end of 10 minutes, you had to be done. You had to have one protein, one starch one, whatever. Once you've eaten that, then you can go and get a peanut butter sandwich if you want to. If you're on phase one, you're not allowed to talk to other phase ones without somebody else listening to you, if you right, so like the behavior control is like a whole nother level. And when I look at my 12 Step example, it seems like there's a difference between like you said, like a church saying, like, we don't want you to drink, we don't want you to smoke. But there's like an element of consent to that versus how are we going to react? If you aren't? How are we going to find out? If you are can you talk a little bit about what that looks like from the behavior control perspective?

    Chris Wilson 14:07

    Well, and it's about punitive baselines punishment, right? Fundamentally, the idea that if you do not then you will, XY and Z, like it is a form of shunning. You see this in different groups. And you explain that when you left the 12 step, that there was a shunning which we know in terms of resiliency studies in terms of what people helps people actually cope with the hardships of life, and what makes things traumatic, because it's very subjective person to person, right? Resilience is based off of internal baselines, right, your internal resiliency, but also your support your external resiliency, the people you have there. And so shunning is one of the worst things you can do to somebody in a lot of ways, because it fundamentally removes all of it. ability to cope socially. And that is that kind of punitive repercussion of behaviors that shows up in a lot of toxic groups of, there's a difference between a boundary. For example, if the group says, if you are engaging in abusive behaviors to other members, we have to exclude you from the space, that is a role that you can set, it's a boundary of behavioral expectation within that space with that is about your engagement with that space, right. So that's a healthy thing to have, if I'm holding a ministry group, I need to make sure that I have behavioral standards for what's happening here. But if I then move that to a behavioral control, where if I find out that you went and had a sip of alcohol somewhere or went even went to a bar with somebody else, and I, you could have been thought to have alcohol, then that's me extending a level of control to your life outside of your voluntary association, your voluntary association with this group, and shunning and that kind of rejection. And that kind of cutting off hits what is called Terror management theory, which is the idea of isolation is death within our psyche, within our brains, that if we are by ourselves, evolutionarily, we cannot survive. And so when you have that provoked by groups doing this kind of behavioral control, you know, thou shalt thou shalt nots, to a degree that they're really holding you to this extreme, you're going to have psychological stress and trauma that can come from that. And as you were talking about, you can't talk to the person in front of you, you can't, everyone has to stand around that and then sit together and have a certain time, that was basic training. And a lot of these things we understand is from military training. Now, this is where it gets complex. And where this is a really nuanced and difficult thing to talk about. Because this kind of training in the military actually provides group cohesion and resilience in the face of known expectations of danger, it actually is more helpful to have them go through a trial experience together, and then be able to work as units. What was

    KC Davis 17:13

    wild is that it was that experience that may be bonded forever to these girls that I went through, it was that experience that made it where we're sharing our deepest, darkest secrets, and we're looking at each other going, I'm broken, you're broken, I'm broken, maybe everyone's broken, I'm gonna decide to love you anyways, oh, my god, like, I came out with a totally different experience of vulnerability, and wholeness and wholeheartedness, like, all that kind of stuff from that experience, right. So I saw that like, quote, unquote, cohesion that it brings to kind of go through a war together with someone. And but the other thing that really hits me is when you said, like, protecting the space versus controlling your every life, right? Like, I A lot of times people will hear about high control groups, and they'll be like, oh, man, that sounded like my school. That sounds like my dad, that sounds like my family. But like, even in the military, you can leave the military, I'm not trying to make light that that's an easy thing to do, or a hard thing to do. Right. But like you can leave the military, you can go home from school and potentially be in a different environment than what they're doing in school. And I think my experience with being in high control groups, is that the way they extend it past, because a lot of people, why didn't you just leave? Why didn't you just go to a different age group, but well, because there's this existential backstop to leaving, which is, you're going to drink and die. We are the only people that understand sobriety, we're the only people that understand you, we are the only people that can protect you from yourself. And if you leave us leaving is an action that reflects that you are not healthy, and you will drink and die. Right? So that's how it was summed up in sobriety. And it's different. Like sometimes AAA groups will say, like, man, if you leave a you'll drink and die. But that, to me, even still is different than someone saying, if you leave this group, this one group that leads on a Tuesday night, right, and I know religions will do it with. If you leave this church, you'll go to hell not. And so we're not talking about if you leave our religion, but like literally controlling what actual subgroup you belong to.

    Chris Wilson 19:24

    I would agree, I think, in order to not diminish how toxic it can be even at a workplace, for example, because in a workplace, yeah, you could find another work. But can you context matters so much nuance matters so much in these in the sense that there are wider social expectations. If you were in a small town, and you are dealing with a toxic workplace, and that's the only place that you can get a job in this town. That's going to be a different situation. Then you actually have the personal resources and ability to find jobs, maybe in a city or maybe the city is so expensive, you don't know if you can afford to change jobs, or you're worried that if they find that you're even searching for a job, they're gonna get rid of you. So it's all about leverage points. But I do agree when we start moving towards the term where most people would say, Colt, we're talking about the things that you're talking about that intense subgrouping, that puts so much in group out group like connection, that it is us, or death, it is us or nothing. And so that's really where we start seeing what would typically be called a cult. The reason I don't like using the term and most people have abandoned that is because there was so much obsession with brainwashing and cults in the 60s and 70s, that pretty much was a lot of very mainstream conservative folks going anything that is not our wonderful whitebread view of the world is bad, and is a cult and our children choosing to do this must mean that they are being brainwashed. So a lot of the term cults, it's really difficult to use that term these days. And one man's cult is another man's, you know, renew religious movement. So there's so much nuance and even when we say this group, definitely like this is a life like, and death kind of cult group that is so high control and is so toxic, that is going to be different for every person in that group on whether or not that high level of control is damaging to them. Because some people thrive in higher control environments, not necessarily toxic ones, but some people need that regulation and want and crave that regulation, whereas for others, it will be profoundly traumatizing. And the same is true in that whole spectrum.

    KC Davis 21:47

    So B is behavior control is information control. And what does information control look like in the context of a high control group.

    Chris Wilson 21:56

    So information control is I can put this in a religious context really easily, because a religious institution might say, you can only read these approved books, you cannot consume secular media, you cannot. And it might be even in something like in a 12 step program, you are only allowed to read the materials we provide you, you are only allowed to engage in with people who are also members, you know, in terms of the because even the control of behavior can stop the flow of information, because everybody is bought into the same program.

    KC Davis 22:37

    That was my experience. Like with what I wasn't allowed to read certain books. When I was in rehab, I wasn't allowed to read certain books when I was on a 12 step group. And like, all of our letters were read, going in and out. We had approved people we were allowed to talk to, we had things we weren't allowed to talk to with each other, even in the back rooms. There were just subjects that we weren't allowed to talk about. And then we also had what I now know are called thought stopping cliches. Oh, yes. Right. So like, you start to wonder like, wait a second, why? And you start to like question the whole thing. And then they would give you this thought stopping cliche, can you talk about those for a minute, when I found that term, I

    Chris Wilson 23:19

    was like, oh, that's what those are called, you know, it's example would be something like it's all in God's hands. Everything happens for a reason, every positive, like spiritually bypassing phrase that stops the conversation that stops you critically evaluating what's happening. It's a lack of control. Like even sometimes I see this in the 12 step programs as well. Like, it's in God's hands, it's in my higher powers hands. It's when we talk about like, taking responsibility, one of the biggest things that we see is there is a weird dynamic between what you were supposed to personally be taking credit for and responsibility for, and what you put on to a higher power, divinity, God, fate, whatever, you know, it is in your particular path. But a lot of times, it puts the anything bad and shame written on you. And it puts anything good as an external attribution. That is not you and often of the group. Yeah, it was the group that got you there. But if the bad thing is that's you failing, and it's a really awful dynamic, yeah,

    KC Davis 24:29

    ours was always something related to like running on self will. Right. Like we were told that our addictions were because we ran on self well, and so if you started thinking like, well, this doesn't make sense. Well, why can't and it's like, Hey, your best thinking got you here. So stop thinking just follow directions. Going back to like, I mean, that's kind of right, like at my best thinking did get me there. But again, there wasn't enough knowledge about the impact of some of these things. So speaking of behavior, and informing Motion Control. And what's the TF are out with a T is thought thought control. So that's kind of like a scary thing, right? We think of thought control, we think of like, mind control as some sort of like psychic thing. But what does it look like for real?

    Chris Wilson 25:15

    So when we look at, like thought control, everyone's like, you know, we do have this kind of sci fi, you know, in indoctrination, it's more of the an idea of like rightness of thought, when you've controlled the behavior and you control the information. Now, internally, there is a kind of the term panopticon is one of the ones in the social sciences of social control. So the idea that God is always watching Santa Claus as watching the elf on the shelf is watching the, you know, big brother, whoever you want it, you know, you're being monitored. And therefore, you must control your own internal processes due to this. So the idea of the 1950s housewife, for example, who can't leave the house without a full face of makeup and everything perfect, because what would the neighbors think? And I have, I can't even talk about these topics. I can't think about these topics. It's inappropriate, it's taboo. And it takes the taboo not only to an external control, but you must internalize this, you must control how you think you must have it's usually a very bad cycle of shame and compulsion, oh,

    KC Davis 26:35

    that really hits me that was every single one, I was in recovery, and a 12 step recovery and rehab. And I'm actually a fan of the 12 steps, it works really well for some people. And they were like, really great gems in it. But it really was manipulated in some ways, especially around what is there's like a step that talks about, like, critically reviewing your day to look at, like, how was my behavior today? Did my behavior match up to my values Was I being honest, was I beat like all these things, which is like, by itself, like a great little practice of introspection, and insight, and accountability, and kindness and all this kind of stuff. But the way it got used in my life was, if you are not, quote, unquote, cleared out, right, like, if you haven't, like, confessed, whatever misstep, and it could be as something as simple as a selfish thought you had that day, it could be something as simple as I said something. And I said, because I wanted attention. And that's selfish. And if I don't go to my sponsor, and tell her that so that she can kind of like finger wag me and be like, okay, moved on. And in my mind is like, now it's absolved. Now it's out there, now, it can't trip me up and make me get drunk. But if I don't do that, so and it's similar, I think with some religions, where it's like, I could sin in my thoughts and prevent me from going to heaven. And so that same thing with my recovery, it was like, I could be thinking selfish things, I could be doing things when no one's looking. And that's somehow metaphysically connected to whether or not I'm going to stay sober. And so again, it's like a nice concept that can make you be like a better, more mature person, but it got used for thought control. Like, you have to tell us all your secrets and and we weren't allowed to quote unquote, gossip, which literally meant we just weren't allowed to talk to our friends about like, things we were struggling with you were only allowed to talk to one person about that, so that they could kind of control your, like thoughts about it, and what you thought about it.

    Chris Wilson 28:44

    Absolutely. And this is actually what we see a lot of times where there is an element of like overshare, forced overshare into it keeps you dependent, and very often it makes you not just like in you're familiar with all of the psychology elements of like, we have frameworks for understanding, we have schemas, we have ways of moving forward, to figure out how to evaluate and grow and there's all different sorts of modalities of how that plays out for each person. And then how a therapist might help you through this. But in a toxic format, we are in some ways, changing those, we're bastardizing them to a degree in the sense that we are taking this idea of you know, getting out what is within us, like we are taking it to the point where you are making and fostering dependency upon the group upon the program. And that is often so toxic, because again, that compulsion shame cycle happens. I compare it very often to diet culture, so your body needs food, and we need social engagement regardless of neuro type. We need some sort of people who care about us we are a social species, either On through neurodiversity, we need people to support us back and forth. And that is how we thrive. But what happens is in something like diet culture, we tell that people that they are wrong for being how they are, we tell them that they need to have a certain body type a certain way of being a certain way of thinking a certain way of, you know, that thought terminating cliche of like, nothing is tastes as good as being thin feels right? That's another thought terminating cliche that you put into this. What if you die it you are fundamentally dis regulating your engagement with food in a healthy way. And what we see is you resist, resist, resist, resist, you still want those foods, your body is craving those foods, you're still trying to do this. And now, every donut shop, you see temptation, everywhere, everything, every good smell, every anything is taking you to this point of guilt and shame. Because of the thought control, the thought control is I am better than this, and I am failing, you eat these internal narratives, I am failing. If I am even being tempted by this good food smell, I am failing, if I'm around anybody eating so then you're socially isolated. And again, it's like diet culture, you're socially isolated. So you have to spend time around people who are also doing this fad diet with you. And you move into the space where everything is now a temptation, because you've dysregulated how you're supposed to be engaging. The same thing happens with sin. I don't preach be preached that don't think about those sexual things. Don't think about the pink elephant, you know, it becomes this compulsion, the internalized thinking process of shame, internal narrative, then eventually, you are fixated on it. Because you're trying so hard not to you've oriented your entire mindset and mind to not doing the bad thing, that now the bad thing is the only thing you think about, and you compulsively engage.

    KC Davis 31:54

    And then it just further confirms that narrative that you are bad and without this group, so what is the E. So while you're looking it up, I'll tell you one of the craziest stories from when I was in rehab. So I was, we had this like, honesty group, where they were like, someone's lying, and we don't know who it is. And they would send us into the other room. And we had to sit down with a piece of paper and write down everything that we were lying or being dishonest about. And then you had to write on the back everything you knew that somebody else was lying about. And then you turn the papers in, and the staff would go into the other room by themselves, and they would compare them. And if they didn't match up perfectly, like if you said, I know that so and so's stole a muffin last Tuesday, if her paper didn't say I stole a muffin, right? Like if they didn't match up, they would come back in and say these don't match, do it again. And they wouldn't tell you what didn't match. And so you're sitting there and you're like, is it me? I don't know. So you're racking your brain for like, what have I lied about? What am I not being honest about? So during one of these groups, I said to the girl in front of me, I said, I've been talking to my parents about my old friends. We were not allowed to talk about our outside friends to our parents. And this girl that overheard me say that thought that what I said was I've been talking to my old friends. And for whatever reason, let's just say that talking about your old friends is like a very minor infraction. In Treatment world, talking to your old friends is like a huge felony level infraction, right? And so we're sitting in the middle of family therapy, which was done, by the way with everyone else in treatment, and all of their families sitting around you in a circle. And this girl raises her hand and says, Why aren't you getting honest about the fact you talk to your old friends? And I was like, I don't. And the staff is looking at me like, what's going on? I continue to like, stick to my guns that like, I never talked to my old friends. They call me down to a staffing one day and they say, you're not getting better. You're not getting healthier. And I think it's because you're keeping secrets. And so you need to go to bed tonight and be damn sure that you aren't keeping any secrets. And I was like, Oh God, I'm like racking my brain. Right? I should have been the middle of the night because I have this revelation. And I look at my room and go, Oh my god, I'm cheating on my schoolwork. So the way they did school in rehab was that they would give you these pockets, you would do the work. And then they would give you the teacher's manual and you would check your work. And but what I was doing was in literature class, where they're like, what does the trombone represent? Right? It's like kind of subjective also, I'm very, very good at stuff like that. So I was answering all the questions, honestly, legitimately, and then just being like, it's right 100 And not checking it. I didn't even realize that that was lying. In my head. I was just like, I'm so smart. I don't need this. Like it was arrogance for sure. But like I wasn't consciously registering it as like, that was telling a lie. But as I was like racking my brain I was like, You know what, that is true. Technically dishonest to you, like I am saying I checked this and I didn't. So when I told them that they basically accused me of like, purposely consciously keeping this secret. And my punishment was this thing called being like the decision assignment where they said, like, you can't make your own decisions, every time you make your own decisions, you make bad ones, poor ones. And so what we're going to do is, this assignment is, we're going to have an older client be your decision maker. And what that means is, is that when you wake up in the morning, that decision maker will come into your room, and you will have to run every single decision by them. Can I get out of bed now? Can I put my clothes on? Can I wash my hair? Can I get dressed? Can I go to breakfast? Can I work on treatment? Can I go to group? Can I get my food? Can I eat? Can I talk to this person in front of me, so that you will learn how to let go of control. You're too in control, which here's the thing. Maybe if that was an assignment that I came into with my own consent, that lasted a day, because you know, here's like, like a weird creative thing we're going to do, and I'm gonna learn about myself, okay, whatever. However, I didn't have consent, I was told that I had no choice that I would never go home if I didn't do it. And they kept me on it for six months. So for six months, I didn't make any of my own decisions. And what would happen is that because there are other teenagers were my decision maker, and it changed every day, we would like go through a transition where we were supposed to like leave the dining room and go to group therapy, and they would forget about me, but I couldn't make the decision to get up and go, and my decision maker wasn't there. So I had to sit there until someone remembered me. And when I told that story, a lot of people are like, Why did you just sit there?

    Chris Wilson 36:37

    No, I get it. You're traipsing across some of the things I've experienced in my own life in this story. And what you may have seen in my expressions, if you're watching the video there that the Yeah, I then had a couple of very, very personal kind of woundedness, I have on these things because of the fact that that level of dehumanization, that happens, I get the you don't make a decision, I'll never get out, I'll never get out. If I don't follow this, I'll never have anything again, if I don't submit to this process,

    KC Davis 37:12

    and I want to be better. And they're saying this is the only way to do it,

    Chris Wilson 37:15

    I have a couple of experiences that are almost exactly the same in the sense that it was a very high control, pagan polyamorous group that I was a part of, it's kind of a come here, and that I joined when I was really young, because I have very complex trauma, I joke, it's the made for lifetime TV movie traumatic backstory. And so I didn't have healthy boundaries at all, when I was younger. And I ended up, you know, leaving my home the middle of high school senior year, and finished a different high school, married my boyfriend at 19. And as soon as he we were married, he was you know, became exceedingly abusive and toxic, and pushed to the point where we ended up in this, you know, commune like environment that did that exact same thing to me actually removed my ability to make all decisions because naturally, everything had to be my fault, because I was the youngest, because I was the one who couldn't make those decisions. Because obviously, my choices were so awful. But in coming back from that I look at just how badly those other people were making decisions. They were just human, they were making awful decisions to they were making what they thought was going to save their own tail in that context, they were going through this, they were forgetting about me half the time to like and so I relate to the I just have to get through this I just have to survive. And that does tie back in and you were corrected. He was emotional control for the bite model here. And that actually puts in this the emotional control which is your needs are deemed wrong or selfish. The emotional baseline is you are not supposed to feel certain things. And if you feel those things, you're not supposed to tell anybody that you feel those things except the person you're supposed to confess to and then tell them how awful you are by feeling this particular thing. Not living up to your potential you're deficient your past to suspect your suspect like that it instills fear. And the list here I pulled up was fear of thinking independently fear of the outside world fear of some sort of unknown enemy losing one's salvation being shunned by the group others disapproval like very highs and lows and this is actually one of the things that came up in discussing on tick tock was the talking about cry nights became a big thing for a while where you have that whole like amalgamation of control through cultivating highs, emotional highs and lows together like this sort of like you are depraved. You were awful. You were you know you're going to hell. These are all the things you know the cold reading. I know somebody in this room back slid over the summer. I know somebody in this room, you know, just things that a normal teenager would feel and think and be. And using that to leverage the fear that maybe you weren't saved. Maybe you didn't actually mean it last year, so you got to go do that altar call now. And then doing that love bombing afterwards. Welcome back to the fold, we love you. You see, this is the true whatever, you know it, whether it's a spiritual thing, or it's any other group, you're seeing this kind of dramatic emotional highs and lows. And we're actually one of the things that one of my professors when I was doing my master's in religion, he was studying people who came from high control groups, and fundamentalist Christianity, and then became more liberal. But were using protests for that same biochemical emotional highs and lows, because that's what they were used to as experiencing the divine, that they were seeking out this protest, you know, kind of high and low this intensity, because they weren't able to feel outside of those things. Yeah, and we do end up

    KC Davis 41:07

    sort of perpetuating the same things, even if it's for like the opposite ideology, because we tend to lump the ideology or the religion, whether it's sobriety recovery, 12 Step, whatever. If we experienced that within a high control tactics, and we lump them together, and we kind of go, but we mistakenly assumed so then if I leave Christianity, if I leave twelve-step, if I leave that religion, or that commune, we can almost become like, now I'm anti that but I'm now I'm using the same control tactics against my new group who are also anti that and that actually kind of brings us to where I want to land the plane here, which is, I'm still a Christian, I left the churches that I was at, I'm still sober, I left the 12 step groups that I was at. And what I don't want to do here is give the impression that like, the safest thing you can do is just be alone, to not join groups to not join groups that are passionate about causes to not join communities that want to do deep community, because every time I hear someone say, you know, we need to have a real community, real community, if somebody's messing up in your community, the or the community should come around them and kind of, you know, pick them up and collect them. And it's kind of like, Yeah, but I think we need a little more education as people about how we do that without moving into these things. And so I wanted to spend the last few minutes talking about maybe just like three or four, like almost red flag green flag for people, if they're thinking about their 12 Step group, or their church or their local, you know, or the commune or whatever it is, you know, what are sort of two or three things that they can take with them that could help them maybe discern whether they're seeing some red flags,

    Chris Wilson 42:50

    I think one of the biggest things that I'd recommend to anyone is that you balance which is really hard to, it's easy to say hard to do, balance your passion, with rationality. And what I mean is, if you go into a new community, church, Coven, whatever, whatever you are, right, you go into this new community, and you want to let yourself be part of the process, right, you want to learn about these people, they seem really nice, it seems really cool, you know, put just a little, a little bit of rationality into this, get excited about what they're doing. But keep your eyes open. Watch, you know, the we have a tendency to want to fall in love with organizations, as much as we want to fall in love with other people in our lives. We want to be in love with the causes we have, but it can cause a kind of blindness as well, emotionally and personally, that we're not actually we're giving too much of the benefit of the doubt. So I always recommend if you are going into an order new organization, have a lunch in a coffee date or something, get to know a couple of colleagues intentionally. Now, this one will will be a really helpful thing if you really find that you love this organization, because it will help you build new connections and relationships. But one of the things I always recommend asking is asking the person or people that you do this with, can you give me a couple of downsides of this organization of this business of what's happening here? Because their ability to tell you the truth about what they're frustrated in will actually tell you how much of a control there is, if you get nothing but good. There's a certain level of fear of sharing the truth about that organization.

    KC Davis 44:33

    That's such a great practical tip. I think from my own experience, I have to to add to that. God that's such a good one. And clever. So minor turn a two fold, which is that like I am now weary of subgrouping. So like I don't have a problem with a religion saying we're the only way and you'll be lost if you're not with us because lots of religions think that that's fine. I can opt in or out of that however I want. Now, obviously, I don't want to opt in and be an asshole about it. But I am really weary of a church saying, We are the only church doing this brand of religion, right? You won't be okay. If you go to other churches, it to me healthy organizations say, Hey, we're not the only 12 Step group out there, if we're not for you, you know, I hope that you will give another group a try, right? Like, we're not the only Coven out there. We're not the only activist group out there, we're not the only commune I hope that if you really want CAMI in life, and we're not the right fit, like you'll try another one, without this sort of existential threat that this particular community is somehow right, the only ones that are right and superior, and you're not gonna be okay if you leave them. And then my second one is, when there is a leader, that's typically charismatic, it's a big red flag. If that leader claims to be infallible, or clairvoyant, absolutely, there's a difference between saying, I'm going to read this text and I'm going to tell you what God wants what it means, right? saying, like, Oh, God wants us to have three wives a piece. That's what this text says. Now, I don't agree with that. Right? And sure, I think that that's probably not what that text says, however, saying, our religious texts say that God wants us to have three wives, here's the whatever is different than saying, Chris, God told me that he wants you to have three wives, and he wants them to be Sarah, Mary Jean, and Beth, here are your new what? Right? Like people who say like specific things about your life, people who also claim to know you better than you know yourself, when it comes to I know your past. I know things about you that you couldn't know. And not just from a like, because I'm a mental health professional. And I can maybe see some dynamics you can't but from like a metaphysical or spiritual standpoint. And here's my caveat on that. I'm not even saying that, like, that's not a real gift. Because I don't know, maybe there are people that are clairvoyant, but what I do know is that someone who is clairvoyant and safe to be around is not going to position themselves in a place of authority above you.

    Chris Wilson 47:22

    Absolutely. I fully agree with that. I love your additions, because those are absolutely things that I would have added if I thought of them at the time. But yeah, that's really one of the things we have to look at is the fact that if you have a spiritual leader who is speaking about again, I don't really care which belief you are part of. I'm a Jacqueline I, I am Christian. But I also work in a lot of interfaith contexts. And so I don't really care who you say, you know, okay, I believe in this or not believe in this or whatever. But when we drill down to the community dynamics, me telling you what you have to do, because I have some mystical ability to tell you exactly how you should live your life is a major red flag, it is such a huge red flag, because regardless of whether you believe or not, eventually it becomes the argument of, I can control you with whatever my filter my interpretation, my best interest is for you, and I expect you to take that word, and just live with it because you are not as good as I am. There's a power dynamic there that is inherently vulnerable for the people who are part of a community like that, that has a leader. And so we have to be careful. And there are every good framework, every positive psychology framework, every positive religious framework, every belief we can have, can be misused by toxic people to their own ends. That is the biggest thing is these frameworks are not inherently a bad thing. But you have to watch out for the people who are going to misuse them for their own means events.

    KC Davis 48:59

    Awesome. Well, Chris, thank you so much for making the time and I hope that there are some people listening that really maybe got some tangible nuggets to take away either for their healing or for their escape.

    Chris Wilson 49:10

    Well, thank you. It's wonderful to be here today.

KC Davis
20: Disingenuous Communication: the Ace of Spades with Heidi Smith

Games people play: we’ve all been guilty at one time or another, whether intentionally or not. I’m referring to the disingenuous forms of communication we use in daily life. There are various reasons why we alter our communication in certain situations, and it’s usually because we want something from another person. I’m joined by Heidi Smith, LPC, and one of my best friends, who just happens to be my former supervisor when I was learning to be a therapist. Let’s dive deep into games, manipulation, boundaries, and relationships. Join us for the conversation around this fascinating topic!

Show Highlights:

  • Is it disingenuous communication, manipulation, or something in-between?

  • Why attention-seeking behavior might really be connection-seeking behavior

  • The “games” people play: The trump card, (the “Ace of Spades”), is the issue, trauma, circumstance, or affliction that someone believes gives them carte blanche to never have to change and to always be accommodated by others.

  • Examples: ADHD, PTSD, a serious illness

  • Some people learn the script to say that excuses them from accountability, like “I’m working on it.”

  • Even with their objectionable behaviors, people deserve and want to be loved and accepted. 

  • Why, in our relationships, we have to be well and not allow others’ behaviors that damage us

  • How different people have different tolerance levels for discomfort in relationships

  • The most powerful, insidious trump card: “If you do/don’t do _______, I will kill myself.”

 Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website 

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

  • KC Davis 0:06

    Hello you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care with your host, KC Davis. We are the podcast that talks we, who's we, me, just me. I am the podcast that talks about self care with self compassion when life is hard. I have Heidi Smith, licensed professional counselor in the podcast studio with me today say Hi, Heidi. Hello. And I recently was posting on Tik Tok about, it's kind of this little series I'm doing it's called games we play and it's about sort of psychological games. But the way that I say it, it's about disingenuous forms of communication. And there's been a lot of questions come up and things like that. And for those of you don't know how to use to be my supervisor, when I was learning how to be a therapist, she has now become just my best friend. But I wanted to have her back on the podcast to talk about these games, because you're actually who I learned the games from. And let me start with this. The reason why I refer to them as disingenuous forms of communication is because I feel like the word manipulation has like way too much baggage and has like a different definition. Depending on who you ask. Well, it's very villainizing.

    Heidi Smith 1:21

    Exactly. It's like it, there's so much, you know, like evil intention behind the word, it seems to me. Yeah, it's just whereas I think people are a lot of times just doing what they know to do. And they're not really like, you know, on purpose manipulating in the traditional sense,

    KC Davis 1:37

    Right. And because I had somebody asked me like, because they asked, like, does manipulation always have to be intentional for it to count as manipulation. And that's why I brought up like, I'm actually just specifically not going to call it manipulation because of that exact reason. And as someone who like, when I was in rehab, we talked about manipulation a lot. And that was like a big, like club I felt like they used was they'd be like, well, you're just manipulating right now. And it almost became like a thought terminating cliche, like, we never investigated, like, why I was communicating in that way. It was always just like, you're being bad, knock it off.

    Heidi Smith 2:14

    Yes. And I mean, it's, you know, we can I won't go too far into this, but I actually run an addiction treatment program. And I run into that a lot. Even the staff will be like, well, so and so's just full of shit. And he's just manipulating. And I really confront that a lot. I'm like, but like, why? I mean, he so are you? Is the theory, the working theory that he's just an evil human being? Or is this indicative of like, what's deeper, that we need to unpack with him of like, how he does life? And I think it's like something people throw out there, you know, and it's so accusatory in nature. And like you said, it's like, well, then how do we help with this behavior, you're noticing, and you're calling it manipulation. But you know, it's like a wholesale condemnation, you know, where people are just like, he's just manipulating. And it's like, it's not helpful.

    KC Davis 3:03

    And we're gonna get into some of the various games and things. But almost on that topic, I feel like there's a lot of things like that, that, like, become almost like, so for those of you don't know, a thought stopping cliche. What that means is like a term or a concept that is literally meant to stop any further critical thought. So an example might be in the spiritual community, like, let go and let God which is like, well, that ends the conversation. Like, you can't really have any, what objection? Could you have to that? Like, Why could you know, just like, Oh, my God, you know, just trust God. Like, that's a thought stopping cliche. And I feel like there are a lot of clinical thought stopping cliches, and that's one of them, but the other one is, like, attention seeking.

    Heidi Smith 3:44

    Oh, yeah. He's just attention seeking. Yes. I can't stand Yeah, they're just they're

    KC Davis 3:48

    just attention seeking. But like, why? Yeah. Also like, like, it's okay to want attention. Like, I heard somebody once because I see that also in like parenting circles and teachers and things like, well, that's just attention seeking behavior. And so a lot of times, we'll be like, we'll just ignore it, just ignore it. But what's interesting to me is I heard a parenting coach one time, say, if you instruct teachers to replace the word attention seeking with the word connection, seeking, how does that change how you view that behavior and how you respond that behavior? I love it, because it would like, okay, there's connection seeking behavior, and maybe they're doing it in a way that is self destructive, or they're doing it in a way that's actually like pushing people away. But then it makes you think, like, Okay, so our job is how do we meet that need for connection in a way that doesn't like further these unhelpful behaviors? How do we help this person go about a different way of seeking connection, whereas when you call it like attention seeking, it makes it seem like, well, they have this like desire for more than they should have and they should just stop being entitled and they should just like it He'll get over it. Well, yeah, like,

    Heidi Smith 5:02

    I mean, again, in conclusion, like you're, I mean, it's kind of I mean, that's like So in conclusion, like, they're just attention seeking, and so they just suck. I mean, it's like, I guess that's the end of the story. I mean, like you said, it's like, it's completely unhelpful. And ultimately, like, I think the goal, you know, a lot of therapy too, is to help a person see, like, what's working and what's not working. And so being able to say, like, hey, the way you act, when you're seeking connection, like is actually off putting, and it's getting you like the opposite result. And so like, let's try and figure out how you can like, get your the connection that you so desperately desire. Like, without creating the opposite effect for yourself. I think that's like, the end goal of a lot of therapy is to look at like, this isn't good or bad or right or wrong. It's like, is it working for you is it like getting you the desired result out of your life

    KC Davis 5:55

    and like, not villainizing, the underlying need, or even sometimes the behavior, like I talk a lot about how, you know, finding out that I have ADHD later in life, and looking back on a lot of my treatment and therapy experience, and feeling like a lot of the things that I was told was just me being like, entitled, and selfish and self absorbed was just me having ADHD like me, interrupting people a lot me talking over people, me like talking too much. Like, I could tell you what I'm thinking and feeling when I'm doing those sorts of things. And, like, I was never thinking, I'm more important than you. I'm smarter than you. I deserve more time than you like, I'm always thinking, this is such a great conversation. Oh, my God, I have a thought. I don't want to forget my thoughts. I really do. Yeah, exactly. And I really wish that more therapists would have said to me, like, Hey, I noticed that you interrupt a lot, like what's going on with you when you do that? And then believed me about my motives, and was able to say like, okay, like, it's okay, that your brain works that way. And like, you'll find people and contexts where like, that's a way of communicating that is really welcomed. But like, you're literally using that behavior to seek connection and to participate in relationship. And for some people, and in some contexts, that is going to have the opposite effect that you want.

    Heidi Smith 7:22

    Yeah, exactly. It's like teaching you that that really isn't working for you, and that you might need to like learn some kind of personal discipline, and your communication style to like, allow other people to fit, you know, I mean, that's like, we're almost like a little bit of behavior modification comes into it is like, Hey, there's this behavior. I keep getting feedback about it. I feel like misunderstood that either way. I'm going to like adjust so that I'm not making people feel that way anymore.

    KC Davis 7:50

    Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about the game. Okay. So the first game that I was talking about on my channel is the trump card, which is like also known as like the ace of spades, right. And so if people don't know what trump card literally means is like when you're playing spades, there is a card that beats all other cards. And so it's called the trump card. And so the trump card is when somebody basically has like an issue, or a trauma or an affliction or a circumstance that like they believe gives them like carte blanche to never have to change never have to look at it, they believe it means that they can demand that everybody accommodate them, and they don't have to accommodate anybody. And so like an example would be like, let's say that your partner like flies off the handle, when they get angry, and you like, confront them about it, and you're like, hey, like, it's not okay, that you like punch walls when you're angry. It scares me. And they say, like, well, I just, you know, I grew up in a really traumatic environment where no one ever listened to me. And so like, when I get scared, and I feel like no one's listening, like, it just comes out. And it's like, that's an okay explanation. And that's fine to say that. But if they then keep doing the behavior, and like, refuse any opportunity to like, learn to change the behavior, or care about how it affects you, and they just keep saying, like, well, you have to deal with it, because that's my trauma. That's what trump card means.

    Heidi Smith 9:19

    Right? Sorry. Like, this is just who I am and what I have to work with. And like, you just get to deal with it. I mean, the other it can be even, like, done on a more minor level, like, you know, like, we always joked I have a rare form of leukemia, I'm fine. But like, we always joke about me using the cancer card. You know, like, if somebody would, you know, confront me on something, I'd be like, well, you know, I do have cancer. And so it's like, it can be, you know, as small as and even my son, you know, will use like his dog, you know, our dog died when he was like five, and I mean, at 11 years old, he's still if he's in trouble, he'll be like, I'm just upset about and we're like, we'll get to use that and you More like it's over. So I mean, it can be obviously like these more global issues of like, Hey, I'm using, you know, like, yes, traumas very real, like it's got to be addressed, you've got it. But again, like, you know, we've been talking about it's like about figuring out like, you know how to put that in its proper place and not always use it, you know, to like not grow yourself up.

    KC Davis 10:21

    I think it's really timely that like, we started by talking about, like, the thought stopping cliches that clinicians and like the therapy world will use. Because sometimes I think that the trump card is like born out of a response to that, like, if I've been like, beat down my whole like, you know, childhood about like you interrupt because you're selfish, you interrupt because of this, you interrupt because of that. And then I find out like, oh, like, actually, I have ADHD. And this was like one of the most common behavioral signs of ADHD. And it happens because, like, if I don't talk, I'll forget what I'm saying. And I'm really excited. And my thoughts are moving so fast that I want to do this, like overlapping style of communication. So sometimes born out of the trauma of me always being told that it's actually just that I'm a piece of shit. I will sort of swing to the trump card. Yeah. And be like, sorry, I

    Heidi Smith 11:18

    have ADHD.

    KC Davis 11:19

    Yeah, like, you and I are talking and you come to me one day, and you're like, Hey, I just wanted to like express to you that I've noticed that you interrupt a lot when I'm talking. And it makes me feel like you don't care what I have to say. And that makes me feel like, you know, I can't get a word in edgewise. And if my response to that is like, it's just because I have ADHD, like, you shouldn't feel that way. And I just, like, refuse to consider your feelings. And I feel like, well, because that is from my ADHD, like, you don't get to be upset about it. That would be me being the trump card. And at the same time, like, I don't want to villainize the trump card, like anybody that uses the trump card is just like a piece of shit manipulator that you should throw out the window. Like, I think that there's like a reason why we move to that sort of protective

    Heidi Smith 12:02

    stance, we and I think it's all about, like you said, it's like, is it just a shutting down technique, where it's like, well, sorry, you know, I was in Iraq, and I've got PTSD. And this is just how I am, versus like, you know, what they, I know that I have a lot that comes up for me and like intense situations, because my experience overseas, and like, I'm working on it, and you know, you deserve better, and I'm sorry, and I'm going to keep trying to do better. You know, like, that's a way where you can like, say, like, Hey, I know where this is coming from. But like, I also understand that it's not acceptable. And I'm so you know, it so yeah, of course, like, it's not that you don't get to have that be part of your story. You know, your truth and your experience and your trauma, but it's about whether you're using it to like just tell everyone to shut the fuck. Or if you're using it to, you know, to be better and to grow towards something new and to grow yourself up and, and whatnot.

    KC Davis 13:00

    Okay, so we're gonna take a short break to hear from a sponsor, and we'll come back and I have some follow up questions. Okay, we're back with Heidi Smith. So I think what we've been talking about makes it really helpful to determine the difference between someone who is saying, like, well just deal with it. Like, that's a really obvious trump card. And then you have someone that kind of has that approach that you talked about, which is like, yeah, man, like Mia culpa. This is where it came from. But you're right, like, I'm going to work to mitigate the damage of that behavior. But from that person, I think sometimes we then we have another divergence, which is that sometimes we learn that that's the script we can use to like, get someone to like, get off our back. But we don't actually have any intent. Absolutely.

    Heidi Smith 13:42

    Then it's been it becomes your line. Yeah.

    KC Davis 13:46

    That becomes like your new trump card, almost like then it becomes

    Heidi Smith 13:50

    working on it.

    KC Davis 13:51

    I'm working on it. Oh, you're right, babe. And the truth is, like, if we're gonna go, like, really big example, like a lot of extremely abusive people, like physically abusive people, and emotionally abusive people, like that is the line. Oh, God, Honey, I'm so sorry. You deserve better, you should just leave me. Like, that's definitely you can say that genuinely. And you can say that in a way that is continuing to engage in disingenuous communication, of course,

    Heidi Smith 14:21

    shading. I mean, if you're, if it's just a placation, then there's nothing to it, you know, obviously, there'd have to be like realness behind it. And so yeah, I mean, the trump card is like, deep and complex, for sure. And you know, it's, but the nice thing is, I think it gives a, some vocabulary to a behavior that a lot of people experience. And so even as a therapist, it's nice to be able to have that term where it's like, if you can really educate your client or you know, whoever your friend on this idea, then it's like, it can become a part of kind of your working vocabulary of like, oh, man, I know I just use the trump card. I'm sorry. Are you know, and so that's what I love about these, like the kind of how you've coined the games we play.

    KC Davis 15:06

    So the question that somebody asked was, What if they want to change their behavior, but genuinely do not know what steps to take to do so? And I think that's a good question. And I think sometimes I take for granted that as a therapist, I've just had a lot of experience, and being able to recognize the difference between someone who is communicating genuinely when they say, like, I'm going to change, it's going to be different. It's just going to take me some time, and someone who that's just become their new way to placate because, well, the interesting thing that happens, especially when I make content about behaviors that are damaging is like, I'm usually talking to like the person on the other side, like, how can I recognize when I'm being taken advantage of, so that I can sort of either deal with that or get out from under it or stop getting sucked into these games, what happens is that somebody will always sort of speak up on the other end, and they'll say, I am the person that like, can't stop flying off the handle. And I want so badly not to, but like the trauma is so deep. And when I listened to you talk about this, like it scares me because I feel like, I also deserve to be loved, like, I don't deserve to be just left because like, this was my lot in life, like, because I happen to be the one that went through the most horrific circumstances that like I genuinely was left with so few skills, that it's taking me so much longer than everybody else to like, get to a place where my behaviors aren't damaging to others. And like, don't I also deserve love? Don't I also deserve connection? Don't I also deserve relationships? Like, don't I also deserve someone who will be patient with me? And walk through this with me? And I think that that is so valid? I don't know, if you have thoughts on that.

    Heidi Smith 16:47

    I mean, it's just so raw, it always made me want to cry, you just, you know, talking about that. Because it's true. It's like, you know, again, it's easy to villainize, you know, people who have really objectionable behaviors, but you know, at the end of the day, like, they're human beings who want to be loved and need to be loved. And so yeah, it is, it's hard, because on the one hand, I do so much coaching around boundaries, which is another thing you and me could talk about for probably three hours. But then on the other hand, it's like the person who continues with such objectionable behaviors, really needs resources, they don't always just need like boundaries being you know, enacted, you know, on them as much as they need support. And so, you know, therapy.

    KC Davis 17:32

    So the interesting thing that happens there, so then like, we begin to talk towards that person of like, you are deserving of love, like, you deserve support and resources. And then what will happen is, the person will speak up and go, This is how I got trapped in like, a marriage, or this is how I got taken advantage of for 20 years, because, like, I just kept thinking, I know that they're hurting me, but like, they just deserve someone to walk through this with them. Like, they just, you know, I should stick it out, like, I'd be such a bad person if I left them in their lowest moment. And it's interesting to try and have that conversation, knowing that both of those parties are listening.

    Heidi Smith 18:10

    Yeah, and like, at the end of the day, there's just a lot of sadness. And you know, like, when you're dealing with wounded people, which we all are, like, we all, you know, have such woundedness in different ways in different areas, and it looks different. But in those situations, like even the scenario where there's maybe a marriage, and there's just a lot of sadness, and things aren't always gonna look, you know, the way that maybe the husband or the wife wants it to look, but I think there's a way to, like, separate with kindness, you know, when that's indicated, that still supports and loves both individuals. So via I mean, life's really messy. And when you add in all our woundedness, and all our trauma, and you know, and trying to, you know, get all of our needs met and be kind and compassionate, and you know, and be empathetic to everybody's story.

    KC Davis 18:59

    It's hard. And I think, like, I like to try and come up with principles or guidance that can help someone sort of determine, Okay, is this a scenario that I should stick with? Or is this a scenario that like, is I should leave, and it's not that hard to do if you have like a specific person in front of you, but it's really challenging to come up with like universal concepts or guidance that can help people I don't even think it's possible, but I do think that there's one like phrase and we have a friend named Angie, that's also a therapist, and I don't know if Angie said this first or you said this first or who but like, there's this phrase that y'all used to use where you would say like, you shouldn't set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.

    Heidi Smith 19:40

    That's definitely an Angie phrase. Yeah. Yeah.

    KC Davis 19:43

    And I feel like there comes this point where like, Yes, everyone deserves love. And yes, like, you know, people do like deserve someone to deserve connection and community even if they have the more objectionable behaviors, but I I think it's up to the person and definitely hard to do alone. Like maybe it takes therapy and friends and support and community to like, recognize, like, when is it a situation where like, I'm not going to leave someone just because it's inconvenient, I'm not going to leave just because it's hard. I'm not going to leave just because I want this easy life and I'm not willing to sacrifice. Where does it stop being that and start being, I can no longer like be well, like, this behavior is so damaging to me, like, I can't be a well person. I've stepped over the threshold of now like, I'm having to set myself on fire to keep this person warm. Like when you get in a scenario where you being like, if I can't, this is like a personal boundary for me. I'm willing to love people through hard things. I'm willing to take like, a certain amount of pushback, and inconvenience and sacrifice and discomfort for somebody else. But I can only be in relationships, where what I'm doing to help you. does it damage me like we have to be well, at the same time, we have to be like, well, in complementary ways. Yeah. Not happy, not easygoing, not like, whatever. But like, if the only way to do something for your benefit, is to do something that damages me. Like, that's just an incompatible relationship.

    Heidi Smith 21:23

    Yeah. Well, I mean, I think like not to, like, minimize it or globalize it, but I mean, I think like, what you're talking about is kind of the crux of like, probably every person's decision going into a divorce, you know, I mean, it's like, I think everybody are ending a relationship.

    KC Davis 21:38

    It's like this point at which you're cutting off your mom or right, like, I

    Heidi Smith 21:42

    want to fight for this. And I believe, you know, that there's intrinsic value, and, you know, kind of taking myself on and, and even religious and spiritual reasons, right. Like, I believe that, like, God, you know, wants me to stay in this marriage and whatnot, but that like always, like, weighing you like, at what point? Like, is this no longer like something that's an option for me based on that I can compassionately you know, take myself out of and so man, I think, and like you said, there's not a way to set I mean, those are all so individual situations, that that's why I wish everybody in the world could have like an amazing therapist, you know, I mean, to help, like, on a weekly basis, walk you through those boundaries, and those even timelines, right? Like, hey, I'm willing to stick, I'm willing to, like, you know, he says, he's gonna get in therapy, I'm willing to wait a year and like, see what happens. And, you know, and then that boundary setting, you know, which as I don't know, if you've talked about this on the podcast, but the idea that, like boundaries are about me and my behavior of like, you know, if you continue to punch holes in the wall, you know, like, I'm unwilling to, to live in a home with you. And if you continue to punch holes in the wall, like I'm unwilling to be married to you, or, you know, whatever that's going to look like and setting some timelines and personal boundaries around that, like, it's so individual. And it's so important to have, I think, you know, like when possible professional helping guide you through that.

    KC Davis 23:07

    And even if you can't professional help, I think like having a good community of friends, like I genuinely have, like, enough friends that I could like, cue them in, and like, they can help me see that line of like, okay, this is the line where like, this is now at a detriment to yourself. The other thing I think is interesting is like, if there are children involved, sometimes it's easier to see that line where it's like, alright, this family members, like pretty problematic, but like a relationship with their family member, and my children having a relationship with their family member is like, still a greater good than, like cutting them off, or whatever. But we're always like keeping our ear to the ground for like, if this comes to a point where like, my children are being damaged. Because of this behavior, like that's when like, that's going to change. And sometimes it's almost more clear to see for our kids, but it's the same logic for ourselves. It's like, all sacrifice, I will be just uncomfortable, I will go to the ends of the earth for you, like, I'll go to hell for you, but I won't stay there. Right, I will go to hell for you. But only if we can walk out the back door together. And who knows how long that takes and how long you give someone for that to take. But it's never about whether they are worth it, everyone is worth it. It's about like, how long can you stay in hell before you burn up yourself? And then you're not taking anybody out with you?

    Heidi Smith 24:25

    Yeah, and it's so interesting, you know, just to watch so many people I've interacted with over the years and where their tolerance levels are so different. You know, I mean, I have you know, a handful of friends who have a very low tolerance level for like discomfort, you know, where it's like, Hey, man, like I'm not really enjoying this marriage, right and like, I'm gonna move on you know, like this just I'm not having fun. I don't really like this. I don't like how you act and like, you know, I'm gonna go ahead and move on versus people who really will just go you know, it's like, they'll become you know, basically willing hostages, you know, and me Marriage and they're tall. So, you know, it's an interesting study almost just to kind of watch different people where there's some people who man, it's like, I think you could have stuck it out for like a minute more. versus, you know, other people where you're like, Dude, what are you doing? You know, and, I mean, as someone who's married, and I mean, I know you and me, have bounced off, you know, all kinds of issues we've had in our own marriages. You know, marriage is not for the faint hearted. I mean, it's hard. And I think also, like, philosophically, kind of in just your philosophy of life, and maybe your personal spiritual beliefs. It's like, I think that also matters too of like, what really are we doing with marriage? I mean, what relationships and I guess I'm focusing on marriage, right? This minute is like, what is the point? You know what I mean? Am I in this just to be happy and be comfortable? Do I believe there's like a greater calling for this like, that this is supposed to be kind of an iron sharpens iron and like, through the discomfort of this and through, like, how our personalities are so opposite. And we do things differently that, like, I'm getting to grow myself up in ways that I never could have done if I hadn't had this person in my life. Do I believe there's a higher spiritual calling to this relationship? And all of that, it's like, I think that's why it's impossible to set some kind of like, five step, you know, guide principles, you know, to like,

    KC Davis 26:20

    yeah, because and then when am I telling myself all of those things, to keep myself in a relationship that I absolutely should be exiting? Because I'm telling myself a good person would stay? Yeah, yeah. So I wanted to sort of land the plane here. But I want I didn't want to log off before discussing what I think is probably the most powerful insidious trump card that I think is the most difficult to deal with, which is the trump card of if you do X, or if you don't do x, I will kill myself. Oh, gosh, I think that's probably like the ultimate trump card. And I like bizarrely, how many people I know that have had to deal with that. Right? I'm just curious, like, can you give us any, like parting thoughts? I mean, I know we could do like a whole episode on this. But like, I just didn't want to leave without talking about that trump card.

    Heidi Smith 27:13

    I don't have like a beautifully curated response. But I definitely have some thoughts. I mean, I do think that people who do that somebody who would say that to somebody that they love in a relationship have are very ill, in some way, shape, or form, whether it's a personality pathology, or whether it's a true kind of clinical mental illness. I think it's incredibly unfair. But also like, again, with that wholesale, I'm gonna you know, instead of using the word manipulative, I think it's indicative of somebody who's really unwell. And so, you know, it's so much deeper than just like, the actual statement, I guess, you know, and so, you know, clinically to it's like, evaluating like, is this something that is being said, out of like, desperation and fear? Or is there like a real suicidal ideation? And this person needs to be like, immediately rushed to, you know, the psych ward? Or is it anger and threat, right? Is this just, you know, like you said, a trump card of something that, you know, is gonna, you know, Ben, somebody's willed towards mine. But it's, wow, I mean, there's just a lot of boundary setting and education that would need to happen for the individual who is being told that,

    KC Davis 28:31

    yeah, the most powerful thing I think I've ever seen with boundaries was, you know, we have a friend who called his mom from the psych ward, and said, If you don't come get me out of here, I'm gonna kill myself. Like the moment they discharged me, I'm gonna kill myself. And she said to him, and he doesn't mind me telling this story, because he told it on a national documentary, but she said, Caleb, I love you. I have always loved you. And I will always love you that if you decide to do that, that will be your decision and not mine click, and because she recognized, like, I'm in a place where like, if I go get him out of the psych ward, like, I'm basically signing his death certificate anyways. And I mean, that's a unique situation. But that's always been like, the most powerful example of boundaries was her being able to truly believe in her heart, like, I cannot control what you are going to do. But you know, that if you do do that, like that will be on you. Oh, and the other thing she said Is she said, if you do that, I will be sad for the rest of my life. I will never get over it. But that will be your decision and not mine.

    Heidi Smith 29:35

    And I've worked with so many different scenarios, right? Like, I mean, I work with chronic substance abuse and in a lot of scenarios like your like this one, you know, where somebody has struggled for years and years and years and yeah, and I mean, being able to separate and like know where you end and they begin and say, like, you know, kind of stay on your side of the line, this metaphorical line. We can talk about that on another podcast. But stay on your side of the line and say like that, I hope you don't do that. But if you're telling me that to get me, you know, to do A, B, C, or D, like, you know, I'm still unwilling to give you money or I'm still unwilling to, you know, stay in the home with you, or whatever it is, I think being able to hold on to yourself, in that sense, I mean, because that's, this is such a complex topic again, because at the end of the day, like, it's really about, like, the person who's being told a statement, like, if you don't do this, I'm going to kill myself, like the order of the day really is for the other individual to be able to hold on to themselves. And like, that's a complex, you know, kind of idea of like, how do I hold on to myself in the presence of somebody who's sick of somebody who is using trump cards of somebody who is, you know, manipulating maybe in the traditional sense, how do I hold on to myself?

    KC Davis 30:54

    Well, we'll get into that in another podcast, but I just wanted to thank you, and I hope you come back soon. Thank you.

Christy Haussler